"AHHHHHHH!"
Justin wakes up startled. The same nightmare from last night happened again. When he lost control and killed Jessica and Bryce. Hearing Jessica's terrified and blood-curdling scream. It's been fucking Justin up so badly.
It took a moment till Justin feels his head is throbbing and begins to feel really nauseous. He quickly gets off the bed and head to the bathroom and lock the door behind him before he throws up in the toilet. When he looks down on to the toilet, he sees his vomit still the same color.
Except a small part of the vomit is covered in black liquid.
Justin squints at the vomit as he never really remembers vomiting some black liquid.
"What the fuck...?" Justin mumbles and coughs as he ends up smelling his own vomit, not wanting to feel nauseous again because of the smell. He quickly flushes the toilet and proceeds to gargle with water first before he brushes his teeth clean and gargles again to make sure his mouth doesn't smell vomit at all, especially so Scott and Alec won't catch him having been using drugs.
When he unlocks and steps out of the bathroom door, Alec appears in front of him, a concerned, but suspicious look on his face.
"You alright, dude?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to take a shit."
Alec eyes at him for a moment and decides to let Justin pass.
Just as Justin passes him and Alec turns to use the bathroom, Justin remembers about last night.
"Hey—uh Alec?"
"Yeah?" Alec turns to look at Justin.
"Look, about last night, just want to let you know I don't want to cause trouble between you and Scott. And sorry."
Alec sighs, "You don't have anything to apologize for. It's fine. And I don't think you want to cause trouble for us. So don't worry..."
"Alec—"
"I said I'm fine, Justin. Just let it pass." Alec closes the bathroom door and locks it before Justin can say anything. He still feels guilty about last night and wanted to apologize despite having not done anything to piss Scott and Alec off. He looks back to see Scott coming in just now with breakfast, a welcome smile on his face.
"Morning, Justin."
"Good morning." Justin gives a small smile at Scott as Scott places their breakfast on the small table.
"Come on, we need to eat. Gotta have to get you ready for your first day at work."
Justins nods and proceeds to sit with Scott and eat their breakfast for today.
Justin and Scott had visited 7 families so far today, the most that Scott has had now. Justin's first day at his part time went well in the least. While memorizing what the drugs, medicines, and equipments felt a lot for Justin to take note of, Scott still helped him. Just like he said, they'll help each other. Although Justin felt he could've done better since he's an assistant for Scott, he should be able to properly recognize the stuff Scott is asking for. But Scott assures Justin it's fine and he'll eventually get the hang off memorizing and recognizing what Scott is asking for in the vet clinic.
On the bright side of his part time, he did well in assisting Scott in the check-ups and diagnosis. So that's something Justin feels at least proud of and Scott was definitely proud of Justin for doing a good job in assisting him. And if there's another good thing about his part time work with Scott, Justin gets to see how Scott really is.
Seeing how Scott was treating the families' pets and how he talks to them, especially to a little girl or boy for most families, there's no doubt Scott is a very good-hearted, diligent, and compassionate guy. Seeing the children smile because of Scott felt heartwarming for Justin. Justin wants to do the same. Sadly, all he felt was capable of is upsetting and letting people down. He had let a lot of people down and they hate Justin because of that. Nevertheless, seeing Scott feels inspiring to Justin, he wants to be better.
Now, Scott has already finished his last appointment for today and the afternoon sun is still up. Justin is already chilling on the front seat as Scott hops inside the driver seat.
"Welp, that's the last appointment for today."
"So—we're done for today?" Justin asks.
"Yeah, we are."
"Well, what a first day for me."
"You did pretty decent today, Justin."
"Decent? Pretty sure I have made some mistakes, though."
"I know, but hey, it's your first day. And there's always time to do better. Eventually, you'll get used to this and everything will feel like clockwork."
"You think so?" Justin looks at Scott with a raised eyebrow.
Scott gives a confident smile at Justin, "I know so."
"Really? Why's that?"
"Cause this is pretty much like how Alec's first day went." Scott starts up the van and looks at Justin again. "But nevertheless, I'm not really expecting anything from you, Justin. Just do your job well and learn. Once you get the hang of this, again, everything will feel like an easy routine."
"And if I don't get a hang of it?" Justin gives a blank expression at Scott, a hint of self-doubt in his eyes. "You will. And I believe you will." Scott emboldens Justin, which makes Justin frown. "You can't be serious, Scott. You don't even know me." he shakes his head, how could Scott really think positively of him. "Yeah, I don't know you. Hell, I don't even know if I'll ever know you at all if you're going to just keep yourself closed. But looking at you, I see a man who wants to do good, a man who wants to be a good person."
He really has no idea what the fuck he's talking about... Justin doesn't feel completely assured by what has Scott said. How the hell would he feel if he knows me? Would he still think I'm fucking good...? He squeezes his eyes for a moment and exhales deeply. Scott notices the self-doubt in Justin and frowns, "Justin, if you're doubting yourself, don't. Again, I may not know you, but I know you're not a really bad person. It's ok. Whatever is something about you that you don't want me to know about, it won't make me think any less of you."
"Yeah, right." Justin huffs and turns to look away from Scott and at the window. "You'd be a dumbass to think I'm not bad."
"Maybe. Maybe not. But if there's one person right now who thinks you're bad, it'll be you, not me, not anyone else, just you" Scott turns to look at the road.
"Don't think lowly of yourself, Justin."
Scott then begins to drive the van, not expecting Justin reply, but only hoping Justin will get him. He turns the radio on to eliminate the silence that can the atmosphere feel uneasy, a very calm (but melancholic) music currently playing right now.
Justin stares out of the window and let's himself get lost in his thoughts, the music from the radio filling into the atmosphere. He begins to think back on the past four days he had experienced so far. For Justin, it felt...not right. It felt like it was just only yesterday he was letting himself suffer in the streets all alone, with no one to help him and Justin felt that he deserve it after everything that had happened.
And till now, he still feels it.
