Jade's POV:

I was not very happy when I found out it was a Hollywood Arts requirement to be involved in at least one school production per semester. Acting was of course out of the question so I ended up working backstage with the lights and the backdrops of the play, thinking I at least would get some enjoyment out of messing with Sinjin and his geeky friends. I never thought I would end up working alongside Beck as well.

He'd been working really hard to get that part, spending long nights at school rehearsing lines and perfecting his audition. And it was good. Not that I was any expert on acting but when he tried out his performance on me on one of those long nights of preparations I got goosebumps. It touched me, really, made me understand exactly what he'd told me on that night weeks ago when he said that when he was acting he was free to become someone else. Beck Oliver was an actor, there was no doubt about that.

And then he lost the part. And the understudy part. Beck was normally a very laid-back guy, carrying a carefully sculpted persona that I'd always suspected contained more than what met the eye. Him losing the part confirmed this, I could see him cracking a bit around the edges, letting slip some of that insecurity and doubt being held underneath. To me it felt both like a breath of relief and a punch in the gut simultaneously. Relief because perfect Beck Oliver wasn't perfect after all, was flawed just like me, but sadness because he was supposed to be the good thing in my life, the one thing that wasn't problematic. But that wasn't fair of course, I couldn't decide that I was the only one allowed to have issues.

I tried to be there for him, get him to join me in pulling pranks on Sinjin and tried keeping up a light banter while painting backdrops. He seemed okay for the most part but I knew he was hiding a lot of doubts and self-judgement and I could see it in his eyes at times when he was watching the cast run lines or practice their dance routine. He wouldn't talk about it all that much but whenever he did I'd try to be encouraging. This wasn't his only chance, he knew that as well as I did and with his talents of course he had a chance of reaching his dreams.

At times I felt like I myself would need a pep talk too, it was all to easy to focus on the practical. Finish high school. Get into Harvard. Become a lawyer. Simple as that. Only that I didn't really feel anything towards becoming a lawyer, couldn't muster up even a fragment of the same enthusiasm that Beck had whenever he'd start going on about the wonders of acting. I remembered that once I'd felt that way too, had wanted to be a writer or a play wright but had been immediately shut down by my fathers stern look. It just wasn't practical, wasn't realistic. Still, the thought of it made something flutter in my stomach.

"Jade!" I turned my head to see the bouncy curls of Sinjin approach me. "You need to set up the lights right now. Oh and also, can you put this in Tori's dressing room?" He held out a black garment bag.

"What do I look like, an assistant?" I glared at him but took the bag anyway and watched him run off. It was too easy.

Also I now had Tori's dress. I would sooner poke my eyes out than admit that me and Tori were any sort of friends and it was just too much fun to mess with her. Oh what a shame if something were to happen to Tori's dress on opening night.

In the end they ended up finding an extra dress in the costume closet, which was a shame. I would have actually paid good money to see Tori take the stage wearing a sparkly dress covered in fake blood and feathers. It was entertaining enough seeing her reaction upon finding her dress like that though and desperately run around trying to solve the problem so it wasn't entirely for nothing.

When the show actually began I couldn't help the burst of pride I felt when I saw Cat out there, giving her everything to the performance. She looked beautiful in the silver dress and her voice was outshining Tori's by a million when she belted out the final notes of their duet. It made me feel like a proud mother. Afterwards I simply told her that she "didn't suck" but I could see from the look in her eyes that she understood what I meant and was pulled into a quick hug.

With the play being over life started getting back to normal. Beck seemed to be getting over his temporary setback and was now instead deeply focused on writing and producing a short film for his film making class. I was trying to be happy to get back to spending my evenings focused on algebra and social science instead of working on the play but found myself occasionally feeling sad and trapped by the already set path of my future.

The root of that feeling was also causing me extra stress, his fluctuations in behavior becoming increasingly more frequent. It was confusing and at times even scary, I could barely recognise him anymore. Sometimes it was like he didn't even seem to know who I was.

He would drink way more than before, usually coming home drunk after he'd been out, slurring and vomiting. Sometimes he would ignore me, other times pester me with endless requests for food or favors or errands for me to run. One time he even asked me to undress for him. It was with glazed eyes, barely even present and I got so scared that I simply ran up the stairs and hid in my room for the rest of the night. He didn't come after me and never mentioned it again so I tried to suppress my feelings and pretend it had never happened.

It was hard to know what to do. At times he would be himself again, sternly looking at me across the dinner table and informing me that I was expected to keep up my school work and also to never mention his "down periods" to anyone. It scared me what he might do if I would contact someone about it, perhaps try having him admitted to a psychiatry center. It was easier to just let it be, try and stay out of the house for the most part. He barely noticed my absence anyway so I spent my evenings at school, doing homework in empty classrooms. Occasionally Cat would join me. She didn't know the whole story but she understood enough and would loyally stand by me offering candy and hugs and easy company. She was a great friend.

"You know you don't have to do this" she told me quietly one night over open text books and cups of hot chocolate with mini marsmallows in Sikowitz classroom. "You could go somewhere else, could come stay with me maybe? I'm sure my parents would be okay with it"

"I know, Cat. And i appreciate it, I really do. But he's my dad and I made a promise. "

She sighed. "It just feels wrong, you deserve better"

I wasn't sure I did, but I nodded regardless.

