A/N: I have a new update for you, and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for all of your support so far and I hope you are all having an outstanding day!
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Izuku's Point of View- Wednesday
Selfish, selfish, selfish. The mantra runs on repeat the whole way through my exercise routine. I'm sticky with sweat and my muscles ACHE from exertion, but I ignore the discomfort and the warning signs. I ignore the shaking in my legs as I dip down into yet another squat, my fingers squeezing around the dumbbells are devoid of any feeling at this point. I know I need to stop. I've been warned countless times before not to push myself too hard. My body is no longer able to withstand the demands of my aggressive training regimen.
Well screw that.
Everyone has always told me I'm a glutton for punishment and I don't know when to stop. Maybe they're right but that changes nothing. Every day, I'm weighed down more and more with overwhelming guilt. Guilt for lying to my friends, guilt for enrolling in UA while fully aware of my prognosis, guilt for putting my mother through all of this, guilt for not eating enough. The list goes on and on…. But now I'm burdened with this devasting sense of guilt because of Kacchan. The culmination of all past transgressions can't even compare to the soul crushing darkness lingering over me for not just wanting Kacchan, but for letting myself have him.
It wasn't even that long ago when I first realized there was something there, that Kacchan wasn't just amazing but also kind of hot. Like, no one has the right to be that hot kind of hot. I brushed those feelings away because I thought he'd never in a million years reciprocate that attraction. Even if he did, I told myself I couldn't drag him down this rabbit hole with me. I couldn't set him up with that kind of baggage.
In the blink of an eye, everything changed. A situation I thought I'd never be in materialized, fate cruelly wagging temptation in front of my face, knowing full well I'd bite. I didn't even have a chance to fully absorb the implications behind that kiss before it happened again. He even asked me if it was okay and like the immoral garbage human I am, I said yes. There's no way around it, I am a weak, selfish person.
"Way to go bro! You're really pushing yourself today." What? My eyes dart around the gym before landing on a familiar tuft of red hair. When the heck did Kirishima come in here?
"Geeze, when did you get here?" I reply with a tight smile. I kind of wanted to be alone but I guess he's here now.
By the drenched appearance of his gym uniform, he must have been here for a while. His red spikes are damp and droopy, bangs smattered across his forehead. His legs are straddling the seat of a weight bench, arms folded over his thighs while he regards me with an encouraging grin.
"Maybe half an hour ago. You seemed so focused with what you were doing, I figured I wouldn't bother you." He sits back then, rolling his shoulders in slow circles. "Anyway, you're doing great. I'm not too proud to admit that if I did that many squats my legs would probably fall right off me!"
Despite my sour mood, I can't help the sheepish grin from tugging at my lips. Setting the weights down, I throw my arms up and clasp my hands behind my head. After holding onto those things for so long, the stretch feels amazing. The tension in both my shoulders releases, taking with it some of my inner turmoil. Kirishima has always been able to put me in a good mood, even without trying.
"Thank you" I reply earnestly. Compliments used to really embarrass me, but I've gotten a lot better at accepting them since starting at UA. Everyone just wants to lift each other up, there's never a shortage of encouragement and praise. "I just had some steam to blow off, thought I'd try to be productive about it instead of freaking out like usual."
"Oh? Is everything okay?" He scoots off the bench before crouching low to pick up two of the dumbbells by his feet. Standing erect and straightening his back, he slowly curls his arms towards his shoulders, his biceps bulging as they contract.
There are so many answers I could offer him, each one beginning with the word "no." Between everything happening with Kacchan and the gift basket fiasco, I am far from okay. "Things are complicated right now." I state slowly, careful not to reveal too much. "It just feels like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't know how to make it right."
"Are we talking about making it right with a person or a situation?"
"I don't know, both maybe? But there really isn't anything I can do about the situation so…" I shrug, lowering my arms from my head to grab the blue water bottle from the floor. After removing the cap, I toss my head back and take a long swig. The rush of water has a pleasant cooling effect, so I indulge in a few more gulps before screwing the lid back onto the bottle.
Kirishima looks almost pensive, like he's mulling something over before finally responding. "I'm not trying to pry but I've noticed you and Bakubro seem to be spending more time together and-"
"What!? We aren't doing anything out of the usual. Nope, I don't know what you're talking about!" I'm frantically waving my water bottle around like a lunatic, probably further incriminating myself while I spaz the heck out.
Shaking his head slowly, he chuckles at my antics. "Look Midoriya, all I'm saying is if this person is anything like Bakugou, he'd appreciate directness. You should know that better than anyone."
He makes a good point. Kacchan has never been one to beat around the bush or hide his feelings and he expects the same treatment from everyone else. I know he won't like to hear how I'm worried about getting him even more involved in all of this but maybe I should talk to him about it.
"I'm guessing by all the rambling that I may have struck the right chord?" Kirishima's voice breaks through my thought process, reminding me that I'm in the middle of a conversation. I say a silent prayer that he didn't hear anything I was apparently saying out loud.
"Heh, yeah I think you're right. Thanks, Kirishima."
