Before Coulson could think of how the situation could possibly get any worse, with the HUB surrounded by thorns, everyone asleep and Victoria needing true love's kiss to wake the building up, his phone rang. Director Fury, he saw as he glanced down at the number. Yes, he wasn't going to have to imagine ways this could get worse because it just did. "Director?"
"Coulson, I have been trying for the last thirty minutes to contact Victoria without an answer. Isn't your team supposed to be at the HUB today? What did your people do to her?" Fury demanded. Coulson's people were good, he knew that, but at the rate they were driving Victoria crazy, he was probably going to have to book a trip for her to Tahiti for real to keep her from quitting. "Phil, I know you love your team, but I'm not sure how well this is working out here. You can't just let your people drive a senior agent like Victoria insane all the time!"
"Sir, I pulled up an outside visual of the HUB." Maria Hill said holding out a tablet to show him. "The interior cameras don't seem to be working for some reason but… You have to see this!"
Thorns? Were those thorns? "Coulson, what did your people do? Why is the HUB covered in thorns?"
"It wasn't my people! Why do people keep thinking that my team…. It's Asgardian, Sir. Or at least Asgardian caused."
"Is that Director Fury?" Hela called. "Please give him my sincerest apologies for the thorns. And is there anything, anything at all that we can do to make up for the trouble? The crafter who makes grandfather's eyepatches does excellent work. Perhaps I could interest him in one as part of compensation?"
"Who is that?" Fury asked. Asgardian. Please let him have misheard what Coulson said. After the last few Asgardian related disasters, he didn't think he could handle another one.
"Lady Hela. She's here due to the thorn situation." Coulson said.
"Hela? Wait, isn't that one of Loki's kids?"
"It looks like more than one Loki's kids is there." Maria said as she adjusted the video feed and spotted the group. "He really has a giant horse for a kid? Maybe he had a few reasons to be cranky? That's got to be painful."
No, Fury wasn't going to think about Loki, horses and…. He shook his head, forcing that thought away. "What happened?" He demanded.
How to explain this. Coulson thought for a moment trying to figure out an explanation that wouldn't lead to the director desperately wanting to rip out hair that he didn't have. "A group of Asgardian children were playing with some sort of inter-dimensional artifact that they tossed off the Bifrost. It must have landed outside the HUB, someone found it and brought it in, and it ended up activated."
"What does it do?" Fury demanded.
"It put everyone in the building to sleep, Sir."
"Sleep? You're saying everyone is asleep in a building surrounded by thorns. Coulson, that's the plot of Sleeping Beauty."
"I know. I know. Fitz, can you send the footage from the dwarves to the Director's computer, please?" Maybe if Fury saw what was going on inside, he wouldn't decide to book him for another long vacation somewhere a lot less pleasant than his rather confusing memories indicated Tahiti was.
"Is that a spindle?" Maria said a few minutes later as she watched over Fury's shoulder as the footage ran. "And does it look like Victoria pricked her finger on it?"
"Coulson, are you telling me that this artifact is a spindle that makes people fall asleep?" Fury demanded.
"I'm afraid so." Coulson said with a wince.
This couldn't be happening. This was something out of a fairy story, but there was Victoria on the floor of her office, spindle by her hand and blood on her finger. "What do we have to do to wake them up?"
"Before we can even think about waking them up, we have to figure out how to get through the thorns and into the building. Which is a bit of a problem because we need to find a way in without risking injuring anyone inside. We're working on it." Fury was already upset. Better not to add to it by giving him the happy news that to wake everyone up Victoria Hand was going to have to get true love's kiss.
"Alright. Alright. I'll get any assignments that were supposed to come in through the HUB diverted to the Cube." Fury said after a moment's thought. "And I'll get Blake to take over for Victoria and Jasper." He couldn't believe this. Two of his senior agents were unconscious due to something out of a fairy tale! "Whatever you have to do, fix this, fast!"
He put his head in his hands for a moment after ending the call, barely able to keep from ripping at hair that he was missing. "Maria, get me a plane." He trusted Coulson but he had to see this situation for himself.
"Director Fury didn't scream. That's a good thing, right?" Skye asked in what she hoped was a positive tone of voice.
"It means we need to get this situation fixed quickly. Cutting through the thorns. You said something about a sword to cut the thorns." Coulson said to Hela. "What about Lady Sif and that sword of hers?"
"I'm afraid Papa sent Lady Sif on a diplomatic mission to Xandar that it would be very difficult to call her back from." Hela said.
"Isn't your father supposed to be locked up or something for invading our planet?" Skye asked.
"My grandparents thought up a more appropriate punishment for Papa. The placed him in charge of Asgard while they're away on their vacation." Hela said.
"Didn't he want to be in charge?" Melinda said with a frown. "How is giving him what he wants a punishment?"
"I have brothers." Hildy said.
"She has three brothers. The brothers who managed to put one of your bases under a sleeping curse. Papa has to deal with them, all three of them, and I'm afraid he has only two hands and limited magic at the moment thanks to grandmother. And that doesn't take into account having to deal with Lord Fandrel, Lord Volstagg, their attempts to repair the damage to the royal palace that seem to have caused more damage than the Dark Elves' attack, and the antics of the average citizens who are managing to be even more contentious of usual of late. Papa is longing for his prison cell, you have my word."
"Yesterday my brothers made one of our teachers run screaming up a tree." Hildy said. "She wouldn't come down for five hours and last week our other teacher ran off for the hills and no one knows where he is. And my papa was forgot to use nails when was supposed to be fixing one of the palace walls, and he made Lady Hela's papa cry."
"So Loki's being punished." Coulson said.
"When we left Asgard to try to retrieve the spindle, Hildy's brothers were climbing the fence around Lady Idunn's garden to steal apples. I expect a note from Papa at any time asking if Shield might be interested in pressing charges against him." Hela said. "As for a sword that could cut through the thorns, I could contact my grandmother. She might know of something and I'm sure she and grandfather would be very happy to help. They were quite pleased with your recommendation of Tahiti as a vacation location."
"What…" But then it hit him, how he had been saying Tahiti was a magical place what felt like every five seconds. But the Asgardians had heard it? "Does your uncle know that…."
"That you faked your death?" Darcy said. "I tweeted Jane. And Tony Stark, but it might take a while for him to see the tweet. He's got like a million people following him and sending him messages. And along with that Ipod you owe me thirty songs too."
"I will reimburse you for the Ipod. I will reimburse you for the songs." Coulson told her. "But what can we do to get this situation taken care of?"
"I'll contact Grandmother. Hopefully she'll have an idea of where to find something that might cut the thorns that is in this dimension, and that is uncursed." Hela said.
"We could take samples from the thorns. Maybe would could find a weakness." Jemma suggested.
"Okay, let's do that." Coulson said. "Anything that might give us a way through those thorns safely, let's give it a try. We've got to get this thing fixed and fast."