And then the next day, he became a werewolf. Not what Justin has expected at all. His thoughts about being a werewolf have improved, but then there was his first full moon and the nightmare he had the other night...
In his first full moon, Justin couldn't remember what he did and all he remembered was seeing a homeless girl's horrified face and seeing his own werewolf face, the bloodthirsty and malicious face seen in his own entire eyes. It was terrifying...
And that nightmare...
It was supposed to be one of the guilt-tripping and haunting nightmares he has been having for the past three months about Jessica and Bryce, a constant and haunting reminder of the sins Justin had made that put him in the streets, homeless. Now, ever since he turned into a werewolf, the nightmare had evolved into a more horrifying one, where Justin loses control and goes berserk. What used to be only self-hatred in his nightmare now has another thing that Justin is dealing with. From remembering that nightmare, Justin now hates AND fears himself.
He hates that he has done terrible things that got people hurt like Jessica and even killed like Hannah.
Now, he fears that he'll do terrible things to people around him, in fact, he always has feared he'll do terrible things to people around him even before he was turned, and it has amplified and become more prominent now because he has turned into a werewolf.
Justin knows he's capable of hurting people, just by being a dick and letting people down. That only already makes him feel upset. Now being a werewolf means he has more ways to hurt people, and worse, he can even kill people.
Senselessly...
And maliciously...
Fuck. Justin begins to feel something wet in his eyes and tries to shut them away, not wanting to cry, especially with Scott right next to him. He doesn't want to open up about it with Scott. He couldn't...
He just couldn't...
The fact that he's capable of hurting people even before he turned and now he's turned into this creature of the night, he becomes more capable to the point he could kill without him even knowing makes Justin realize that being a werewolf had made him even worse than before.
Thinking he had changed for the worse.
Damn and he thought that the voice in his head telling him to take a shot was the most bothersome. In fact, after he turned, he no longer hears that voice anymore, though his instincts to use to get rid of the painful and negtive feelings bombarding him still remains, but it does mean Justin feels a lot less addictive to drugs anymore. It would've been a good thing at first...
But when his first full moon and nightmare happened, turns out the drug addiction voice in his head had been replaced, completely devoured and destroyed by a new voice in his head. A voice a lot more powerful, unbearable, and addicting than the other before it...
And that voice is not only those, but also sinister...
Menacing...
Evil...
The voice of the drug addiction is like that of a siren singing to Justin to come and go high with them and be on top of the world and feel like nothing can stop him.
This new voice that Justin has now in his head...
It's deep...
Bloodthirsty...
Malevolent...
Fearsome...
Ferocious...
And monstrous...
And that voice only roars loudly in Justin's head with just one thing: KILL.
It's all Justin could hear when he was running and lurking in the dark streets and alleys of the town, hunting for prey to kill, as well as in his nightmare. When he killed Bryce and Jessica in his dream, he remembered feeling...enjoyment, grinning in rapture and glee. He remembered enjoying killing Bryce and Jessica.
It's horrifying.
And Justin shudders in terror seeing himself killing them in pleasure and delight.
How could I be all the more this fucking sick...? His nose flares up and Justin wants to punch himself in the face, wanting to punish himself for being this fucked up.
How can Justin really enjoy and embrace being a werewolf when he's capable of hurting and killing inncoents? How can he live with himself now, thinking the bite had turned him worse? Those questions are pestering in Justin's mind now.
"Do you wanna grab a bite for some snack?" Scott asks Justin as he drives into the freeway, which brings Justin back to reality. "Um—yeah. Sure." Justin quickly answers and tries to blink away his tears. Scott can see that Justin is feeling bothered about something, sensing Justin's agitation. Scott knows that the past four days have been good, but also awkward at the same time, but seeing Justin being so agitated right now is already becoming bothersome to the point he feels like he's not doing any good just by simply letting Justin be to suffer in agony all alone for whatever reason.
He has to check on Justin now so he can figure out how he can help him.
"Alright." Scott exhales deeply as he turns to exit the freeway and enter in another part of Oakland. He drives down the street for a while and then drives around the corner to a nearby convenience store befre he parks the van by the sidewalk. He turns off the engine of the van, leaving the inside of the van in silence, and unbuckles his seatbelt, but he doesn't unlock the door. Justin notices the door is still lock and turns to Scott, frowning.
"Scott, the door is still lock."
"I know." Scott turns to look at Justin with a serious face. Justin starts to feel anxious, noticing how this is going to go. "But first, you have to tell me, Justin." Scott firmly asks, albeit not being pushy, but still serious. "Tell you what?" Justin begins to feel on edge at this point, he wants to jump out of the van and run away as far away as possible, he'd break out the lock door right now in fact. However, Justin feels completely stuck, frozen as he begins to overthink of what he'll do.
"What's been bothering you, Justin? I've been seeing you looking on edge since yesterday."
"Y-Yesterday?" Justin stutters, the anxiety eating into him.
"Yeah. When I saw you waking up startled and looking pale. Whatever it was must've been eating on you since then."
"It was just a bad dream."
"I know."
"So what about it?" Justin tries to deflect the questions from Scott, but he still finds a way around back to Justin.
"I've had bad dreams that left me pale too." Scott leans closer to Justin, giving him an understanding the look. "And seeing your face after waking up from a bad dream looks all too familiar." Justin begins to feel himself get cornered, Scott now covering every escape option Justin can do to escape this conversation. "And what do you know about it?" Justin eyes at Scott skeptically.
"I know how it feels to have bad dreams." Scott brings up his and holds Justin shoulder, his hand giving Justin a feeling of warmth and reassurance. The warmth of Scott's hand feels calming and benevolent, while it unnerves Justin, the warmth also eases Justin up and shooing away the agitation that's been constipating Justin badly. "Justin." Scott eyes at Justin, with Justin eyeing at him back, his eyes looking slightly welled up, sad, and defeated. "You can tell me... It's ok. Again, whatever you couldn't tell me won't make me think any less of you. I'll help you."
