A/N This was supposed to be a one shot and like a lot of my writing it got a little out of control and is now in three parts. I'll post part two next Monday and hopefully finish part three by the end of this week. M rating is for the last chapter.
He looked down at the pads of his fingertips, rubbing them together he noted he felt nothing, they were numb. That's about when he realized he couldn't feel his teeth either. Well, do you ever really feel your teeth? He clicked them in his mouth half listening to the story being relayed to him. It felt strange, yep, they were numb too. He looked up at Toph, over to Sokka, and back to Toph. Everything blurred with the motion of his head and reformed a second after he stopped, it made his vision feel like it was on a delay. Looking at the bottles of blue and green glass littering the space between the three, he could confirm that he was drunk.
Well maybe not that drunk, he could walk a straight line, bend, maybe even spar with Sokka a bit if kept to the basics, after all, that was just muscle memory but forget keeping up with Toph or steering an airship. In his current condition, both would be hazardous to his health and others. Thank Agni for the upcoming holiday, council meetings had been adjourned for the next three weeks. He already knew he would be in no condition to listen to wealthy nobles whine come morning.
Not trusting the numbness that had crept into his hands he gripped a blue bottle a little tighter than necessary. It was unnaturally cold and held what had become one of his favorite imbibements of the night, ice wine. Maybe because he had gotten tired of the heat of fire whiskey, maybe because he hoped it would cool whatever had been wrong with him all these months, had it really been almost two years?
He observed Toph looking on as Sokka animatedly telling them a story, Zuko was listening but not really hearing what he said. They all had changed so much in the five almost six years since the war ended. Toph now 17 had only grown to chest height on him, her curves were just starting to fill out and he would be the first to admit, his friend was growing into a lovely young woman. He just knew that if he valued his life, he was to never utter that out loud. Both he and Sokka had grown as they had entered their twenties, their features had become sharper and their shoulders broader - the water tribesman a bit more than him. They had gotten taller but Aang had surprised them reaching over six feet by his 16th birthday, dwarfing his water tribe girlfriend and soon-to-be fiancé. His chest twinged at the thought. He should be happy for his friends, he was happy, the last time the Avatar was here Zuko had helped him find an oval citrine gemstone the color of the sunset. Aang had already found a vibrant yellow velvet for the necklace and wanted a stone to match. He had voiced his concern that maybe it would better for the airbender to stick closer to the preferred blues of the water tribes but Aang was insistent that 'she would love it'. Who was he to refute Aang's claim? They had been together since the end of the war and he saw Katara once every few months if he was lucky
Zuko's musings left him unaware of the sudden silence that had fallen over the room.
Sokka looked at Zuko expectantly, his unanswered question hung in the air like a boomerang that refused to return, it was met only with distracted quiet. Fed up with not being listened to, he looked in Toph's direction, raised a devilish brow, and changed tactics. After all the water-tribesman had a bet to settle.
"So Suki told me Mai and Ty Lee were doing very well, she found them diligently practicing -" his dramatic pause would have made the Ember Island Players proud, he cruelly waited for the drunk fire bender to take another icy sip before dropping the proverbial hammer, "-mouth to mouth in Ty Lee's bed."
Zuko choked and sputtered, spewing ice wine on the floor of his lounge before coughing violently. Toph hopped up with lightning speed and hit his back with a bruising force he was sure to feel in the morning.
"What?!" he rasped.
"She."
THUMP
"Found."
THUMP
"What?"
THUMP
"TOPH ENOUGH!" he roared.
The equally drunk earthbender complied but not before she gave the back of Zuko's head a light but affectionate smack.
"Fine Sparky, I'll just leave you to choke to death next time." Toph rolled her milky eyes before returning to her large overstuffed armchair.
"Suki found Mai and Ty Lee doing the horizontal tango." Sokka explained, he looked closely at the Fire Lord while making crude hand gestures, searching for some unknown answer.
Zuko flailed for a second trying to feign surprise but ultimately failed, Sokka's eyes went wide when Zuko's expression fell flat. Toph on the other hand wore a blazing smile of triumph.
"Pay up Snoozles, I told you he knew."
"What in La is going on?" Sokka fished five gold pieces from a pocket and tossed them toward Toph.
