AN: I've been thinking about this chapter a lot. At one point I thought about changing the whole thing, but this is what had to happen to be honest. This will set the tone for the sequel.

I stood in Lily's kitchen slathering frosting onto cupcakes.

Lily had tried to include me in the party-planning process as much as she could. But honestly, I wasn't really feeling very up to it. I complied though, it made her feel calmer.

It had been three weeks since Regulus died. It still felt like it was yesterday. The memory of coming into our house only to find him lifeless on the floor, the place completely thrashed still haunted me.

The first few days afterwards I didn't know what to do with myself. I cried every tear my body was able to produce, I kicked and I screamed and I cursed. But now I just felt numb.

Lily had been trying to keep me busy, so I wouldn't think about him too much, and it worked to an extent. But when I lied awake in bed at night I couldn't stop thinking about Reg. His smile, his cold eyes that softened when he saw me, his perfect face, his tender voice.

The worst part was that I actually wanted to think about him, I didn't want to forget him. But the memory of him made me so sad. I needed to figure out a way to remember him without breaking down. But I hadn't yet.

"You done with those?"

I looked at Lily and nodded silently. I hoped she couldn't tell I was on the verge of tears.

She took the tray of cupcakes, kissed the side of my head and walked out of the kitchen.

She'd been doing that a lot lately. Peppering hugs and kisses and small gestures of affection here and there, and honestly it did make me feel slightly better.

I watched Lily and James show off their kid to their friends from afar. They made me feel better, but sometimes also worse.

I'll explain. They made me feel better in the sense that they were all still alive and well, and as happy as they could be under the circumstances they were under. But it made me sad to think about what Regulus and I could have been. We could've been that annoyingly happy family. But now it was all gone. All the possibilities. Just like that.

I'd been nervous about being around this many people, especially since in their eyes I didn't have any reason to be sad, they thought Regulus was long dead, and that I had never so much as crossed paths with him.

"Hey, do you feel up to singing?" Lily asked. I hadn't even noticed her approaching me.

I took a deep breath. I'd already said I would. "Sure." For Harry.

I walked over to the living room, my guitar was already awaiting me on a chair. I looked at Lily and James's friends and tried to seem like I was a regular functioning human being.

I took a seat and arranged my guitar.

Lily was sitting on the sofa with Harry on her lap, giving me a wide smile.

I started strumming the guitar.

"I never felt this strong
I'm invincible, how could this go wrong?"

Harry stared at me in great interest with his wide green eyes.

"Like an image passing by, my love, my life
In the mirror of your eyes, my love, my life
I can see it all so clearly, all I love so dearly
Images passing by."

This song made me oddly emotional, and even though Harry wasn't my child, I loved him with all my heart and I would do anything to protect him.

"I held you close to me
Felt your heart beat and I though, I am free
Oh yes, and as one are we in the now and beyond
Nothing can break this bond."

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I struggled to carry the tune with the knot in my throat.

"Yes, I know I don't possess you
With all my heart, god bless you
You are still my love and my life
You're my one and only."

I finished with a smile, which was a rare thing these days.

Everyone in the room clapped politely. Even Lily got little Harry to clap a few times.

I put my guitar down and was planning to go back to hiding in the kitchen when a few people approached me. It was Mary and Melanie, Lily's closest friends.

Mary was a short dark skinned girl, and Melanie was about a head taller than me, with jet black hair and the same dark eyes.

"That was beautiful, Daisy." Mary said.

I nodded once. "Thanks."

"Did you write that?"

"Uh no, that was ABBA, actually."

"Oh, really? I thought it sounded familiar." Melanie said.

"Lily told us you've just retired from skating." Mary commented as she sipped her drink.

Oh god, how much did I not want to have this conversation right now. "Yes."

"You're supposed to start to do ice shows now, right? You'll have to tell us when you come to town so we can see it."

I tried a small smile, but I think it came out more like a grimace. "Yeah, it'll probably be a while though. Lily thinks it's kind of dangerous for me to go on ice shows at the moment."

Mary got a serious look on her face. "Oh, of course."

In that moment Remus tapped me on the shoulder, thankfully distracting me from the conversation. "Bow."

I turned to look at the man, he seemed a bit flustered. He whispered to me, "Sirius is outside, he's a bit... Can you deal with him? Please."

I nodded and excused myself from my conversation with Mary and Melanie.

Reg's passing had affected Sirius in a way I couldn't begin to understand. He'd been volatile and angry and sad, and no one wanted to deal with him. Lily had tried to keep me away from him, since she thought his attitude would be detrimental to my path of healing (her words), but then it'd become pretty evident that I was the most equipped person to deal with him.