Justin looks down, feeling more unnerved and shame, but Scott still looks in Justin's eyes with sympathy. "Do you trust me?" Justin stares back up at Scott as his Alpha asked him. "Do you trust me, Justin?" Scott repeats his question. The more Justin looks down in his Alpha's eyes, the more he begins to see how compassionate and tenderhearted Scott McCall is. Eventually, Justin gives in to Scott, but Justin couldn't open his mouth to respond, feeling himself like he's weak and unnerved just by Scott's presence, so he quickly nods his head, telling Scott a yes that he trusts Justin.
"Then tell me what's wrong, Justin. Tell me... You—can't just leave yourself like this... It's—going to consume you badly. What's wrong, Justin?"
Scott asks him, his voice gentle and caring. Justin takes a moment to take a deep breath and looks back up to Scott, feeling his eyes beginning to well up more. "I..." Justin's voice tremble, feeling himself that he's going to crack, "I—I had—this—nightmare. I was—at this party..." he begins to slowly feel himself breakdown, coughing out his fear that's torturing him till now. Scott listens to Justin intetly, wanting to know what's wrong to help his little Beta.
"I was...making out with my girlfriend. And then—we went into her bedroom and we still—we were still making out." Justin sniffs and tries to wipe away the tears in his eyes threatening to fall. "And then—she blacked out because she was drunk, so I left her. Then—someone—who I thought was—was my best friend, came into the room. I—I tried to stop him but—he pushed me away. Locked me away. It—It hurt..."
Justin snuffles, feeling that he's losing himself with every second ticking by.
"And then—I felt this—feeling. This—very heavy feeling... It felt...like fire. A fire that's—beginning to burn up inside of me. And it began to overcome me, the heat reaching into my head. The heat—boiling blood inside of me. I-I...started seeing red in my eyes and then I heard this—monstrous voice—ranting in my head... Telling me—to—to kill. All I heard...was kill in my head. And then, I barge into the room to see my best friend—"
Justin feels his voice stop there with hitch, he REALLY doesn't feel ready to talk about that night. He only wants to talk about the nightmare, not THE night he kept having nightmares from since then. So he tries to be subtle of what happened.
"with—with my girlfriend. I felt myself full of rage and—and I...I..." at that moment, Justin looks up at Scott with distraught, finally he feels himself fall apart. Scott starts to realize what Justin is about to say, his eyebrows scrunch up in distress and empathy, knowing what kind of nightmare Justin is talking about.
"I killed them..." he sobs with his voice trembling all the more. "I...I tore them...apart... And the worst part of this..." he grits his teeth hard, the feeling of self-hatred paining Justin. "I—I enjoyed it... I—I fucking enjoyed it. The blood and flesh in my hands felt—good. And it felt addicting." Justin breaks down and weeps as Scott, out of instinct, brings Justin into his arms, letting Justin sob and cry out in pain and agony.
"What if—what if I don't learn? What if I fucked up and then this happens? I've—I've hurt people. I don't like hurting people, especially the ones I love. And turning into this—thing. I felt like I changed for the worst. I could—I could hurt people more, and even kill them. F-FUCK! What if I will lose myself and hurt and even kill everyone?!"
"You won't..."
"Bullshit! What makes you even fucking say that?!" Justin clenches his hands on Scott's jacket, gritting his teeth.
"Cause I've been through this before, Justin." Scott brings Justin's face up for him to look back into his eyes, his crying and despair eyes staring up into Scott's sympathetic and caring eyes, "And I'm still going through this now."
Justin looks at Scott with a frown, confused. "How...?"
"I also had a nightmare like yours. I also was making out with my girlfriend, my...first love..." Scott deeply breaths, feeling a slight pain of mentioning Allison. "And then, I lost control and killed her..."
"Ever since I turned, I always had this fear... That I'll lose control and kill everyone, including the ones I love...my friends... It has always been my fear since then. And even though eventually I learned how to control my abilities and keep myself in control with ease..." Scott gives a small smile at Justin.
"The fear of losing control and going berserk to kill people is still there..."
Justin stares back up at Scott, his crying had quiet down.
"But despite that fear, I never let that fear consume me. And when I learned to embrace my powers, use them for good, to save people, that fear had subsided more. And then eventually, it's like a tiny voice that I forgot in the back of my head."
"You make it sound like it's easy." Justin's tone sounded hopeless.
"It's not easy, definitely. Like I said, being a werewolf is complicating. Which is why I'll help you, Justin. Help you control your powers. Help you learn to control yourself so you won't hurt and kill people. I'll help you get through this, Justin. No matter what..."
Scott carasses Justin's cheek, wiping away his tears like a father comforting his own son, "It's why you're here, Justin..."
"But—you don't know me. What—what could you possibly see in me that I'm worth to help? To save?"
"As I said, just from the looks of you, in your eyes, I see a man who wants to do good. And while I don't know...maybe never even know about you, I'll still help you...no matter what... The only one who doesn't think you're good is you yourself."
"And what if I am not good?"
Scott simply shrugs, "Then what are you gonna do...?"
Justin continues to stare intently at Scott, the despondent look in Justin's face still there.
"Are you gonna let yourself stay that way and accept it? Or are you going to get yourself up and prove yourself wrong? That despite—whatever you did was wrong—you're a good person by doing whatever to show that you are and do anything to make up for whatever wrongdoings you've made."
Justin takes a moment to ponder at the question. Scott doesn't know the full details of Justin's life, but he still somehow comes up with a way to teach him something. He isn't sure whether Scott will still say all these encouraging and caring words to Justin or not when he finds out. Well...maybe he doesn't exactly need to find out, Justin thought. Pushing the constant thoughts about himself, he ponders on what Scott had said to Justin.
Justin had fucked things up. Real badly. And it's the reason he's here right now. He always regretted his actions and former behavior prior to when he ran away. He hates himself for what had happened. And he feels that he deserves to suffer all alone with no one there to pull him out of the darkness. He feels that he doesn't deserve to be saved, to be helped. Especially by someone like Scott McCall.
But...
Justin also wants to be better. He wants to change. He wants to be a better person than he was before. He wants to show the world, who hates him, that he is good. That he isn't someone bad like Bryce. That Justin Foley is going to change for the better. He really wants to be good. Do whatever it takes to show that he's good. Even to give his life to prove himself.
Justin Foley would give his life to show the world he's good person and not just some fucked-up homeless junkie.
After giving himself a moment to ponder, he looks back up at Scott, his face soften and the despair in his eyes had been replaced with a more hopeful aura, mixing with his warm greenish blue eyes.
"Y-Y-Yeah..." his voice comes out croak. "I...I want to be better... I—I want to be good." Scott slowly grins, seeing Justin finally seeing the light in the dark now. "Then let me help you, Justin. Whatever happens, I'll be here to help. No matter how bad it is you're going through, I'll help you. Ok?" Justin couldn't get his voice out, still sobbing for a moment, so he nods his head in reply while barely speaking out, "Ok... Y-Yeah..."
He sniffs as Scott hugs Justin in his arms, who also hugs Scott back. After a moment, the two release each other, both feeling as though the hug felt like it lasted forever. Justin wipes the remaining tears in his eyes and cheeks, feeling his eyes puffy and red, while he regains back his composure. Scott unlocks the doors and exits the van, "Come. How bout we buy ourselves some snacks." Scott calls out to Justin, who follows him out before the two head inside of the store.
Justin and Scott split up to look for whatever snacks they can buy for themselves. Scott looks to find some soda and water, the water for Justin since he had cried so hard earlier, while Justin finds some chips for themselves as well as for Alec. When he goes to the counter, Justin sees a stack of postcards on the counter. While Justin waits for Scott, he begins to take interest of the postcards that are on display right now.
He sees that the postcards look beautiful and then he remembers something from his past. At one point, Justin and Jessica were hanging out together, both laying down together in her bed. She showed Justin pictures of her life before she moved into Evergreen, pictures of her herself, and her with her family and friends. Seeing Jessica's bright smile warms Justin, enjoying how Jessica's life looked so bright and vibrant, an opposite of his own life, dark and messed up. Then, she showed him a postcard from a friend of hers who she was close with back in her old town, who also moves out some time after Jessica moved out. She told how much she really appreciates the postcard sent by her close friend, with the postcard and message, telling her she'll always be in her friend's heart, no matter how far they are from each other, being more than enough to show how she misses Jessica and loves her. He can tell that they miss each other so much.
Justin wants to do the same, at least show that he still loves Jessica, no matter what.
Even if she hates him now. He doesn't care, he at least wants to show Jessica that he still loves her and still cares for her deeply. Even if she'd throw the postcard away, at least she'll know...
Know that Justin still loves her...
Still cares about her...
He regrets lying and keeping the truth from Jessica about that night in her party. He still does. And he'd do anything to undo it. But he can't. What has been done had already been done...
There's nothing he could do now but just...keep moving forward...
Justin goes to the counter and takes a look at which postcard would look beautiful for Jessica to see. He picks the postcard with the big word "OAKLAND" and ",California" underneath, the Oakland letters showing the notable and beauitful sceneries of Oakland. He finds it pretty simple while at the same time, beautiful. Something he'd want to send to Jessica, he doesn't really want or need something really over the top or glamorous for it to be beautiful, but instead something that looks simple, yet so beautiful to look at. Added, at least Jessica would know where Justin is now. That is if she ever cares anyway since she, again, hates him and wants him gone forever.
"What's that you got there?" Justin snaps around to see Scott approaching Justin already with the snacks and drinks he found. "Just, a postcard, it's all." Justin shrugs.
"You want to send a postcard?"
"Y-Yeah... I do."
"Who are you gonna send this too?"
Justin hesitates for a moment, but manages to shrug it off, rememebering that Scott knows already about it at least.
"My girlfriend..."
Scott nods at Justin as he gestures to him to give Scott the snacks for him to pay. He notices that Justin didn't hand him the postcard.
"Are you gonna give me the postcard?"
"Wait what?" Justin furrows.
"You can get the postcard too, Justin. It's what you want right?"
Well, he's not wrong... Justin sighs, "Alright." he hands the postcard to Scott and he pays the cashier for the snacks, drinks, and Justin's postcard. The snacks and drinks are placed in paperbags, while Scott gives Justin the postcard back as well as handing him a pen for Justin to write and later place postcard in the postbox just outside of the store.
"I'll go ahead to the van. Just go write whatever you wanna say in the postcard and drop it by the postbox, alright?"
"Yeah. Sure. You can go ahead. I'll follow." Scott goes out of the store while Justin begins to think of what he wants to say to Jessica. Something very meaningful. Something that Jessica would remember.
Eventually, Justin remembers Jessica had told him about the love story of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. He remembers he was thinking of carving Sid and Nancy on the tree after him and Jessica back at the wilderness park yesterday. For some reason, the story fascinated her. When they dressed up as Sid and Nancy for that Halloween contest in school, she had done it under the pretext that they would both look hot in leather. And she was right, they did no dount. But when he saw her excitedly talk about the costumes to Sheri, the way her face had lit up was adorable. Apparently, it meant more than just the leather costume. Jessica was fascinated by the storyline of passionate destructive love. She thought it was crazy and chaotic. Although to Justin, to be honest, he finds it pretty weird and maybe fucked up, but to Jessica, it was kind of romantic. Not the drugs, violence, nor death, but the love. So maybe that is something, despite all the shit, the love is there, it's beautiful. So that would mean something to her at least. If she was Nancy, and he was Sid, he was falsely accused of killing her, sounding familiar in the lines of how he left her to be raped and called out in the tapes. And now he was addicted to drugs (at least not really anymore) and she was… She was dead, her heart was at least. She was broken. And it was all his fault everything that happened to not just Jessica, but also Hannah, who killed herself because of him.
Fuck. Justin shuts his eyes. How he starts to feel that he and Jessica and Sid and Nancy ended up becoming similar with one another, the both of them having fucked up in the end. Eventually, Justin pushes away those negative thoughts in his head as he still needs to write at least a message to Jessica on the postcard. That moment when he and Jessica dressed up as Sid and Nancy was the most memorable and meaningful moment they have together at least. So he finally writes down the message that only Jessica would recognize at least.
"Nancy, I'll always love you. – Sid"
He sadly smiles down at the short, but meaningful message that Justin is about to send to Jessica. Even if she still hates him, Justin still loves Jessica. He still cares about her...
He writes down Jessica's full name and her house address that he still remembers in the back of his head. He gives the pen back at the counter and exits the store. Once he's outside, he sees the postbox just in front of him. He looks at it for a second and looks back down at the postcard. He look at it for one last time, seeing the beautiful Oakland postcard for a moment and then turning it around to see his message to Jessica. He smiles, albeit with a sad look, staring at it for the last time before he drops the postcard inside the postbox never for Justin to probably not be able to see it again, thinking that he wouldn't be surprised if Jessica sees it and decides to just throw it away or burn it.
At least she'll know...
Justin finally proceeds back to the van where Scott is patiently waiting inside. When he gets in the front seat and buckles his seatbelt, he takes a breath for moment, feeling himself less tensed than before. "Took you long enough." Scott comments on how Justin took quite long for him to do the postcard.
"Sorry. Just...trying to figure out a way to say—I love you...to her..."
"Yeah... I get you..." Scott gives him a comforting smile before he turns the engine on and begin to drive off.
Scott decided to drop by at the park along with Justin. Coincidentally, the same park where Justin ran to the other night during the full moon. In the least, Justin didn't care.
The two are sitting together on the bench, the afternoon sun still up, but already in transition into becoming a sunset. They're eating some of their snacks they bought from the convenience store they went earlier, watching peaceful scenery of the park in front of them, some people also walking by in the park, whether a family, a couple, a person jogging, a person walking a dog or, or someone walking alone.
Justin also manage to catch a glance of a mother and a little boy holding each others' hands, happy together. He smiles, although in melancholy as he wishes it's like this between him and his mom. If only she's better and not how she is right now today, being nothing but a junkie who keeps having a revolving door of shitty boyfriends and not too considerate enough for Justin, her own son.
He turns away from the mom and her son and looks around at the surrounding area of the park.
"Of all places, why here? At a park I mean?" Justin asks.
"Nothing. Just thought this'll be a peaceful and nice place to hang around here."
"I mean—we could just go to that wilderness park we went yesterday? Isn't it more peaceful and nice there?"
"Yeah, it is." Scott shrugs, confirming that the wilderness park they went earlier is more tranquil as there are less people. "But it's already beginning to get late. Can't really bring the van there, and then wilderness park is in the other way as wel. It'll be already nightfall by then, too dark."
"I mean—didn't we stay there till almost nightfall at least? And you mentioned we have some kind of werewolf super sight and we can see through the dark?"
Scott takes a moment to think about it and gives a short "Oh." as he realizes that Justin is right, maybe they could've just gone back there instead. "Actually, yeah. We could've."
Justin huffs at Scott, finding it funny how Scott realizes just now that they should've went there instead.
"But then again, I can't take the van there. And the park is still in the other way. Added, we gonna have to head back soon to least check on Alec."
Justin realizes that he forgot about Alec as he was so occupied with Scott for the whole day as well as having been worried of the issues he's dealing with until now.
"Right. Fuck, I didn't think that."
"It's fine, Justin. You were too occupied with a lot in your mind for the whole day. Really, give yourself some slack."
"I know." Justin huffs out, "Just...I hope Alec is ok. And we at least got some snacks for him."
"Yeah, we did. And no need to worry, Alec is ok at least."
"You sure about that, Scott?" Justin raises an eyebrow at Scott, thinking at Scott otherwise. "Alec seems—to feel unhappy till now..."
Scott frowns, noticing Justin's concern about him and his Beta who has been with him for years now, "Yeah... He is fine. He's still just...upset about last night..." Scott turns back at the peaceful park in from of him, staring at what looks to be a father and son having fun together in the clean grassy field.
"He still has to understand...that he can't just stay with me for the rest of his life..." he gives a sad sigh, thinking of how Alec's life had turned out.
"His life had been robbed when Monroe and her hunters came and killed his family and friends... He never deserved that..."
"Yeah... I know..." Justin looks at Scott with a sad, but understanding look, having already know of Alec's tragic past.
"He's supposed to grow up normally as a teenager, even though he's werewolf. Live his life properly like any other people. Grow up in high school, make friends, graduate, go to college, graduate from college, and then live however he likes in his life..."
"And then they had to ruin it..." Scott curls his hand into a fist, angry at how Monroe had gone too far. Monroe felt like the worst monster he had ever dealt with. Despite her traumatic experience with the Beast of Gevaudan when he went on another rampage in Beacon Hills, she became just as bad as Gerard. Probably even arguably worse than Gerard. She had senselessly killed innocents, supernatural or not, werewolf or human. She never cared about them. All she cared was eliminating every single supernatural beings in the entire world. All she sees of them are "monsters"
Ironically, Monroe had become what she had hated the most. And she was the biggest and worst monster of them all. No werewolf or whichever supernatural being will ever overtake her (other than Gerard).
Which is why as much as he wasn't fond of it, killing Monroe was the only way all of this bloodshed will end. And it did...
Killing her and Gerard (who was killed by Kate way long ago before Monroe escaped) was the only way for all of this bloodshed to end, and it was upsetting as he never liked the idea of killing as the easy way out. But Monroe had fallen too deep into the hole, redemption no longer possible at that point. There was nothing Scott could've done better...
"Even after them, it didn't help bring Alec's life back... That had been completely destroyed already when they went after him... I've been helping him at least get through with this, home schooling him, taking care of him, him taking a part-time as my assistant... Did the best I could to help him. Right now, as much as I appreciate Alec sticking with me by his side, I have to get Alec up there. Get him to live his life. He—can't really spend the rest of his life staying with me. I can't let him miss out everything life has left to offer to him."
"But...don't you love him? And if you let him go... Wouldn't you make yourself...an Omega?" Justin eyes at Scott worryingly.
"I see Alec had already talk to you about the werewolf's rank power level. Well...yeah, it would make me an Omega as well as him. But the both of us can handle on our own ourselves. Just, I don't want Alec to feel lost and not knowing what to do. Alec's—still depending on me. I don't mind, but should something happen to me or for whatever circumstance we get completely separated, Alec will be helpless and lost. I don't want to leave him that way. And yeah...I do love him..."
Scott turns to Justin, "Which is why I'm doing this now."
"Look, Scott. I'd be fine with you sticking with Alec instead of me. Right now, he seems to need you more than I do. I can handle myself."
"Justin, I know. But I can't just leave you alone, not when there's no one keeping a look out for you."
Justin frowns at Scott, "Why would I need someone to be look out for? It's not like something will happen when I'm by myself."
Scott raises an eyebrow, "You sure about that? When we were training, I noticed that you can be short-tempered, and especially back when we had to knock you out and chain you. Justin, if you end up coming across with someone who ends up pissing you off, your short-tempered anger will easily trigger your werewolf shift. We don't want any unwanted attention, worse anyone getting hurt or killed just cause something set you off."
Justin sighs in frustration, frustarted that it seems he's pretty much on a leash for the mean time, although at the same time, upset that Scott has a point about the risk of Justin going by himself without having learned to control his abilities and werewolf instincts. "For fuck's sake, being a werewolf really sucks ass." Justin huffs out frustratingly. "Yeah. Being a werewolf can really suck at times." Scott shrugs as he understands the frustration that Justin is going through.
"Which is, again, why you're gonna need help. If you learn to control abilties and instincts, you should be ok going out by yourself."
"How long would it take?"
"As long as it takes."
Likely meaning it can take time, which is what Justin isn't fond of right now.
"Does it really have to take long?"
"Not necessarily, but it won't be an easy road to go through."
Yeah, learning to control your abilities and instincts will definitely take a long while depending on how Justin will do in the coming days. For Justin, it'll feel like a hassle, a struggle he'll have to endure and go through for a long time. "Ever since you were turned, how were you able to get through all this? Keeping your abilities a secret, controlling your abilities and instincts, pretty much everything about being a werewolf?" Justin asks Scott, wanting to know how Scott's werewolf life was like as he seems to be able to handle himself well and be in where he is now.
"My life ever since I got turned was...like a roller coaster." said Scott, describing his werewolf life. "In the beginning, I actually tried to find a way to cure myself, turn back to a normal human. I really never wanted to be a werewolf."
"Was there ever a cure?"
"No. At first, I thought killing an Alpha werewolf would let me turn back into human." Scott sighs at remembering how it felt like a false hope when he thought killing Peter Hale will turn him back.
"But when I saw Derek kill the Alpha, it's not the case. In fact, when a Beta kills an Alpha, that Beta takes that Alpha's power. Hence, the Beta becomes an Alpha."
"It's pretty much usually a way for a Beta to turn into an Alpha. Kill the Alpha to take his power to become an Alpha yourself."
Justin eyes at Scott, a hint of dread in Justin's eyes. Wondering if Scott had also done the same just for Scott to become an Alpha, it sounded like life as a werewolf would be some kind of conquest or something.
"Is—is that how you yourself became an Alpha?" Justin has a slight trembling feeling in the tone of his voice.
"Actually—no." Scott turns to Justin with a smirk, which blows away the anxious feeling in Justin, but still frowning as he doesn't really understand how Scott did turn into an Alpha. "For me, let's just say—I'm a special case."
"A special case? What do you mean?"
"As I said, a Beta turns into an Alpha when he kills an Alpha to take the Alpha's power. Usually."
"But there's another case for a Beta to turn into an Alpha. It's a rare case."
"How?" Justin asks.
"It can usually happen every once in a while, around maybe a 100 years. A Beta, or even an Omega, can become an Alpha through strength of character or force of will alone. Those kinds of Alphas are True Alphas, supposedly you can say a True Alpha is the most powerful of all werewolves."
"And if you're wondering if there exists a True Alpha in this time..." Scott then gestures at himself, "You're looking at one right now."
Justin gapes at Scott in amazement. I am REALLY fucking lucky.
"Holy shit. That's—that's awesome."
"Yeah, I know. It is awesome looking back at it. Rising to become an Alpha through sheer force of will. If I were to be honest, though..."
Scott's face falls for a bit, a feeling of wonder of how he became a True Alpha, "I don't know why exactly of all werewolves, I'd end up becoming a True Alpha."
"You remember how you became a True Alpha?"
"I think so... It was when me and my friends were trying to save our parents from becoming human sacrifices. A Darach protected herself with a circle of Mountain Ash barrier. It was a life and death situation as friends and families are about to die."
"Not giving up, I decided to try going through the barrier. The barrier was too strong, I was struggling to get through it. But that time...I thought of my friends, my mom...my pack... I...really wanted to save them... And wish I could be strong enough, just strong enough to at least just get through this barrier so I can stop the Darach and save everyone. I even thought it's best to kill her, despite not being fond of killing people, if she doesn't stop the sacrifices..."
"And then—I felt this sudden surge of strength growing within me, like a sudden flow of power started to swim into my veins. And before I know it, I broke through the Mountain Ash barrier."
"Damn...again, that's really fucking awesome, dude."
"I mean. I was probably lucky I guess." Scott laughs at himself, feeling flattered of himself as how of all people, he becomes one of the line of True Alpha werewolves. "If you ask me, I'm pretty sure there exist other people like me who cares deeply for the safety of his loved ones and making sure no one gets hurt. And I'm honestly a pacifist. If you ask me, the circumstance of becoming a True Alpha sounds like a plot device out of a story in movies, shows, comics, games, and books. Hell, I might as well be some kind of Gary Stu or something."
Scott's laughs more at the feeling of ridiculousness of himself, which ends up becoming so contagious that Justin ends up laughing with him. And there it is, Justin laughing with Scott, something Scott had wanted to see, to hear, as it lightens up the already bright vibe around them. Moments like this is why he wants Justin to be more open, show him that it's ok. That there's nothing he could really do to upset him.
"What do you mean by Gary Stu?" Justin continues to laugh, hardly being able to breath.
"You'll understand." Scott and Justin finally settles down and let themselves properly breath. "But yeah..."
"You know so far, it sounds like you're werewolf life is pretty cool."
"I guess, yeah. But I wouldn't really say that it's a 100% cool though..." Scott's face fell again, hearing how Justin's thinking of his life. "Even though things turned out ok for me, not everything turned out really well. Even after becoming a True Alpha."
"Hey." Justin frowns at Scott. "Don't sell yourself short. You still manage to get through this, right?" this catches Scott off-guard, hearing Justin say that to him. "Yeah... I did..." Scott slowly grins at Justin, "And so will you, Justin. Life as a werewolf is full of ups and downs and turns, but you'll get through this. And maybe, you'll enjoy it."
"You think so?" Justin looks at Scott with hopeful eyes. "I think we've already went through this a while ago." Scott chuckles lightheartedly, as this conversation is kinda a repeat from earlier today. "I don't think so." Scott pats Justin on the shoulder, the pat feeling as though Scott is being a father or a brother to Justin. "I know so." he flashes a smile at Justin, who smiles back at Scott in response, feeling more comforted now by Scott.
"You'll—you'll really help me, dude?"
"All the way, man."
Justin and Scott had spent a couple of hours chatting together about some random topics like sports. With Justin learning more about lacrosse as Liberty High never really had or at least mention about lacrosse while Scott reminiscing how he had always been interested in doing basketball back in Beacon Hills High.
After the sun sets and night begins to fall, Scott and Justin arrive back to the motel with the snacks they saved for Alec as well as some fast food take out they bought along the way back for dinner.
"Hey, Alec." Scott opens the motel door with their take out dinner in his hand to see Alec looking up from the laptop. Obvious that Alec was in a middle of searching for colleges to apply.
"Hey." Alec looks back at the laptop, his tone didn't sound happy nor upset, void of emotion.
"How are you doing? You found anything yet on which college your planning to apply?" Scott gives a small and caring smile at Alec, wanting to make sure Alec is feeling alright.
"Meh. Still looking. It's all." Alec blatantly shrugs, still just scrolling the list of colleges he's been staring at for God knows how long, still not looking at either Scott or Justin. "Ok." Scott's face fell a bit, sensing Alec's apathetic aura. "Look, Alec, if you need any help, you can always ask me, ok?" Alec apathetically glances at Scott for a moment and looks back at the laptop. "Yeah. Sure." the tone of his voice didn't sound so keen of Scott's offer to help, which upsets Scott more. Despite that, Scott decides not to say anything more and sets the dinner on the small table.
"We got for you some snacks, Alec." Justin offers the snacks to Alec. "We thought you'd want some too when we passed by the store." Alec glances at Justin holding out the bag to him for a moment before he gives Justin a small smile and takes the bag of snacks from Justin. "Thanks." Alec tells Justin thanks and appreciates the consideration. "Sure thing, dude." Justin feels at ease seeing Alec appreciate the snacks they bought for him.
The least Justin can do to show he cares for Alec and doesn't want any trouble.
"Hey guys! Save the snacks for later. Dinner first." Scott calls Justin and Alec to the table as it's already time for dinner.
The two join Scott on the table and the three begin to eat dinner together. Alec seems alright right now. Although he slightly sounds apathetic, Alec does manage to ask how the day went for Justin and Scott. They chat together of how Justin and Scott were doing at work and the free time they had together. "That's nice." said Alec, his voice still void of emotions. But the dinner is going smooth at least. Better than last night's.
As every second ticks by in the dinner, Justin starts to feel more comfortable, chill. As if he's welcome in the group. As if he is feeling right at home.
Home...
Justin starts thinking of how in these past four days, he has been having a good time with Scott and Alec. His interactions with them were pretty nice so far. And they were being kind and considerate of Justin, especially Scott. After getting to know Scott, Justin really starts to feel grateful the guy had the heart to save, help, and take care of him despite Scott barely knowing him since they met. And thinking about the time they spent together and then and now, could this be what it feels to be right at home?
Of course, he thought it's something he felt whenever he stayed at Bryce's home. But the boss usually expects something in return. This isn't the case with Scott. He doesn't expect anything in return, only wanting to help him and just doesn't want any trouble.
Fuck, how did I ever do to deserve being here...? Justin contemplates of how Scott and Alec have been very kind-hearted with Justin, a lot moreso with Scott since Alec seems pre-occupied with his own thing. From that thought, he begins to ponder if it's finally ok to talk about himself with Scott and Alec. Sure, he and Scott did talk about sports, but he feels that it's unfair that Scott opened himself up to Justin and yet Justin doesn't do the same with Scott. Although, Scott doesn't seem to mind.
Hell, Scott seems to easily believe and trust people. He's pretty much like an angel from heaven, seeing the way little kids smile and feel warm from Scott. While it's something to really appreciate and see the good in people, it can also be something to take advantage of. So in a way, Scott may end up being a dumbass before he knows it as it's not the case for everyone.
He'd be a dumbass for saving not just some homeless junkie, but a junkie named Justin Foley who fucked everything up starting with the picture he took of Hannah. Scott and Alec doesn't know Justin, so it'll only be a matter of time until they find out who Justin Foley truly is.
There's a reason why Justin doesn't want to be close with them. The fear of judgement, rejection, anger, and hatred when they find out about Justin would be weaker if they aren't so close with Justin. He couldn't face it, not again. He had dealt that from the people who were in the tapes as well, though not to the extent it upsets Justin before, but now he realizes how much everyone weren't happy of Justin for what he'd done and his behavior since the time he wasn't able to stop Bryce from spreading Hannah's picture.
Justin really hates himself now because of that, what he had done to Hannah, and Jessica. In fact, there's Jessica, the girl who he thought that they'll be together forever. She hates him now. She despises him now. For letting Bryce rape her and not doing anything to stop it. And worse, covering it up by lying to her all those days since the party. She felt backstabbed, betrayed. Just like Hannah...
He really never changed when he met Jessica...
And people don't really change.
Yeah...
Hannah was right about Justin. He never really changed. He never, at least, learned after Hannah. In the end, he still let Bryce hurt someone who he could've stayed together and he lost her. And now, his actions and asshole behavior since Hannah's picture spread by Bryce will forever leave Justin in complete regret, a burden he'll carry until the day he dies.
Now, he's about to do the same with Scott and Alec. He isn't sure if he even wants them to know everything about himself. Know the fuck ups he has done before he's in the streets. Difference is, he's not really covering up anyone. At least it's what Justin thinks. In the least, he would be covering up himself. It's not like he's covering up a rape. So it seems ok...
They don't have to know everything about me. Wouldn't really be a problem. Right? Justin thinks to himself. He can open up with Scott and Alec. Just maybe not too far. It wouldn't hurt. It's not like what happened with Hannah and Jessica. Might as well, just leave out them out as some kind of secret for Justin. So far, they don't know Justin is involve in Hannah's suicide. For now at least. He could still open up with them about everything, but that same fear he had when dealing with since Hannah's suicide, the tapes, and Jessica still holds a grip on Justin.
Eventually, Justin decides to take his time. He'll still do anything to be a much better person than he was before. He wants to be better. Maybe start off with a clean slate, maybe forget everything of his old life back in Evergreen. That's something... Justin thinks to himself and slowly grins back up at Scott and Alec, who are still conversing together about whatever they were talking about that Justin wasn't able to completely pay attention as he had zoned out in his thoughts.
Fuck it. Justin decides to brush away the worries of his past. After all, they don't really have to know. But he'll do whatever it takes to be a better person.
While also learning how to live his life as a werewolf.
That, his time with Scott and Alec, and his part time job in the vet, seem like good enough distractions from the past still haunting him. Although he can still feel his habitual instinct of needing a hit whenever he feels shit, but he wouldn't have to use much, which is what Justin thought to himself. He wouldn't, right? Well, Justin isn't a 100% sure of himself, but he'll make sure not to go for it.
The trio finish their dinner and with the night still not late, the three decide to hang together and watch whatever movie is playing on TV while they eat their snacks. Apparently, it's a Star Wars movie that has just started, which is Episode IV: A New Hope (which is the original Star Wars). Scott mentions to Justin and Alec about how Stiles is still obsessively making him watch all Star Wars, specifically starting with the original trilogy. Scott realizes that he's finally watching a Star Wars film that Stiles has been trying to make him watch for a long time.
Justin vibes with Scott as he similarily remembers that he's not watched a Star Wars film before. Although, he does feel interested of watching as he's been hearing talks about Star Wars, noticing that it's not something only nerds would know, nerds would just know a lot more than them at least. Justin starts to wonder if Clay Jensen would know about Star Wars.
Hell, of course he would know. He's a nerd. Justin eventually frowns at himself as he realizes this. Why the fuck am I randomly thinking about Clay? Clay fucking Jensen? Justin still feels hostile about Clay, although not as bad as before when the tapes happened, but still doesn't like Clay.
Whatever. Fuck him. Not gonna think about any of this shit. Justin shakes himself off from his memories of his old life in Evergreen. He's just gonna forget about them and start off with a clean slate.
He focuses back on the film and the three continue to watch. As the film progresses, Scott occasionally asks Alec what is happening, who tries his best to answer as while he has seen the films, he isn't completely knowledgable about the Star Wars universe. Justin also occasionally does the same. Alec sighs as he realizes that he's basically jugging two people who have not seen Star Wars.
His own Alpha and his new park member.
If only Stiles were here. Alec wishes Stiles is here to deal with both Scott and Justin. But, of course, he's all the way across the country right now and is definitely asleep right now considering the time. So might as as well endure the burden of having to deal with two clueless viewers of Star Wars.
After they finished watching the two hour film, Scott and Justin enjoyed the film in the least and they look forward to watch the next film next time. All three of them wash up and get themselves ready to hit the hay.
As Justin jumps in his bed and get himself ready to sleep he glances at Alec, already about to sleep on the floor and says a gentle "good night" to Alec. Alec returns the same exchange with a small smile before he turns away from facing Justin and goes to sleep. Justin turns to Scott, already about to hit the hay in his bed. When Scott looks up at Justin as he lies down, they stare for a moment and smile at each other. "Hey—uh. Just want to let you know. Thank you...Scott..." Justin tells his gratitiude and gratefulness to Scott for everything so far in the past four days. "Anytime, Justin. Doing my best to help you. We're gonna get through this." Scott places the blanket over him as Justin does the same before Scott switches the lights off.
"Since tomorrow I got nothing else going tomorrow, letting you know we'll head over to the wilderness park to continue your training."
"Oh. Alright, yeah. Gonna have to continue, right?"
"Absolutely. Yeah. The earlier the better so you'll be able to learn in just a couple of days or weeks."
"True." Justin yawns as he prepares himself to go hit the hay.
"Good night, Justin."
"Good night, Scott."
With these past months in the streets and these four days with Scott and Alec, Justin is really grateful to be a part of the McCall pack. And while he won't completely open up about everything of his life, he'll do whatever it takes to be a whole lot better person than before. Added, he likes being with them now. At least for now. The pack's been welcoming so far.
Gonna have to make sure he doesn't take all of this for granted.
Don't fuck this up. Justin thinks to himself before he welcomes the slumber in himself and his eyes go dark and they sleep for the next day.
Which for the first time in forever, Justin found something to look forward to in the future.
There will be a 1 month time jump for the next chapter.
Also, the "very calm (but melancholic) music" that was playing earlier was Justin's theme by Eskmo in 13 Reasons Why
Reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated!