there is time for gentleness in the cold storm

A Kimetsu no Yaiba Fan fiction

Original Characters

Disclaimer: I do not own Kimetsu no Yaiba

Warnings: grammatical errors, typos

This story contain Canon Character x Original Character pairing

CHAPTER 2

A day at the temple begins not with the rising of the sun. It begins with the sound of bonsho ringing.

Sansa had been startled and bewildered the first time she woke up to the noise. The other children don't find it odd in the slightest. They are used to it by now. It's not that Sansa dislikes waking up early. She doesn't mind it, actually. It just takes a while to get used to.

Her new life that is.

On her left and right, Ui and Kyouka stirs. The boys too rouse from their sleep. Sayo, the youngest child, shows no sign of waking up anytime soon. Well, she is only three after all. After they put away their futon, the group tiptoed their way out of the room in order not to disturb Sayo.

The temple looks awfully intimidating in the darkness. It feels as if the monsters will come out once night has fallen. Perhaps it is because the temple is located deep in the mountains? No, Sansa is just being silly. This is a temple. Restless spirits do not have a place where Buddha resides.

The children arrive at the well. Kotaro being the oldest boy is responsible for drawing the water. He poured the water from the bucket to the basin. They crowd over it so they can wash their faces and brush their teeth. They only have one tin of toothpaste left so they each can only take a tiny portion of it. Sansa waits for her turn. Good girls don't cut in line. By the time her turn comes, Sensei joins them. He had finished with his morning prayers and sutra chants.

"Good morning, everyone," He greets them with a soft smile.

"Good morning, Sensei," They chorused back.

Sansa takes his hand and guides him over to the basin.

"Thank you, Sansa," Sensei smiles at her.

Himejima Gyomei is a boy of sixteen yet the other children insisted on calling him Sensei. Sansa doesn't quite understand, but Himejima is the oldest and an ordained monk at that, so she follows their example. Sensei is the first to rise and the last to retire at night. Despite his blindness, Sensei doesn't let it deter him from living to the fullest. He had welcomed Sansa with open arms, treating her with the same kindness he showed to the rest of the children under his care and her fellow orphans.

Once they all finished, they set out to complete their morning chores. The girls go to the kitchen to cook breakfast. Sensei's sext prohibits the consumption of meat so they are limited to vegetables and fruits. Certain ingredients such as scallions and green pepper are not allowed because they are too 'exciting' for monks to consume. Whatever that means. Today's breakfast will be rice and pickled cucumber. The meals in the temple are simple like that. Some days they will only have rice gruel. Sansa had noticed how no one asked for second helpings, the few times the older kids would huddle together and cast worried glances at the food pantry and then finally; the quality of their clothes. The clothes Sansa wore when she first arrived is a step above the garment they wore in quality. Sansa doesn't point out any of these, of course. Sansa must not upset these people. Sansa is a good girl.

"Sansa-chan, could you wake up Sayo-chan?" Ui's voice snapped her out of her reverie. The older girl is about to chop the cucumbers.

Sansa smiles. "Yes."

Unlike the rest of the children, Sayo has been living in this temple since she was a baby. She was abandoned at the temple's doorstep. Sensei and the previous Sensei (a senior monk who had passed away some time before Sansa's arrival) rescued her just in time. Sansa wonders if Sayo ever misses her birth parents. She decided that it doesn't matter. Sayo doesn't know any other life but the one she already has in the temple.

Sayo had not changed her sleeping position from the last Sansa saw her. Her expression is so peaceful. She doesn't know how terrible the world outside the temple walls could be.

"Sayo-chan," Sansa gently shook her. "It's morning. Time to wake up." She pulled the cover away.

Sayo blinked at her blearily. "M'kay…"

"Come on. I'll help you with your clothes…"

Once Sayo is properly dressed, they head to the well. They chance upon Kaigaku who is in the middle of filling in the basin. Right, the boys are tasked with cleaning the wooden floors outside. Kaigaku looks at them. "Hang on. Let me fill up yours." He lowered the bucket into the well.

Kaigaku was the latest addition to this small family before Sansa. He was living in the streets before he was found and subsequently taken in by Sensei. All the children except for Sayo were homeless once or on the verge to become one. Kaigaku is the fastest amongst them. Not even the oldest Kotaro can beat him in a footrace.

By the time Sayo finished brushing her teeth, Kyouka appears to announce that breakfast is ready.

Breakfast in the temple is a lively affair. Everyone wants to talk. So they talk over each other In the first month, Sansa had a hard time keeping track of the conversations. They can hold more than two at the same time. Sayo has taken up the habit to repeat the words the older kids say. Now she can keep up with all of them without missing a beat. Is it always like this with large families?

Once everyone is finished, they all bring their dishes and cups to the kitchen. The girls stay behind to clean them while the boys tackle their next chores. The temple is no Todai-ji but it is not the sort of place that can be cleaned with just a pair of hands. So everyone is needed so they can cover all spots. Naturally, the girls join them as soon as they are finished in the kitchen. Around midday Ui will pull Sansa and Kyouka aside so they can prepare lunch.

Laundry awaits them after lunch is over. Sansa had turned pink when she washed a boy's underthings the first time. This is something she must know though. Sansa's future will include a husband and children.

They have a few hours to do whatever they want until dinner. Sometimes they hold lessons where Kotaro and Ui teach them letters or Sensei teaching them how to count. Sometimes they sit together in a circle as they make omamori for the temple to sell. Sansa finds the tassel knot easy to make thanks to Mother teaching her the basics in the past. More often than not they would play in the courtyard. Hide and seek, tag, shiritori, that kind of stuff. Sansa, who never played with anyone before, is particularly bad at it. The others don't seem to mind. The amount of participants make up for the lack of toys in the temple.

Dinner is hardly any different from breakfast and lunch; a loud affair. The boys prepare the bath while the girls clear the dishes. Sensei lit up a wisteria incense outside when dusk fell. The familiarity in the act helps dull the ache in her heart.

They go to sleep, wake up the next morning and go on their day like they did the day before.

Rinse and repeat.

Being busy is good. It keeps her occupied. It allows Sansa not to think about Mother.

It's been three months since Sansa was taken into the temple. Three months since Mother passed away. She succumbed to her illness when the last of the cherry blossoms fell to the ground to give way to summer.

It is poetic in a tragic way. A woman named after sakura flowers was born in spring and died in spring as well.

With no next of kin willing to take her in, Sansa is handed over to the temple.

Sensei has nine other children beside her to look after. He has no time for a crying child. Not when there are little ones who need more attention than she does. So Sansa turns the tears in her heart to ice. Sansa is not difficult. Sansa is a good girl.

If there is one downside of living in the temple, Sansa will say it's the commute.

The temple is located deep in the mountains. It takes hours to get to town by foot. The road is steep and wild animals lurk around. Kotaro swore up and down that he saw a bear once. The road becomes doubly dangerous once it gets dark. Sensei's sensei met his end when he tripped and hit his head on his way back. They didn't find him until the next day.

Visitors seldom come. No visitor means no donations or omamori sales. Sansa can count on one hand how many people have come to the temple in the last two months. The townspeople are not the religious sort apparently. Himejima-sensei go to town once a week to purchase goods or perform ceremonies. One of the older kids usually accompanies him. Sansa is too young to make the journey. So is Kaigaku, who is the same age as her. It will be their turn in a year or two. Sansa has not set a foot in town ever since Sensei took her to the temple. No more silver hair and smiles. A promise she once made a lifetime ago. Sansa intends to keep it, even now.

Himejima-sensei left the temple this morning to make a trip to town. Last time Ui accompanied him so it's Kotaro's turn now to accompany Sensei. Sansa pretended not to notice when she spotted Kotaro and Ui having a tense discussion at the corner before Kotaro left with Sensei. It must be about money. Kotaro and Ui would never look this troubled otherwise. Sensei doesn't seem to notice their worry, as far as Sansa can tell. To say it is due to his blindness is a bit… That is an unkind thought. It's not as if Sensei wanted to be blind… But Sensei must have noticed how hungry they are.

Sensei doesn't notice many, many things.

He didn't notice the slight edge in Ui's voice when he introduced Sansa to everyone. Nor did he notice the boys' boredom and discomfort after hours of sitting still when he taught everyone meditation. Sensei casually brushed off Kaigaku's idea to save money because he believes they have more than enough to get by. Sansa had seen the way Soroku clutched his stomach when he told Sensei that he is not hungry when they discover rats have gotten to where they store the rice.

Sansa saw many more instances where the children swallow their tongue or otherwise lie. Everyone never complains. Not a peep. Sensei is none the wiser. Sensei is completely, utterly satisfied with their current lifestyle. It works for him. Why not with the others?

