Care for you : watch?v=4ynAr9pBaWk
Surrender: watch?v=nagMxzLZfLk
Grow as we go: watch?v=Dhna6YQEvz8
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Chapter 15
After much convincing, both Nick and Grace have headed upstairs to get ready for school, leaving her alone with Sam to clean up the remaining dishes. He's just finished loading the dishwasher as the reality of the day settles around them. The last few days have been a constant loop in her mind and the guilt of having hurt him deliberately weighs heavily on her.
"Cassie?"
His concerned gaze brings her from her thoughts and he's crossing the kitchen to stand beside her at the breakfast bar.
"You ok?" He questions.
"I need to apologize," she begins.
Confusion crosses his face. "For what, exactly?"
"For what I said to you at the hotel."
The recognition colours his eyes and she can feel the change in him as his hurt unfurls within his body.
"I used what you told me in confidence about your relationship with Linda to manipulate you into thinking I didn't love you. I crossed a line and I'm sorry, Sam."
His jaw tightens for a brief minute before he softens, attempting to give her a reassuring smile. "Already forgotten."
She doesn't exactly believe him, but his phone rings, taking him to the next room to answer it. She waits a minute before following him catching the end of his conversation.
"Of course. See you shortly."
He hangs up, exhaling.
"Everything ok?"
"Yeah….just the hospital calling; the board wants to meet."
Her reaction must have given her away because he's framing his hands around her face, levelling his gaze with her own.
"There's no reason to assume the worst," he says softly.
He presses a kiss to her forehead before he makes his way upstairs to get ready.
. . . . . . . . . . .
"Dad, hurry up! We're going to be later than we already are!" Nick calls from the front door.
Grabbing his tie, he slings it around his neck rushing down the stairs. Fishing his keys out of his pocket, he tosses them to Grace who's waiting with his son patiently. "Start it up; I'll be just a minute."
Grace smiles, heading out to the car, Nick on her heals.
She's leaning against the living room entryway, and he hurriedly does his tie. "Are you heading to the Bell Book today?"
She nods, pushing away from the frame to take the tie from his hands. "I have to drop the Merriwick submission for the museum exhibit at Martha's office at some point today, too."
With everything that had been going on, he had completely forgotten about the exhibit. He stills, letting her hands tighten his tie before they smooth it out down his chest. "Call me if you need anything?"
Her hands still a minute, before her gaze lifts to meet his. "Only if you promise to do the same?"
That knowing look is in her eyes and for the first time, it settles uneasily inside of him. "Promise."
Her brows knit for the briefest of minutes before she's moving into him, and he wraps his arms around her tightly.
"I love you, Sam."
The horn beeps loudly from the driveway and a sideways glance finds Nick tapping his wrist from the passenger seat.
"I have to go." Pulling away, he grabs his jacket scooping up his bag from the foyer heading out to the car. He's tossing his bag in the back, throwing on his jacket when it hits him. He circles the car again in a jog, heading back towards the house where she's standing in the doorway. Framing his hands around her face, he leans in, pressing his lips to hers. She's got him by the lapels and she tugs him towards her with such force, he's backed her against the doorframe, his body pressed to hers. "I love you too," he breathes against her lips.
. . . . . . . . . .
"The Mayor is running a bit behind, but she assured me that she would only be a few more minutes." Jared ushers her into Martha's office. "Can I get you anything while you wait?"
She smiles kindly. "No thank you, Jared."
He nods. "I'm excited to see what you've got for the Historical Middleton exhibit! It wouldn't have been complete without mention of our founders, the Merriwicks."
Setting the box on Martha's desk, she looks down at the assortment of things she's brought. "We're happy to be included."
There's a buzzing and Jared fishes his phone out of his pocket. Glancing at the screen, his expression immediately changes. "If you'll excuse me, Cassie; I have to take this!"
He's already out of the room before she can disagree. She catches his greeting towards Derek, and judging by the frenetic tone of Jared's voice, somethings gone awry.
