Here's part three, this was supposed to be only three parts but I got carried away and now it's four. If you're looking for something to listen to while reading this, here's a link to the spotify playlist: *open.*spotify.*com/playlist/63ks0VIMWkHNXZJ2o2D741?si=6f146f2110634668
(take out the * to make it work because formatting rules)
Zuko shut the bathroom door behind them, the autumn sun had already begun it's early decent. Sunlight streamed in through the bank of windows casting the room in shades of orange. The veining in the marble caught the early evening light and shone like molten gold against the white stone.
He turned to find Katara already at the tub, her fingertips trailing though the water. Zuko pulled the pin from his crown and removed it, undoing the top knot and letting his hair fall down his back. With a sense of dread he stepped into the stone tub, the warm water enveloping him, soaking through the cloth of his pants and drenching the ends of his hair. He took a seat on one of the deep benches carved into the tub's side, the glistening water lapped at his chest concealing most of his scar. On the opposite side Katara followed suite, he caught a flash of mocha skin and white sarashi through the high slits of the ao dai telling him she had shed her sapphire bottoms. He watched the cloth darken and the pearls wink as the ends of her ankle length top slipped beneath the surface. The water came to her waist and wicked its way up the bodice wetting the fabric and causing it to cling to her skin. Wading through the water she came to stand in front of him, it was always something else to see her surrounded by her element.
She picked up the small braid from his shoulder, surprise followed by a slight hope flashed across her features "You still have this? You decided to wear it?" she turned the blue bead over in her fingers staring at it in wonder.
He nodded, "For the last five years. What about you?"
To his surprise she turned over her mother's betrothal necklace revealing where the Fire Lord's seal formed in gold was set into the back of the carved pendant. She too had chosen to wear it without knowing the implications and of all places, there.
"Do you still have them?"
Tears welled in her eyes before he could finish, he had his answer.
"When was the last time?" he asked concerned.
"Last night." her voice was barely a whisper.
His dead amber eyes had stared back at her for the hundredth time, blood trickling from his mouth, skin pale and cold to the touch. She wasn't enough, no matter how many times she dreamt it, she was never enough.
He watched the tears spill from her blue eyes and down her cheeks. Forgetting why they were there and his earlier awkwardness he pulled her to him gathering her up in his lap, hugging her tightly. Her cheek laid against his bare chest his heartbeat resounding in her ear, she let him hold her while the tears streamed down her face.
For months after they faced Azula she would have nightmares of him slipping through her fingers as she tried and failed to heal him over and over again. She and Aang tried meditation, sleeping draughts and even charms but nothing worked. They would later find out she wasn't alone. Iroh contacted Aang looking for help, Zuko was having unending nightmares of his own.
Each time he was never fast enough, burnt flesh, blood and lifeless blue eyes haunted him night after night until he refused to sleep.
When they met in the Fire Nation Aang, after consulting Yangchen, explained that both of them nearly losing their lives that day had marked them in a way. There wasn't much he could do to help but it was at his suggestion they traded such significant items.
The hair bead that Zuko now wore was a part of a pair Haokoda gifted to her at her rite of passage. Hakoda had undertaken perilous hunt for a narwhal wale as part of his inauguration as chief of the Southern Water Tribe. He had carved the beads from the sea creature's bones, the engravings signaled that Katara was the chieftain's daughter, his daughter. When Katara returned from the Fire Nation with only one in her hair, Gran-gran quietly carved her a different bead to wear.
After Ozai's defeat, Iroh had two collar seals struck in gold to signal a new beginning for his nephew and the Fire Nation. He quietly presented Zuko with them on the night of his coronation. No one seemed to notice when the right one went missing months later, if Iroh knew, he made no mention of it.
Aang hoped the items would serve as reminder that they had succeeded in saving the other. While it couldn't stop the nightmares, he was right, it did help them dispel the sheer panic they felt upon awakening. Over the years the nightmares became fewer and further between but every so often they would return to besiege them.
They sat quietly submerged in the warm water, he had never held her this close, never touched this much of her before, he pushed it from his mind, now was not the time, she was here and she needed him. He never expected that she, who was arguably the most powerful waterbender the world has ever seen, would feel so small in his arms. Holding her in that moment, all of the things he felt for her during the war, Agni, just in the last few months bubbled to the surface.
"I'm still here." he told her quietly.
"I know that," she worried the pendant at her neck, "I just wish the rest of me knew that."
He turned and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, "We don't have to do this today." he murmured against her hair. He felt her shiver and it gave him a sense of satisfaction he wanted to chase.
Katara shook her head, "No, you've been like this for too long. If I can do something, I want to try."
'Even if it sends you back into Mai's arms' the thought embedded itself in her chest like a dull knife.
"Can we just stay like this for a little longer? I mean, if you're able too." her request was quiet as if she expected him to reject her.
He pulled he closer nuzzling her temple, "Crying women, even ones as pretty as you are not exactly a turn so yes, this is ok and yes we can stay like this for as long as you like."
Silently letting the compliment pass, she quietly settled against him. Zuko let a few quiet moments pass before his curiosity got the better of him.
"Katara? What happened between you and Aang? The last time he was here he was looking for 'something special' to carve your betrothal necklace from."
How did you end up crying half naked in my lap? And just like that he was back to imagining a less than clothed Iroh.
He felt more than heard her sigh, not entirely sure where to begin she started at the end.
"I refused his proposal." she expected him to be shocked and demand answers like Sokka and Suki but like Gran-gran he sat quietly and waited for her to continue.
"I realized if I took the title of the Avatar's wife, I'd drown in it."
"How so?" he asked against her hair, the huskiness of his voice vibrated against her temple in a distracting way.
"I started losing my name, they kept calling me the Avatar's girlfriend, the Avatar's companion." she snorted, "La, even the Avatar's attendant."
He bristled, why would Aang allow the reduction of a master waterbending princess to a nameless servant? But he had to let his irritation go when Katara continued.
"I was angry and frustrated all the time. I guess I could finally sympathize with younger you." she teased with a wry smile. He remained quiet but she felt him smile against her hair and begin to thumb small circles on her hip.
"I thought it was because we never faced anything head on, that I was tired of evading every single problem that came our way. I would spend so much time tending to his needs and trying to find a way around things that I didn't notice that who I was, was slipping away. The things I did during the war, my contributions to peace negotiations even the fact that I'm an ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe was disappearing. Then he presented me a betrothal necklace of carved citrine and yellow velvet, it was beautiful, but there was no trace of us in it, just him. When I saw it I realized I was watching everything I was disappear, everything I could be would drown under the weight of that title. I refused to lose myself, so I broke his heart and told him no."
"What about your heart?"
She shifted uncomfortably in his lap, no one had asked her how she had faired. You don't get that privilege when you're the one who severed things but for some reason he wanted to know.
"I broke Aang's heart, shattered it honestly but mine, I think it only cracked. It wasn't us not being together that hurt, I mourned the idea he'd painted of us being together, having a family, helping the world and growing old together. I can't say I didn't want it but I wouldn't cut myself down to fit that image, his forever girl." she made a harsh sound, "I mourned the path not taken for an endless night and made myself move on."
Katara had always been selfless to a fault, for as long as he had known her she would go to great lengths, putting herself in danger and working herself ragged for the sake of others. She had only allowed herself to be selfish twice, the waterbending scroll and when she had let him take her to face Yon Ra, now rejecting Aang made it a third. Still too few in his opinion.
"I liked him, and I believed that like would eventually become love, but that can't happen when your heart is somewhere else. I made a mistake the day I left here with him, I thought I was going off with Aang because I loved him when in reality I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do." she confessed.
He remembered them leaving the day after his coronation. Toph, Sokka and Suki stayed behind with him yet he couldn't help but feel abandoned as he watched them disappear into the morning sun. They were supposed to be flying off to their fairytale ending but that wasn't in the tiles for them.
"How did Aang take it?"
"The same way he takes everything, he hopped on Appa and ran. He came back the next morning with a fistful of panda lilies and kept asking me to rethink it. I left for the South Pole that same day and he followed me from city to city. When I finally got home it took my Dad and Toph to get him to leave." she shook her head, "It felt so cruel but I couldn't. There's so much more I can do and so much more I can be. There isn't anything in the world that I would trade that for."
He couldn't believe Aang stalked her even more so that Toph never told him about it. The quiet sunk in around them but he only got a few more moments to process before Katara put him on the spot
"Your turn sifu hotman, spill. Why happened with you and Mai?"
With almost no prompting Zuko's recited words tumbled out, "I couldn't be with her, every time we tried to be intimate I risked burning her. After the last time, I ended it."
Katara remembered Mai's burns, she never questioned how she managed to burn her back and thighs in the kitchens. It was the first and last time she'd ever seen the noblewoman cry.
"Ty Lee came for a visit to keep her company. Ty Lee made her happy and could be with her in ways I couldn't, so they left together to Kyoshi Island."
"Is that all." she looked up pinning him with her gaze, she knew ox-bull shit when she heard it. He looked away, she was right, he was holding back, vulnerability had never been a strength of his.
Zuko took his time, warming the water, stalling. The story he told Sokka and Toph was the truth but not everything that had happened. Yet recounting the same incomplete story to Katara after she had laid herself bare to him, it felt like lying.
"No." he grumbled finally.
Satisfied she smiled and laid her head back against his chest waiting for him to continue.
"Mai and I grew up together, she favored me when we were kids and after Ba Sing Se she still did. With what my father did to me, I never thought anyone could stand to be with me like that so I took the chance and we got together. She was still waiting for me after we defeated Azula."
At the time Katara didn't understand why seeing them together stung, she was supposed to be happy to see him alive and with someone who loved him. Now she knew.
"Fire Lord duties took over my time and she broke up with me when I didn't tell her about my visits to my father."
"I remember Kei-Lo, he was a nice guy." her teasing comment earned her another grumble that vibrated through his chest making her snort. He quietly pressed another soft kiss to her head before continuing, each time it gave her a hope she knew she shouldn't hold on to.
"We worked things out and got back together, that's when we figured out something was wrong but that's not what made me end things, not really. Mai was raised to be the next Fire Lady, perfectly poised, perfectly quiet, perfectly subservient." the last word sat like bitter poison on his tongue.
"Before the war ended, politically Mai was considered the best choice and she loved me, it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world. Then I started trying to fix all the damage my forefathers caused. In seeing what it took I realized Mai was not what the Fire Nation needed then, or even now. Six years later we are still rebuilding, still healing and we will be for years if not decades to come. The Fire Nation and the rest of the world needs someone with fierce empathy and understanding not stoic indifference."
"But what do you need?", she felt his breath hitch, the question had blindsided him. She noted that he was becoming too much like her, forgetting himself for the people he served.
He was quiet for a few moments thinking it over before he finally answered "An equal, someone who will rule in tandem with me and isn't afraid to challenge me to be a better person, a better leader."
"Zuko, the Mai I know isn't exactly a pushover." she pointed out remembering how the willowy woman proved to be a challenging adversary.
He shook his head, "You're right but her apathy extended to everything. When we were kids I thought it was her being rebellious and blazing, Agni I even liked it. But then I became Fire Lord and I couldn't bring myself to not care the way she did. I've never been able to feel nothing I-, I was so angry for so long, being indifferent is impossible and I've always been vehement-," he stopped the haphazard tumble of words from his mouth and sighed, collecting his thoughts.
"For better or for worse, I've always been passionate to a fault and Mai had no passion, for anything, not even me. For over a year, everything I felt was met with nothingness, eventually it started to feel worse than being alone."
"You think she didn't love you?"
"No, I have no doubt that Mai loved me, she fought Azula for me. The issue was me, I liked her I know that, but her apathy for everything including me meant there was no place for love to grow. I stayed because of my obligation to the Fire Nation and the fact that my people needed a Fire Lady. I stayed because it was comfortable and part of me was afraid there would be no one else."
"What changed?"
He scoffed, "Uncle, who else? He said that love can conquer all but incompatibility. We didn't fit and there was nothing that could change that without fundamentally changing ourselves. That since my mother returned, the Fire Nation now had a Fire Lady and that staying with Mai out of obligation was doing a disservice to her, myself and the people of the Fire Nation. You know, all of that just with tea and in a lot more confusing words."
Katara chuckled but her curiosity got the best of her, "Is Mai happy?"
Zuko thought for a minute, "I think so, something about Ty Lee brings a warmth to her that I couldn't, she smiles when she thinks no one is looking." he paused, "I think if I married Mai I would have trapped her in the same box her parents raised her in. Maybe with Ty Lee and the Kyoshi warriors, she'll finally get to be herself."
He kissed her temple again savoring the feel of her in his arms, he was afraid what he asked her next would make it the last time something like this could ever happen.
"Katara, after you defeated Azula, you stood hand in hand with me to get the Fire Nation stable and instate me at Fire Lord."
She felt him nod against his chest.
"What if you had never left, what if you had stayed here, with me? Do you think something could have happened between us?"
Katara was quiet before she shook her head.
"Maybe, but I don't think so, you and I weren't ready for each other. As much as I felt like going with Aang was a mistake, that time wasn't wasted. It was painful but I learned what was important to me, the same way you learned from Mai what was important to you."
Zuko felt something sink in his chest, he shuffled them so he could look at her.
"What about now?" he asked trying to keep the hopefulness out of his voice.
Katara's thoughts stumbled as she stared back at him, eyes wide with alarm. Why was he asking her this, he couldn't make her wade into those feelings. To admit to them and find them unrequited would be too painful.
"You said you couldn't love Aang because your heart was somewhere else," he kept pressing her, "where was it?"
He held her in place like he was afraid she would dissolve into mist or flat out bolt if he let her go. He watched her panic settle into some kind of acceptance and sadness. She looked down at the water pooled between them wishing she could sink into its depths, despite the warmth that surrounded them she trembled when she finally spoke.
"Here."
He hooked his finger under her chin, tilting her head up to look at him. She only had a fraction of a second to register the relief in his eyes before his lips crashed into hers.
All of those years of yearning slammed into them like a blow to the chest, it stole their breath and felt like something had finally slid into place, their self-imposed shackles of decency and self-restraint splintered and hit the floor. Zuko's kiss was ferocious and all consuming, as if he concentrated his inner fire and poured it into her. Katara let her body melt into his warmth, running a hand up his chest across the unevenness of his scar, the other fisted the wet silk of his long locks and pulled, drawing him down to her. He hissed against the softness of her lips feeling something tighten low in his belly. Her tongue darted out in a soft caress along his lips, he complied groaning at the feeling of her tongue sliding against his. His hands felt hot against her skin running up her thighs and under the drenched material of the ao dai. Skimming her waist he splayed a hand against her side, over the sarashi his thumb traced the underside of her breast. He smiled when she gasped against his lips. He felt the flame spread under his skin burning him up from the inside, he was out of time.
Zuko pulled back reluctantly letting her go and capturing her hands in his. Her eyes blazed like Agni's fire itself had be lit in the blue pools of her irises. The fierce expression she wore shifted to confusion then slipped into uncertainty. He gently cupped her face in his hands, they felt hot almost stinging against her cheeks, the water was so warm, steaming in fact. Anywhere her skin met his felt like she was standing to close to a campfire.
"I'm sorry, I only get a few minutes before it starts." he told her apologetically. He desperately wanted to pull her to him and kiss her senseless, instead he let his hands fall back into the water.
"I needed you to know. I didn't realize until it was too late but ever since I tied you to that stupid tree-"
"Wait, don't stop." her disappointment was apparent.
"I have to, I'll hurt you if I don't." he lamented.
"It's why we're here." she stated as a matter of fact.
To his relief she pushed herself off his lap, submerging herself under the water but that relief was short lived. Katara broke the surface pushing wet black brown waves from her face, fire flared under his skin as he watched her rise from the water. The soaked fabric of her ao dai became translucent, clinging to her like a second skin. It left nearly nothing to the imagination, defining ever curve and revealing her white sarashi in deep contrast to her dark skin. He'd seen her in it countless times yet through the wet cloth it was painfully alluring.
The awe struck look on his face brought a sly smile to her lips. She knew what she was doing and he was so very screwed. Katara climbed up the submerged bench to straddle him, freezing the water between them as she went. Zuko pushed himself back until he hit carved marble and spread his arms along the tub's rim. He gripped the stone edge so tightly he feared it would break off in his hands but he didn't dare let go. The urge to reach out with his searing touch was drowning him. Katara knotted her fingers into his hair and tilted his head to look up at her, frost curled from her lips before she pressed and icy kiss to his mouth, she could feel his heart race as he begun harden beneath her. Steam rose in billowing clouds around them as a layer of crackling ice raced around the water's edge, submerged between them her free hand begun to glow.
Please don't hate me, I had to split this last part somewhere and this ended up being the best spot. The next and last part will be up next Monday. Leave a review to let me know what you think - or how much you hate cliffhangers. If you're looking for something else to read, I have another fic called The Spaces Between, part one of that is complete and it will continue once this fic is completed.