"It's scary when it's real. When it's not just thinking about a person, but having a real live person in front of you, with expectations. And wants."
—Jenny Han, To All the Boys I've Loved Before
Rin laid her hands on her lap and stared off into the distance, mind a million miles away. She was sitting up on the very same overlook that her lord so often occupied, the slightly more open air sending chilly autumn winds to slide against her. She was alone, now, though she hadn't always been. She had been sitting with a few of the other girls who were the same age as her, enjoying the conversation. One by one, as the day had gone on, they had finished their chores and headed off, leaving Rin to sigh and daydream on her own. There was something to be said for doing work alone, though. Normally, Rin was happier working with her friends and chatting; who wouldn't be? It was so much easier to pass the time when you had good company and conversation than when you were left to your own devices.
However, Rin had noticed recently, that if she was working alone, there was a much, much higher chance of a certain someone appearing to silently keep her company while she worked. It was often a surprise, usually she didn't even notice when he showed up until she turned and saw him or someone walked by and gave her an odd look. She suspected that he was doing it because last time she had been alone and unsupervised a bird demon had tried to take her head off, but she really didn't know. While she could read him fairly well, the inner workings of his mind were foreign to her. It didn't help that he had developed all of these fun new quirks in their time apart.
Rin enjoyed living in Inuyasha's village, truly she did. Or, at the very least, she wasn't as devastated living there as she had been at first. She had found a nice place for herself with the people that Lord Sesshomaru's brother kept around him, and Rin saw nothing but goodness in them as well. They had all done so well to welcome her in, doing their best to include her in the different activities, to make her feel like she had a place among them, and for the first time in a long time—possibly ever—Rin could say she was happy living with humans.
However, she sighed to herself as that one forever wistful part of her nudged the familiar image of a tall, pristine daiyoukai into her mind, it was not the same. Rin nibbled on the inside of her lips as she carefully cut away the rotten parts of the plants she had picked earlier, once again losing herself in thoughts of her Lord.
She couldn't deny herself anymore, the way that she felt was something so awful and overpowering that there couldn't be any other name for it than what it was. It was a relief and a curse all in the same breath, because while it was akin to pulling out a sliver that had been causing a person pain, now she had to grapple with the fact that it was very likely that she would never be able to do anything about it.
Why not try and see? That same wistful, hopeful part of her mind prodded her. Rin sighed and frowned. Why couldn't she? She wondered that more and more, truthfully. The very thin fabric that separated propriety from risk felt like it was getting pulled further and further back with every visit she had from her Lord. She very much felt that he was being more familiar with her. More often than not, she found that he would seek her out and stay with her with no particular reason behind it. He never offered an explanation and she never asked, just happy to have him around.
Satisfied with the work she had done, Rin leaned back on her heels and wiped away the sweat on her brow with her forearm. She looked up and stared off at the horizon, noticing with a start the changing colors of the sky that foretold the quickly approaching sunset. Why did no one get me? She thought to herself as she reached around her to collect all of the different things she had brought with her, hoping she still had enough time to get back to the village before it was totally dark.
She stuck the hilt of the small knife she had been using to cut stems in her mouth as she fumbled around, turning to look for where she had placed her shoes. Cranked around, she saw that she wasn't alone and stopped. Standing a distance away, but close enough to know that he was with her, was Lord Sesshomaru with his face tilted to look at the barely visible stars that had begun to twinkle overhead in the dimming light. He was not turned completely away from her and she could see the profile of his face, the familiar tilt of his chin, and for a moment all she could do was sigh.
How long has he been there? She wondered to herself, taking the paring knife out of her mouth and slipping it in her basket, abandoning her pile of materials to go visit with her Lord. Bare feet making almost no sound on the grass, she pranced over and his face turned towards her as she got closer. Rin gave a small wave to him, coming over to stand with him, looking up at the sky to see if there was something there. There wasn't, but there never had been in all the years he had been stargazing. At least there had never been anything that she could see. Feeling only mildly disappointed, she looked from the stars back to him and found that he was looking at her with quite the expression.
He did that more and more often, too. She wasn't sure if it had started because he thought she didn't see it or if he didn't even realize that he was doing it, but when they were together she would catch him looking at her with such a soft look on his face that she wasn't sure if she was imagining it or not. It wasn't a smile, but it was the closest she had ever seen on him. Honestly, she almost wondered if he even knew he was doing it. Regardless, it left her feeling strangely flushed and giddy and she looked away, tucking some hair behind her ear nervously.
"Hello, Lord Sesshomaru," she said finally after she realized that they had just been standing there staring at each other in silence. He inclined his head at her and she half expected him to go back to looking at the sky but he didn't, he kept his attention on her. Surprised, but not unhappy about it, Rin smiled and took one very small step closer to him.
This had been her game the last few visits, she would see how close she could get to him before she chickened out or he moved away. It was a terrible, horrible, embarrassing secret of a game and if anyone ever noticed she would deny it with every fiber of her being, but she did it. It had begun as a way to ease that desperate want deep within her that drove her to want to reach out for him, to touch him casually. She found that the closer she got, the less urgent that feeling was, so she did her best, and he had yet to catch her.
Or… at least, he had yet to move away.
"Rin," his voice rang clear, soft in the growing darkness and she gave a nervous flinch, worried that he had noticed. She watched as he blinked at her jumpy reaction. He gave her a curious look and she relaxed, feeling silly.
"Y-yes, my Lord," she cleared her throat and took a tiny, minuscule really, step forward to make up for lost ground. "I'm just a little chilly, is all." She was lying, but not in an unbelievable way. It was getting cooler, especially since the sun had officially begun its descent and was just a half-circle submerged under the ground. However, she was never cold in his presence. She still hadn't quite figured out if that was because he threw heat or if she was just in a constant state of flushed when he was nearby but either way she was anything but cold.
He nodded slowly, and Rin noticed that he seemed a bit absent almost like he was thinking about something else. After a beat of silence, and Rin wondering if she should say something to break the tension, he turned completely to face her. In a hilarious moment of karmic irony, Rin almost took a step back when she realized that him doing that had made her truly realize how close she had gotten. His chest was barely the length of her forearm away and she thought that if she was to reach out she could place her palm flush against him with absolutely no effort on her part. Do it, her horrid brain urged and Rin stared hard at the dark armor in front of her, weighing her options, only to be interrupted when he spoke again; "If you are cold, perhaps it would be best for you to return to the village."
"No!" She blurted quickly, a desperate snap of syllables as her eyes went from molesting his chest up to his face. His expression remained smooth but she did notice the slight raising of delicate eyebrows in response to her outburst. His golden eyes drifted over her and she felt as if he could see right through her, right into her mind and know what she was thinking. No, stop, she thought absurdly, blushing as she covered her face with her hands to break the spell he had upon her. With a deep breath, she quickly composed herself and lowered her hands, sliding them over to her arms as she hugged herself tightly, peering up at him through her bangs shyly. "Sorry for yelling," she mumbled, before she raised her head and continued; "I would like to stay with Lord Sesshomaru for a little longer."
He looked back at her and gave no response, nothing to show any type of emotion or thought, just standing there looking at her as impassive and unreadable as the moon that shared its likeness upon his proud forehead. Rin squeezed herself tighter and took a page from his book to look up at the sky and the beautiful swirling, those familiar but unknowable colors that the universe created. She looked at them and let the silence sit as it was for a moment as she thought.
"You know, the stars remind me of you," She told him, voice hushed as if the heavens would hear her talking about them. She kept her face towards the sky and a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips. "Whenever I miss you or if I feel lonely I look at the sky and I think about you," she did look at him now, turning to face him and meeting his suddenly very attentive stare. "I wonder if you're looking at the same sky as me and the thought of the two of us watching the stars together even though we're so far apart brings me peace." Rin's smile grew and she closed her eyes for a moment. "It makes me happy."
Eyes closed, she felt herself overwhelmed with a sudden and inexplicable wave of sadness almost as if her body was deliberately contradicting the words she had just spoken. Her brows furrowed together and she gripped her arms tightly against that tell-tale itch at the back of her throat that wanted to betray her. What is this? She demanded of herself, nails pressing into her skin through her sleeves, afraid to open her eyes and let the tears that had suddenly appeared fall. Her empty, desperate heart answered with a hard sad thump that echoed but revealed nothing.
"Rin…"
She opened her eyes and two fat tears did indeed slip out of each eye, sliding down her cheek and getting caught in the divot made by the smile she still wore frozen on her face. Sesshomaru watched it complete its path, and when the tear dripped off her chin Rin saw his brow furrow, a real actual frown this time. She swallowed hard and waved her hand, laughing even as more tears dripped.
"Oh, how embarrassing," she murmured, brushing her sleeve across her face. "I'm not sure what all this is," she gestured vaguely at her face, "but I'm so sorry. I must just be tired, is all…" she made a move to turn from him, not wanting him to see her like this and being truly disturbed at how suddenly this all had come over her. A brush along her arm had her hesitating and turning to look behind her, confused, wondering if she had gotten caught on something, only to see his hand outstretched, fingers gently resting against her arm. She stared down at the long, elegant fingers in confusion, so taken aback that the tears slowed. "M-my lord?"
He slowly dropped his hand back down to his side but took a step closer to her. Blushing, she craned her head up to look at him as he examined her wet, ruddy face. He just sort of looked at her and Rin thought she would pass out from the suspense of waiting for him to say something as the seconds ticked by. She watched as his lips parted a fraction and then closed again and he let out a frustrated breath of air through his nose and she had a sudden realization.
He… he's at a loss for words, Rin blinked up at him and sniffled as she wiped her cheeks and looked up at him more curiously. He looked down at her and she gave a smile, hoping this one was less ghoulish than what she had been wearing earlier, and nodded encouragingly. Whatever he saw in her, it was enough to get him to move. He reached out and, copying what she had done in a blind fit of bravery weeks ago, looped his pointer finger around hers. He lifted her hand up between the two of them, and Rin couldn't decide whether to savor the experience or watch him, her head buzzing. After a moment, he opened his mouth and he spoke to her, softly, but not whispering.
"This Sesshomaru would see that you are not lonely anymore," He moved another inch closer and Rin was sure it was because he was worried he was going to need to catch her. She blinked up at him like a baby owl that had just fallen out of a tree, her heart racing at his words even as she wondered if she was dreaming. "There is… time. However, when you feel you are ready I would make you my Lady."
Rin blinked a few times, the buzzing in her head getting so strong that she couldn't even hear herself think anymore. Her face felt beyond warm and she blinked faster as her legs buckled under her. Bless his reflexes, because he quickly snapped his hands out and grabbed onto her biceps to keep her standing as she gulped hard and shook her head. Blearily, she grabbed onto his forearms and stared into his, now very concerned, face.
In her defense, she had almost passed out on the spot not just from shock but at how unbelievably, amazingly, wonderfully soft he was speaking and the feeling that she knew had to be behind those words for him to say them. He spoke very rarely and every word he said had nothing but meaning and truth behind them. Sesshomaru did not say what he didn't mean.
And he had just well and truly proposed to her.
It was enough to render her to ash, so she felt fairly pleased that she hadn't actually fainted.
With a strangled sound that was half laugh, half sob she released every tether she had placed around her heart and lunged forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. Then she recoiled away with a wince as her forehead bounced off one of the spikes on the front of his armor. She murmured a small ow… and placed her fingers against where she was sure a small bruise would be in the morning. Then she started to laugh, truly and with unbridled joy, happier now with a bruised forehead and a full heart than she had been in her entire mortal life.
Her laughter dissolved into giggles as his fingers came up to join hers and his thumb gently brushed against the spot where she had headbutted him. If she didn't know any better, she would say there was almost an apologetic air about the way he stroked her future-bruise and truly it made her love him all the more. It wasn't exactly as she had envisioned her proposal going, but she couldn't deny that she was happy nonetheless.
"Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru," Rin whispered, grinning up at him with another disbelieving laugh. "I am honored, and you have made me so, so happy." She went to hug him again, and this time she was careful of his dangerous bits as her arms wrapped around him and she pressed her cheek against his chest. Rin frantically began trying to memorize everything about the way this night was, the way he had sounded, and the way she felt, knowing she would want to remember this until the day she died.
She held him tight, loath to release him, and he didn't push her off. Instead, they stood there joined at the heart until he finally told her that she needed to return home. Because it truly was getting cold out and she had been out long enough that she knew her friends would be worried. He walked her back to the outskirts of the village and with only the stars as their shining witness to their conversation, these two promised souls parted.
This was hard to write, I'm not even going to lie! I know the CD Drama has him proposing, and I kept going back and listening to it to remind myself that yes this beautiful, dumb man does have the potential to say romantic things. I hope that you enjoyed it and I honestly cannot wait to start getting into the next few chapters!
Thank you for reading!