She settles into an empty chair in the office that was once her own, her mind wandering. She's worried about Sam and how they left things this morning. His kiss goodbye still lingers on her lips as much as the hurt she saw in his eyes. She also has a feeling about the phone call from the hospital.
Exhaling, she takes a minute to close her eyes and centre herself. The brief few minutes she was at Grey House to collect the items for the exhibit, have thrown her more off balance than she already was. Her thoughts and feelings are scattered and she attempts to focus in on just one.
She can sense Grace's unease.
Abigail's alertness.
Sam's anger.
"Oh Cassie, you're still here!" Martha breezes into her office in a flurry. "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting; budget meetings," she gives by way of an answer. "I'm sure you don't miss those."
Sam's anger.
She sinks back into her chair, deflating.
"Cassie, are you alright?" Martha questions. "Jarred!"
Her assistant scurries into the office. "Yes Madame Mayor?"
"Could you get us something to drink, tea, water, please."
"Right away!"
Martha takes the chair opposite her, reaching out for her hand. "Cassie, dear?"
She startles, shaken from her thoughts. "Oh, I'm sorry…."
"Where were you just now?" Martha asks softly. "Is everything alright?"
"I'm…..I'm not sure….It's Sam…." She closes her eyes, willing the tears not to brim her eyes. "I guess you could say we had our first fight and it hasn't left us on very solid ground."
"Oh dear," Martha sympathizes. "I certainly remember how that feels; like everything is off kilter."
The tears trickle down her check despite her best effort, and she carefully wipes them away.
"Oh Cassie, dear." Martha squeezes her hand, reaching for the box of tissue on her desk.
Jarred returns with a silver tea set complete with milk, cream and sugar. He sets in on the desk. "I hope Earl Grey is alright-" his words catch at the sight in front of him, and he quietly makes his exit, closing the door behind him.
"My first fight with Tom was over how to load the dishwasher of all things," she muses, making them both a cup of tea. "Something so silly turned ugly and we said the most hurtful things to each other: you're a control freak, you never listen to me….we didn't speak for days. It almost came between us."
Martha hands her a cup, which she accepts gratefully. "You clearly didn't let it. How?" She questions.
Taking a sip of her tea, Martha ponders her words a minute. "We talked honestly with each other. We each had to express our feelings and work together in order to move forward."
She sighs, looking down into her tea. "That's not exactly something either of us do well."
"Then you can grow together."
. . . . . . . . . .
"Sam, wait!"
He's already halfway to the elevator before Bruce catches up to him.
"It's not personal-"
He turns on his heals abruptly. "-it kinda feels personal, Bruce," he interjects.
"The board made concessions when they hired you, Sam: they agreed to let you set your own schedule, they agreed to allow you to continue your practice. There were things that they expected in return-"
"-which I couldn't deliver," he finishes.
Bruce holds his hands out questioningly. "Their hands are tied….Look, they still want you on as a practicing physician; there were even talks of you taking over the ER."
Sam shakes his head. "Just not as chief of staff."
"Honestly, Sam, it was an impossible task, even for you."
He smarts at his comment, stiffening. "That doesn't make me feel any better."
Bruce grimaces, shrugging his shoulders. "Take some time, think about what you want to do."
He pats him on the shoulder and he's left standing in the hallway, reelling just a bit. His phone buzzes from his pocket, and he pulls it out, glancing at the screen and Cassie's incoming text.
Thinking of you.
Sighing, he shoves his phone back into his pocket. As much as he's angry about loosing his position at Hillcrest, he's still trying to figure out the anger he hasn't been able to shake since this morning. Heading for the elevator, he punches the call button, stepping inside. He had been so focused on her safety, that he never really had time to process how he felt about what she had said, what she had done.
The elevator stops at the ground level, and he smiles kindly at the nurse that joins him heading down to the parking garage.
Manipulation was Linda's game and she excelled at it. When he had shared with Cassie the ins and outs of their failed marriage, he had always thought it was in confidence. He never expected her to use it against him.
The elevator stops, and they both step out into the garage. It's full as usual and he weaves his way through the cars on autopilot to his own. His car beeps as he unlocks it, sliding into the drivers seat.