The coins hovered unnaturally glinting in the warm lantern light before changing direction midair and zipping into the grinning metal benders hands.
"So Sparky, wanna tell us what's going on?" Toph asked pocketing the coins in her green robes.
"Other than you two, who else knows?" Zuko asked quietly.
"Me, Suki, Toph, maybe Katara or Aang." Sokka counted off "They were at Kyoshi island at different times before us but I don't know if Suki mentioned it to them."
"No one can know, at least not yet." worry mixed with anger colored Zuko's words.
"Care to clue us in? As far as anyone else knows, you and Mai are still together. If you're not, why the hush-hush?" Toph asked.
"Because we needed time, Mai and I haven't been together in over a year."
"Why?" Sokka was confused, he thought his broody friend had found his match with the forever unfazed Mai.
Zuko drained the remainder of the ice wine and dragged his palm down his face before looking down at the red-carpeted floor, "Because Mai and I haven't been together in two years."
An awkward silence hung itself in the room before Sokka spoke, "That's rough buddy." he opened another bottle of Flying Boar shandy courtesy of the Beifong family and passed it to Zuko.
When trade between the nations had resumed the Beifong's found a new business opportunity in the citron hops supplied by the growing Air Nation and as it turned out tea wasn't the only thing the Dragon of the West was good at brewing.
After her bet with Sokka was established, she brought several pallets of the new stuff with her to the Fire Nation, for market testing purposes. Apparently, Sokka had the same reasoning since he showed up with an equal amount of Southern Water Tribe ice wine. Libations do make for loose lips and they needed all the help they could get with Mr. tall, dark and broody.
"I knew Mai was frigid but I didn't think it was that bad. Then again, maybe it's because you've got the wrong parts? " Sokka wondered jokingly.
"It's not Mai's fault. It's mine and it's got nothing to do with parts." Zuko protested.
Sokka put two calloused fingers to Zuko's jugular, "You sure you have a pulse in there?"
"Quit it Sokka." Zuko shoved the soon-to-be chieftain away.
Toph who had been experimenting with Iroh's honey Darjeeling and fire whiskey felt enough from Zuko to step in.
"Sokka knock it off for a second, this is actually serious."
Sokka knowing Toph never used his actual name shut his mouth.
Toph turned a concerned look on Zuko, "Sparky, what happened? Whatever it is, it's making you feel like shit. Did you cheat on Mai?"
"No, I would never." Zuko said annoyed, "But I did hurt her."
"Why does getting answers from you always feel worse than pulling porcupine seal spines out of my butt? Something is going on and you're going to need help but we can't do that if we've got nothing to work with. Why do you think we're here?" Sokka grumbled.
"Right, you cared so much you placed a bet on it." Zuko fumed.
Toph hit Zuko in the arm.
"Ow, Toph what in Agni is with the abuse tonight?"
"Snoozles is right, we're here because we care. If we were able to find out that you and Mai are no longer together, who knows who else found out." Toph crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, "You can't hide anything from me Sparky, your pulse and that fluctuating pyrexia you've got going on rats you out every time."
"Fluctuating pyro-wha-? You learned that gibberish from Katara, didn't you? I knew both of you spending an endless night together was a bad idea." Sokka accused, Toph shrugged and gave him an impish smile.
"How does my temperature give me away?" Zuko, suddenly interested, gave her a curious look.
Toph took her time sipping her spiked tea before explaining.
"I picked up on it about two years ago. I thought your temperature only shot up when you were mad."
Zuko stared at the half-empty green bottle in his hands silently wishing that's how it worked.
"Turns out your temperature changes quite a bit, depending on what you're feeling. Angry or frustrated, it goes up even when you're pretending to be calm for the council but when you're sad or upset like when you're thinking of your family or like right now it drops."
Zuko went from curious to bewildered, he had gotten used to Toph knowing what he was feeling, even took comfort in it when he wasn't sure how to express himself but even then, it was a little off-putting how much she was able to discern about him.
Sokka who was sitting with his elbows on his knees and a green bottle suspended in his hands cautiously inquired, "C-can you do that with me?"
"No, but something similar happens with Sugar Queen. It's how I knew she and Twinkletoes weren't doing so hot."
