A/N EDIT (26.09.2020): I've uploaded the cover image for this fic, designed and created by the fabulous Angel (DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns). She has a profile on Tumblr under the name darkangelofsorrow, and all her works are straight up spellbinding. Go show her some love! She deserves every bit.
A/N EDIT (10.08.2020): I've reformatted and re-ordered this, both to make the transitions cleaner, and to make my posting schedule lighter (who am I kidding I have no posting schedule). I don't think this should be confusing for those who have read this before, but fair warning just the same.
Heya guys! I'm back again, and I have something different for you this time. I've literally never written angst before, and it turns out that once I start, it's pretty easy to get into it. Who knew, right?
This fic is based on the song Only You by Cheat Codes and Little Mix. This song has been an off and on favourite of mine for years, and yet it was just a few weeks ago when I thought of this premise for the lyrics, and I just couldn't get it out of my head. Everything about this song screamed WolfStar when I thought about it, and I just had to do it. This is a four-parter romance, and it is long, because I absolutely cannot control myself, not even for a song-fic.
As far as angst goes, this is pretty, pretty angsty. I had no idea I was capable of writing this. Oops? *shrugs* It isn't all angst though! There's plenty of romance and fluff too, since I couldn't help myself. It'll be a wild ride, but I can guarantee a happy ending, because I do have limits, and this is one of them.
This one's for the July Assignment on the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments) forum. This is also written for Camp Hogwarts, the July Writing Club and the Spring Seasonal Challenges of the same forum.
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling is not a goddess, but her writing is magical, and I can never compare. So, she keeps the characters, the places and her own created world, while I borrow them all every now and then like the pathetic human I am. The plot is all mine though!
Chapter warnings: none
Word count (chapter): 1915 words
Part 1 - Falling Apart
Dancing with your silhouette in the places that we met
Ooh, tryna find you in the moon
1.1 - In Love
He's reclining lazily on the grassy floor, gazing serenely at the stars. He's carefree, happy, one knee casually bent, the other long leg stretched out in careless elegance. He's leaning back on his elbows, the extended column of his pale neck left exposed.
He turns with his usual self-assured smirk, but his lips are soft with adoration.
"You've forgiven me, Remus, haven't you?"
His hair swishes with the movement, left long and loose, and a single thick lock falls across the curl of his white neck, blacker than the velvet night. His grey eyes are liquid and bright, and they're shining more than the calm silver lake glistening platinum in the moonlight.
He's perfect, and he's his, and Remus has never felt more in love.
"Don't I always forgive you, Siri? It's never a question with you."
His smirk widens. "That's true. Lucky me."
Remus glares back, but it's half-hearted and requisite, and they both know it.
"It's our last week here, Sirius. Did you have to end it on such a terrible note?"
"Terrible? Remus, darling, you're mistaken. It was glorious. The Marauders have left their final legacy upon this fine institution!"
"Sirius, no, you were getting good at leaving the Slytherins alone. Why did you break your record? Why did you have to hurt them again?"
"Eh, they deserved it."
"Sirius!"
"Rem, wha-aa-t? You know they had it coming! Besides, this is our last week at Hogwarts! We needed to do something big, something grand, and most essentially, something in line with what we've been doing for the past seven years. We were honour-bound, Remmy. Honour-bound."
"To what, target Severus and his friends? Sirius, while we are enjoying our final feasts in the Great Hall, they'll be spending their nights in the Hospital Wing, recuperating from what you have done to them!"
"Oh please, slimy old Snivellous doesn't have friends, just those who pity him. Besides, did you not hear what Snivellous and company said to you? They're lucky they just lost some more of their non-existent pride instead of their limbs."
Sirius was in the wrong, always has been. He knows that, but he's never been able to sway him to the good side. Lily has had better luck teaching James the joys of ethics that he's had with this rebellious, callous man before him.
He doesn't mind these shortcomings. He's always known that Sirius is a bit of a monster. He understands.
"Our last night," he hears beside him. Black hair shifts again with a sigh, the lithe body he's been so intimately acquainted with, moving sinuously to change its position. An arm goes around his waist, pulling him down towards a firm, familiar side, and in the next second, he's enveloped in citrus. The consuming scent of cologne lulls his senses, and he melts into his arms.
Everything about this is so familiar, and he loves it—loves that this is how they're choosing to spend their last night at the place that's been a home to them for the past seven years. James and Lily are shagging in the dorms, like any other couple making their final memories together before leaving Hogwarts for good. Peter is down in the kitchens with all the elves, saying goodbye and sneaking his last cakes.
He and Sirius are out by the Black Lake, lying on the grass and looking at the stars. It's comfortable, they've done this a thousand times. James calls it their 'thing'.
He likes it. He'd rather this be their thing rather than kissing, or shagging, like any other run-of-the-mill teenaged couple out there. They've never been conventional, and he revels in the knowledge. It's so them, and he thinks it's gorgeous.
"Hey, Rem?"
"Yeah, Siri?"
"Look how close I am to the moon. Closest all year, I think."
"What?"
A low chuckle whispers over the air, and he feels its vibrations echo through him, chest to chest. It's familiar, so familiar, and his heart aches for how different things will be come tomorrow, once they're both left to the harsh world without the safety of this castle's sanctuary.
It's far too soon, and he's not ready to let go. He isn't optimistic about the outcome.
"Sirius the star," he both hears and feels, rumbling through a solid chest. It brings him back to the present, and he's grateful, because he doesn't want to devolve into dire thoughts on their last night of this reassuring familiarity.
"What star?" he asks, because he's been so lost in his train of thought, he's forgotten all about their conversation.
Another chuckle. He shivers.
"Where's your head been at, Rem? Am I not engaging enough company for you?"
It's said in jest, but he still stiffens slightly, because he never wants him to think that, ever. Sirius has been the best thing to happen to him, and he wants it to be understood. He cannot afford to lose this man.
He looks up, back into those compelling silver eyes. "Sorry, Siri," he says with apologetic sheepishness. "Just overthinking, like always."
The almond shaped eyes soften into crinkles, silver irises shining with emotion. He doesn't struggle to put a name to the emotion, because without it being said, he knows what it is.
"I hate it when you do that, Rem," is what he receives, but the reprimand is delivered with a fond smile.
He finds it funny, how the tables turn sometimes. Reproval is his contribution in their relationship, one he wears well—borne through years of experience, none of which he actually regrets. But in rare times like these, he's the one on the receiving end, and the unfamiliarity only makes him smile.
His smile turns into a grin, and he nudges his lover's side gently. "What were you talking about, Si? I promise to listen this time."
He's rewarded with a warm grin, and it sends him into butterflies, just like always.
"Fine, I'll indulge you." His protests at the arrogance is completely ignored, as a smooth, velvety, teasing voice speaks over his own. "Promises, promises. How do I know you won't space out on me again, Rem?"
The arm around him squeezes tighter, reassuring, and he instinctively gets the underlying comfort layered within the silence.
"Don't you trust me?" he asks, just as teasingly. His lover smiles, and that's answer enough.
"Look up," is what he gets, and he does. The sky is an unending stretch of stark black, not a cloud to be seen. Stars dot the expanse in pinpricks of white—tiny, yet hard to ignore.
It is a half moon tonight, which is the only reason they're out on the grass—he shudders at the very thought of a waxed moon. He has suffered at the hands of the moon in full, far too much to appreciate its beauty.
A pale hand moves within his line of sight, long fingers pointing up at the moon. "Look," says the low voice in his ear, "There's the moon," the finger moves left in the slightest, "and there's me. We're the closest we've ever been for years, huh, Moony?"
He chuckles. It isn't true, because Sirius the star always comes within the moon's orbit every month, but it's the closest they've noticed it together in years.
The last time his lover had pointed it out, he had been recovering from his first full moon out with the rest of the Marauders. He had been significantly less roughed up compared to the moons before, feeling shell-shocked and grateful, and wondering if it was all just a fruitless dream.
He still remembers the arms holding him so tightly, the words being whispered in his hair, "Look up, Rem, and see how close we are. The star and the moon. You'll always have us, Moony, you'll always have me. When have I not been here? Just look up, and you'll always find me there."
"Closest in years," he agrees quietly. He looks up into his lover's handsome face, serene as could be. It isn't common to see him so peaceful, and he takes the time to stare, soak it all in. Will he ever get to see this again? What will become of them once they're both out there, thrust into war? Will they be alright?
"I know what you're thinking," he hears, and his face tightens. Silver eyes bore into his own amber ones, sharp gaze trying so hard to tell him something he doesn't understand.
"You've always been the analytical one of us, Remus. Always so doubtful, forever thinking too much." A soft smile softens the blow, but he doesn't need the reassurance. He is doubtful, he is pessimistic. He accepts that part of himself, but it doesn't do much to curb the worry.
"Look up." The words bring him a sense of déjà vu, and he knows what's coming.
"Look at us. We're up there, Rem, the closest we've ever been in years, right as we're about to leave Hogwarts. I think it's a sign. Do you think it's a sign? I do."
He grins, because as ridiculous as it sounds to his logical mind, he cannot help but think it true when it's put that way by him.
"I think, that even as we leave here tomorrow, and even as we spend our first night in our very own flat," he squeezes the hand in his, and gets one in return, "those two up there will be just as close as they are tonight, and they'll always be a reminder of who we are. We revolve around each other, Rem. Even if, by chance, I move away, I'll always find my way back to you. Always."
He smiles, blinking away his tears. Even if he loses faith in everything this world has to offer, he would never doubt the words of this man beside him. He knows better than to question this vow when it's been delivered with such conviction. As much as Sirius can be wrong, when it comes to his promises, he is always proven right.
So he accepts his lover's words with a quiet smile, and he lets the silence linger, because he doesn't know what to say. He turns in his lover's arms and kisses those soft lips, because it's all he knows to convey his gratitude. They kiss and kiss, because it's their last night here at Hogwarts, and they're finally going to celebrate their future into the unknown.
They were the kings of this old castle, and they are going to conquer the world. Together.
He knows what it's like to be in love, and it's beautiful.
"Together forever, remember?" he hears whispered into his ear later that night. It's one he hears every night, and every night it feels like a fresh promise.
"Together forever."
Fluff! Something to sweeten the deal for you guys, and I hope you stick around. Hit me up in the comments! I'd love to hear from you :)