Perhaps the other kids are trying to be good in order to not make Sensei worry. Just like Sansa had been with Mother.

Kotaro is only three years younger than Sensei. He tries to cover where Sensei is lacking. Steady when Sensei is too overcome with emotion. The one who carries the heavy burden since Sensei is too frail to do so. Kotaro is always the first to act. He is not above to use threats to keep everyone in line. Out of Sensei's earshot of course. Kotaro's favourite threat is to tell them that they will be chased out if they misbehave. Sansa suspects that specific threat is related to the circumstances that led him to live at the temple in the first place.

Ui is the oldest girl. She lost her entire family in a tragic fire accident a few years ago. Ui has this uncanny ability to be able to tell the time from the sun position. She never hesitates to raise her voice at the boys if they don't finish their chores on time. She acts as if she is their mother. Sansa wanted to tell her that she doesn't have to go that far. They already have a parental figure in Sensei. Yet the boys and Sayo still need a mother. So Ui becomes it for their sake. They turn to Ui after Sensei and Kotaro. She and Kotaro often operate as a team.

Hajime is the third oldest of the children. He has an eye for detail and his hands are quicker than his feet. His father was an umbrella maker. His mother passed away when he was too young to remember her. Hajime's father barely made ends' meet because he is more often than not sick in his bed. If he is not sick, he would be sad. By Hajime's own words, his father never seemed to know how to be happy. One day they discovered his father hanged himself on a tree behind their home. Any show of sadness makes Hajime nervous ever since.

Kyouka is the second oldest girl. She, like Sansa, was not born in this town. Her family's business went bankrupt. Kyouka's parents decided to send her away to live with a relative in this town. Kyouka boarded the train all by herself. After countless hours of waiting at the station, she is forced to accept that said relative is not coming. (Kyouka discovered later on that they had taken the money her parents sent prior to her arrival and took off.) The train station master decided to hand Kyouka over to the temple's custody the next day. Kyouka had sent countless letters to her parents but they never wrote back. Her flower patterned kimono is her most prized possession. It is the memento from her family. Despite what happened to her, Kyouka remains gentle and steadfast. Sansa never ever saw the older girl get angry.

Hideki smiles as easily as he climbs. He has a penchant for high places. When the walls and rooftop no longer cut it, he sets his sights to the trees. If someone were to ask Sansa who is the troublemaker in the temple, she will point at Hideki. The boy never knew his birth parents because they died in an accident when he was a baby. He was brought up by his elderly aunt instead. Hideki stops smiling whenever the topic of his previous life comes up. His aunt wanted a quiet, calm child. Hideki is anything but. He tried to please her in the beginning but nothing ever satisfies his aunt. Soon enough they can't stand each other. His life at the temple is like fresh air compared to living with his aunt.

Kaigaku has no parents or siblings to speak of. He never has much to say about his past. The closest thing he got to a family is the man who collected money Kaigaku received from begging. There are other children, orphans, who come and go. One day, the man is nowhere to be found, no matter how hard Kaigaku looked for him. After that he simply wandered. Never to stay in the same place for two days in a row. Then Sensei found him. Kaigaku works the hardest out of everyone. Sansa thinks it's because he doesn't want to give others a reason to chase him out.

Soroku was the youngest child in his family once upon a time. Now he is the last of them. His mother died giving birth to him while his siblings lost their lives under various circumstances. One died from sickness. One died from a bad fall. One got lost in the mountains and was never found. One died in infancy. One drowned. Soroku's father suffered from the same sickness that took away one of his children and died not long after. This chain of tragedy made Soroku a fearful boy. He clings onto his superstitions as hard as he clings to Sensei and the older kids.

Toten is the youngest boy, just two years younger than Kaigaku and Sansa. Perhaps it is due to his youth that it is easy for him to break down to tears. A sensitive boy. Almost as sensitive as Sensei. Toten doesn't have many memories of his previous life before he came to the temple. His mother actually came with him in the beginning. They came to the temple in the first place to escape from the heavy rain. The temple is bound to give sanctuary to visitors so they let them stay overnight. Come morning, Toten's mother is nowhere to be found.

Sansa listens to their stories, makes the right noises at the right times and remembers to smile. If she wants to survive life at the temple, she must be quick to remember the rules. Sansa must make them like her so she can have a place in this family. Just because Sensei takes her in doesn't mean Sansa is accepted right away. Kotaro expects obedience. Ui desires order. Sadness frightens Hajime. Kyouka values peace. Hideki brings mischief. Kaigaku covet security. Soroku hoards fear. Toten craves comfort.