"Of course, bro. Anytime!" He grunts that last word out as he curls the dumbbells inward; his arms are probably getting tired by now.
The double doors of the gym slam open behind me, followed by a cacophony of voices all trying to talk over each other. I turn to see Kaminari, Sero and Mina walking through the doorway. Kaminari and Sero have both decided to come in sans shirts, opting to only wear their gym shorts instead. Mina's wearing black yoga pants with a blue stripe going down the side of each pant leg and a light blue twist back tank top that says Salty Little Beach in flowy, white cursive lettering on the front.
"Hey you guys!" She chirps enthusiastically with an exaggerated wave. "Looks like you're working hard, all sweaty and delicious like that." She punctuates her last sentence with a wink, and I don't think I could be any more embarrassed if I tried.
"Oh, um thank you… I think?" I don't even know how to respond to something like that and Kirishima is just shaking his head with amusement.
Next to her, Sero clears his throat, looking slightly put out from her comment. She responds by wrapping her pink arms around his neck and kissing his cheek with an obnoxious smooching sound. "No worries babe. You're the only one I'd actually lick clean." And with that disturbing image lingering in the air, she bounds off to grab a yoga mat from the closet.
"Pft, ah hahaha!" Kaminari is bent over with his arms around his stomach in a full belly laugh meanwhile Sero is watching Mina go with a dumbstruck look. Wiping joyful tears from his eyes, Kaminari rights himself and hangs his arm over Sero's shoulder. "Dude, what kind of stuff do you two do behind closed doors?" he asks with absolutely no shame.
Having snapped out of whatever daze he was in, Sero playfully shrugs Kaminari off and follows behind Mina to get a mat for himself. "Wouldn't you like to know" he responds over his shoulder before joining his girlfriend in a series of stretches.
I watch them for a second, feeling kind of envious of the two and their seemingly perfect, carefree relationship. I'm sure it's not all roses but they do seem happy. Is it really so wrong for me to want to be happy too?
XXX
After leaving the gym, I took a quick shower and went straight to my room. It's getting late and I want to make sure I'm there for when Kacchan comes over to study. There's a lot we need to talk about and just thinking about it is enough to set my nerves on fire. Needing a solid distraction, I grab my phone and send a message Ochaco's way. She responds immediately.
BabyFacedBazooka: Hey! 😊
LightasAir: Hey there broccoli
BabyFacedBazooka: Not you too!
BabyFacedBazooka: It's bad enough everyone else calls me that
LightasAir: What can I say, it's fitting
BabyFacedBazooka: It's not
LightasAir: Whatever you need to tell yourself lol 😂
BabyFacedBazooka: I don't have to take this abuse!
LightasAir: Oh…. Sweetie. It's not going to go away
BabyFacedBazooka: Pffffft
BabyFacedBazooka: Anyway… What are you doing?
LightasAir: Studying with Tenya
BabyFacedBazooka: Tenya huh?
BabyFacedBazooka: You guys have been spending a lot of time together lately
BabyFacedBazooka: Anything you might want to share?
LightasAir: NO! Nothing at all!
LightasAir: What about you? You've been spending a lot of time with Bakugou lately!
LightasAir: Is there anything maybe YOU would like to share?
BabyFacedBazooka: It's getting late…
BabyFacedBazooka: I think I should go to bed. Night!
LightasAir: That's what I thought
Well that wasn't exactly helpful. That's twice in one day where someone mentioned me spending time with Kacchan. Most of the time we spend together is late at night in the privacy of my room. How the heck does anyone know anything about it? Is it common knowledge? I guess everyone is gossipy so maybe one of my floormates noticed something? Probably Mineta, he'd be the most likely to go blab to the entire class about our late-night studying although I'm sure that's not the story he's telling people. Maybe I should go talk to him, see what he knows.
After confirming it's not 9 yet, I walk over to Mineta's door and knock twice. There's no answer and I don't hear any shuffling from the other side to indicate he's in there. I wonder if he's in the common area playing video games or something. He and Kaminari have been playing that new Pokémon Switch game so I wouldn't be surprised if the two are down there with their faces glued to the screen. I could just go take a quick look.
Making up mind, I make a beeline for the elevator and press the down arrow. While waiting for it to come to my floor, a wave of dizziness hits me out of nowhere and I have to support myself against the wall to keep from falling over. Is it getting hot in here? Where did this heat come from? I press my back against the cool wall and let my body just slide right down until I'm seated on the floor with my legs sprawled out in front of me. The elevator dings, doors opening for me but there's no way I'm going in there now. The mere thought of riding in a moving box while the world is spinning makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I watch the doors close, the numbers above the entrance lighting up to suggest it's already moving to another floor. With a sigh, I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes, resigning myself to my situation until further notice.
"Deku? What the fuck, Deku?"
Something has a sturdy grip on my shoulder, shaking me just enough to wake me up. My tired eyes feel glued shut and I have to practically pry them open just to be blinded by the light in the hallway. I can kind of make out a fuzzy, person shaped blob in front of me but it's so out of focus I couldn't even begin to guess who it is or if it really even is a person. My eyes are blinking rapidly and when I try to rub them it feels like my hand is made of lead and is surprisingly hard to get it up to my face. The blinking seems to be working through, the fuzzy blob is slowly morphing into spikey blond hair and concerned ruby eyes staring intently at me.
