"As a child I was very in love with the stars. As a human a victim of my perceptions it is natural that I should love light and as a passive dreamer it is natural that I should be attracted to the most distant inaccessible light."
—Eileen Myles, "The Irony of the Leash" from I Must Be Living Twice: New and Selected Poems 1975 - 2014
If you had asked Rin if she had a favorite type of weather she would have told you clear, blue skies and calm winds. Or, maybe that robin-egg blue that the sky could be sometimes with spatterings of fluffy clouds that looked like cotton! As someone who had spent large chunks of time sitting around looking at the sky and waiting for Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken to come back, she had a ranked list of favorites with incredibly specific notes as to why they received the rank they had.
Ranked towards the bottom was when the sky was cloudy and dark, rolling with lightning and thunder. When she had lived in the wilderness, she had hated that sky because that meant that her clothing and hair were going to get soaked if they weren't near a place where they could safely take cover. Now, as an adult that lived in a hut, it meant that her new pastime of watching the sky for her Lord to come back was pointless. Though she was sure he could if he really wanted to, she had never seen him fly while there was a storm and she didn't think so highly of herself that he would walk through pouring rain just to come see her.
Still, she sat by the window, legs tucked under her and chin in her hand as she glumly looked at the dark, angry clouds through the curtain of water that ran off of Kaede's roof. The fire in the center of the room crackled pleasantly and was the only other sound besides her intermittent sighs. Kaede, bless her old heart, had been politely ignoring the wistful way that her young ward was languishing at the window and alternated between prodding at the fire and sipping her tea.
"Thunderstorms are so relaxing, aren't they Rin?" She asked finally, pulling closer some arrows that needed fletching to keep her hands busy.
"Mm-hm," Rin hummed back absentmindedly, eyes still drifting along the sky. Kaede squinted her one eye at the delicate work in front of her.
"They do put a stop to any outdoor fun, though, don't they?" Kaede continued, eye looking over at the young woman at the window.
"Mm-hm," Rin repeated, her free hand absently picking at her bottom lip. Lightning lit the sky and her heart sped up when she thought for one foolish moment that the flash of white was… Oh, now you're just being silly, she snapped at herself, sitting back and rubbing one of her eyes with the heel of her palm. She turned to look at Kaede with a sigh and saw an expectant look on the old Miko's face. Guilty, Rin froze. "O-oh, um… yes?" She said, hoping that that was the answer to whatever question had been asked of her. Kaede sighed, looking back down at her arrows.
"Rin, you have been very distracted lately and I am wondering if there's a specific reason." Kaede's voice was nonchalant but a little too nonchalant in a way that had Rin feeling defensive.
"Oh, no reason," she laughed off Kaede's question, waving her hand dismissively. "Must just be something in the air that has me feeling a little off." It was Kaede's turn to hum an answer.
"Something in the air indeed," Kaede quipped under her breath. Rin shot her a look, wondering what that was supposed to mean or, worse, wondering if Kaede had noticed…something. The two looked at each other, a standoff of neither of them wanting to breach the topic first.
"I'm not sure what you mean," Rin finally responded, tone airy as she looked back out the window.
"Oh, do ye not?" Kaede matched her blithe tone. Rin felt nervous, hating confrontation and knowing that Kaede was going to push it. If it wasn't raining, she would claim to have work to do and make a hasty retreat but as unwilling to have this conversation with her guardian as she was, she also wasn't about to flee into the storm. Thunder rolled as the two sat in their tense silence. Kaede was the first to break it; "Lord Sesshomaru seems to be coming around more often."
"Hardly," Rin laughed, a nervous sound. "He's come twice in the month and stayed for a short time. It's not like he built a house in town." Even she could hear the wish in her voice and she looked down at her hands twisting in her lap.
"Hm," Kaede answered. There was a moment where Rin wondered if that was where they were going to leave it, and she hoped that was the case, but Kaede put down her arrows and fixed Rin to the spot with her stare. "I hope you're not getting your hopes up, Rin."
"About what, Kaede?" She answered, unable to keep the irritated twinge out of her voice. Kaede's lips thinned.
