THIRTY-THREE
Tuesday afternoon
(Two weeks later)
Edward arrives at the coffee shop an hour early, just to make sure that he is able to secure her favourite table, the one next to the window in the far-right corner. They've been here before, at the beginning of last year, to study together, and he remembers her endearment for people watching. He orders a double espresso and waits, leg bouncing underneath the table.
It will be the first time he has seen her in what feels like a lifetime. The anticipation is almost suffocating.
He has missed her.
Times passes, and he glances down at his watch. She is thirty minutes late. The couple at the table beside him give him pitiful smiles when he catches their eye. Shaking his head, he grabs his bag from underneath the table.
Too good to be true.
They had let each other down again.
He is deflated when he realises that this is a common theme for the two of them, disappointment.
Maybe it's best if they're not friends anymore.
His thoughts freeze when he glances out of the window. Bella is outside, wrapped snugly in an oversized denim jacket, taking drags from the cigarette perched between her lips. She looks different – her hair is still blonde, but less shiny, and her roots have grown out significantly. Her body is smaller, thinner, breakable. The cheekbones protrude from her face and her cheeks are hollow. Dark bags envelop her eyes.
What is she doing to herself?
He watches as she finishes her cigarette and uses the sole of her boot to squash it into the ground. Pulling the door open, she comes inside.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late. Have you already had a drink?"
"Yeah, probably an hour ago."
"Let me get you another one. Make it up to you, you know?"
"Bella, just sit down. Why do you look like that?"
She guffaws, making a face. "Nice to see you too."
"You look sick."
"No, I don't."
"Are you eating? Sleeping?"
A waitress comes over and interrupts their conversation. Edward asks for a tea; Bella orders a black Americano.
"Yes, mum," Bella hands a tenner to the girl and tells her to keep the change. "What's the big deal."
"You don't look like you are."
Bella pauses and sits back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Alright, I'm probably not sleeping as much as I usually do. I drink myself silly most days. I replace breakfast most mornings with a cigarette. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"Jesus, Bells."
"I'm young, I'm having fun. Is that a problem?"
"It is when you're making yourself sick. Have you spoken to your mum recently?"
"Renee," She enunciates. "No, I haven't. I don't care to call home."
"Your dad?"
"Charlie is clueless. It's best that he doesn't know."
"Bella, please don't be like this."
"I'm coping, Edward, am I allowed to do that? You'd have some strange coping mechanisms too if you had no one who cared about you."
"I care about you."
"Alright, one person. I don't like being a burden on you though."
He reaches over and grabs her hand. It is bony and cold. He gives it a reassuring squeeze.
"Bella, don't you ever think that you would be a burden to me. You are my best friend. I will always be here for you."
She squeezes back, rubbing her thumb across his skin. "I'm sorry, Ed. I don't know what's been going on what me."
"It's fine…it's alright. Who have you been hanging out with?"
"Just my course mate, Victoria, and a couple of her friends. Stoners. Where do you think I get my stuff from?"
"Can you promise me you won't do it so often, the drugs at least? Even if it's one day less, just…something?"
The waitress comes back with their drinks, but Edward and Bella are barely aware of her presence. They are entranced by one another.
They are worlds away from the teenagers that met in sixth form, begging to be seen by one other. Now, as two adults, navigating the scary world around them, maybe they see each other too clearly.
The pain, is it worth it, for someone else?
To take on the torture of another soul?
Edward looks into Bella's eyes.
Yes, it's worth it.
For her.
Always, for her.
"Promise me, Bella."
"Yes, Edward, I promise."
Poor Bella :(
Thank you all again for your love and support! So glad to have you all along for the ride :D
Going to have a break from posting over the weekend to catch up on schoolwork and writing - see you on Monday x