"You know I went to the grave the other day" She added with a soft voice, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "It actually felt nice, peaceful. Maybe it's time you try it too?"

"I just can't. I'm not there yet". Blinking a way a few sudden tears I too took a sip from my cup to hide my trembling hands.

Her face was soft and she reached out to stroke my arm gently. "Okay. All things in your time. But it's been four years now Jadey, maybe it's time to at least start."

I shrugged, avoiding her gaze and luckily she dropped it. I just wasn't ready, wasn't sure if I'd ever be.

The next week it got even worse. We'd gotten into an argument when I was supposed to leave for school and I was getting late. I knew Beck was parked around the block, waiting for me, could feel my phone vibrating in my back pocket with him asking me where I was. But my dad kept yelling at me, calling me names, more importantly calling me her name. Julie. My mother's name. He kept screaming at me to not leave him, that I wouldn't dare leave him.

"Dad, it's not her, it's me. Jade. Please!" I was full on sobbing, not knowing what to do. "Dad, you need help."

SMACK.

I wasn't prepared for his hand suddenly hitting me right across the face.

"Shut up Julie!"

Momentarily stunned I put my hand up towards my face, feeling the swelling already starting to rise. My head was ringing a bit and my knees felt weak.

I swiftly turned and ran, locking myself in the bathroom. I wasn't able to stop the tears from forming and spilling over on my cheeks, sobbing quietly. This situation was so fucking messed up. My phone kept vibrating in my back pocket and I knew Beck was probably starting to worry. I didn't want him trying to knock on the door again so I hurriedly splashed some water on my face and tried to cover what I assumed would soon be a big bruise on my cheekbone and eye with make-up.

When I opened the bathroom door my father was nowhere in sight so I quickly grabbed my coat and bag and sprinted out the house and around the corner to Beck's car.

"Hey you. I was wondering if you were gonna show at all" He grinned teasingly at me when I hurriedly let myself sink down in the passenger seat.

"Yeah. Sorry." I barely glanced at him, focusing instead on re-applying my eye makeup, which had started running a bit from the crying and the water. My cheek was still stinging and I could feel a pounding head ache start to make itself known.

"Jade, are you okay?" I didn't need to look at him to know that his cinnamon eyes would be filled with concern, his head slightly tilted.

"Can we pick up coffee on the way?" Normally we'd get our coffee at school from the coffee stand before class but sometimes we would treat ourselves and drive by Jet Brew on the way to school. I knew we would probably be a bit late for class but couldn't bring myself to care, needed some time to collect myself and my thoughts before facing the crazy that was Hollywood Arts.

Seeming to sense what I needed Beck simply nodded and turned the car around. "Sure".

I didn't know what to do yet again. My father needed help, that much was obvious. Maybe I should contact the hospital after all. Only problem was that if I told someone the truth about him getting physical, losing grip of reality, they would probably take him away. And I didn't want that, didn't want him punished for being upset, for having a hard time coping with the death of his wife. Not to mention that if he would be taken away I would probably end up in foster care since we didn't have any other family I knew of. I was 16, soon enough I would be an adult and able to fend for myself and I really didn't wanna be forced to leave my city and friends.

"Hey, we're here. Wanna go in?" Beck's voice nudged me out of my thoughts and as I looked out the window I saw we were parked outside our favourite coffee shop instead of at the drive-through window like I'd assumed he would pick.

"Is good little Beck Oliver ditching class?" I asked him with a smirk but got out of the car and followed him in.

"Maybe I am. It's healthy to rebel every now and then" He shrugged, smiling lopsidedly and ordered our coffees, gently steering me towards a booth in the back.

"Imagine what the headlines will say when you're all big and famous. 'Beck Oliver: teenage rebel. Skipping class and drinking coffee'. What a scandal that will be."

He laughed a little, brown eyes warm and soft. "You really think I'll make it?". Just a hint of that insecurity I knew was hidden under the surface.

"Duh. Of course you will. No one is gonna be able to say no to a guy with hair like yours. And your acting isn't too shabby either"

"Thanks. It means a lot coming from you" He said with a sincere voice, looking down at his hands holding the coffee cup. "What about you? Where will you be when my name is in the tabloids?". Standing next to you, hopefully.

"I used to think my only path was to become a lawyer" I said slowly, tentatively. I wasn't sure if I was ready to let him in like this but then again maybe it was time. Maybe Cat was right and it was time for me to start being honest with myself as well as with others.

He nodded encouragingly, silently urging me to go on.

"But now I just don't know anymore. I don't think law is for me, don't think it ever was but it scares me to get off the path. It scares me to have to make my own choices you know."

"I get that. But you're amazing, I think you can do anything you set your mind to. And there's no rush in finding out, just do what feels right and I'm sure you'll find your way"

"Yeah, maybe. Thanks" I ducked my head, blushing a little.

The crooked smile he offered in return said everything, thanked me for trusting him with this and maybe it wasn't all that bad trusting Beck Oliver after all. In my stomach I could feel this strange feeling of butterflies after meeting his soft gaze but I tried to brush that off. Another time.