"What do you mean?", Zuko questioned, he knew he was an asshole for hoping but if there was a chance …
"Nuh-uh-uh." Sokka's protective big brother instinct kicked in, "No more getting off track, you stalled enough, tell us what's going on. We can't help you if we don't have answers."
Zuko sighed, he grabbed one of Toph's teacups, poured himself three fingers of fire whiskey, and took a long draw. Once the burn in his belly subsided he looked up at his expectant guests and began.
"I think it started after I took that lighting from Azula, that's my best guess. I was busy with taking over as Fire Lord, ending the war, the Harmony Restoration Movement-"
"We know, we were there." Sokka interjected, Zuko fixed him with a look and kept going.
"Mai and I didn't exactly get much time during all of that and then she was with that Kei-Lo asshole so wasn't until about two years ago when we finally got back together that we picked up on it." Zuko explained.
"Picked up on what?" Toph prodded.
"Obviously when Mai and I got back together, we uh, got intimate," Zuko continued uncomfortably, "and I accidentally burned her."
"She broke up with you because you're a weirdo in the bedroom?" Toph asked confused.
"No." embarrassment stained Zuko's cheeks red.
"Then what?" she a raised brow.
"Every time Mai and I tried to be together, it was like I lost control of a part of my bending, I'd get so hot she couldn't touch me."
"Well, that gives a whole new meaning to Sifu Hotman." Sokka quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood. He realized his failure when Toph pinned him with an off-center glare that scared him a little.
"It was bad. Thank Agni Katara was here for trade meetings. Mai told her it was an accident in the kitchens."
"I remember that. I thought it was weird because I was pretty sure Princess No-Face would never be caught dead in the kitchens " Toph said with air quotes.
"Well Katara never made a mention of it and I doubt she would ever suspect something like that would be your doing." Sokka offered, "Did you ever talk to her or Aang about it?"
"I didn't give him the full details but, I brought it up with him the last time he was here. He used the same spirit bending he used on my father.", Zuko shook his head, "He couldn't find anything wrong. He did make some weird suggestion about banana and onion juice. Not only was it was disgusting, it didn't work." he scrunched his face in disgust.
Toph stifled a snicker, "What about Katara?"
"I- I haven't spoken to her about it." Zuko admitted.
"Well she'll be here in a few days, you can ask her then." Sokka said nonchalantly.
"She's what?!" Zuko panicked, he hadn't seen Katara in over a year and this was the first he had heard of the waterbender's visit.
Sokka absentmindedly poured himself some fire whiskey, "Oh yea, I was supposed to tell you when we got here."
"Sokka, you've been here for two whole weeks." an irritated Zuko glared at his friend, "Nothing is ready, I'll need to tell the staff to prepare a room and make sure everything is in order."
"C'mon, it's just my sister, it's not like you need to do anything special."
"Doesn't mean he doesn't want to." Toph said cheekily.
Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, she really needed to get out of his head.
"What do you mean you want to? That's my sister!" Sokka exclaimed.
"Oh Snoozles, you know Sparky here has always had a soft spot for her. He did save her life and all."
"And she saved his, they're even, that's it. " Sokka retorted crossing his arms like a petulant child.
"Relax, Zuko's admiration of Sweetness is purely professional. Right, Sparky?"
Crap, Zuko's old feelings for Katara had resurfaced during his self-imposed celibacy, but it's not like anything would come of it anyway. A fantasy here and a fantasy there didn't hurt anyone, besides it was just lust, right? That's what he kept telling himself but guilt still ate at the pit of his stomach.
When Zuko took too long to answer, Sokka fixed him with a look of brotherly hostility, "Well?"
Lying it would be.
"Yes, it's a professional admiration." Zuko fibbed.
The fact that Toph now owed Iroh one gold piece would have normally annoyed her but if she might finally see two of her favorite people find some happiness -especially after the dark winter she had spent with Katara- she could be delighted to lose. While she would have been content to hide a knowing smile in her cup there was still more of this story to figure out.
"So what happened after Sugar Queen fixed Ms. No Face?"
Zuko cringed at Toph's nickname for Mai.
"We did try a few more times with no success, so we decided that it would be best to end things. I couldn't be a good partner to her and she shouldn't have to stay in a relationship where her needs aren't met."
"Are you sure that was a we decision because that sounds like a lone honorable Zuko decision." Sokka pointed out.
"It was my idea and Mai eventually came around." Zuko pretending to be very interested in his drink continued, "After Ty Lee came for an extended visit."
Sokka snorted and did his best to contain the laugh threatening to break free from his chest.
"So why not go public with the separation?" Toph asked finishing her whiskey tea prompting Sokka to wordlessly pass her another bottle of ice wine.
"A few reasons, first, if I can't be with someone, I can't produce an heir. The New Ozai Society will use it as evidence of my not being fit to be Fire Lord and push to usurp me once again. Uncle lost his right as crown-prince under the same reasoning. Second, Mai's father was a higher up in the New Ozai Society -"
"Wait, your ex-girlfriend's father tried to help Ozai seize the throne from you?" At this rate, the constant look of surprise was going to be permanently etched on Sokka's face.
"Yes." Zuko grumbled at yet another interruption, "Ukano has been removed from play but Mai and her family are still under scrutiny from both sides. An unexplained break in our relationship could put her under undue suspicion."
Zuko sighed, he was somewhat ashamed of what he had to tell them next.
"Keeping things quiet also protects Mai's relationship with Ty Lee. The Fire Nation is accepting of many kinds of relationship arrangements and is not as conservative as say the Northern Water Tribe in their views of sex and gender, but then my father needed more soldiers than the Fire Nation could produce, so he slandered 'unnatural' arrangements. He claimed they were a weakness in Fire Nation culture that needed to be purified." Zuko wore an expression of shame, "He did a lot of damage in five years."
"So they weren't safe here." Toph stated somewhat sadly.
"Things have gotten better but the society is pushing Ozai's ideas. There are those who took comfort in the war and reject the fragile peace we've managed to establish; these harmful ideas, they appeal to them. It gives them an 'enemy' to work against. There have been one or two reports of violence but that is still too many." Zuko said firmly.
"Trust me, they are much safer on Kyoshi Island." Sokka stated, "Do you know who Rangi was?"
"Rangi was the daughter of Hei-Ran a formidable but dishonored assassin. Rangi served as protector and fire bending teacher to Avatar Kyoshi." Zuko recited from his studies.
"Rangi was much more than that, she was Avatar Kyoshi's girlfriend." Toph stated.
Zuko wanted to be surprised at the new information but he had gotten used to the near-constant discovery of erased and doctored Fire Nation history. He had to dedicate a whole committee of historians and fire sages to fixing it.
"Turns out the Kyoshi warriors have had a long line of sapphic women. It's common among the ranks of the Dai Li as well." Toph elucidated.
Zuko leaned back into the comfort of his armchair, knowing Mai and Ty Lee were safe - even if they were found out - gave him a sense of relief. He hadn't known how to ask Suki to look after them without blowing their cover. Now his only issue was figuring out what was wrong with him and fast.
"So Sparky, we've got Mai handled, what about you?"
"Toph, you really need to get out of my head." Zuko joked and gave the earth bender a small smile.
They had grown closer in the last four years and she had become somewhat of a slightly more sane little sister to him. When he heard that Toph had taken an interest in someone, he interrogated Aang for every last detail that he had on Satoru and would have very nearly conducted an investigation on the man if Iroh had not stepped in. His investment in her well-being was well earned early on. When he first took the mantle of Fire Lord, Toph had helped him whittle down the council to what it was now and weed out staff that did not have his best interests. She had given him an ease of mind that he wasn't sure he could ever pay her back.
"Let Katara take a look at you when she gets here." Sokka directed fiddling with a bottle cap, "If she can't find anything then we'll have to figure something else out."
"She already healed me, what more can she really do?"
"It might not be that simple." Toph said.
"She's right, I spent a lot of time with the healers of the Northern Water Tribe last year. Healing is a much more complicated task than you might think and your wound back then was worse than terrible it was nearly fatal." Sokka told him solemnly.
"Every single day from the time of the Agni Kai right up until the night before your coronation Sugar Queen had to work herself to the point of exhaustion in order for you to get up on that plaza and even then you weren't fully healed." Toph reminded him.
