COMMENTATOR DAISY EVANS ON QUIDDITCH, CONTROVERSY AND MORE
BY HALEY VIRTUE / February 26, 1979
If you know anything about Quidditch at Hogwarts, you know that good commentators are few and far between, which is the reason why they usually get very long terms. When Richie Eriksen graduated last year, we lost a great commentator, and at the beginning of this year things weren't looking so great in terms of finding a new one. Then came along transfer student, Daisy Edwards, and everything changed.
Many things have been said about Daisy Edwards's commentary, but if there's one thing for sure, it's that she's one of the good ones. I recently sat down with Daisy to discuss all things Quidditch Cup, her opinions on it and more.
HV: Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview, Daisy.
DE: Of course! It's my pleasure.
HV: I'm not going to beat around the bush. Many things have been said about your support for the Gryffindor team on last Saturday's match, some people say you're betraying your own House, Slytherin, some people think your feelings towards the Gryffindor team are not genuine. What do you have to say about the subject?
DE: (sighs) I am a fan of Quidditch. I am a proud member of the Slytherin House. Therefore I will always support first and foremost the Slytherin team. That being said, I can recognise a good Quidditch team when I see one, and the Gryffindor team is a good team, and don't we all want to support a good team? If Gryffindor plays against Slytherin, of course I will support Slytherin, but you can't deny that the Gryffindor team is a [redacted] good team, no matter if you like the House itself or not. And that is the only thing I have to say about this matter.
HV: Is it true you made an official complaint to the school about Slytherin Chaser Cian Vanderbilt calling you a blood purist slur?
DE: Yes, he shouldn't be able to get away with calling people [redacted].
HV: Even though he might get kicked off the team because of this?
DE: Yes, the comments he has made towards me and several other students, including players of all four Houses, are incredibly worrying. No human being should make such crude comments towards another. It's one thing when I call him a bad Quidditch player, but it's a whole other when he makes such degrading comments towards my person. I know you're a pureblood, Haley, so you might not fully understand, but it's not particularly nice when someone calls you a 'filthy half-breed'. And he has not only made these comments, but he has also threatened me and some of my friends, something for which he should absolutely face severe consequences. I believe by the time this interview comes out, the right authorities will already have been alerted of these threats. I really don't care if he plays for my own House's team. Plus y'all act as if he was an actual good player.
HV: Right now, it's looking very likely Cian Vanderbilt will be at least suspended from the Slytherin team. We reached out to Cian for comment, and he said, and I quote, "she should've kept her mouth shut."
DE: (laughs hysterically) The easiest way for none of this to have happened would have been if you would manage to restrain you uncalled-for comments.
HV: Moving on, what do you say to the people who have said that Slytherin Captain Regulus Black is biased against non-pureblood players?
DE: Show me the receipts, I want to see the receipts.
HV: What do you think about Evgenia Belyavskaya maybe getting MVP this year?
DE: It's what she deserves.
HV: We've gotten word that Professor Slughorn, your Head of House, has asked you to be more prudent during Quidditch games.
DE: Yeah, sadly, there's not a man alive who can tell me what to do.
HV: What do you think about the Hufflepuff team's almost assured last place in the Cup?
DE: Sherran Abbott, you're the only [redacted] in this house I ever respected.
HV: How do you feel about Dorian Avery heckling you while he's playing?
DE: (sighs) I had never come so near to throwing hands with a thirteen-year-old until I met Dorian Avery.
HV: What game are you most excited to comment this season?
DE: Gryffindor versus Slytherin!
HV: Best Chaser this season?
DE: Evgenia Belyavskaya, definitely.
HV: Best Beater?
DE: Ellie Benson, but also Armie Saavedra.
HV: Best Keeper?
DE: Safiya Chopra.
HV: Best Seeker?
DE: Natalliya Carson, but Grace Richardson is up there too.
HV: Have you heard of the game started by some students where every time you say 'alright' and 'oh and' they take a handful of Every Flavour Beans until someone pukes?
DE: Yes, I think it's hilarious.
HV: There was some speculation that since you're new at Hogwarts, you don't really know much about the Quidditch scene here.
DE: Well, I wouldn't say I don't know anything about it. I've done my research, I know everything there is to know about every single players' Quidditch career here at Hogwarts, which I think is the most important thing. But hey, if anyone wants to discuss past Quidditch seasons, I'm down. You want to talk about James Potter's quaffle skills, Damon Diggle's spins, Alison Burr's feints? Gryffindor's great loss of 1975? The unexpected Hufflepuff win of 1977?
HV: I believe that answer just about says it all. Thank you so much for your time, Daisy, I look forward to listening to your commentary next match.
DE: Thank you!
The few days after my interview had come out were a whirlwind, everyone either had to pick a fight with me or complain about something, and a few show me support. I was honestly surprised so many people had cared enough to actually read the interview.
I'd visited Dumbledore's office earlier today to tell him three things.
First, Vanderbilt's arsehole comments about blood. He didn't seem too enraged, I bet this had happened before, but he'd promised me he would do something about it.