They become much more open with their emotions when Sensei is not around. More prone to squabbles or even physical fights. Sansa saw Ui pull Hideki's ear when he slacked off. Soroku pushed Toten to the ground because the younger did something he didn't like. Kyouka's fearful sob when mud got into her kimono. Hajime once in his panic screamed at Sayo to stop crying when the little girl skinned her knee. The almost manic look on Kotaro's face when he yet again threatens to banish any misbehaving children, followed by Kaigaku scowling.

Any trace of anger, sadness or fear disappear all at once when Sensei enters the room. Everyone acts as if they never fought in the first place. They were screaming at each other and then smiling and laughing at each other next the second Sensei showed up. The transition is so dizzying that Sansa almost couldn't believe it. They made it look so natural.

In their need to keep Sensei happy, the children become good liars.

Sansa too must catch up to their level.

Sansa tries to become whatever they need. A pair of helping hands, a mouth that says 'yes', a belly that doesn't need much. She did it all with a smile on her face. Sansa is a good girl.

She already took steps to make sure the others will come to like her. She doesn't cry for Mother. She doesn't ask for anything. She doesn't get in anyone's way. This is a game Sansa all too familiar with. Her efforts have not gone to waste. Ui is glad for the extra help. Kotaro is happy to see Ui less stressed. Kyouka loves having another girl around. Soroku likes to be comforted. So does Toten. Hajime blushes every time he sees Sansa smile. Hideki thinks Sansa is a ninny for never climbing trees before, but he thinks all girls are ninnies so Sansa is not particularly bothered. Sayo is ecstatic to have a new sister and playmate. Kaigaku is a bit harder to read. He never calls her a ninny like Hideki. He doesn't ask for her attention like Toten or Sayo. He never glares at her like he would with Kotaro when he is being particularly demanding. So Sansa figures he doesn't mind her.

Sensei is… Different. Oh, he is easy enough to please. His lifestyle and wants are simple. It's just that he makes things difficult. The way of life Sensei prefers does not take account of what they need… The children all work hard to make everything to go his way. Even if it means they have to lie, yell at each other or sacrifice themselves.

Sensei is prone to burst into tears. Sansa had panicked the first time it happened in front of her and quickly apologized even though she doesn't know where her mistake lies. It turned out that he was only happy that the weather was sunny that day. He cries over the littlest thing. Sensei cry more often than Toten. Seeing an older boy cry like that (for Sensei is just that- a boy) make something inside Sansa twist. She doesn't like it. That emotion, though hard to name, is unmentionable. It's too ugly to put into words.

Now she is reaping her reward. Sansa has proven herself to them that she is not difficult. When she first arrived they tolerated her. Then after she showed them that she can be useful, they realised they needed her. It's only a matter of time before they will come to love her.

That is what she missed the most. After Mother of course.

Love

Sansa was loved once.

Her mother's love is what got her through all those hardships. It is the only thing she ever knew, really. Her love for Mother must have helped her too. Sansa hoped so.

Mother's beauty and love. Those two things Sansa can give. She will come to love this new family. A little broken perhaps, but not unworthy of love. Everyone here is so desperate for love.

Sansa is easy to love.

She has to be.

It was a particularly hot day when Sensei requested for her.

Sansa is in the middle of stitching when Kaigaku comes for her. She had taken refuge indoors to escape the sun. Sayo is with Kyouka somewhere and Toten can be heard playing in the courtyard with Hajime and Soroku.

Sansa look up from her work when she hear Kaigaku's approaching footsteps. "Kaigaku-kun?"

Kaigaku gives her an odd look, "Sensei wants to see you. He is waiting for you at the main hall."

Sansa blinks. The main hall? Whatever for? It is not time for lecture yet. "Just me?" She pointed at herself. Kaigaku nods.

Odd.

Sansa put down her work. Could she be in trouble? No. Impossible. Sansa hasn't done anything wrong. Sansa is a good girl.

Kaigaku walks beside her as they make their way to the main hall. He is a bit shorter compared to her. Sansa wonders when he will catch up to her. Will he get to be as tall as Sensei?

Sansa flinches when the sunlight gets inside her eye. The heat upon her skin actually hurts. The sweat running down her back feels so gross. Summer is always difficult for her. Sansa is winter-born. Perhaps that is why summer always feels hellish for her. Kaigaku is sweating just like her but he doesn't look uncomfortable. Sansa had not complained about anything this whole time. She won't start now.