Zuko grimaced at the memory, the days between Ozai's defeat and his coronation were tumultuous and uncertain. They weren't sure who could be trusted and who would have taken advantage of his injured state. Katara understood the peril of the situation, even with Yami and Shin-don nearby, she refused to leave his side. She remained vigilant to her self-imposed post even after the rest of the gaang arrived to relieve her.
Each evening she would bar the doors to his room and freeze the lock sealing them in for the night. Then she would work on healing his wound until her nose bled and she passed out. Each night Katara's skin would grow more pale against the crimson of his bed and the chill of exhaustion would sink deeper into her bones. Holding her hand he curled protectively around her in some feeble attempt to warm her while they slept. It was all he could do to help her get what little rest she could before she stood guard over him once again. He honestly had never felt so helpless than he had in those handful of days.
"She looked like she was about keel over right in the middle of your coronation." Sokka recalled, he turned to look at the firebender, "Katara knows much more than she did five years ago Zuko, let her take a look at you when she gets here."
He gave an irritated nod in acquiescence. There was no fighting it, Zuko was already outnumbered and even if he said no, once they told Katara, she would hunt him down herself and then he really would be at the waterbender's mercy.
Not that, that would be a bad thing.
He shook the thought from his head before continuing to work on his fire whiskey and attempt to pay attention as the conversation moved on.
The three friends continued to drink and catch up while venting, reminiscing, giving advisement and perspective on the varied challenges they each faced. Calling it quits well after midnight they stumbled off to bed. The trio made it to Sokka's room first where Zuko and Toph could have sworn he started snoring before he even hit the bed. Zuko made a mental note to have plenty of water and ginger-willow bark tea sent to their rooms in the morning.
"You don't have to escort me to my room, I can get there myself." Toph huffed.
"I know you can but escorting you is the proper thing to do, especially at this time of night. I would do the same for Suki or Katara"
The earthbender looked less than convinced but took Zuko's arm anyway.
As they made their way Toph's curiosity got the better of her, "Sparky, you're the Fire Lord so why do you let us pick on you the way we do?"
The Fire Lord in question stopped and looked at her pondering for a minute, he sighed, "Humility I guess. Part of my father's downfall was a corruption of power. You, Sokka, Katara, Suki, and Aang keep me grounded, you remind me to be human."
Toph processed his answer for a few seconds, "I like that idea much better than your half-cracked plan where Aang has to kill you." she deadpanned before continuing down the hall.
Zuko smirked, "I do too."
"I'm glad that we've made you happy." she told him.
"Which one is giving me away? Pulse or temperature?"
"Little of column a, little of column b."
"You're getting too good at this." he teased.
"You love it."
"Yea, I kinda do." Zuko admitted once they reached her room.
Toph let go of Zuko's arm to open her door and step inside.
"I know what would get them to shoot up." she teased.
"What?" Zuko asked cautiously.
Toph gave the mischievous smile that was quickly becoming her token expression "The fact that a waterbender - like the one you're expecting in a few days - should be able to touch you no matter how hot you get." she explained wiggling her eyebrows.
Zuko's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Toph almost died laughing when she felt his gobsmacked reaction. Sputtering out her goodnight she quickly closed the door on the
sound of her maniacal laughter, leaving the stunned Fire Lord to find his way back to his chambers. He pinched the bridge of his nose and spent a few seconds outside of Toph's door composing himself before making his way to his own.
Zuko closed the door to his chambers and leaned against it with his eyes closed. Definitely a mistake. He immediately felt like he was back on the gently rocking deck of his warship, the alcohol in his system was messing with his equilibrium. Maybe he had too much?
Opening his eyes thankfully caused the swaying sensation to cease. He turned to a small cherry wood desk tucked into the corner of his sitting room and quickly penned a note with directions for his staff. They asked that they not wake him for anything other than urgent matters and to prepare copious amounts willow bark and ginger tea for himself and his two guests. They were going to need it come morning.
He left the note conspicuously on a low table at the center of his sitting room and made his way to his bedroom. Zuko removed his crown and carefully placed it in a velvet-lined, wood box kept near his bed. Reaching up he unwound a braid of hair tipped with a blue bead, allowing the trapped locks of his top knot to tumble down his back.
The expansive bed called to him, it was tempting to shrug off his tunic and boots and simply pass out but the smell of whiskey, wine, and ale clung to him like a second skin. Staring longingly at his bed he had to silently convince himself that future Zuko would be greatly appreciative of a shower and trudged his way past the walk-through wardrobe and into his private bath to begin filling the tub.
Zuko's quarters were less of a bedroom and more of a suite. The front entrance opened to a sizeable sitting room capable of seating ten people comfortably. Another door at the back of the sitting-room opened to his sleeping chambers, a woven partition set just inside the door blocked his actual bedroom from being viewed by anyone in the sitting room. A large window and balcony that gave a view of the whole caldera graced the eastern wall of his bedroom. The room itself housed a massive carved canopy bed at the northern wall with an overstuffed ottoman at the foot, a desk, and a large bureau sat opposite the bed on the southern wall. On the western wall was a pair of sliding doors that opened to a large wardrobe room and doubled as a passage to the even larger bathroom.
Zuko opened a spigot to fill a large gold-veined calacatta marble tub. The round tub that could easily fit the fire lord and half a dozen others was sunk into the center of the room. The western wall of the bathroom had two large windows that overlooked the pond in the royal family's garden.
While waiting he went to the double vanity to clean the taste of ale and fire whiskey from his mouth. Finished he untied the gold sash from around his waist, shrugged off his robes, and walked over to the half-full tub. He placed a hand in the water to warm it before pushing down his trousers and stepping in. Sinking into the tub he had to fight off the drowsiness that came with the water's warm embrace which was only compounded by the copious amounts of alcohol they had indulged in.
Zuko plucked his braid from the water and studied the blue bead at its end. Carved from dyed narwhal whalebone it had developed a smooth shine from being handled over the course of years. He had no reason to, but he kept the small bead hidden from the council, his staff, and even Mai for years. It was his small secret, something of himself that didn't have to be given over to the people he served. When he was alone in his office or chambers deep in thought he would often catch himself absent-mindedly toying with it like a fine piece of jewelry. She would be here in a few short days, he was suddenly reminded of Toph's words and it was a tumble down from there.
Brilliant blue eyes framed by black brown waves and crimson sheets looked up at him, soft ample curves filled his hands, and dark mocha colored limbs tangled with his own.
He groaned as he felt himself harden and begin to burn up, each time it started, he felt like a low flame had been ignited under every inch of his skin. The beads of water that rolled down his chest and shoulders turned to steam before it could rejoin the pool below it. He had to reign himself in, it was far too late and he was far too exhausted to 'relieve' himself of the problem, especially since his intoxicated state would just prolong things. Leaning on one of his old surefire tactics he conjured an image of Iroh in the Earth Kingdom hot springs that had been permanently seared into his brain. He figured if something was going to live in his mind, it might as well be useful.
The heat in his skin began to recede as his arousal burned out with a sigh.
It was late, exhaustion pulled at him, he needed to sleep, now. With an almost blank single mindedness, Zuko grabbed a black bar of soap and began quickly cleaning himself up. Rinse, drain, dry. With a towel slung around his hips, he padded into his bedroom, pulled on the first pair of sleep trousers he put his hands on. Getting into bed he let the intoxication-induced sleep pull him under.
...
Somewhere out at sea Katara awoke with a gasp. Wide blue eyes darted wildly around her quarters, tears she didn't know she cried were streaming down her face. She drew one shaky breath after another willing her heart to slow. Her hand found its way to the blue pendant at her neck and she thumbed the ridged metal back over and over in an attempt to calm herself. 'It was just a dream, you'll see for yourself tomorrow, that none of it was real' she repeated trying to convince herself. Minutes passed as she willed her breathing to calm, Katara wiped away her tears and curled up on her side, her hand never leaving her mother's necklace. She continued to worry the piece of jewelry until it coaxed her back to sleep.
Hope you liked it, reviews are always appreciated. Part two will be up in a week, if you want to read more of what I've written the first part of The Spaces Between is complete and up, part two of that fic will go up after A Scorching Hand is complete.