Chapter 3: Under My Skin

Ardyn and April walked through the tunnels to the lair. The day brought little to do, but being with the boys was rarely boring. April was ranting about a ridiculous segment she had done for the news, but Ardyn couldn't seem to focus on it.

Fingers snapped before her face in the dim light.

She blinked and looked over to April.

"Earth to Ardyn," April waved. "Where'd you go?"

Ardyn shook the fog away, "Sorry, I spaced for a second. You said something about a trampoline?"

April sighed, "You've got that look."

"What look? I don't have a look," Ardyn defended a little too quickly.

"You totally have that look," April confirmed, elbowing her. "I know it. Come on, spill it. Who's it fooorrr?"

Ardyn's cheeks reddened, and she found herself grateful for the dim light of the tunnel, "I don't know what you're talking about. This is just my face."

"Mhmm."

"It is!"

"Sure."

"April."

She laughed, "Okay, fine. I'll have to just guess."

"What makes you think I'd tell you if you got it right?"

April pointed, "So there is someone!"

Ardyn turned back to the path before them, shoulders tense, "Dammit."

April laughed again, then crossed her arms and tapped a finger on her jacket thoughtfully. "Let's see... There's the hot bartender that keeps giving you free onion rings..."

"Boom, success. The wedding's next fall, you're invited," Ardyn replied sarcastically.

"Nope, that was too easy," she tapped her bottom lip in thought.

"For fuck's sake," Ardyn whispered under her breath.

"Um... the guy at the grocery store that got the cereal off the high shelf?"

"Now you're grasping at straws," Ardyn scoffed.

"This isn't easy, you know. The only people you interact with are me and the guys."

Ardyn tried desperately to remain composed. April turned a sly smile her way.

"Oh my god."

"No."

"Oh my god!"

"April, no."

"Oh my god! One of the turtles?!" she shrieked.

"April, I love you, but if you don't shut up this second, I'll be forced to kill you in an obscure but disturbing way," Ardyn growled lowly, face aflame.

April slapped a hand over her mouth, glee nearly radiating off of her. Her voice was lowered, but an octave too high. "You've got it for one of the turtles?"

Ardyn let out a short sigh, "Not a word to anyone."

"But, I could-"

"Not a word," she halted April's sentence and stride with the gesture, "to anyone."

April's shoulders slumped, "But-"

"Swear, April."

April sighed, defeated, then raised her right hand, "Fine, I swear."

Ardyn gave a short nod, satisfied. She turned and continued walking. Not ten seconds later, April couldn't contain herself any longer.

"Which one is it?"

"April, oh my god," Ardyn turned to give her a look.

"I'm in too deep, I have to know," she replied.

"You're one hell of a journalist, but my brief and very minor crush is none of your damn business."

"Is it Raph?"

Ardyn gave her another look.

April's face pulled slowly into a grin, "It's Leo, isn't it?"

Ardyn rolled her eyes and looked forward, continuing down the tunnel.

Seconds later, they made it to the lair. April had the decency to put a pin in the conversation within earshot of the guys. Undoubtedly she was watching for clues as to who it was and Ardyn didn't doubt she would share her findings as soon as they were alone again.

"Look's like heaven's missing some angels," Mikey greeted.

"Hey, Mikey," April smiled and gave a good-natured eye roll.

"Ardyn!" Donnie called. "Come here!"

Ardyn turned her head to the lab where Donnie stood, motioning with his hand excitedly. She started walking toward him.

"Hey, shortie," Raphael greeted from the opening of the tunnel that housed his weight bench.

"Hey, Raph," she returned, lifting her head to smile up at him before continuing on her path.

"What're you two doin' here?" he asked, hopping down to follow her.

"Topside got boring," she answered with a shrug. "Turns out this city isn't as interesting as you guys."

"Only took ya four months to see that," he let out a rumbling chuckle as they stepped into the lab.

"What's up, Don?" she put her hands on the table where Donnie had his papers scattered.

Donnie raised his eyes, first to her, then to Raph. He straightened and pushed his glasses back into place. "I figured I could show you a little more on the Eagle-Eye program."

Ardyn knew that wasn't it. He had something to tell her regarding the sample he took months ago and had been meticulously studying all this time. Raphael wasn't in on the secret, and Ardyn appreciated Donnie's caution.

