12. #Heartbroken

Cat eased into the passenger seat of Jade's car, enjoying the fresh breeze blowing in her face. She was tempted to lean out the window a little to catch more of the breeze, but if she did that, Jade would make some wisecrack about her being a dog. It wouldn't be the first time, either. Years ago she said that Cat was basically a pet. At the time, Cat played along with the joke, but it was still kind of hurtful.

There's nothing wrong with being a dog, though, Cat thought. Dogs are pretty smart. They've got this whole air-on-the-face thing figured out pretty well.

Cat knew that her ability to think about such silly things was a good sign. Spending the day with Jade and Tori had helped take her mind off of her problems, even though watching those two together was kind of like watching two dysfunctional parents. Which made her wonder if maybe there was something going on there that Jade and Tori didn't want to acknowledge, kind of like how there was something going on between Cat and Sam that neither acknowledged at first.

"Hey, Jade."

"Yeah?"

"D'you ever wonder if maybe the reason you're kind of mean to Tori is that you secretly really like her? Like, like her?"

Silence fell between them for a long few seconds. Cat glanced over and found Jade glaring at her. She was pretty sure the last time Jade looked at her like that was when Cat had accidentally waxed her eyebrows off her face. That hadn't ended well for Cat.

"Okay, never mind. Sorry."

Jade slowly turned back to the road just in time for the light to turn green. Things were suddenly very uncomfortable in the car. Cat tried humming to herself, but that didn't help. It was Jade who eventually broke the silence.

"What in the world made you ask me that?"

"Well, I was just thinking about me and Sam, that's all. Like, when she first came here, she was always really mad and a lot more violent. But now she's kind of mellowed out a little and she says that's cause of me."

Jade nodded. "I've noticed. It's a shame, I really enjoyed her unpredictable violence."

"Well, when Tori first came here, she made you really angry because you thought she was hitting on Beck. And then she kissed him in Sikowitz's class."

Jade's eyes narrowed, and the car sped up a little. "Not really happy memories," she said. "What's the point?"

"You're not as angry as you used to be either," Cat said. "Ever since Tori came along, you've started acting more like a friend. And I've seen how you look at her sometimes. It just seems like maybe you feel more for her than you let on."

"I don't let on that I feel anything but irritation for her," Jade said. "Because that's what I feel for her. And that's all."

"Oh. Okay," Cat said. She didn't want to push the issue with Jade or make her mad, especially after she'd been so helpful. It still seemed like she wasn't being completely honest about it, but Cat was content to take the blame and let it go. "I'm probably misreading it, then. I do that a lot. Don't pay any attention to me."

"Fine."

As the car drew closer to Cat's apartment, the muscles in her neck started to tighten again. She thought about walking in and seeing Carly and Sam talking and laughing. Her chest was heavier too, as if she had to fight to breathe.

"Why are things so hard sometimes?"

Jade cast her a sidelong glance. "Is that an actual question?"

"I think so. I don't know. I can't stop worrying about it. Why can't I stop worrying?"

Jade's voice softened. "Because you're a normal human being with feelings and you care about Sam. Because you're so happy with her that you're terrified of losing it. Should I go on?"

"No, that's enough." Cat looked over to Jade. She was so smart and confident and fearless. All things that she loved about Sam, too. "Thank you."

Jade's eyes remained steady on the road. "For what?"

"For being my friend. For treating me like a sister."

Jade let the smallest hint of a smile cross her lips for a moment.

"Yeah, well…I never had a sister. But if I did, I guess I could worse than you." Her customary scowl returned. "But not much worse."

The car slowed to a stop in front of Cat's apartment. Cat forced a few deep breaths into her lungs. "I had fun today, thanks."

"Yeah, yeah. Anytime." She quickly added, "Not literally. Do not take that literally."

Cat pulled her bags out of the back seat. Before she closed it, Jade turned.

"Let me know how things go, all right?"

Cat smiled and nodded, then slammed the door and stepped up onto the walkway. She turned towards her apartment and struck out, excited to show Sam the things she bought…especially since she planned on wearing one of them to bed that night. As she got closer to the front door, she heard Sam's voice. It was kind of loud and sounded a little frustrated. All of the anxiety she felt earlier came rushing back.

Don't get upset, just see what's going on first.

Cat didn't like to eavesdrop. It wasn't very ladylike. But if Sam was upset about something, it would help if Cat could understand why before she talked to Sam about it. She slowed her pace as she heard Sam's voice coming from the bedroom window. She peeked inside it briefly; Sam was alone, talking on her phone.

"I wasn't expecting it either. All those years away and then she just shows up looking all adorable, wanting to pick right back up."

Cat's throat suddenly felt tight. Oh, no. She's talking about Carly. Oh no, no, no. A sheen of sweat appeared on Cat's forehead.

"What am I supposed to tell her? I mean I've got a lot happening right now and none of it was planned."

Cat felt dizzy. The cool breeze suddenly felt warm and oppressive. Her chest felt like it was caught in a vise grip. She tried to breathe deeply, tried to calm herself down, but her mind would not cooperate. Carly's going to take Sam away….she's going to take my Sam…

"No," Sam said, "She got a hotel room. This is all so jacked."

Cat found it hard to hear what Sam was saying over the sound of her pulse as it throbbed through her ears. She was certain she was going to faint; she had never been so afraid.

"Nothing. Just…my roommate…well…aaahhh, forget it. This is why I don't do connections. Every time I get close to someone, something like this happens. You know, I was this close to leaving LA a week ago."

Oh, god, she was gonna leave me!?

Cat grabbed the small tree outside the window for balance as her legs threatened to collapse underneath her. Why couldn't she breathe? Why was the air trying to suffocate her? How did this hit her so fast?

"Because…just because, okay? I should have just done it. I should have left when I had the chance. Now Carly's back…the timing is just ridiculous. And this thing with Cat…"

Oh, god, don't talk about the thing with the Cat. Don't say it, don't tell me you want to leave…

"Yeah. There's been some…developments since you were here last. I swear if you'd have told me back then Carly was going to show up and try to pull me away…I just don't see how she's not going to get hurt."

Cat couldn't handle hearing anymore. Her bags slipped from her hands and hit the sidewalk as she ran from the building, back down the walkway. Jade's car was gone.

Jade…I have to call Jade. Oh, god, I have to call her. I can't breathe…

Cat pulled her phone out and dropped it. She fell to her knees and picked it back up, then clumsily flipped through her contacts. Tears stung her eyes; she could barely see. She hit Jade's number. After two rings, Jade picked up.

"Cat, do you remember when I said not take that 'anytime' thing literally?"

"Jade please come get me, please! I can't breathe…" The tears came in earnest and Cat began sobbing into her phone.

"What happened?" Jade asked with uncharacteristic concern. "Are you okay?"

"I was right," Cat gasped. "About Carly. She came to take Sam away."

"How do you know?"

"I heard Sam talking on the phone," Cat said. "Jade, I can't breathe, what's wrong with me? I'm scared."

"Listen to me. You're okay. I'm coming to get you. You're going to be fine. Just try to take deep breaths. I'll be there in a minute."