Kaigaku opens the door to the main hall. They come upon Sensei seated in front of the Buddha statue.

Kaigaku announced their arrival. "Sensei, I brought Sansa."

Sensei turned around at that. "Thank you, Kaigaku." He smiles at the boy even though he can't see him. "Sansa, come here."

Sansa obediently came to his side. "Did I do something wrong, Sensei?" She asks anxiously.

Sensei's expression morphs into confusion "Wrong? No, Sansa. You did nothing wrong. I called you here because it is an important day."

"What?"

"Today marks the 100th day since your mother's passing."

Sansa's blood ran cold upon hearing those words. A hundred days. That's how long Mother has been gone.

She can feel Kaigaku's eyes on her.

Sensei continues, unaware of the turmoil inside her. "Today is the last day of your mourning period. We must put your mother's spirit to rest."

"Oh," Sansa replied dumbly. She didn't realize. What a horrible daughter she is. To not keep track of how many days have passed since Mother's passing.

Kaigaku shifts his feet. "I should leave-"

"No!"

Two heads turn towards her. Sansa slaps a hand over her mouth. They have never heard her raise her voice before. Stupid! Stupid Sansa!

"I'm sorry," Sansa apologizes immediately. "I didn't mean to raise my voice. What I mean to say is… You don't have to leave, Kaigaku-kun."

Kaigaku blinks in confusion, "But I'm not family."

"You are though," Sansa assures him. Surely Mother will be pleased to see Sansa found a new family. These people treat her with more kindness than Shinano Taichiro ever did.

Kaigaku shot her a look of disbelief. His eyes seemingly searching for a hint of lie on her face. Sansa stares back without blinking. Kaigaku eventually relent and plop down on the spot next to her.

Sensei smiles. "Shall we begin?"

Sensei must not, under any circumstances, get close to fire. So Sansa is the one to lit up the incense stick. She and Kaigaku copy Sensei's movement. Tears start running down his face once Sensei begins to chant.

Maybe this is the true reason why Sensei cries a lot. He cries other people's share of tears. Her tears, in this case. Sansa knows how to freeze her tears, but she hasn't that faintest idea how to unfreeze them. What an unfilial daughter she is. Unable to cry for her mother.

The only thing she knows is to smile. Sansa is good at it. So very, very good. Surely Mother would love to see her smile? It means that Sansa is ready to move on from her death. To go on without Mother. She had done exactly that in the past few weeks. Mother loved her smile. Sansa had smiled for her near the end. Her tiny hands clutching on Mother's. She had thought that she could keep Mother alive through sheer willpower. Foolish.

Now Mother's spirit will leave this world. Mother will be leaving Sansa once more. For good.

Father is gone. Shinano Taichiro wanted nothing to do with her. The Shinano clan will follow his lead. Sansa is the only one left. The only proof that Usuzumi once lived.

The realization hit her like a bucketful of ice cold water.

Sansa is the last of her kind.

Mother never taught her this. How to live in a world without her in it. How to live with the knowledge that her mother- Usuzumi- is gone from Sansa's life. How do others survive this kind of heartbreak? How?

Why did Usuzumi have to die?

"Sansa-" She felt Kaigaku's hand on her shoulder. "Sansa-"

"She should have taken me with her," Sansa sobbed. Her face is hot, not from the summer heat but tears. "I am a good child. I'm good. I love her. Why must she leave me behind?"

Kaigaku doesn't answer. He stares at her wide-eyed. He never saw her cry until now. They are too used with her smiles. They only know her as Good Girl Sansa. Not this Sansa. This Sansa misses her mother.

"Come here, my child," Sensei's voice is thick with warmth. Sansa feels herself pulled to Sensei's lap. "There, there. Cry until you are satisfied." He pats her head.

"I- I can't- Mustn't-" Sansa sniffed. "If I cry, I might forget how to smile forever."

"You won't," Sensei assures her. "If you can cry, then you definitely can smile. Everything will be okay, Sansa."

Kaigaku awkwardly patted her on the back.

Sansa cries, and cries, and cries some more.

There seems to be no end of her tears, now that they are no longer frozen.

Sensei and Kaigaku stay with her anyways.

Himejima means well but he ended up unknowingly putting the older kids through parentification. Sooner or later the strain poverty put upon their family will be too much. Or maybe they will be able to handle it. I guess we will never know.

Thank you for reading

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