"Sounds boring," Raph interjected.

Ardyn gave him a look, "How am I supposed to be your eyes if I don't know what I'm looking at?"

Raphael gave an exasperated sigh and turned around, giving her a gentle nudge with his massive arm, "Have fun with that, ya nerd."

"Be nice to me, Raphie," she gave a smile that was sweetly devious.

He waved a hand back at her, as if swatting the threat from the air.

Satisfied that he was out of earshot, she turned back to Donnie. He looked as if he was about to explode. Her eyes widened in worry. "What?"

"I found something," he motioned to his desk. The monitor had a page pulled up on different views of the city, and he clicked it away as soon as he sat into the chair. The page beneath it was an image of a computer-generated strand of DNA, with a section highlighted and a zoomed window pulled up to the side of it. "I think this is the part of your genetic code that was artificially implanted."

"How can you tell?"

He looked from her to the screen, a bit surprised she couldn't decipher the coding on the screen that he had labeled. "Ardyn, it's not human."

She furrowed her brows at him, "What?"

"The DNA I analyzed is only mostly human. I was able to... well, it's a long process. But this section isn't from any animal on earth today," he explained. "It's reptilian, that's for sure. But it's not a direct match to anything. It's almost like..."

Ardyn's gaze looked back to his.

He turned to her, "It's almost like this portion of your code was taken from several different creatures to make an entirely new one."

"Is that even possible?" she leaned on the desk, staring at the monitor.

"You make frost with your hands," he reminded her. "I don't think the realm of possible is as small as we imagine."

Her mind was reeling. She'd heard that her father was experimenting with genetic research, but creating entirely new creatures? He was giving people animal genetics? She had reptile DNA in her? This was too much.

"Ardyn?"

She turned to Donnie again, torn from her inner monologue.

"You got really pale. Do you need to sit down?"

Ardyn shook her head and looked down to the desktop. "I knew my father had been experimenting..."

Donnie's hand hovered over her back for a moment, unsure how to comfort her. He decided against it, "Do you need some time?"

She nodded, "Yeah, just, uh, let me get some air."

Donnie watched her turn and leave. Her small frame disappeared into the main room, then out into to tunnel.

"You should see her out," Donnie said as he turned back to the screen, "Leo."

After a beat or two, Leo emerged from the shadows, a puzzled look on his face. "What?"

"I figured when you heard her talking to April on the cams, you'd be around," Donnie answered the unasked question on his brother's lips, giving him a look.

Leo shook his head as he walked out of the lab.

"Where'd shortie go?" Raph leaned out of the weight room.

"I'm going to check on her," Leo answered.

Raph hopped down, "I'll do it."

Leo turned, "Relax, Raph. Making a move on her when she's upset isn't a good idea."

"How would you know?" he snapped. "You ain't exactly the love doctor."

"Just-"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, O Fearless Leader," Raph snapped, shouldering past him. "Everyone likes a teddy bear to cry on." A smirk crossed his features as he shot it over his shoulder.

Leo frowned, grabbng Raph's shoulder and spinning him back around, "You're not a teddy bear, Raph. You're a turtle. She's a human. Lay off."

Raph opened his mouth to counter, but Leo beat him to it.

"Lay. Off," he growled.

Raph grit his teeth, his muscles tense. For a moment, Leo had a feeling he was going to start swinging. The moment passed, but Raph didn't look any more calm. He immediately sought the release of a punching bag. Leo turned and headed for the tunnel after Ardyn.

...

Ardyn walked down the tunnels, forcing the stale air through her nose. It was a lot to process. She hadn't known hardly anything about the injection. A three year old couldn't possibly comprehend it. By this point, she'd made her peace with being different. But unearthing secrets she'd been living with her entire life was still a hard pill to swallow.

Was That why her father's oldest lost her mind? Did Westley get a different injection? What did he feel when he was alive?

And most importantly, why did her father choose to do it in the first place?

She swung her arm out, hitting the concrete wall with the side of her fist. The impact cracked the cement and made a pattern of frost shoot out.

He was crazy, that much she remembered. But was he crazy enough to risk the lives of his children? Or did he think they would be able to protect themselves with the abilities they'd grow into? And if he did do it for protection, what exactly where they in danger of?

"Ardyn?"

