This Saturday, February the 27th was six years since my first seizure. Wow! It feels like a lifetime ago but at the same time like yesterday. And ever sice then I have done my best to spread awareness. (Or rather since I was diagnosed in August). I hope I'm doing okay.

Never had I ever spent a whole morning on the couch and only staring at Paul Anka who had as usual taken his favorite spot on the table, and laid there and breathed only.

I just didn't know what to do. Maybe I shouldn't have wanted to cry or scream or anything but I couldn't.

All I could think was that it would be a while left that Paul Anka could be with us another day, another week, another month or another year.

But he was still living on borrowed time.

"Aren't we all?" I tried to tell myself and mumbled. "Jess and Rory were in a car crash that time and they could have died. Dad died so suddenly…"

"What are you saying?" I hadn't even noticed Luke was right behind me. "Someone dying… Jess?"

Before a second ago I had forgotten all about the accident Jess and Rory had been in. Everything felt like a million years ago. Even all until last night when we'd been watching Pippi Longstocking all until Paul Anka started seizing.

Then just like that, just in a second it felt everything had changed…

"Nothing…"

Nothing that meant everything.

I had never been one to take long walks. And maybe Paul Anka had always been the same. But somehow, later during the day we ended up outside, Paul Anka wearing a leash and I just walked and walked and walked.

"Rory and Logan and Leo will be here tomorrow." I told Paul Anka as the day ended and had almost reached evening. Nothing had happened during the day and it didn't seem Paul Anka did anything he had or hadn't done before so for sure he understood me. "And maybe some day soon, maybe the day after that we'll invite Petal. And you guys always have so much fun together."

For just one split second I wondered what job Kirk would have the next time I saw him. Maybe he'd be a miracle worker or a vet that could fix what was growing inside of Paul Anka's head.

"I didn't think you were coming yet." When I at last came closer to home and walked up the driveway suddenly Logan's car came up and Rory stepped out almost before he'd stopped it. "Not until tomorrow… It's quite late now."

"It is late." Rory said while she helped her son away from his booster seat. "But we decided to come today anyway and drove from home right after we'd had dinner. Now little guy, five minutes of playing and then you'll have to go to bed."

"But I'm not tired…" Leo said annoyed, but then smiled when he saw Paul Anka just as I took the leash off. "Paul Anka!"

Leo forgot about his mum and me when he ran up to the dog. These two had been the best of friends ever since the day "Boe Anga" had been Leo's first word.

Since then the almost two year old had learnt to say Paul Anka's actual name. But every time I heard him say it in his little toddler's squeaky voice still melted my nana-heart.

Oh well, they had been friends already before then when baby Leo hadn't minded Paul Anka coming up in his face to sniff on the new little person that had just joined the family.

"We were on our way a bit sooner than what we expected." Rory explained to me while we made our way past the porch and into the house. "And Leo wanted to go so badly so we just figured- why not?"

"Paul Anka, here…"

The dog hadn't cared for any ball or squeaky toy when he'd come to my ownership.

But something had happened when Leo was born. When Leo had for the first time been able to push a ball over the floor, or actually throw it slightly like he did now he went like a crazy puppy, wagged his tail and threw himself after it while Leo laughed so he couldn't breathe.

"What am I?" I pretended to be hurt. "Chopped liver?"

Leo just rolled his eyes, then took a ball he had brought with him and shouted for the dog.

"Now, what did you say about Paul Anka?" Rory asked. "Seizure?" I nodded. "Brain tumor?" I nodded again- whenever those words were spoken my voice just couldn't carry. "How… how long…"

How long does he have left?

Rory didn't have to ask the whole question. I was asking too.

"It could be a day, a week, a month. But considering Paul Anka's age and everything Jeannie didn't think we should do anything now. Instead just wait until something changes or he has another seizure or something and then we'll go on from there."

"Lorelai!" Logan greeted too and took some bags from the car. "What was it that I heard? Something wrong with Paul Anka?"

I turned my head slightly to where I heard Leo squeal happily as Paul Anka chased a ball he threw as long as a three year old boy could.

"Not right now it isn't." I had to say, that was the simplest and most truthful answer and both Rory and Logan saw what I saw and smiled too. "Come on. It's cold outside…" They knew the way very well but I still led them towards thee door. "…I actually didn't notice that until now…" I sniffed in the air. "I smell snow."

Everyone here tonight knew that when I did snow really was going to fall some time during the next twelve hours.

"Good thing we packed with us some warmer clothes for him. Playing in the snow will be fun for them. Now Leo Lucas Huntzberger." Rory went away from me and shouted, I could still see Leo and could see he knew his mum was being serious when he heard his full name.. "Remember, you have to go to bed soon."

"I'm not tired."

It was quiet for only a moment.

"I bet you never heard me saying that." Rory said ironically to me. "Did you?"

"No…" I answered just as ironically. "Never."

Sometimes when Rory just looked at me, then smiled slightly and shook her head at something that had happened years and years ago I could still see the baby in front of me that I had rocked in my arms and decided about that I would do anything to keep her safe.

"It's just strange…" I didn't know I said until I heard my own voice. "It feels like just yesterday. You were born, you started school, Chilton… my Gosh that awful fight… and then, when we didn't speak to each other I got Paul Anka."

"I was stupid!"

"Well I was stupid-er."

"I was most stupid."

Whenever the fight was mentioned we both knew we could go on forever.

There hadn't been more than a few minutes since we came into the house. But all of a sudden, I just noticed how quiet it had gotten- and that silence in a house where there was a talkative toddler was never a good sign.

"Where's Leo and Paul Anka?"

Rory stood right next to me and frowned slightly as she called out.

"Leo?"

"Paul Anka? Have you seen him?" Logan and Luke were in the living room. "Well. Them… Leo?" Both the guys got up as well and through our little house went the voices. Voices except for one then….

"Leo?"

"Leo?"

I just kept thinking that if they'd left the house one of us would have seen them.

"Leeee… oh."

I had decided to go through every single square millimeter of the house and quite soon I went to Paul Anka's bed that I had put next to mine and found them.

"It's okay guys." I shouted to the rest of the people in the house, hoping that none of the two in front of me wouldn't stir. "Found them… Rory, come and look at this." I could hear footsteps coming towards the bedroom. "There's the one that kept saying he wasn't tired."

When we had found out what we did last night that maybe Paul Anka didn't have long left I would have wanted to spend every waken minute with him. But now Leo was here there was no way he and Paul Anka were separated. If Leo was asleep on Paul Anka's bed, then Paul Anka was too. Curled up together and both sleeping tightly.

Even though we knew if someone came to hurt Leo then Paul Anka would be on his feet protecting him in a second.

"They're really the best of friends." Rory said out loud as us four adults went to sit down. "I don't think Leo would ever find one after when… when…"

"Let's not talk about that." I interrupted her. "They're together now- That's what matters. And who knows how much time we still have Paul Anka here. Maybe we'll still have got him for long. Maybe some miracle will turn up…"

I must have known already then how wrong I was.

"Paul Anka?" Leo and Paul Anka had slept all night in his cot right next to my bed. And the next morning after they came I woke up from hearing a weird noise from Paul Anka, and Leo's voice Why are you moving like that?"

Random fact

I think it's said like once in the whole series that Luke's name is actually Lucas. And Leo's name would have to be something on L. (Lorelaix 2, Logan and Luke) It would be cute if Rory called Leo after Luke. And Leo and Lucas sounded good together.