I opened the back door to find Sirius sitting on the steps looking at Lily's small backyard. A bottle of vodka next to him.

I sighed quietly and sat down next to him. "'Sup?"

He turned to look at me, slightly surprised. His eyes had huge bags under them, and his long-ish hair was unkept. "Decided to come to Harry's party, then I saw all the people in there and thought I really don't want to deal with a single one of them."

"Yeah, I get that."

"How do you do it? How do you talk to people normally?"

I took a deep breath. "Honestly, I'm not quite sure. Whenever someone approaches me I feel like I'm going to start screaming or crying uncontrollably or pass out, but then I just... talk back."

Sirius chuckled humourlessly and let his head fall into his hands. "I'm just so... I feel so awful."

I squeezed his shoulder.

"I should've tried harder." He sounded defeated. "I shouldn't have let him be so influenced by our parents. Then he'd never have even thought about joining the Death Eaters."

"It is not your fault." I said firmly.

He shook his head. "You didn't grow up the way we did. It was my responsibility to keep him from harm, and I let our parents harm him so much. He was so easily influenced by our parents, he would've done anything for them."

"That sounds more like it's on your parents that he ever went to the Death Eaters."

He swallowed roughly. "It's my fault that we were virtually strangers before you... before you came to us for help. I barely just got him back, and it was so hard, but I was finally starting to feel like I'd gotten my little brother back."

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "He was so happy to have you back too."

"I'm sorry I'm piling all this on to you, I know you've had it just as tough as me."

"It's okay. I miss him too."

Sirius sniffled. "I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. You're not even a witch, this isn't your mess to deal with, but here you are, having a harder time than most wizards because of the war."

Well, I couldn't deny that. I shrugged. "It's life."

"I fucking hate Voldemort."

I chuckled. "Don't we all?"

"I hate him for what he did to Reg. I hate him for what he'd doing to Lily and James, and what he did to you, you don't deserve this. And it's even his fault that we didn't get to hold a proper funeral for Reg."

I could feel the sheer loathing in his voice. We'd had a small private wake for Reg, since people were supposed to think he was already dead, and for safety reasons.

We stayed quiet for a few minutes. My head still on his shoulder, where I could hear his heartbeat. It reminded me of lying against Reg's chest, listening to his heart beat, and how it just wasn't there anymore.

"He was really excited about marrying you, you know?" Sirius said suddenly. "He kept telling me about how he never thought he'd feel so strongly about someone in his life. And how he couldn't wait to grow old with you."

The tears formed in my eyes faster than I could speak. "Stop, please. I can't."

Sirius put his arm around me. "I'm sorry. I didn't think."

I sniffled. "It's fine. I'm happy to hear that, but at the moment I think it makes me sadder than it makes me happy."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling though. As I stifled a sob, I heard some sniffling coming from Sirius's part. "Oh no, don't cry."

Sirius chuckled. He couldn't stop the tears either. "I miss him so much, Rainbow. He didn't deserve this."

Sirius grabbed his bottle of vodka and took a swig from it. He handed it to me. I took a swig too. I grimaced as the liquid burnt my throat. I was definitely not used to just chugging vodka.

We somehow comforted each other in passing the bottle back and forth until it was almost empty. At least we stopped crying by then.

"Can you believe we're out here getting drunk at our godson's first birthday party?" I said.

Sirius laughed. "I'd give us a pass."

"I mean, this is tragically on brand for you, but I never saw myself here."

Sirius didn't reply, but he stood up, took the few steps down to the backyard and laid down on the grass.

I put the bottle aside, and joined him.

He looked up at the stars. "You think he's watching over us?"

"I like to think so. It's especially useful that he's named after a whole star, that way I feel like he's actually up there."

I hadn't taken Astronomy at Hogwarts, so I had no idea about constellations and shit, but one day, after Reg's wake, Lily had pointed out Regulus - the star - to me. It was the only star I could recognise.

"I speak to his star sometimes, you know." I said quietly. "It gives me some comfort. Sometimes I just tell him about my day, and I feel better thinking he's listening."

Sirius still stared at the star. "Maybe I should try that."

I agreed. "He loves us both a lot."

"I know." He sounded upset.

I closed my eyes. "Can you believe we're going to defeat Voldemort now? Because of him." I smiled ever so slightly.

Sirius exhaled loudly. "Yeah... it's wild. But we can manage."

"For him."

And then I fell asleep.