She jumped and spun around, having been too involved in her inner turmoil to have heard anyone approaching. Frost that had been falling from her clenched fists now shot a sheet of ice at her follower, making him leap in the air to avoid the sharp cold.

Ardyn's hands covered her mouth, "Oh my god, Leo! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

He was eying the ice that was quickly melting, his expression difficult to read.

"Are you alright? Did it- did I get you?" Ardyn put her hands out, then looked at them in fear and shoved them into the pockets of her black denim jacket.

"No, I'm alright," he answered, his gaze meeting hers. "That was impressive, though."

Ardyn let out a breath, "That's it?"

He raised a brow beneath his mask, "Did you really think I didn't know?"

She looked away, "I guess I hoped so."

He stepped through the slush that remained, nearing her. "For someone who wants to be trusted, you keep a lot of secrets."

"I can't seem to get anything past you," she sighed, defeated.

"Why did Donnie's findings upset you?" he asked gently.

Ardyn met his gaze with a dubious expression. Leo wasn't the type to talk about feelings. She was prepared for a 'you shouldn't keep secrets' or a ' trust is earned'. Not a 'why are you upset?'

"What?"

"That is why you're upset, isn't it?" he clarified, tone still gentle. It was pleasant, but unfamiliar. "What he told you?"

She looked down at her sneakers, a sigh escaping. "Just a reopening of old wounds, I guess."

He remained silent.

She looked up, "I just needed a second to process it. I'm fine."

He pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded once, "You're a terrible liar, but if you don't want to talk about it, I won't force you."

She pinched her brows at him, "I am not."

His lips pulled up ever so slightly on the sides, "Yes, you are."

She put her hip out and rolled her eyes, "How so?"

"If you're going to lie, it has to be in the realm of possibility. You can't claim something outrageous to be true and expect me to believe you," his smile was more evident now, as if he found it humorous that she had to ask.

"I've been through a lot in my life," Ardyn countered. "Donnie's little discovery doesn't change anything. I'll be fine."

"I don't think you've been 'fine' a day in your life," Leo crossed his arms, his smile fading. "No matter how much you want to believe it, you can't lie to yourself."

She had to look away. A part of her deep down know he was absolutely right. She wasn't fine. She was scared, lonely, and unbelievably sad. She had been for as long as she could remember. Long before losing Westley. Long before her father's oldest became estranged. But that couldn't stop her from moving forward.

What really made it difficult was the fear that it would never change. The fear that she'd be sad and lonely and scared until the day she died. That maybe she'd never reach the crest of the mountain she was climbing, and the happiness and safety she craved was nothing but an impossible dream. That hurt to think about, and sometimes drove her to tears late at night.

Or like now.

She turned her face away, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. God, this was embarrassing. They wouldn't stop. Cold trails on her cheeks as she pulled her hands from her pockets and turned around to leave.

A warm hand weighed on her shoulder, hesitant and a bit awkward. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have," she agreed, wiping angrily at her face. "Denial was all I had. That's how I get through the day! Now I'm a pathetic mess because you had to mind-ninja me, you bastard."

Leo was completely at a loss, "I- I'm sorry, Ardyn."

She was crying harder now, "Just- shut up, I can't- breathe."

He was panicking now. He'd never seen a woman break down before. He wasn't trained for this! She was hiccuping and trying to breathe, and he was starting to sweat.

He spun her around and engulfed her in his arms, unsure, but desperate to stop the pain he'd caused. He'd seen how others had offered comfort, but this was a shot in the dark. Was he doing it right? She could fight him, making it worse, or cry harder...

But she didn't.

Instead, she covered her mouth with one hand and rested her cool forehead on his chest, gripping the strap of his sheaths with her free hand. In a moment or two, her hiccuping slowed, her breath returning and the sobs fading. He rubbed his hand up and down against the worn denim of the black jacket she wore. He rested his chin gently on her hair, hoping to whatever deity was out there that she would let him know when it was a good time to let go... and that Donnie wasn't spying through the cams.

The scent of her filled his nostrils: jasmine, after a cool rain. It was faint, probably a lotion rather than a perfume, but it was refreshing compared to the damp smell of the tunnel they stood in. He felt the awkwardness fading as she calmed, his own relief following hers.

Ardyn took a deep breath, her grip on his strap loosening. Her fingers slid down and released it, and she wrapped her arms around herself in his embrace. She breathed in the scent of him-coastal rain, the slight salt of sweat, and a hint of incense- feeling his racing heart slow and his even breath on her hair. A part of her knew she should let him go before he became too uncomfortable, but the rest of her was enjoying the first feeling of safety she'd had in years.

"Thank you," she finally said, her voice steadier but a little hoarse. "You can let go now, I forgive you."

His arms released her a beat after she spoke, the calming coolness of her slipping from him. His hands dropped to his sides, feeling almost awkward. Like he should e doing something with them, but what, he wasn't sure. She stepped away but kept her face from his view as she wiped it dry.

He knew he should break the silence, but he was at a loss for words. He'd never been emotional, and his brothers kept most of their more sensitive feelings to themselves as they grew. He was in foreign territory with a blindfold on.

"I think I'm going to go back to my apartment," she said lowly, not sure how to break the silence either.

"Do you want me to walk with you?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No thanks, my ego can't take any more."

He let a breath of a laugh escape, "You shouldn't be embarrassed."

She gave him a look.

He offered a smile, "I'm not all that great at being a friend."

"No shit," she retorted sarcastically, a hint of a smirk on her lips.

"But we are here for you," he added. "In whatever way doesn't make you cry again."

She let out a laugh, easing his tension. Her eyes met his again, the smile reaching them. It was genuine when it did, that was one of her tells.

"Thanks, anyway," she tucked her hands into her pockets and turned to go.

He nodded, and under his breath said, "Anytime."

...

It had been a few days since she had seen the boys. She needed time to let the utter humiliation of breaking down into a sobbing mess in front of Leo die down. She was going to get hell for it from Raph now for sure.

She kicked her apartment door shut and hung her purse and keys up. Stripping off her jacket, she slumped face-first onto the small couch. The last few nights had been a fight with sleep. She was damn tired.

That's right about when she noticed something different on the small table by the window. She rolled off the couch and walked through the darkness to it. The lights from outside provided just enough for her to see it.

A bracelet, woven of blue cord, with an adjustable diameter. Below it was a piece of paper.

Ardyn picked up the bracelet, and flipped the small bit of cardstock over.

In near-perfect French was written,

For you when you feel upset,

Or when you need a hug from someone who knows how.

-L

P.S. Don't cry, this is what friends do

A smile pulled her lips. She looked at the bracelet again, putting it around her wrist fondly. It made her feel better to have it. It was good to have someone that cared for her, and could tell when she needed a hug. Leo was wonderful, under that hard-ass exterior. She'd had a rare glimpse of his softer side, the side that he probably hid from his brothers. The side that would hold her tight and rest his chin on her head, making her feel like nothing it the world could get her. Making her feel like, for once in a long time, she could breathe; she was safe.

She loved it.

Warmth flooded her insides, tingling and pleasant as she admired the neat handwriting and carefully written French. Swirling patterns of frost decorated the cardstock from her fingertips. Her eyes lifted to the window, seeing a familiar silhouette a few buildings away. She smiled wider, lifting her arm to wave and hoping he could see the bracelet around her wrist.

He didn't wave back, but she could almost swear he smiled. He was too far to be sure, but she could almost feel it. When he turned and disappeared, she walked to her couch, sitting softly and placing the card beside her. She eyed it fondly as she picked up her guitar and began to pick the strings,

"If the stars were mine, I'd give them all to you.

I'd pluck them down right from the sky and leave it only blue.

I'd never let the sun forget to shine upon your face, so when others would have rain clouds, you'd have only sunny days.

If the stars were mine, I'd tell you what I'd do.

I'd put the stars right in a jar and give 'em all to you."

...

Leo found himself wearing a smile as he made his way through the tunnels. He had felt guilty the last few days. Ardyn had proved to be a good friend to all of them in the short time she'd spent with them, and he'd embarrassed her and made her cry. The few days that passed without a word from her made him feel worse. She was obviously unaccustomed to needing anyone, and preferred to work through things on her own. But something in him had wanted to let her know that she didn't have to be alone if she didn't want to be.

She'd wormed her way under his skin in the few short months. Against his better judgement, he had stayed out after patrol to sit above her window. After his brothers returned to the lair, he would unwind to the sound of her voice, the melodies from her fingers. She was a cool breeze in the stuffiness of his world. He found himself trying to befriend her, rather than only ensuring her trustworthiness. He enjoyed her company, her opinions, her presence... and he hoped the feeling was mutual.

