11. iConfess

"Why did your roommate leave?"

Sam shoved another cheese fry in her mouth. "Girlfriend," she corrected. "And she said she wanted to go shopping with Tori and Jade."

"I know what she said. I just hope it wasn't because of me. I feel like I'm intruding on you guys. And I definitely got the feeling she didn't like me very much."

Carly hadn't changed. Still so sweet and humble. She looked more beautiful than Sam remembered, but it had been a long time since that last hug in the elevator in Seattle.

"She may be a little nervous, I guess," Sam said. "She's got social anxiety. And she can be a bit jealous sometimes. But she'll be okay. It's been a busy few days for us."

Carly took a sip from her milkshake. "It sounds like it. I can't believe you've got…well, I can't believe you're dating a…"

"A girl?"

"Exactly. I never knew…I mean I guess maybe I suspected, but…"

Sam laughed. "Don't break your brain, Carls. It ain't like I'm wearing a rainbow flag. Sometimes you just fall for people, you know? I don't care about labeling it. Labels just fuel bigots and political agendas, and I hate all of those things."

Carly forced an awkward smile. "That's my Sam. An equal opportunity hater." She sighed. "I didn't mean to cause problems. My dad had the chance to go on leave and he wanted to spend some time with Spencer. So I figured it'd be a good chance to come to LA and hang out with you."

Carly's smiles, even the awkward ones, still caused Sam's palms to sweat. "I'm glad you did," she said. A heavy pause fell between them. "There was a time when we thought that break would be temporary. A few months, maybe."

"I know. I'm sorry. It was just so great being with him. It's even hard for me to be away for the next two weeks. But...well, I did have a reason for coming here."

"I get it. Kind of. I mean, I know what it's like to not have a parent be there. I'm glad you've got such an awesome dad to look out for you." She downed another fry. "Besides, you're still posting stuff on the site. I've been watching."

"Aww, that's awesome," Carly said. "It's just not the same. YouTube's like crazy now. Everyone's got a channel. The other day I watched a video of a guy who was just…opening stuff he bought. He called it 'unboxing.' What the fudge is that about?"

Sam laughed. "I've seen those. I've got you beat, though. There's this one channel Jade showed me once that is literally just people sitting around reacting to other videos. It's a video of people watching other people's videos. Who watches that crap?"

Carly shook her head in disbelief. Clearly, it was all beyond her. "I kind of feel partly responsible for all this," she said.

"Me too. What fresh hell did we unleash all those years ago?"

Carly raised an eyebrow. "Dropping swears now?"

"Pffft. Yeah. Not like this is a kid's show." Sam lost herself for a moment as her gaze locked with Carly's. "I've really missed you, Carls."

"I've missed you, too."

"I love my life out here, but there are days when I'd give anything to be back in Seattle, doing the show again."

"I get it," she said after a long moment. "Believe me, I've wanted to come back to it so much. Doing the show meant so much to me. But it took so much time. Which was fine when our lives were just hanging out with each other all the time anyway. But now…you've got your life. I'll be starting college in the fall. I'm sure you and Cat have plans."

Sam lowered her gaze. "Not yet," she said softly.

"Uh-oh. I know that look. What's wrong?"

Sam sighed deeply and jammed a few more cheese tries in her mouth. They were getting cold. Her quick eyes searched the restaurant. She saw Tandy, the large red robot waiter, rolling by. "Hey! You!"

The strange contraption changed direction and rolled up to the table. "Yes! Why have you summoned me?"

"My fries are getting cold."

"Oh, no! Please, allow me to heat them."

Sam watched Carly as she stared at the robot waiter. Tandy brought its finger up and a small flame leaped out of it, catching the bottom of Sam's plate and heating it almost immediately. After a moment, the smell of burnt fries filled the room.

"Okay, okay, that's enough! Jeez!"

Tandy ceased the flame and turned towards Carly. "How about you? Do your fries also need to be heated?"

