Jade's POV:

New Year's with Beck was great, like just plain amazing. It was the most free I'd felt in a long time sitting there next to the guy who was probably the most important person in my life at that moment, drinking champagne and watching fireworks, the chilly air filling my lungs with every breath. Just feeling free.

Unfortunately all good things come to an end and after a few hours not even the blankets Beck had brought was enough to keep us warm and we decided to head back to the city. The air between us felt lighter after the talk, comfortable, like I could say anything and nothing and it would all be fine. Maybe this year was going to be a better one just like Beck had said.

It wasn't.

I realized that the next morning when my dad woke up from his drunken haze, crying and screaming and throwing things at me. He'd managed to hit me with a vase and not even the blood staining the front of my shirt, trailing down from my shoulder was enough to snap him out of it, instead he simply just stalked off towards his bedroom and slammed the door shut, leaving me to clean up the mess he'd caused.

It was all downhill from there. Every minute in that house I was scared of him losing control of himself and taking all his grief and anger out on me. Every minute out of the house I was scared of seeing his name on my caller ID, suddenly very interested in my whereabouts at all times with little to no room for staying out outside of school hours.

I called the police once, so tired of the situation that I'd dialed the number with shaky fingers, not even caring anymore that it would probably result in moving cities and foster care. It didn't work. An officer came by for a home visit but of course he chose that time to clean up his act and play his part of the supporting father in an Oscar-worthy performance, explaining to the officer that "Jade is just having such a hard time dealing with the loss of her mother and she's started acting out as a result." The officer had taken a look at me, glancing at my piercings, color-streaked hair and dark clothes and I could just see the wheels turning in his head. He would never believe me, would never be able to help me.

All the stress and the constant fear was making me lose my mind slowly but surely. I started having a hard time keeping up in school, eating, keeping up with my friends. The former rage that had filled me before, making me yell at everyone getting in my way had simmered down to a bitter resignedness. I was just so tired of it all. I would have preferred the rage because at least it fueled me, could be channeled into action. This hopeless resignedness just made me feel like nothing.

Beck and Cat were saints, guiding me through each school day, sharing their notes and slipping me snacks or coffee whenever I seemed extra tired. I wasn't sure how I'd managed to get friends like that, was almost positive that I didn't deserve them but was too tired to protest and instead chose to just accept their help.

I did try to stay true to my promise to stop shutting Beck out though and I did share that the relationship with my dad wasn't the best right now, that we'd suffered a big loss and it was still affecting us, but I couldn't delve deeper. It was too dangerous. Knowing Beck he would wanna get involved and I couldn't have that, couldn't risk my dad hurting him too. Still I would catch him looking at me at times and the pained expression on his face, the concern and kindness radiating from him would make my insides hurt from how much I just wanted to just share everything with him. Let him wrap me up in his kindness and shelter me from all things bad.

"You're not seeing a boy, are you Jade?" He was already on his second drink of the morning and his piercing eyes pinning me to my place. The question came from nowhere, I wasn't even sure if he'd been aware of my presence in the room.

"No, of course not" I mumbled, hoping that dad wouldn't be able to catch the way my breath hitched in my throat, the way my thoughts immediately went to Beck.

"I've seen him, you know. The one with the hair that gives you rides to school." His voice was sharp, his eyes inquiring.

"He's just a friend, dad. We share a few classes." I tried to make my voice sound neutral, like Beck was nothing, meant nothing to me. Scared that if I let it show I cared he would take it away from me.

"I don't want you seeing him anymore"

I felt my face slip, my emotions shining through. "But dad, he's just a friend. Please..."

"You will listen to me Jade or so help me god. You're not to see him anymore." His voice rose, face turning red, voice threatening. I couldn't help the shiver that ran down my spine.

He stood up, smashing his empty glass at the floor at my feet, pieces of glass cascading around me. "I won't lose you too Jade. You won't see him. Now clean that up"

I was left in the living room alone, sweeping up what was left of the whiskey glass, my thoughts going round and round. I couldn't not see Beck anymore, that just wasn't possible. How was I supposed to get by like this without Beck as a support, friend. It just wasn't possible. But also how was I supposed to keep it a secret from my dad?

The thoughts went around and around my head all throughout the next days. I could barely keep my head straight in class but then again, that wasn't news these days. Everytime I saw Beck I tried to think about what my dad had ordered me to do, how I shouldn't be seeing him, but one lopsided smile and his arm around my shoulders and I couldn't bring myself to even consider it, instead burrowing further into his side and letting him guide me towards my next class.

I knew people were talking about us, now more than ever before, about us dating, about Beck "taming the ice queen" but I couldn't make myself care about that either, didn't bother correcting them. He wasn't my boyfriend, he was just Beck but what did it matter what people thought? It was the one piece of happiness I had left outside of all the pain and loss and anxiety and I would cling to that with all that I had.

"Bye Jade" Beck gave me a quick one-armed hug before letting me climb out of the car, carefully parked a few blocks away from my house. I allowed myself to meet his gaze, cinnamon eyes soft, for a few seconds and then waved softly before turning to walk home.

I barely got inside the door before I got stopped dead in my tracks.

"What did I tell you, Jade? I told you to stay away. You're not stupid, why are you defying me?"

Oh no

"That was him dropping you off, wasn't it? You stupid stupid girl" He seemed extra agitated, eyes wide with blown pupils and a manic look on his face. It was terrifying.

"Dad, it's okay. Just please calm down, we can talk about this"

It didn't work, he seemed to far gone to understand what I was saying, too riled up. I could see him coming at me and even though I knew the smartest thing was probably to just stay and take the punishment, let him unload his emotions on to me my primal instincts took over. Adrenaline pumping through my veins I ducked past him and headed towards the staircase, taking the steps two at a time. If I could just get to the safety of my room I could lock the door and be safe for the few hours it usually took him to calm down after an episode like this.

I didn't make it. I could hear him behind me, footsteps heavy on the steps, breathing fast. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I was so close, almost within reach of the safety of my bedroom door. And then suddenly I could feel an excruciating pain before it all turned to black.

When I woke up it was dark. I had no idea what time it could be or what had happened. My head was pounding and my vision felt a bit blurry but I could see the familiar outline of my bedroom around me. I was lying on my bed, still dressed in the jens and black lace shirt I'd picked out for school that same morning. I remembered Beck had complimented it, hAad told me I looked nice when picking me up for school.

And then I remembered what had happened. Dad forbidding me from seeing Beck, me not being able to go through with such a thing and then it all blowing up in my face. He'd chased me up the stairs, swearing he was gonna punish me and then... nothing? I must have tripped and hit my head because I couldn't remember a thing after that.

Sitting up slowly I stretched out my sore joints, trying to pinpoint any pain. It felt okay, not any worse than usual until I tried softly stretching my neck and suddenly felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. When putting my hand to the spot I could feel a big lump, very sore to the touch. My fingers got sticky with what I'd come to recognize as drying blood. Oh no. This was bad. He'd hit me before, but never like this, never in a way where I'd pass out and wake up bloody. Most of the other times it had been okay, I had been able to take it and I could rationalize it as him not being himself and the loss and pain eating at him. Maybe I'd even deserved it those times. But this, this was more.

I was lucky to be alive, really. I'd heard enough about head trauma to know that a seemingly mild blow to the head could be potentially fatal. He could have killed me, my own father. This just wasn't working anymore, I needed to get away and get help. For the both of us.

Standing up I tried to blink my way out of the worst dizziness that washed over me, massaging my temples while fighting through the nausea. Shit. Hopefully it was just a small concussion, I really didn't have time for serious head injuries right now. Not if I was gonna be able to get out.

After making up my mind to take action it was surprisingly easy to get a duffel bag and fill it with a few changes of clothes, some toiletries, cash and other necessities. Wherever I'd go it was better to be prepared. This needed to end now.

The house was eerily quiet, no sounds giving up the location of my father. Maybe he wasn't even here. I tried to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to catch his attention even though he'd probably come down a little bit by now from his earlier rage-fueled episode.

Just before sneaking out the door my eyes landed on a slip of paper pinned to the inside of my bedroom door.

Jade
If you tell anyone about this I'll kill you. And him.

Oh no. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

I left the room, tiptoed down the stairs and out the front door. Out in the cold evening air I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and slowly filling my lungs with the chilly air. And then I ran.