Second, to let him know I'd be leaving next week for my competition and would be gone for two weeks, as I did actually want to train with my coach for a little while before the competition. Dumbledore was pretty cool about it.
Lastly, to get a straight answer on whether I had magic or not. But since this was Dumbledore we were talking about, I hadn't gotten a completely satisfying answer. He had explained how most Muggleborns had a wizard ancestor somewhere down the line, and that's how they got their magic. So both Lily and I had an ancestor who had magic, and while Lily was a full witch, I had a form of magic, which translated into the Sight, and since I had a form of magic, most objects especially enchanted to react to wizards would think I was one, which was the reason the broom had reacted to me. Anti-Muggle spells would probably not work on me either. Whatever all that meant.
"Hey Edwards!"
I stopped in my tracks. I turned around to see Cian Vanderbilt and two of his little Sixth Year cronies whose names I didn't know. Ugh.
I knew for sure this would mean trouble. "Leave me alone."
I attempted to keep walking but the three men blocked my path.
Vanderbilt looked especially pissed off. "So, did you rat me out to Dumbledore?"
I stood straighter. "The things I've heard you say were concerning, he needed to know."
Vanderbilt was getting up close and personal, his ugly mug only a few inches away from my face. "If I get kicked off the team because of you, this is not going to end well for you."
"You know, I don't think making more threats is going to work on your favour here."
"You're such a fucking snitch, Edwards."
"I wouldn't have said anything if you'd called me a doo-doo head, but you threatened me and my friends."
"And I would do it again." He reached for his wand.
"Is there a problem here?" A new voice said.
Regulus had gotten here at some point, and was now giving Vanderbilt and I his Stern Prefect Look.
"Why don't you ask Edwards? After all, she's the one trying to get me kicked off the team." Vanderbilt said with a sneer.
Regulus looked done, he said to Vanderbilt, "Just leave Edwards alone."
Oh. Okay. "I don't need your help, Black, I can handle this whiny little bitch on my own."
Vanderbilt looked enraged. "You're going to regret that, half-breed."
He got up close on my personal space as he reached for his wand.
Now, what I did next is not something I usually condone doing, but at this particular moment, this man was about to attack me (I wasn't sure if wizard or Muggle style), and I had exactly zero magic to defend myself if he reached for his wand, but what I did have was biceps.
So I punched Vanderbilt right on the face.
He fell back dramatically. "Ow! What the fuck? You crazy bitch!"
I immediately sensed two arms around my waist, holding me back from having another go. Regulus was such a party-pooper.
Vanderbilt's cronies scrambled as he recovered and finally took out his wand and pointed it at me.
I froze and I instinctively grabbed on to Regulus's forearm in fear. This I couldn't escape with fists.
The last thing I heard was "Vanderbilt stop!" and then everything went black.
I opened my eyes slowly, blinking against the harsh light. Where the hell was I?
It wasn't the morning, or my dorm.
"Bow! Oh my god you're up." Nat's airy voice came from somewhere in the vicinity.
She then launched herself into my arms and squeezed me in a hug.
Then it came back to me. Vanderbilt had done something to me. But I wasn't quite sure what.
"What happened?" I asked groggily.
Nat removed herself form my arms and sat beside me. She took a deep breath and launched into an explanation. "Well from what I know, Vanderbilt tried to pick a fight with you in the hallway outside the Divination classroom, but when he tried to pull his wand on you, you punched him in the face, and then Regulus Black tried to stop the fight but Vanderbilt managed to get one jinx in, though Madame Pomfrey isn't quite sure what jinx it was, but you passed out, and then Regulus Black brought you here, and you've been out for about four hours."
"Regulus brought me here?"
"That's what you get from all that?"
"Well, the other stuff I remember now, that I don't."
"Well yeah, after he brought you here, he went to the Slytherin common room and told Saf about what happened and she told the rest of us. We were all here for a while but then Pomfrey sent the girls to class, and I was the only one who had a free period so here we are."
That was nice of them.
Madame Pomfrey came into view, holding two vials of potions in her hands. "Miss Carson, thanks for alerting me Miss Edwards was awake."
Oh my god, that was one sassy witch.
Nat muttered an apology and moved aside to let the woman examine me.
I had no idea how wizard doctors worked, I didn't see a stethoscope, or a tongue depressor, or a thermometer, or one of those thingies they put in your ear. Only a wand in sight.
"Well, everything appears to be fine. Apart from passing out, I'd dare say you fared better than Mr Vanderbilt, he's going to have that bruise for days."
Nat laughed hysterically.
The day of the Slytherin versus Gryffindor match was hectic. Everybody was pumped, including me. I'd been approached by many people that day, half had been people telling me they were looking forward to my commenting, and the other half had been people upset over what I'd said about Vanderbilt on the gazette. Good thing I didn't give a rat's ass.
On this day I was accompanied on the commentator's booth by my dear friend Tessa, who had been assigned as Head Girl to keep me in check during the match. How she was going to manage that though, I had no idea.