His phone buzzes from his pocket again, reminding him of the text from Cassie he hasn't opened or acknowledged. His anger has settled inside of him and he recognizes a version of himself he hasn't been since leaving New York. His instinct is to close himself off, shut her out. Hurt her before she has a chance to hurt him even more.
His phone is in his hands calling her before he can reason not to.
"Hey," she greats softly. "I was just thinking of you."
He exhales, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Is everything alright?" She questions.
"Hillcrest fired me."
There's silence on her end for a minute before she speaks. "Where are you?"
"Sitting in my car in the parking garage."
"Come home," she urges gently.
He's shaking his head, his anger rolling inside of him. "I can't right now."
"Can't or won't?"
Even over the phone she see's right through him and doesn't comfort him like he knows it should. "I have to to go-"
"-Sam-"
He hangs up before she can say anything else, turning his phone off.
. . . . . . . . . .
The dial tone is loud and abrupt in her ear. She rooted to her spot for more than a few minutes as she attempts to absorb what's just happened. As much as she us hurt at his actions, she's more worried about the harmful, yet familiar, pattern of behaviour he's slipping into.
Grabbing her keys off of his kitchen counter, she heads to her car.
. . . . . . . . . .
The waiting room of his practice is empty and normally that would raise a few questions for him but he's not particularly in the mood right now. Eve slides some paperwork on the counter towards him. "Bobby Burkes latest X-rays and Mrs. Jones results from her blood work."
"Right….thanks." He flips through the X-rays briefly, knowing already that nothing has changed since his last ones. "Is there anyone scheduled this afternoon?"
"Uhhh….no, Mr. Truman and Gladys called to reschedule for later next week….I was wondering if it were alright if I take off a little early today?"
He racks his memory for something he may have forgotten that would cause Eve to make such request, coming up with nothing. "Yeah, sure. Enjoy the rest of the day."
She smiles, collecting her things. "You too, Dr. Radford."
"Lock up before you go?" Eve nods, and he heads back towards his office.
His focus in on Mrs. Jones results and he doesn't notice Cassie sitting at his desk until he closes the door behind him. "I don't have time-"
"-Yes you do," she rebuttals.
The realization hits him and he tosses the files on his desk. "Did you tell Eve to reschedule my appointments?"
She shakes her head. "That was merely a coincidence."
He scoffs, knowing better. "I'm sure," he responds sarcastically. He can feel his body tensing and he knows where this is going to lead to. "Cassie….I can't do this. I'm…." He rubs his forehead, exhaling. "…I'm not the best version of myself right now."
. . . . . . . . . .
"I haven't been either," she admits. His jaw jumps and his arms fold in front of his chest. He's closing himself off, shutting down and if it weren't for the fact that he had called her, she'd give him space he doesn't need right now. "Can we talk about this?" She questions softly.
He sighs, shaking his head. "I wanted to talk about it that night at the hotel….and you manipulated…." He stops, his chest rises and falls on a deep breath. "….I shared those things, the way….Linda would hurt me and you used that purposefully, Cassie."
"I was scared-"
"-that doesn't negate how it made me feel," he cuts in. "I opened myself up, shared in a way I've never done before."
His hurt is palpable and her regret sits lodged in her throat. "Have I lost your trust?" His gaze connects with hers and the silence envelops them tightly.
His arms unfurl and he deflates a little. "No," he says softly.
Rising from his chair she crosses the room, closing the space between them. Placing a hand on his chest, she meets his gaze. "I'm sorry. I've lived with this fear and guilt for so long and I was wrong to use what we have to assuage them. I want you to know that I recognize that I have to work on letting them both go…and sharing the load."
His hand covers hers, his fingers lacing with hers. "…I have some more work to do in that regard too."
She can feel the shift in him, the calming, sure presence she's come to know him by settling around him. "Forgive me?"
He brushes the hair from her face tucking it behind her ear, before snaking his hand to the nape of her neck, bringing her lips to his. "Forgiven," he breathes against her mouth.
Tbc