Carly grabbed the plate and slid it closer to her. "No! No, mine are great, thank you."

"Excellent!" Tandy rolled off, leaving Sam to laugh in his wake.

"You did that on purpose," Carly said, releasing her grip on the fries.

"Maybe."

"And you probably also thought it would make me forget about my question to you."

"I was hoping."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want, but you'll feel better if you do."

Sam sighed. "This thing with Cat…it's really new. I mean I've lived with her for a few years and I always felt like there was something there with us. She just…she gets me in a way most people don't. She thinks I'm funny. She doesn't get all judgy if I get angry. Like she bought be this baseball bat once to use on a tree outside the apartment if I needed to beat on something. Who would know to do that? I mean...she's a little on the slow side. Kind of ditzy. But I get why, she went through some crap with her brother when she was younger. She's okay now, but I accept that. And she accepts me. She actually likes me despite how screwed up I am. Hell, she loves me in spite of it. Since I've been with her...all that rage has just kind of gotten better. I don't understand it. I've carried that junk around for eighteen years, but in just a few years living with Cat, so much of it is gone, like a weight has been lifted."

"Wow," Carly said softly. "You really love her, don't you?"

"If that's what you call it when you want to be with someone all the time...hold them, kiss them, make them scream in—"

"That's really descriptive enough. I get the picture."

"Thing is, I'd do anything for her. Anything. I just want to be with her and keep her safe and see her smile. And that's not me. I don't do those kinds of connections. I'm the one who sits around and makes fun of people that talk about that crap."

"Sure," Carly said. "Until you're not. People change."

"I guess. But with graduation coming up, it freaked me out a little."

"Why?"

Sam grabbed a handful of fries and shoved them in her mouth to buy some more time to think. They tasted like charcoal after Tandy's 'help.' "When we were doing the show, that was the most stability I ever had in my life. It made me feel safe. You made me feel safe. I thought maybe it would never end. Or that it would end someday far away. And then in the space of one night, it was suddenly over."

Sam watched as Carly blinked away quickly forming tears. "I'm sorry—"

"No, don't do that," Sam said quickly. "I don't blame you. I wanted you to go. I'm glad you did. It was what you needed. But not having you…or the show…it just made me want to avoid those kinds of connections. That's why I left. I ran all the way to LA. And I swear Carls, I knew the day I agreed to move in with Cat that I was setting myself up again. That she'd graduate and probably go off and have a great life and I'd be left to move on. I didn't want that again. So…I was gonna go." Sam shook her head. It seemed ages ago since she had planned to bail and drive off into the night. "I was this close. And then she asked me to her prom. And now…here we are. A couple."

"When was the prom?"

Sam glanced at her watch. "About 18 hours ago."

"Wow. So, very new relationship." Carly took a hefty sip of her shake as the awkward silence returned between them. "So…when did you know?"

"About Cat?"

"About being interested in girls."

"Well…a long time ago. Dana and I messed around a little bit."

"Dana!?" Carly exclaimed. Sam had a feeling she'd react that way. The one time Carly had met Dana, it didn't go well. "That crazy chick that tried to kidnap me and Freddie? You...ew! Sam!"

"In my defense, it was before all that."

"Before!? That's even worse."

"Okay, I get it, you don't approve. It's in the past." Sam swallowed. Her throat was suddenly dry. "Would it be better or worse if I told you that the first girl I ever loved…like really loved…was you? Cause it was, Carls. It was you."

Carly's milkshake glass hit the table and shattered as the brunette stared blankly at Sam.

"Oh, no!" Tandy exclaimed. "You've dropped your milkshake! Here, let me dry you."

As Carly stared at Sam, Tandy raised a red metal arm and a blast of hot air blew out. It blew Carly's hair and her necklace and blew them, but Carly, and Carly's gaze, were completely unmoved.

"So," Sam said awkwardly. "Did I hear you say you had a reason for coming here?"