"It's Saturday, my dudes!" I spoke into the mic. "And you know what that means!" The crowd roared. "It's time for some – "
"Quidditch!" The audience yelled back at me.
"First and foremost, to all the people who told me this morning that I was throwing Vanderbilt under the bus, I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I will not only throw Vanderbilt under the bus, I will pick up the bus and drop it on him several times, then I will get on the bus and drive over him, then back up and drive over him again. 'Kay? Good."
Tessa tugged at my elbow.
"Let's now give a warm welcome to the Gryffindor team. First we have the Beaters, cutie-pie but tough as nails, Ellie Benson." She was actually the tiniest member of the team, and a Second Year. "And Andy Caplan. Next up the super trio, Chasers Mina Parsons, Darien Kingsley, and Elsie Macmillan. Now, for the Seeker, the most beautiful glowing sun goddess ever, Natalliya Carson!" Nat flew out all smiles and waved at me enthusiastically. "And Captain, Keeper Louis Whiteley!"
'Slytherins, let me hear y'all make some noise! First up we have, stellar Beaters, dynamic duo, Helena Burke and Dorian Avery! Now for the Chasers, her Quidditch skills are almost as perfect as her face, it's Evgenia Belyavskaya! Also Arthur Cho and Cian Vanderbilt." Yes, they were still letting him play, I went to flip him off but Tessa snatched my hand. "Our Keeper, beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox, Safiya Chopra! And our esteemed Captain, Seeker Regulus Black."
Coach Farizan gave a few instructions and blew the whistle as the players flew into the air.
"And they're off! Slytherin is in possession, but Benson is quick with those bludgers! I must say Gryffindor has a great lineup this year."
The Slytherins in the crowd booed at my comment. Ugh, they can be so petty sometimes.
"Why are you booing me? I'm right."
Tessa grabbed my attention with a small shove.
"Oh and Belyavskaya has scored already, that woman can do it all! Slytherin is in the lead."
Caplan started wilding with his Beater's bat for some reason, making a bunch of not-allowed moves. "Uuuh, Caplan, did you ever learn to fucking read? Because for sure, you've never read the Quidditch rulebook."
Tessa elbowed me.
"Oh and Ellie Benson just absolutely ran down Vanderbilt with a bludger, I always knew you were a good one, Ellie."
The moment Gryffindor scored their first goal, I could see the determination in Evgenia's face as she grabbed the quaffle and headed straight for the Gryffinor goal post. "Oh are you all seeing this play by Evgenia Belyavskaya? My wig is in orbit! Ugh, her power!"
Little Avery flew past my booth. "No one cares!"
"Why don't you go back to preschool, Avery?"
"By the way, I'm fourteen, not thirteen."
He was referring to what I'd said about him on the gazette. Will everyone leave that alone already? I opened my mouth ready to retort but Tessa grabbed my arm and said, "Take a breath. Focus on the game."
And I did. Shit, Zhenya had scored while I was having my little quarrel with Avery. "Oh and that's another goal from Belyavskaya!"
"You don't say!" Avery yelled.
That little shit.
Actually, Little Avery and I were on pretty good terms. Our friendship consisted solely of the two of us roasting each other, but I'd still say it was a friendship.
"Oh and just as Cho scores, Macmillan gets struck by a bludger and it seems like her wrist is hurt."
The game stopped momentarily as Macmillan flew down to get her wrist examined.
"It seems like Macmillan will be fine, so in the meantime, I thought I should let you all know that since I know you are all so fond of my Quidditch conspiracy theories, I'm starting a column on the Hogwarts Gazette about it and I want you all to send me suggestions on what theories you have or have heard of that you would like me to talk about, it can be about the BQL or Hogwarts Quidditch. Next week we're discussing: is Vanderbilt really a spy sent here to ruin everyone's lives? And, are the Chudley Cannons part of the Illuminati?"
From where I was sitting I could see Vanderbilt's silent rage, which made me smile.
The game went on pretty chill for a while, we were up 30 - 90 (no thanks to Vanderbilt) when I saw two blurs zooming through the pitch. "And the snitch has been spotted! It seems like a very tight race. Oh I can't look. What's happened? Oh Regulus Black has caught the snitch, Slytherin wins!"
Huh, that had been a pretty chill game overall. I stood up in excitement and cheered alongside my classmates.
"Well, I'm incredibly proud of the Slytherin team sans Vanderbilt, but as you all know, I think Gryffindor was great too."
An upset Caplan flew past the commentator's booth and yelled. "It's not as if you actually supported us anyway."
I grabbed the mic. "How dare you? I was rooting for you, we were all rooting for you!"
Tessa pulled me down into my seat and took the mic from me. "Promise me you'll only say a nice quick farewell."
"Yes, I promise, okay?"
She let me have the mic back. "Well, see you next time, Hogwarts, I hope you all enjoyed the match." I paused. "And fuck you – "
But Tessa had already unplugged my mic.
AN: Reviews are appreciated!