"K-Kacchan?" His face is only a few inches from my own, he seems to be crouching over my semi slumped form.
"Shit, what happened? Why the hell are you sleeping in the hallway?" His words are weighed heavily with worry. I wish I had an answer for him, something to purge him of his concern.
"I felt dizzy all of the sudden. Needed to rest and I guess I fell asleep. M'sorry."
He frowns then and it feels like a travesty because that beautiful face should never be frowning like that. Scowling sure, but no frowns. "Why the fuck are you apologizing? You got nothing to be sorry for." His eyes drop then, looking over me before returning to my face. "Do you need help getting back to your room?"
Considering it feels like my limbs all weigh a ton right now, I'm going to go with yes, yes I do. "That would be good, thanks." I attempt a smile but I'm sure I just look like a loopy drunk.
He nods once and shuffles to my side, scooping one hand under my legs and another behind my back. He effortlessly stands back up with me in his arms and I let my head roll against his chest. I can hear his heart beating like this, it seems like it's going rather fast for a resting heart rate.
Thankfully, my door is still unlocked so he's able to go right in, sparing me from having to let him dig in my back pocket for my key. He rests me on top of my comforter, that concerned frown still marring his face as he does. After removing his shoes, he sits next to me on my bed, his eyes roaming over my body slowly as he assesses me.
After a moment of tense silence, he clears his throat to speak. "Does this have to do with your illness? Should I call Auntie?"
His question makes my heart stop, eyes widening and if I didn't feel so out of it I probably would have shot out of my bed and went into a manic, mumbling fit while pacing my room. Instead, I manage to muster what I hope is a resolute "no!"
Now it's his turn to look surprised which is then quickly replaced with confusion. "Why the hell not? Something might be wrong; your doctor might need to see you. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."
"It's just, I don't want to worry her. And she'll insist I need to go to the hospital to be checked out. They'll probably want to keep me until the end of the weekend, and I'll miss a bunch of classes. I'll fall behind!" I'm poking my index fingers together as I answer, unable to make eye contact with him.
"Shitty Deku…" He's exasperated, but there's a hint of something else there too. He sounds almost sad. "You can't just disregard your health because you don't want to miss classes. That's fucking unacceptable. Besides, I'll help your nerd ass catch back up."
"What are we going to tell Mr. Aizawa? We can't leave without permission and when everyone sees us leave, they'll know something is up." I give him my best doe eyed, pleading look.
"I'll worry about Aizawa, and we'll just have to get you out of here discreetly. None of the extras will know." He's already calling my mom at this point and his tone suggests he isn't to be argued with. My inner brat wants to smack the phone from his hands and break it but the fallout from that would be ugly and again, I have to think about my All Might merch.
The volume on his phone is loud enough that I can hear the very concerned edge to mom's tone but not enough to hear what she's actually saying. After a minute he hangs up and runs his hand through his hair, frustrated.
"Okay, the Hag is going to come get us and your mom will meet us at the hospital." I open my mouth to interrupt him, a last-ditch effort to keep this from happening but he covers it with his hand while pinning me with a disapproving glare. "I'll carry you out through the balcony, so no one sees us. Don't even think about fucking arguing with me about this Deku. I fucking mean it!"
With that, he scoops me back up and heads out to my balcony. The cool night air wraps around my heated skin, sending goosebumps all over my arms and legs. The coolness makes me shiver, even though it really isn't that cold outside. Kacchan notices and presses me closer against his chest.
My balcony is only two stories up, but it's high enough that Kacchan should use the force of his explosions to ease his landing, something I don't know how he'll manage while holding me and without alerting anyone. He moves to a chair and steps up on it, and then onto the rail from there. I realize just a little too late that he's really just going to jump down while holding me.
"Ka- ahhhhh!"
Falling two stories while the world is still spinning is not a good combination. I scream the whole way down and I can only hope no one hears me. His sneakers land on soft earth with a thud, and he grunts while his knees absorb the impact. There's no way that felt good, but my heart is racing, and the world is spinning and it's all I can do to just hang on right now.
Seemingly unaffected by his landing, Kacchan smirks at me with a cocksure grin. "You scream like a girl, Deku. You're going to wake the whole dorm like that."
A halfhearted huff is the only response I can offer right now. I turn my body slightly to nestle back into the hard wall of his chest, while I try to match my breathing to his in an attempt to calm myself. He walks us over to a bench by the entrance of the school and takes a seat, never letting me go even though he could put me on the bench if he wanted to. I'm reminded of the conversation I wanted to have with him, but I disregard it for now.
It's dark outside, save for the soft illumination provided by a nearby streetlamp. The night air is alive with the rustling of leaves from the breeze blowing through branches and the occasional chirp of crickets. Kacchan is warm and solid and while I don't care for our destination, I can enjoy the ride there as long as we remain like this. I let my eyes flutter closed, returning to sleep once again.