Jeanie didn't have to come any sooner than we had planned at first. But then, when she actually came we all knew there was no going back.

Paul Anka laid on his favorite spot, on a soft blanket on the table, Leo had tried to stay asleep but given up by his parents' bed and was somewhat okay with the goodbye he had gotten with Paul Anka and I sat on the floor to be close to Paul Anka. He sighed and blew warm air into my face as if that made me feel closer

"If we'd change our minds now…" I just had to pretend there was still some tiny little chance. "…and told you to not go through with this. What would you do next?"

"Well…" Jeannie couldn't cover her sigh while she thought through it. "First I'd need to go to the animal hospital and take him with me. There I would have to take some more tests and wear out what we need to do next…"

Just as she said it, it was like Paul Anka knew what we were saying. Because he heavily lifted his head and kicked with all of his front paws. The fact that he was trying to get up was obvious, still, with another whimper he only fell back collapsed on the floor.

Then it hit me with full power that there really was only one way out of this.

"…You were right on Friday… Paul Anka's old. He's done everything to keep us happy and…" I tried to swallow the lump in my throat all day and was threatening to keep me from speaking. "…It's time for us to do the right thing for him… We can't keep him suffering for our sake…"

During every second of today it had been life Paul Anka understood every word I said. And when he tried to lift his head again he looked at me with a gratefulness shining from his eyes. And when he yet again lost the fight and fell back towards the floor it was with a heavy sigh.

"It's okay.." I almost whispered and stroke over Paul Anka's head and neck again. "The vet will take away the pain…" I had to be interrupted for sobbing but forced myself to start talking within seconds. "…She will soon." I looked up on Jeannie. "She will…"

"I…." Jeannie drew a deep, but shaky sigh. "Gosh. This is always the worst part of my job. Are you ready?"

Paul Anka sighed and whimpered again and I nodded.

"I don't think we'll ever be… Just breathe boy. Just breathe." In the corner of my eye I could see Jeannie taking a needle from her bag and I gasped. "What's that?"

"This one's just a sedative." While Jeannie's voice sounded shaky, I could hear she was used to saying this. "I'll put a cannula in with it. Then we can just wait for fifteen, twenty minutes. I'll give him another kind of fluid. And then… He'll just drift away."

He'll just drift away…

Somehow I wasn't even crying by now. It was like knowing this was too much…

While Jeannie pressed the first needle into Paul Anka's neck I softly held onto Paul Anka's paw. He didn't move but whimpered slightly. And just like every other noise he had made today it sounded like he was screaming for my help.

"And now we wait."

My eyes were till dry, but I knew something else I needed to do and I stroke a hand over the table.

Never again would I ever be able to put something on the table without seeing this in front of me. So I'd have to come up with an idea of what to do with it.

For a little while I was just going to throw it away..

And then I had an idea…

"This is it." Very much too soon Jeannie had pulled up another canula from her bag. "Are you ready?"

"I don't think I ever will…" I still sent Jeanie a look for her to do even though it hurt me to do it. She pushed the needle into Paul Anka's front leg. "It's okay." I whimpered when she took yet another needle and sent me a meaning look when she pushed it into Paul Anka's system. "Thank you boy." I kept stroking his side and over his neck. "There was no way I could have had a better friend than you."

With one hand over his head I knew just below my hand something evil was growing that was taking him from me.

If there had only been a way to stop this from happening…

I couldn't help it as my breaths became faster and faster in the same pace that Paul Anka's went slower. And while the seconds ticked by slowly it didn't feel like more than a few seconds until he pulled for one single, deep last breath before he went all quiet.

"I love you, boy."

Random fact

It's only a year ago since I wrote a similar scene. This time I decided to make some more research about how it happens. Now my heart hurts.

Next chapter will be the last. See you then.