But he wasn't good with words when it came to what he was feeling. Frustration? He could articulate. Assertiveness? His tone was unwavering. But affection? Gentle words of affirmation? A kind tone of care and adoration? The very thought made his throat close. He'd read every book she'd recommended cover-to-cover, some of which expressing such feelings of familiarity and care, even romantic affections. But when the time came to create his own, he came up empty. Perhaps language wasn't his forte.

So what else could he do? Something that let her know he was there if she needed someone, but that didn't have the possibility of embarrassing her again.

When he had emerged from a long meditation, Mikey was on the couch with April. He had made them 'friendship bracelets', in which Donnie was able to plant a tracker, should she ever need help and couldn't get to the emergency app on her phone. That's how he had gotten the idea.

He had spent a half hour on the bracelet itself, but nearly an hour and a half composing a note to go with it. Crumpled papers had littered his bedroom floor with the failed attempts at reassurance. It was easier to write what he wanted to say than to say it. He could think it over, make it perfect, before it was received.

Her smile through the window was enough to let him know his efforts were appreciated.

When he walked into the lair, the first to greet him was Mikey, who noticed the smile immediately.

"Did ya have a good tiiiiimmmeeee?" Mikey smiled widely.

"Where were ya?" Raph leaned out of the tunnel that housed his weight bench, eying the two of them.

"He went to see Ardyn," Mikey drew out her name playfully, his wide smile infectious to everyone except the two turtles he was talking to.

"I just wanted to make sure she was okay," Leo asserted, passing Mikey on his way to the dojo.

"That why yer wearin' that stupid face?" Raph growled.

Leo didn't answer. He wasn't wearing any face... was he? It was the same one he always wore. He only had the one. Then it occurred to him that they meant he was smiling. He had been thinking of Ardyn's smile all the way home, and didn't even remember the journey. He'd been so caught up in the happy feeling that he'd completely forgotten to be aware of his surroundings. Leaders must be focused. How could he have slipped? What if he had been ambushed? What if someone had seen him? Why did he let it affect him so easily? He needed consultation.

When he walked into the dojo, Master Splinter was already there meditating. Normally, he wouldn't disturb his father during this time out of respect, but he felt a sense of urgency at this new struggle. He had to be the best version of himself, and this little slip had to be fixable. He knelt before the rat, bowing his head.

Master Splinter didn't have to open his eyes, "You have returned, Leonardo."

"Yes."

"Is Ardyn well?"

"She's safe," he responded, head still bowed but eyes glancing upward briefly.

"Then why do you seem troubled?" Master Splinter opened his eyes.

Leonardo pressed his lips into a thin line, averting his eyes to the floor. He wasn't sure what to say. He knew what he was feeling, but how did he describe it?

"I'm feeling..." he searched for the word, "...distracted."

Master Splinter raised his brows, "What is distracting you?"

Leo lifted his gaze again, "Ardyn."

Master Splinter stroked his thin beard, thinking. "Do you still believe her to be a threat?"

Leonardo shook his head, "No. She has secrets, that much I do know, but I don't think she means us harm."

"Then what is it?"

Leonardo pinched his brows in thought, "I'm not sure."

A knowing smile stretched at the old rat's mouth, but he covered it quickly, "You feel a concern for her happiness and well-being."

"Yes," Leonardo agreed, looking up again.

"As you should," Master Splinter assured. "You two have become close these last few months. She has found a friend in you. And you, in return, have found a friend in her."

Leo nodded.

"This is not a problem, my son," Master Splinter put a hand on his shoulder. "Your caring for someone outside our small family is a good thing. You can learn many things from others, and Ardyn is no exception."

"This is different," Leonardo lowered his voice. "I can't explain it, but it is."

Master Splinter nodded, understanding. "Perhaps spending more time with her might help you to decipher what you are feeling."

"How so?"

"If you wish for a territory to be familiar, you explore it," the old rat replied simply. "This is no different."

Leonardo thought for a moment. He did like the idea of spending more time with Ardyn, whether it was at the lair or at her apartment. But the last few months of that weren't helping him to figure anything out. Maybe a different challenge would break the routine, bring forward something new that he could work with. He nodded and bowed his head, "Thank you, Sensei."