She couldn't remember what she had been dreaming about, all she knew was that it was peaceful, pleasant, and full of color.
Yet, the second she was ripped from it due to loud and dull banging that she felt at the very base of her skull, it evaporated like a drop of water before her very eyes. Suddenly she was plunged back into reality, which was groggy, dull, and aching.
When she opened her eyes and let the morning light flood into her, she realized she had fallen asleep hunched over at her computer. Looking up at the screen she could see the tracking device was still live, located somewhere close to the warehouse which it had been last night.
Success so far, she thought to herself.
She reached down to her mouth and wiped away the drool that ran down her chin and cringed as she saw a large puddle of it on her desk. So much for gracefully sleeping.
Suddenly, another set of banging focused her again, which is when she realized someone was knocking at her door. She jumped up from the chair, knocking it over in a rush. Looking down at herself she realized she was only wearing her underwear, so she grabbed a pair of black sweatpants and threw them on her as she barreled down the stairs.
She had been expecting a new computer router for a couple of weeks now and she really didn't feel like having to lug all the way to the main office if she missed this delivery.
When she got to the door, she flung it open, realizing she hadn't locked her door last night and nearly died when she saw who it was.
Commissioner James Gordon stood at the door with one hand raised from knocking and the other holding a newspaper. His red hair was blowing in the wind and his glasses were pressed as close to their face as they could be. His thick mustache made him look severe, even when he was laughing, but he wasn't laughing today.
"Dad!" she proclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighborhood, I said I'd stop by" he answered slowly while looking her up and down. His face went from shock to disappointment in a matter of seconds as he studied her state, clearly seeing she had been through some sort of battle recently.
They stood silently looking at each other for a moment, Barbara running through all the excuses she could make up to explain why she looked like this. She was suddenly drawing a blank and she wished the ground would come and swallow her up before her father finally spoke again.
"Can I come in?"
Immediately she stood back and let him walk in the front door, watching him as he made his way through to the small kitchen at the back of the house. She silently followed him, as If she was a child again, getting ready for a scolding which she was sure was waiting for her. When she was younger, he would always call her down from her room to give out to her in the living room, as if her room was too informal to lay down the law in.
"Coffee? Tea?"
Small talk, if she could keep up the small talk, maybe she could avoid anything else.
"Tea would be great thanks" he answered, sitting down at the table, never taking his eyes off her as she moved through the small confines of the room gathering all the tools and ingredients.
Looking at herself in the fridge reflection in the cold light of day she could see how bad she looked. Her entire right eye was black and the left one wasn't much better. It was swollen but instead of the black color, had a twinge of purple in it. Her nose was clearly out of place and even though she thought she had cleaned the blood from it last night, the residue was still lingering in her nostrils. Her bottom lip was fat, and she had a burn on her neck that she couldn't remember getting.
Her arms, which were exposed thanks to the tank top, were extremely tender, but thankfully the marks weren't too visible.
No wonder her father was staring.
She silently thanked the gods that she wasn't due in work for another two days so she could fix herself up as much as she could before she would have to come face to face with the public who probably wouldn't want to rent a book from someone who looked like she belonged in a prison cell as opposed to a library.
As If he read her mind, her dad spoke from behind her.
"I thought you would be in the library today."
"I don't work on Saturdays" she answered, equally as straightforward. She didn't know exactly how he would address the elephant in the room or why he was stalling on the argument, but she was treading lightly as not to set him off.
She finished off making him his tea, handed It to him slowly, and tried desperately not to flinch in pain when she sat down at the table herself.
"So" she started. "How is Sarah?"
Her stepmother had been a golden light in her father's life and a true angel to their family. She had met her father years ago, but it had never progressed to anything more than friends until after Barbara had left for college as if a mark of respect. Barbara had never seen him happier than when he was with her and she was so thankful he had someone to be with when she wasn't around.
Thinking of her now caused a twinge of sadness in her heart realizing she hadn't seen her in at least three months. She had to start paying more attention to her daytime life if she was to keep up this ruse, but she had a feeling she wasn't doing a very good job even at the current moment.
"Barbara" Jim started, and she knew that any attempt at small talk had come to a swift end. "You remember when you were picking out different colleges back in high school?"
She nodded slowly, not knowing exactly where he was going with this.
"I was so desperate for you to get out of Gotham and leave this hell hole" as he spoke, he shook his head in regret. "This was not where I wanted my family to end up, believe me, I foolishly promised your mother when I was transferred here that it would only be a short stop on my career."
Talking about her mother was always hard for her dad and she couldn't help but reach out and take his hand in support, which he took, but immediately looked into her eyes.
"I understand why you wanted to stay, but I want you to know it's not too late."
She had heard this story since she had left school. If her father had one wish in the world, over everything else, it would be for her to leave Gotham. He would be lost without her, that was the truth, but knowing she was away from one of America's worst cities where the crime rate was higher than the employment rate would be comfort enough for him to get over it.
"Dad," she said as she pulled her hand back. "I'm fine."
"Barbara Gordon! Please don't insult me" he said sternly, not shouting but speaking in such a commanding voice that he might as well be. "Look at yourself! You are fighting in illegal underground rings, throwing away your degree like it's worthless, and quitting gymnastics when you were on the verge of becoming an Olympian! That is the opposite of fine!"
She turned her head away from him so that he couldn't see the tears well up in her eyes. She hated seeing what this was doing to him as if he was the one who had failed her instead of the other way around. He felt that he hadn't done enough for her when in reality he had been the one constant in her life that she could always rely on and the best father anyone could ask for.
She could hear him let out a breath and when he spoke again his voice was soft with disappointment as opposed to the anger, he had been exhibiting moments before.
"I know I said I would never approve of you going into the force, but at this point, I almost wish I had pulled some strings for you to join Dick in the academy when he was there."
Dick.
It was the first time someone had said his name out loud to her in what felt like an eternity when usually she just heard it rattle around in her head, it was strange to finally hear it out in the open air.
She wished he wouldn't mention him so casually, in fact, she wished he wouldn't mention him at all. She often wished she could erase it completely from everyone's mind so she wouldn't have to worry about people bringing it up as she constantly did.
She couldn't exactly blame her dad, to him Dick had just had a falling out with Bruce, which was true, and decided to go traveling around Europe for a while, which for all she knew could be true. The fact that Barbara went from talking about Grayson nearly every four sentences to never breathing his name again gave the commissioner an idea that they too had had a falling out, but he presumed it had been nothing more than a disagreement between young friends that they would sort out when he eventually got back from his travels.
"Believe me, Dad," she said quickly, hoping they could push Dick down and out of the conversation. "It wouldn't have made a difference."
Even if she had become a cop as she had hoped, now that she had a taste of the vigilante life, she knew it would be a drug she would be addicted to for the rest of her life. It wasn't something you just gave up, it lingered with you until eventually, you gave in to it again.
"Listen to me," he said and for the first time since he arrived, he sounded almost hopeful. "I know a cop down in metropolis PD who has an opening in the data department. It wouldn't exactly be frontline work, but you could put that degree to good use, make some decent money and sink your teeth into a new project."
To her metropolis sounded like the one place in the world she rather be anywhere but. Nothing but corporations and stuck up, privileged elites who thought they could look down their noses at everyone they encountered. She was yet to go to Metropolis and not have a terrible time, so to say she was less than eager to jump at the opportunity would be an understatement.
Also, little did her dad know but she had already hacked into the Metropolis PD database almost three years ago and there was nothing to sink your teeth into. They barely had sustainable firewalls up as if they wanted criminals to hack them to make something more exciting over there.
"Dad, I don't think-"
"Please" he interrupted. "Just consider it, for me."
There he went using the old, 'for me' line on her again.
"Ok fine, I will consider it."
"That's all I can ask," he said as he finally reached down to have some of the tea, she made him. He almost breathed it in as if it was physically warming up his soul. She should have made him drink it before they started talking, he was always a sucker for her tea.
She laughed, standing up to get some more from the pot for him.
"I know everything is easier in college, more optimistic, but you need to find something to will you back to that optimistic young girl who would give me headaches."
She stopped at the counter with her back to him and her hand holding the pot in mid-air, as his words triggered a memory that she held deep in her head and heart.
"You have no idea" she whispered to no-one.
Even though she was studying Cybersecurity and Computer Science, her degree mandated that she take an elective not related to her studies every semester. This semester she decided to take Criminology, for obvious reasons, and when she convinced her roommate Colleen to do the same, it had become one of the highlights of her week.
Yes, she already knew most of it from her training, but she was surprised to be so interested in hearing how other members of societies viewed each other. It was surprising considering she had just seen this as nothing more than an easy A.
She did get a rise whenever anyone mentioned vigilantes or other nefarious workings of the other side of criminality, feeling like a fly on the wall to the rest of the normal world.
She couldn't say the same for her roommate who lay flat across the desk and looked as if she was having a dream that put her far away from here. It looked like staying out till 6 am partying and getting up at 9 for a class was catching up on her friend, so much so that when the class was called, she had to nudge her awake.
"Huh, wah?" Colleen murmured as she was jerked out of dreamland and back into the real world of books and exams.
"Sorry, I didn't think you wanted to be stuck here while the next class of French students began their linguistics lesson around you" Barbara laughed.
She helped Colleen pack up her stuff and motioned her out of the lecture hall.
"Rough night?" she asked as they made their way through the crowded halls of Gotham University,
"Oh, you have no idea!" Colleen said with wide eyes. "Honestly you should have been there Babs."
"I'll have to catch the next one."
Barbara had hit the jackpot when it came to roommates. Not only was Colleen a lovely girl who she genuinely got on well with, but she was also a party animal, rarely coming home until the very early hours of the morning while also fully bought the ruse that Barbara was a study head who didn't enjoy the party side of college.
Leaving her plenty of time to head out on other nightly activities and as long as she was back before Colleen stumbled home, her life as Batgirl could go undetected in yet another area of her life.
"Excuse me, miss!" She heard from behind her, not realizing the voice was calling her until a man tapped her on the shoulder.
Turning to look at him, Barbara was met with the face of a tall, dark haired, and admittedly handsome man, holding a notebook in his hand.
"I think you left this in class," he said giving her the notebook and looking her up and down in the process. He held a small smile on his face as he looked at her and Barbara suddenly felt like she was being observed.
"Thanks" she replied and took the book, flashing him a smile back. As she walked away, she could feel his eyes still on her, but she didn't want to look back and let him know that she knew.
"He just checked you out!" Colleen half-whispered, half-screamed at her.
"Oh god, don't start. No, he didn't."
"Honestly Gordon, you wouldn't know flirting If it came up and punched you in the face."
Barbara couldn't help but laugh at the statement, mainly because it was probably true.
Honestly, she wasn't used to receiving male attention. She knew she was attractive in a girl next door kind of way, but she kept to herself and had a slew of girlfriends who were complete model material, including the blonde bombshell who stood beside her now.
Not to mention she wasn't exactly interested in that sort of thing, just another person she would have to live a double life with. Not exactly something she was eager to add to her life at this present moment, especially juggling college and her night job.
They continued down the halls until they got to the green, which was covered in people sitting, eating, and relaxing in the sun. Gotham summers tended to be on the warmer side, and they were rapidly approaching the long nights of May, meaning picnicking on campus was becoming possible again after the long, cold winter.
As they chatted about the mischief Colleen got up to the night before, Barbara suddenly was caught in her tracks, spotting someone she wasn't expecting to see on this side of town any time soon.
He was right across the green, just on the path beside the bus lane that circled the entire campus and under a giant oak tree that Babs guessed had been there long before anyone had even considered putting a college on these grounds. He was leaning against a motorbike and held his helmet casually in his hand as if he didn't have a care in the world and maybe at this very moment he didn't.
He was wearing a pair of light blue jeans, dark lace-up boots, a casual grey t-shirt, and a black bomber jacket that she recognized as the one she had bought him. The sun was hitting him in a way that made his dark hair almost shine and his skin glow like he was born to be in the sunshine. He'd always gotten a tan the moment his skin even felt the warmth of the sun, so she wasn't surprised to see his complexion already darker, and she was excited to see him after a day or two of frolicking in the sunshine.
He wasn't looking in her direction yet and she could see him looking around the green, taking in the atmosphere and smiling at all the life around him. He thrived in social settings, even in ones he wasn't partaking in, and to see him in his element, so casual and calm was sort of breathtaking. He was a type of beautiful that didn't come around very often and knowing him and how good of a person he truly was only added to the lore.
Suddenly they locked eyes and it was as if no one else was between them. He let his face fall into a small smile and even with the distance between them, his blue eyes twinkled at her.
Barbara couldn't help the flush that went through her and she automatically smiled back, as if it was instinct.
"Hey," she said to Colleen, who hadn't noticed this exchange at all. "I have to go meet a friend, but I'll see you later?"
"Actually, you won't" Colleen answered with a tinge of guilt in her voice. "I'm going to stay with Mark tonight, you don't mind, do you?"
"Of course, not" Babs answered, probably a little too fast. "Go enjoy yourself."
"I will Babs, don't study too hard" her friend called after her, but she was already tracking across the green towards another friend.
"Well, well, well" she started, trying to portray an air of casualness as she landed right in front of him. "What are you doing here?"
Dick Grayson raised an eyebrow at her and cockily replied in an even cooler tone than she had spoken.
"Oh, you know, just visiting a friend. Thought she was working too hard, so I decided she needed to be whisked away from dinner."
"Wow, lucky girl."
"Not as lucky as me."
She couldn't help but laugh at that comment. He always had a way of making her feel at ease, almost as if he could read her mind and for a woman with as many secrets and locked doors, as she had, she strangely didn't mind when it was him rooting around in her head.
As if she couldn't take it anymore, she reached out and threw her arms around his neck, crushing him in a hug that he wasn't expecting but also wasn't upset about. A few seconds later she felt him wrap his arms around her back and he buried his face into her hair.
She couldn't help but breathe him in as if he was a breath of fresh air and she had been stuck inside for hours.
When they finally let go of each other and pulled back, he held out the helmet for her to accept.
"Ready to go?" he asked while simultaneously throwing a leg over the bike.
"Ready as I'll ever be."
They were going to go for a sit-down meal considering they hadn't gone for food together in god knows how long, but they thought it was a waste of a sunny evening to spend it inside.
So instead, they decided to take inspiration from her fellow students and have a picnic of their own. They ordered take-out from a local Italian restaurant and bought a cheap bottle of wine from the liquor store then hiked up a hillside that overlooked the entire campus on one side and the city Centre of Gotham on the other.
There they sat on the grass eating pasta, garlic bread, and lasagna while guzzling down the wine and watching the sunset. Gotham could be really beautiful, especially when you were with the right people to appreciate it with.
After a few hours, when her cheeks hurt from smiling and her ribs were almost bruised from laughing, she couldn't help but notice how truly happy she was to see him in a setting outside of work. To see him laugh and casually ask about how college was going. To listen to her stories and tell her all about his days in the Gotham Police Academy.
Like everything, eventually, the conversation did turn around to their mutual employment, but she was happy to have someone to talk about that with too. It wasn't like she had an array of people she could chat to about it.
"So how is the boss, I haven't seen him in a few weeks."
Lately, Barbara had been patrolling close to the university, which mainly meant stopping pickpockets, drunken students who wanted to start a fight, and the odd guy who took things too far with a girl who didn't want to. It was important work, and she didn't mind picking up the slack on the smaller crimes, but it did mean she was often separated from her work colleagues and found herself going long periods without seeing the Batman in the flesh.
"Oh, you know him. Brooding as ever, told me to ask you if the new suit was ok" Dick answered as he shoveled a handful of cashew nuts into his mouth.
"It's great actually. Lighter than the last one, but not as stuffy, which is all I can ask for really. Plus, he was right, all black is better than the purple."
Then after a few beats, suddenly Barbara realized something else.
"Wait, you told him you were coming here?"
"Well yeah," Dick replied, looking over at her. The sun was in his eyes now, so he was forced to reach up and block it with his hand. "I mean I had to tell him I wasn't coming on patrol tonight."
She nodded slowly, contemplating. She didn't know why it bothered her that Bruce knew he was here with her, but it did. Maybe she liked the thought of it being their secret and now it felt like he was in the know about everything, which of course he always was.
"Is that ok? That I told him?"
"Hm? Oh, of course, sorry I was just thinking out loud."
There he went again, reading her mind.
However, if he did know she was bothered, he didn't push her on it any further and instead went to fill up her glass again. She went to lie down on the warm grass and as she did, she closed her eyes against the bright sunshine.
"Tired?"
"Not right now, but I have to admit juggling college with Batgirl is harder than I thought it would be. I didn't realize how much time assignments would take up."
"You mean you didn't think you'd actually have to work hard?" he said almost laughing. "You know life only gets harder after college, or so they say."
She turned her head to open her eyes and look up at him smiling down at her. He had shifted so that he was leaning over her with one are stretched out behind him and the other holding his glass.
"Shut up!" she said, pretending to be insulted. "It's probably a good thing I had to give up gymnastics, I don't think I'd have time for anything else right now."
For the first time today, she saw Dick's face shift into a sad sort of frown and suddenly it was as if he couldn't look her in the eyes.
"I still don't know why you had to stop."
"The same reason you did, I was too good," she said in a matter-of-fact tone. She had long since accepted her card in life and had gotten over the meaningless hobbies she had to sacrifice and leave behind for the good of others. "A vigilante at the Olympics is too much opportunity for someone to spot and recognize me. I'd be putting all of us in danger."
Dick didn't respond with words to that, but she knew he heard her. All he did was look at the grass and nod solemnly. After all, he knew she was right, but it hurt him to think of everything she had to give up for a life he had introduced her to, all the things she wouldn't have because she met him.
He didn't like to think about it too much.
"Jane offered me a job at the library after graduation," Babs said, hoping to change the conversation. "Said the system I have set up there is the best she's seen in twenty years."
She had hoped to spark him out of the dip in mood that had set in between them, but instead, it looked like it had only plunged him deeper and when he finally looked back at her, she could see a hooded look in his eyes.
"You belong somewhere much greater than in a library Babs."
"I'm already doing what I was born to do Dick, I don't need anything else."
She didn't realize just how much she meant that until she said it out loud to him. She didn't feel like she was losing out on anything, in fact to her she had only gained since she had met him and started defending the innocent.
It gave her new meaning and purpose in life.
She was making a difference in the world, a real difference, which is all she had ever wanted. Years of watching her father put his life on the line while she sat by the sideline, desperate to help had finally cumulated in her being able to step up to the plate.
"Do you ever think about stopping?" Dick asked, seemingly out of nowhere.
With that she sat up, pulling her legs towards her and she couldn't help the face of concern that spread across her. He'd never spoken like this before and the fact it had seemingly come out of nowhere was what made her most nervous.
"No!" she almost shouted. "I took an oath; I could never just abandon it!"
To her, quitting was never an option. Not only had she sworn to protect the people of Gotham, but she also loved it. Why would she ever want to quit?
After a beat of silence, she heard herself ask, "Do you?"
"No, not seriously at least."
"Good," she said as she reached out and touched his hand. "Because I couldn't do it without you boy wonder."
That was what broke him out of his seemingly melancholy mood and sad smiling. He flipped his hand over so that hers was encased in his and smiled that boyish grin that so often graced his face. She couldn't help but squeeze his hand in reassurance, and as he stared into her eyes, she felt her breath hitch.
She didn't know how he could manage to do that to her so often.
She also didn't know when she had started feeling like this when she was around him. One day she was sitting beside him in school, desperately trying to not roll her eyes as he makes yet another joke about the test tube they were using, and seemingly the next she was putting her life in his hands and fighting side by side with him. Somewhere in between everything had changed between them, but she couldn't exactly pinpoint where or when.
Before she could think about it anymore, he hopped up off the grass and held out his hands for her to take, then pulled her up so they were face to face, right in each other's personal space. There, with the sun on their faces and the slight wind in her red hair, she didn't think she could ever feel more electrified in an emotion that she couldn't pinpoint, but she knew she didn't want it to end.
So, when he walked backward, tugging her down the hill, she let him and followed him to wherever he was leading them.
She didn't know how she ended up on her back with her cheap plain bed sheets below her and Dick Grayson on top of her, with her legs wrapped around his torso and one hand on his neck pulling him to her and the other buried in his hair, but she wasn't about to complain about it.
Admittedly, she was tipsy, so that could be the reason all the details were fuzzy, but she had a feeling she was drunker on emotions than alcohol at the minute and they had more of a role to play in what was transpiring than anything else.
When he suddenly pulled her hands away from him and pinned them above her head, then made his way down her neck leaving wet kisses along the way, she couldn't help the moan that escaped her, which only seemed to spur him on. He rubbed up against her causing her to involuntarily rock against him as she clasped her legs tighter around him.
All her senses were suddenly amplified by a thousand and the beat of her heart sped up considerably with pure excitement, desire, and want. She needed him, in every sense of the word, and it was all accumulating to right now, not in words but purely through actions.
"Wait," he said shakily, sounding almost as feverish as she was. He sat up in the bed and swung his legs around to hit the floor, while she sat almost stuck in place. "Maybe I should go, I mean couldn't Colleen come back?"
Sitting up and reaching for him, as if her body couldn't physically stand to not touch him right now, Barbara hastily replied, "No, she's out for the whole night with Mark."
At that moment she felt like she should buy Mark a drink the next time she saw him to in overtly say thank you for his minor, yet significant role in what was happening.
"Ok, but I'll have to leave early in the morning to get my stuff for the academy," he said as she climbed into his lap, grabbing her legs and assisting her as she went.
This wouldn't be the first time they had had sex, but it would be the first time they did it in her dorm room. She didn't know why that was more exciting, almost as if it was allowed.
They weren't sneaking around and hoping that someone wasn't going to walk in at any moment. It made it more adult, like they weren't kids anymore fooling around, but had real genuine feelings for one another that they wanted to express on their terms.
She leaned back, but only so that he could take off his t-shirt and throw it on the ground beside them, then it all flashed too quickly, but also as if it was in slow motion.
She took off her top and then her pants, then his, and then wrapped her legs around him for the second time, ready to connect with him, and then suddenly he did. He closed his eyes as if to relish in the feel of her for a second, before snapping them back open to look into her eyes like he was peering into her soul.
"I love you" he breathed. There was no hesitation in his voice as if he had never been so sure of anything before and he let his hands go all the way up her back to pull her into him and crash their lips together, but before he could, she replied with "I love you too."
Then everything was blissful and tantalizing, hot and chilling, raw and natural as if this was the only thing that was ever supposed to happen between them.
He suddenly flipped her so that he was on top and she got to see him fully let go. His hair stuck to his neck with sweat and his eyes struggling to stay open through the feeling of pure pleasure that was building in both of them, threatening to spill over at any moment.
Seeing him like this, truly letting go, she decided was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen and with that thought, he buried his face into her neck and bit down on her. That jolted another level of pleasure in her as everything went white and before she knew it, they were lying tangled together, trying to get their breathing back to normal, letting the emotions talk for them.
As he lay on her chest, she couldn't help but reach down to put her hands back in his hair, which was now curling at the ends due to the sweat and she felt him kiss the inside of her breast before he looked up,
"Wow, sleeping with a college girl, I am such a stud."
She laughed and felt his whole body move as she did, he then slid up so he could kiss her one more time before getting up to clean off and dispose of the condom. She took the time to do similar and open the window to let the breeze settle over the room, before grabbing and pulling him back into bed.
This time he lay on his back and pulled her into his side, making sure they were as close as they could get, tangling a leg in between hers and grabbing her left hand, placing it over his abdomen. After all, it was only a single bed and comfort was only possible in extremely certain positions with two fully grown people lying side by side.
"Do you think we would have gotten together if it wasn't for the whole dressing up and saving the world thing? He suddenly asked.
His question had the same tone and suddenness as when he had asked if she ever thought about quitting. She couldn't pinpoint what it was about that tone that was putting her off, but it was definitely something. It was as if a hint of sadness or melancholy was taking over him at random points and she desperately wanted to peer inside his mind, even for a moment to truly understand what was racing around in there.
"I'd say so" she replied, not sure if she believed that answer herself. "Destiny and all that."
She felt him hum underneath her and she turned her head to look up at him before asking him, "Do you?"
Barbara saw him do a double-take as if he wasn't expecting her to question him on it, as if he was in another place entirely and her question had dragged him back down to earth, back down to this college dorm room where he lay with her.
"Of course," he replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could. She thought about pushing him on it, making him explain to her how he was feeling, but when he quickly kissed her and tried to pull her back down to lay on him, she decided to let him and felt the rise and fall of him breathing lull her to sleep.