"You know what about. I am old and I may be down one eye, but I can clearly see in you what you are trying to hide. Heed me when I say that nothing good could come of it," she hesitated, her strong voice fading out as if deciding if she had more to say or not. Rin, for her part, felt a surge of anger followed quickly by an eerie sense of nothingness and just sat there.
"I know," she whispered and the sad sound of her words was heard even over the sound of thunder and fire. Of course she knew, it was what she told herself every night when she lay awake and stared through the ceiling, letting her imagination run wild with what-ifs and could-bes. It was the first rational thought she had when she woke from a dream so lifelike that she could still feel the phantom touches along her skin. It was what she told herself when she looked at him and her hand ached to reach out and touch him. It was what stopped her when the words "why not?" danced on her tongue. She was more than aware, but it hurt to hear it from someone else. It made it more real. So, she looked away from Kaede and repeated in a dull voice, "I know."
"I mean no harm, child," Kaede said after a moment, a sigh coming from her. "I just don't want you to get hurt." Rin nodded, wishing this conversation would be done with. She knew that Kaede meant well, but that didn't stop the sting. She opened her mouth to assure Kaede, and remind herself, that she would remain an untouched virgin safe from any heartbreak for her entire mortal life, when a yell of alarm had both of them perking up.
Rin squinted into the rain, wondering if she had imagined it, but she did indeed see a distant figure running towards their home. It was hard to make out details but she knew it was a man and that he was having a hard time keeping his footing on the muddy road, and that he was definitely heading for Kaede's home.
"Who is it?" Kaede asked and Rin walked towards the door, poking her head out. Kaede stood and joined her as the young man came to a breathless stop in front of them. Rin recognized him but she couldn't remember his name. She just knew that he lived a little out of town and had a wonderful family with some rambunctious children.
He was splattered with mud like he had slipped and fallen a few times, and he was positively soaked to the bone. He explained very quickly that the river was flooding and that his home and fields were in trouble and was hoping to get help to divert what water could be diverted. Kaede assured him that they would do what they could to help and turned to Rin to ask her to run and gather help. Rin nodded and slipped on her shoes, running from home to home and quickly poking her head in to summarize what was happening as succinctly as possible.
By the time she made it to Inuyasha and Kagome's home, she looked like she had gone for a swim. Her hair was plastered down, her shoes squelched when she walked, and she was sure that if she were to ring out the sleeves of her kimono Shippo could shower in it. The two were quick to help, especially since Inuyasha would be able to carry a lot of sandbags at once and would make the job much easier, and they took off leaving Rin to hurry and catch up with everyone.
The whole affair was a messy, miserable one and by the time they had worked together to make a make-shift dam to protect this home from the rising water, there was not a dry soul in sight. Rin was filthy, having slipped and fallen a few times in addition to the natural mess that just happened in a situation like this, and she stood back, looking at everyone working, and realized that there wasn't much more she could do. With a small smile, pleased at how quickly everyone had rushed to come help, she turned and headed back towards the village. She was not the first to do this, as the urgency lessened and it became a "too many hands" situation, slowly those with less to do had peeled off and headed away and now it was her turn.
Rin walked slowly even though she wanted nothing more than to be dry, savoring the chance to be alone especially after the conversation she had had with Kaede. She wasn't quite ready to go back into that home just yet, so she took her time in the rain, kicking at puddles and catching drops on her tongue as a reminder that she was herself and that joy was all around her. She tipped her head back to the sky and spun in a circle smiling and letting her long, wet hair, slap itself against her face where it stuck. She laughed and when she stopped spinning, she saw Lord Sesshomaru stepping out of the forest beside her.
She let out a very unladylike yelp, stumbling back a step and placing her heart. She saw a glimmer of amusement in his eyes even through the rain, and she recovered fast, hurrying over to join him in the cover of the trees with a big smile. He watched her approach, the familiar relaxed, unbothered expression she loved so much becoming clearer as she got closer. She grinned up at him, brushing her hands along her cheeks to get her hair off of her face.
"My Lord!" She greeted happily once she was safely out of the rain. "It's so nice to see you! I didn't think you would come in this weather." She gestured to the downpour and thunder echoed as if to really drive her point home. He gave the sky a disinterested look.
"The rain does not bother me," he said simply, and she noticed that he was, indeed, a little wet. Though, not nearly so much as she. She laughed and held up her dripping sleeves.
"Me either," she giggled, shaking her arms away from the two of them and sending droplets flying. A ghost of a smile shimmered across his face as he looked at her and she could only imagine what he saw as she was probably more mud than woman at this point. "You seem to keep finding me when I'm not at my best, My Lord." She teased, as her hand brushed across a splatter. "I promise I don't spend all of my time rolling in the dirt."
"Hm," he answered, tone dismissive of her worries. She smiled at him sweetly, happy that he could care less about her appearance, and looked behind him, realizing he was alone.
"Where is Master Jaken?" She asked curiously, wondering if he had already been to Kaede's before he came to find her. She winced, shoulders slumping at the thought of him showing up to Kaede's so soon after their argument. "Was Kaede cross with you?" She hoped that the old woman wasn't rude to him, especially over something that he wasn't even a part of. Well, not directly a part of. Well…not aware that he was a part of.
"Jaken is elsewhere." Lord Sesshomaru answered her, in his usual vague way. "I did not go to the village."
"Oh," Rin made a thoughtful sound, realizing that he must have seen her or smelled her and just came right here. That made much more sense than him wandering around aimlessly looking for her. A huge, fat raindrop plopped onto her head and she winced, taken by surprise, looking up as she held her hand over her head like a make-shift umbrella. Sesshomaru looked her over as if seeing her truly for the first time since they ran into each other, turned his head, and looked deeper into the forest before looking back at her.
"Follow me," he told her and started walking. Without a second thought she did, the two of them heading to where the trees were thicker and taller. She came up beside him, walking carefully over fallen branches and other debris, doing her best to avoid the patches of sky where the rain came down hardest. After very little walking, she saw what must be his end destination. It was a small space butted up next to a steep hill with a huge tree over it, shielding the ground underneath from water. She let loose a happy gasp and hurried forward, her soggy shoes flopping noisily.
"Oh, thank you," she breathed a relieved sigh to no longer have cold drops of water pelting her, closing her eyes and swiping her hands across her face. Her Lord walked past her and stood impassively in the middle of the little space, looking off into the distance with a small frown, his attention elsewhere. Rin watched him as he stood there like a proud statue and took the chance to really look at him while he was preoccupied.
When she had first seen him, she had thought that he was still mostly dry but now under closer scrutiny she realized that he was actually pretty wet. Not drowned rat level of soaked like she was, but his hair was heavy with water at the top and she could see beads of moisture along the pelt he wore as well as the way the shoulders of his kimono stuck to his skin and she lamented that she could almost see through the lighter parts, if only he were closer—
She gave a shiver as chills ran up her spine, the damp cold finally setting in now that she wasn't frantically hauling bags of sand around. Teeth chattering, she hugged herself, rubbing her hands up and down to try and generate some kind of heat. The sound of her hands scuffing her skin had Sesshomaru turning to look at her.
"You're cold," he informed her, like the astute daiyoukai he was, as he looked her up and down. She pursed her lips and squinted at him playfully.
"What gave it away?" She teased before another shiver went through her and her mischievous smile changed to a wince. Sesshomaru approached her and she craned her neck back to keep her eyes on him as he got closer. She knew that he was looking at her wet, muddy hair, the goosebumps that were on her skin, the small shivers that twitched her muscles and was deciding that their time together was over. But it had barely begun…
"You should go back to the village." He told her, his gaze already back on the road they came from. Rin looked over her shoulder in the same direction but found herself reluctant. The idea of sitting in Kaede's home again and the slim possibility that she would try to continue the conversation from earlier was worse than the cold she felt. She stayed where she was, squinting at the road, and watched him walk past her. When he moved by, her fingers reached out and pinched his sleeve. He stopped moving immediately.
"I would like to stay out here for a bit longer, I think," she told him, hoping he wouldn't tell her that she was being foolish and that he would indulge her. He turned his head to slant a look at her over his shoulder and she pinched his sleeve so hard that her fingers turned white, furrowing her brows. "Please, My Lord…" she whispered, and he turned back to the road for a moment before she heard him let out a small sigh and he turned to face her again.
"What you do is up to you," he reminded her, almost like he was reminding himself as well, and she breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of his sleeve. He watched her as she deflated and said, "Is something wrong?"
"Ah, no not really," Rin mumbled, wrapping a slowly drying, frizzy strand of hair around her pointer finger. "Kaede and I just had a small disagreement before I left is all." She unraveled her hair from her finger and smiled up at him, feeling melancholy. She saw him frown and quickly waved away his worries, "It was nothing big, I promise! Just, you know..." she hesitated for a moment, realizing that she couldn't reveal the content of the disagreement to him because it had been about him, before she continued in a soft voice; "I would rather be with you right now."
She watched as that thing happened again. She saw so clearly his frown wash away and be replaced by that something expression that she hadn't seen before. What was different from the last time, however, was that she wasn't so flustered and she was much closer to him now and could see it more clearly. It was...very soft, this something of an expression. It was softer than his neutral one, and the only time she could think of to compare it to was when she had awoken so long ago in his Honorable Mother's palace only to have him assure her that she was safe. Yet, even that wasn't quite right because while his expression was soft, his eyes were focused, and intense, the amber color burning. Whatever it was, it made her breath stick to her lungs, and her heart thud in her chest.
He took a step closer to her, and her head tilted back, too transfixed by this something expression to look away, until they were so close together that her head swam. She could feel his body heat against her cold skin and it brought about new goosebumps for a whole different reason. That forbidden part of her brain pointed out how he was so close that if they touched she could claim it was an accident and he would probably believe her. She didn't have a chance to test that theory, however, because he did it for her.
She almost didn't feel his knuckle against her arm through the cloth of her kimono, because she was so cold and preoccupied looking at his face, but when he gently brushed it up along towards her shoulder, her muscles twitched and her breath hitched in her throat. His face was still a mystery to her, but she drank in the way his eyes followed the path of his finger as if he were an outside observer and had no control over what his hand was doing. It got to her shoulder and slowly, oh so slowly, crept its way across. He—he's going to touch me, her thoughts muddled together, unsure what she wanted to do about that, all of the many arguments she had told herself battling for dominance in her head even as the majority of her focus was locked on the torturous drag of the finger as it edged itself closer to her neck.
Though she knew it was coming, when his knuckle skimmed across her jaw a gasp shuddered from her. His skin burned her where they touched, and not just because she was soaked to the bone. His knuckle made a gentle pass from her jaw to her chin and, like he wasn't satisfied with what he felt, he did it again with the pad of his thumb. His eyes were smoldering now, and she found that she couldn't look away even if she wanted to, still absolutely confounded by what she was seeing. She was completely at his whim and he had laid one finger upon her. How embarrassing, she mumbled to herself as she found her eyes suddenly watching his mouth and how it was relaxed just enough that his lips were just beginning to part. If this is how it feels when he touches you, whispered her secret brain, imagine what his lips would do.
"You're cold," he said and she almost didn't hear him she was so transfixed on his mouth.
"Huh?" She asked, voice cracking an octave too high. His thumb tapped once against her jaw and then he was gone, stepping back from her slowly. She felt his loss immediately, blinking quickly like she had just looked into the flame of a candle, shivering. He surveyed her, looking her up and down.
"You are cold." Lord Sesshomaru repeated, his tone final. He looked back at the road and now that the rain had let up, she could see the dirt of it through the trees. She could see small groups of people walking back towards town and wondered, suddenly, how much time had passed. Her Lord turned to look at her and said, "Inuyasha is coming, go join him on the walk back." Her head bobbed, too overwhelmed to argue, walking quickly towards the road before hesitating.
Rin looked back and saw that he was already leaving in the opposite direction. She watched him as the dark of the deep forest swallowed him up and couldn't stop her fingers from reaching up to follow the path he had traced along her jaw. Nothing good could come of it, echoed Kaede's voice in her head and Rin snatched her hand away from her face and pulled her sleeve over her fingers. She ran back to the road and joined her friends on the walk back, her skin freezing except for where he had touched her.
I hoped you enjoyed this story!