Chpt. 12
CPOV:

"Are you ready to head upstairs?" I ask when I notice that Ana is just staring out the window and hasn't said a word in the last several minutes.

"Upstairs?" she looks at me as if I spoke another language.

"It's late… I'm sure today has been rough on you-"

"Rough?" she laughs, a response so unexpected it surprises me. "Today wasn't rough. Tonight… well rough probably isn't even the right word. Interesting, crazy, bizarre… those don't even seem right to describe what today was."

I chuckle, enjoying the crass I haven't heard from Ana before. She's been so quiet and reserved, and has just gone with the flow up until now. But as she sits on my couch with her leg propped up on the coffee table, I can tell she's not tired like I originally thought. The truth is, I can't imagine what she's going through right now. For as long as I can remember, I've known I was a shifter. It wasn't a big secret that we didn't learn about until some specific birthday. Our pack members don't hide who they are when we're on the land, so children are exposed to both sides of our beings very early on. I can't imagine finding out suddenly like Ana is right now.

"Do you want to talk about it? You must have questions…" I offer.

"I have so many questions, Christian. I don't even know where to start. I feel like my entire world was turned upside down tonight. I learn that my father is alive and doesn't appear to have known I even existed. I learned that my mother had this entire family that disowned her because of who my father is. Though, if they didn't know that he was a… who he really was, why did they disown him? And then there's the other bomb dropped tonight. One that I don't even understand."

We sit in silence for the next several minutes. I'm trying to put myself in Ana's shoes but I just can't. There's so many different things about her world – I guess what was her world – that don't exist in our packs. You don't abandon your children, period. It's ingrained in us that family is everything. Not just the family you're related to by blood, but just as important the family of the pack you're in. The idea that parents would abandon their child because she became pregnant is something I just can't understand. Even when Ana's mother died, they let her go into foster care rather than taking in a helpless toddler. I shudder at the idea of how alone Ana must have felt.

"I can't help you with a lot of those questions," I finally break the silence. She looks at me, smiling sadly and I feel a sudden need to protect her from everything and anything. I don't admit aloud, but part of me is confused about this entire situation too. Not just the idea that a wolf exists within her that even she isn't aware. Not just about how her family abandoned her. Not just about how her mother was a human. But in large part, that my wolf is screaming to come out and comfort Ana. After seeing the birthmark on her hip, he had been at the surface and I've barely been able to control him. Normally a run would suffice, but not today.

"I don't even know what questions to ask," she laughs pulling me out of my own thoughts.

"I can understand that," I quietly admit. "What are thinking about? How about we start there."

"Honestly… the entire concept that there's a… wolf…" she shakes her head. "I think if I hadn't seen your… you like that in the woods and in the van I probably wouldn't believe you were a wolf either. I mean, I still don't quite understand it all, but I get it. I've seen you have conversations with him, or where you seem to be having conversations with him I guess. But if I have a wolf… inside of me, how come I don't hear her? How come she doesn't talk to me the way yours does? Your mom told me the story of the wolf who was kidnapped by the government and died because he was kept away from his pack. If I'm really part… a shifter, how come that didn't happen to me?"

"I don't know Ana." Getting up, I move to the couch next to her and take her hand in mine, not able to stop the need to touch her. My wolf puffs his chest, happy to be closer to her and even happier to be touching her even if it's just her hand. "I can't imagine how this all must feel for you."

"How did you feel when they first told you that you were… that there was a wolf inside of you?"

"It wasn't really like that," I shrug. "For as long as I can remember, I knew what I was. There were always wolves around, it wasn't like it was a secret. But I didn't always know my wolf-"

"What do you meant?" she interrupts and turns more so she's facing me. "It's sort of hard to understand, though given what you're going through right now, maybe it won't be. Like I said, we all know growing up that we're shifters. We know there's a wolf inside of us and that eventually we'll be able to shift. However that doesn't actually happen right away."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"When we're born, we're like all other babies I suppose. Our wolves typically don't come out until around age 10-13. What that looks like is different for everyone, for some kids they wake up one day and their wolf is there. Both in terms of being able to communicate with it and in terms of shifting. For others one comes before the other. And then we have to fight to control the wolf."

"What do you mean?" she shudders and I quickly realize that she's probably thinking the worst.

"Nothing like you're probably," I assure her. "I don't mean that if the wolf will become violent. Our wolves will not attack humans unless they attack first and only then it's to protect ourselves. We don't attack other animals unless it's for protection. When I said control, that was probably the wrong term to use. Imagine a wolf waking up after a hibernating for years; it's eager to get out, to run, to explore the new areas. Sometimes that's not easy to control."

"Oh I see. What was it like for you?"

"Interesting," I laugh remembering that part of my life. "Can you imagine being in school and hearing someone talking to you but knowing you can't answer because if you do all of your classmates will think you're crazy."

"I guess that would be a problem," when she laughs her entire face lights up and I stupidly feel proud that I made her do that. What the hell is wrong with me?

"It was annoying at times, especially when you were trying to talk to your friends or even a girl. He would sit there and talk just to annoy me."

"You seem to communicate with him pretty good now, no?" she asks. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head trying to figure out how this will work for her. That part I can relate to. I remember my parents telling me how they would talk to their wolves and it I just couldn't imagine it actually happening. I just couldn't imagine myself having a conversation with someone else in my head, someone that no one else heard or saw.

"It wasn't always this way, but I guess." I don't tell her that with other women he never bothered to share an opinion, but with her it's suddenly all he can think about. He's not shy in letting me know about his opinion on her being our mate. Which made no sense before, but ever since he saw the birth mark it's all he can think about – and he's been very vocal about it.

"Why do you think… why haven't I…?"

"I don't know," I admit. "Maybe what they said was right. Maybe your wolf didn't feel safe?"

"But I've been here for almost a week, wouldn't she sense the other wolves around? Why doesn't she feel safe now?"

"I don't know Ana. I wish I knew, but I don't. Maybe she just needs more time?"

I have no idea what to say to Ana to make her feel better. I find myself talking just to feel the silence. Not because the silence is uncomfortable – because it's really anything but that. Instead, I talk to try to make Ana feel better. It's not just my wolf that wants to calm her, but I do as well. For reasons that I can't pretend to understand, both he and I are drawn to her – something that's never happened before.

We spend hours on the couch talking. Ana has a million questions, which really isn't a surprise given what she's just learned about herself. I try my hardest to answer them, but I know nothing I say is really enough. Eventually the questions lessen, whether it's because she's tired or because she's simply realized I don't have the answers she wants I don't know. I've suggested many times that she should rest and discuss this more in the morning, but each time Ana has refused. It's not until I'm retelling some story of trouble Taylor and I got in at school that I realize Ana feel asleep. I debate between leaving her on the couch and carrying her upstairs. On one hand she should be in her own bed which is far more comfortable than the couch is. On the other hand, not only do I risk waking her but it means she would be further away.

Take her to our room

I shake my head at my wolf's demand, refusing to admit that once again we shared the same thought about Ana. We've never been on the same page about a woman before. Usually he doesn't care about a woman I'm interested in. He just stays in the background, but with Ana it's different – for both of us. So instead of carrying her upstairs to her bed, I grab a blanket and place it over her before moving closer to her. Whether she somehow sensed I was closer or it was just a coincidence, within minutes she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder.