STORY/ SCENARIO: A man down on his luck seeks solace in the musical talents of his good friend, Joseph.

VARIATIONS: The final three bars of each verse (well/ Play that old sweet melody!) have been substantially changed to provide a proper ending. I will not describe these changes in detail, except to say that I envisage this song having a Broadway-style accompaniment with a big crescendo towards the end. Also, both verses are extended by 1 bar - i.e. from 16 to 17 - in length.

Joseph, all worldly thoughts dismay me -
Play me your clarinet!
Screw in a reed,
'Cause for one evening I need
All my misfortune to forget!
Some men take pleasure in an oboe -
No, Joe, that isn't me!
Send from the bell*
The tune I love so well:
Play that old sweet melody!

Scales and arpeggios so dreamy
Free me from worry's chains.
One little sigh,
And all my vanities die:
Only unfettered joy remains!
Your music makes me feel so splendid:
When did it fail to yet?
Pucker up, Joe -
Big breath, and off you go!
Play oh play,
Blow oh blow your clarinet!

*The end part of a clarinet is called the bell (cue sniggers).