Author's Notes: I just found out I have to go back to school, and I'm not going to be quitting my jobs so life is about to get busy. Until then, I will continue to update semi-regularly hopefully.
The Cure for Space Worms
It took half the day for him to finish the amplifier and reset the settings on the computer to link with it.
With the boosted signal he was able to locate an Irken signal which could find and connect to invaders' bases. Once this was done he typed in the communication code and waited, hoping that the Irken hadn't decided to change his CC since the last time they spoke.
"You're sure you want to talk to him?" Bann asked, peering over his shoulder at the monitor.
The former guard still had control over Filik's body which was definitely smaller than his original body had been.
"Yes, I'm sure," Laes responded just as the screen started to flicker.
Someone had answered the call, but they weren't standing in front of the screen. There was a whole bunch of twisted wires and what appeared to be broken technology.
"Why did you let it out of its containment chamber!?" a very familiar voice shouted from somewhere off screen.
"It's all wrinkly like a grandpa!"
"That's the worst excuse I ever heard GIR! I don't know why I put up with your stupid stupidity!"
There was a brief pause and Zim's voice finally lowered enough to actually listen to without getting a headache.
"No really, why do I do that?" the Irken questioned.
"I dunno!"
Then a metallic face appeared looking into the monitor. It had glowing cyan blue eyes... this robot sometimes appeared on the screen during calls...
It was a SIR unit... at least he was fairly sure it was. Only a few Vortians had been involved in that project, but he was pretty certain it wasn't supposed to be acting the way it did.
Problems with the first prototypes weren't exactly uncommon for any of their projects.
"Hello!" the robot waved happily.
"Gir! Don't ignore me when I'm yelling at you!"
The robot turned to look in the direction the voice was coming from.
"I'm saying hi to your little pink friend!"
"Zim has no little pink friend!"
"Yeah you do! And there's a green one! He looks like you! Lookatit!"
"I DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS! Now get over here and help me contain this horrible beast before it chews my legs off!"
"HEEEHEEHEE!"
"This is not funny Gir! This is pain!"
"Sorry Pinky, I gotta go find the baseball bat byye!" the robot reached for one of the buttons, probably intending to turn off the monitor.
Instead there was a large roar and something red and scaly smashed the robot rather into the screen rather violently, causing the call to disconnect.
Laes stared wide eyed at the monitor before glancing over his shoulder at Bann who hadn't moved from where he was.
They looked at each other then looked back at the dark screen.
"Well... that went better than I expected," the Irken impostor remarked. "Nothing exploded anyway."
"Why...?" Laes mumbled, burying his face in his hand. "Why can't he answer a call and talk normally for just a couple of minutes?"
He was becoming increasingly aware that the loud noises and yelling had pretty much alerted every Vortian in the room.
Some of them had gotten closer so they could gawk at him and the monitor. Others were watching from a distance, and a few were still trying to work but they were obviously disturbed by the commotion.
"Maybe you caught him at a bad time," Bann reasoned with a shrug. There was definitely some sarcasm in his voice, and he was smirking a bit.
"What was that thing?" Laes questioned, gesturing at the monitor even though there was no video feed right now.
Bann raised an invisible brow.
"That was a SIR unit."
"No, I mean yes I know that, but the other thing," Laes tried to specify, and he waved his hand a little even though there was nothing to indicate on the monitor right now.
"It looked like a Hogulus," Bann replied with a frown. "Though I've never heard of any red ones and they're not supposed to have scales."
Laes sighed and sank a little in his chair. "I guess I'll try calling back in a few hours."
He reached for the volume dial and turned it down. He paused for a second before turning it down even more.
A few hours later he typed in Zim's code again.
Bann assured him Irken bases had many monitors both on the surface building and in the lower levels. Even if a few of them were destroyed by a rampaging monster there would be others that could receive the transmission.
Fortunately Zim answered this time.
One of the small Irken's antennae was bent at an odd angle, his face was covered in bruises, and his clothing was ripped and dirty.
"Yeah? What is it?" he asked, and then seeing Laes on the monitor his eyes narrowed. "You! Vort-thing! You haven't been answering my calls! Remember our deal!? I call! You give me things! That was the deal!"
Even though the speakers were on the lowest possible setting Zim's voice was still loud.
"Yeah um... sorry about that," Laes apologized. "But I really need to ask you..."
"Eh? What are you saying?" Zim had already moved off screen.
It sounded like he was welding something together.
"Do you remember the energy absorbing thing you made?" Laes asked him, raising his voice over the sawing and flame sounds.
"Uh huh, that's fascinating. You keep doing that."
Laes smacked himself in the forehead and dragged his hand down his face. Zim's attention span was always really bad when he was bored or uninterested in something...
"ZIM!" Bann snapped in a loud and angry sounding voice. "That horrible creature you made on Vort Lab 9 was a horrible mutation from those horrible space worms wasn't it!?"
He sounded very accusing, but this seemed to peek the smaller Irken's interest.
"Yes it was!" Zim responded right away. "I took one of their disgusting offspring and altered its insides so it craved the sweet energy goo!"
"How did you keep it from eating you?" Laes questioned him quickly, before his attention could wander again hopefully.
"HA!" Zim laughed and suddenly he reappeared on the screen. "You want information from me, Zim!? Why should I tell YOU anything!?"
"Just answer the question!" Bann insisted. Both of his antennae flicked forward and he balled his hands into fists.
"I only answer to the Tallest!" Zim stated, glaring at the other Irken. "You could be a spy!"
One of his eyes narrowed and he jumped back and pointed at Bann.
"Zim will not answer any more of your spy questions spy!"
Bann rubbed his temples. "Oh for the love of the Empire..."
"Look... Zim... we um... the Tallest are in trouble..." Laes told him.
Even though it seemed like Zim responded better to yelling, he still couldn't make himself do it.
Fortunately mentioning the Tallest seemed to keep Zim focused enough to continue their conversation.
"Hmm, well I haven't been able to contact the Massive in a while," Zim admitted, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. His eyes narrowed. "What kind of trouble are they in?"
"This whole galaxy is being overrun by space worms," Laes admitted, hoping beyond hope Zim would offer some insight into this. "It's gotten so bad the Armada had to withdraw from Vort."
What else would Zim care about...? Weapons probably.
"And now we can't even make doomsday weapons!" He added, gesturing with his hand-less arm.
"HAA! I am amazing! Soon the whole galaxy will bow to the mighty forces of my ravenous squirming worms of doom!" Zim remarked before cackling evilly and tapping his fingers together.
He stopped doing this and blinked.
"I mean wooww, that sounds bad."
Laes' chest felt heavy. His words almost got lodged in his throat but he managed to speak.
"You didn't have anything to do with the sudden influx of space worms... did you...?"
"Of course not!" Zim waved his words away. "Don't be silly!"
"Ok.. but... you know about the Invaders right? The ones from before..."
"Zim is an Invader!" he announced. "I am the greatest Irken to ever live!" He grinned. "That's why I released a few more worms out of their holding cells on a decimated planet that seemed oddly familiar for some reason!"
He jumped up on something... maybe to add more emphasis to his words or something like that...
"They know who their master is! They wouldn't dare feast upon Zim!"
That made no sense... but he was used to Zim not making any sense. The head scientist on Vort Lab 9, had a difficult time understanding Zim, and she was one of Vort's top scientists.
In any case... it was clear the increase in worms was caused by him.
Of course it was. Zim only ever caused chaos and destruction... it was the reason he was sent to Vort in the first place.
"Do you know how to kill them, or at least make them leave?" Laes asked, trying not to get his hopes up too much.
If Zim really was operating from the Invader programming instead of the Irken one then killing Irkens and anything else wouldn't impact him at all.
In fact, the Invader program sounded like it was set against the Irken one... which meant Zim's violent and unpredictable tendencies would lead him to wanting to destroy the 'false' Empire and its 'false' people.
Zim was also proud of his Irken heritage though, so maybe he was operating from both programs simultaneously. If so then he would genuinely be concerned about the Tallest since they had taken the place of the Irken's Invader overlords... but since he saw himself as an Invader overlord himself, he would be most concerned with himself probably.
Laes imagined Zim would see other Irkens as fodder with the Tallest being the only exception. Maybe. Hopefully. There had to be something Zim cared about.
"Nice try Vortian! If you gain control of the worms, you'll have an entire worm army at your disposal!" Zim remarked, glaring at Laes suspiciously. "If you want my help destroying them, then you will have the Tallest contact me!"
The transmission ended and Laes sank in his seat, suddenly feeling very tired. Talking to Zim usually required a large amount of patience.
Rubbing one of his eyes, he sat back up.
"Ok... at least that went better than the first time," he said, glancing at Bann.
The navigator imposter was scowling, and his antennae were flattened against his head.
"For some reason his voice really grates on my nerves..." Bann admitted.
"Yeah... my headache usually goes away in an hour," Laes replied, rubbing his temples.
At least his stab-wound wasn't hurting very much. He thought he was mentally blocking out the pain, but now he wasn't so sure.
Did someone slip him some drugs or something? He'd have to think about that later.
"So... what's the Tallest number?"
"You are not talking to the guy that almost stabbed you to death," Bann insisted, frowning as he crossed his arms.
"He can't stab me to death if I'm talking to him through a monitor," Laes reasoned, giving the former guard an uneasy half-smile.
Bann heaved a sigh. "Laes... I left the Armada fighting the worms, and even if they escaped that, do you really think they're going to be answering calls right now?"
"If you have their number Bann-"
"I'll call them," Bann interrupted him, and he turned away as his PAK whirred open. He grabbed his communicator and began punching in the code. "Don't say anything. Let me do all of the talking."
"Yes fine," Laes responded, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair. "Whatever you say sweetie."
Bann scowled at him and motioned for him to be quiet.
There was no answer, although Bann was sneaky so he might have punched in the wrong number: one he knew wouldn't work.
"Did you actually try contacting the Massive, or are you just pretending to call them so I'll stop asking?" Laes questioned him.
"What?" Bann placed a hand to his chest and tried to look aghast. "You don't trust me? After everything I've done for you?"
"I never asked you to kill for me," Laes stated; his voice flat as he stared deadpan at the Irken.
"True, but you never asked me to not kill for you either."
Laes frowned at him.
"I'm pretty sure I did. Also, did you give me any drugs recently?"
Bann glanced away from him and hummed under his breath.
"I may have injected you with some drugs while you were unconscious," he admitted after a little while.
"What?" Laes questioned in surprise, and he began looking over his arms. "Where?"
"Directly into your spine..." Bann responded with a smirk. "I'm surprised you didn't feel anything."
"Oh my galre Bann..." Laes remarked, covering his face with his hand as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the desk. "You don't just inject people with things while they're sleeping!"
"It was medicine," Bann responded, sounding somewhat confused. "And it's obviously working."
"That's not the point!" Laes insisted in a strong tone. "You need to tell me these things before you do them!"
He swung around to face the Irken without falling out of his chair, although he did lose his balance for a moment. Plus this sudden action did cause some pain, so he winced and pressed his good arm against his healing injury.
The navigator imposter raised in hands in self-defence.
"Ok, I won't secretly give you pain-nummbers anymore... I just thought it would work better if it was injected into your body, but you're squeamish, and you were impaled recently, so I thought it would be better if you didn't know."
"I know you were trying to do the right thing," Laes replied, sighing.
He relaxed a bit since he was still feeling tired after talking to Zim and he really didn't want to keep arguing about this. Besides, the medicine only dulled the pain, and getting upset really wasn't helping with that.
"But you need to tell people before you do something that will directly do stuff to them... and even if you're trying to be helpful but you're not sure how the other person is going to feel about it, you need to ask them first."
"I don't think I have the coding for that," Bann admitted shrugging.
Laes wagged a finger at him. "Then remember it with your head."
"That's impossible."
"Just try Bann, please?"
Bann rolled his eyes. "Yes mother."
Oh, so Bann was going to play that game was he?
Laes couldn't hide his smile.
"Don't roll your eyes at me while I'm trying to give you some good life advice mister."
"How long are you going to sit in that chair?" Bann suddenly asked, his tone changing as he looked him up and down, trying to find if there was anything wrong.
Laes leaned back and looked up at the crumbling ceiling. This place really was a wreck now.
His gaze lowered to the floor. The floors that had been so abnormally clean all of the time were now scuffed, dirty, and broken apart.
Slappy would have had a heart-attack if he was still alive.
"Well... um... actually... I can't feel my legs at all," he admitted.
This was probably because of the drugs he'd been injected with.
He was sure if he tried to stand up right now he's end up falling on his face. The rest of him was starting to feel heavy... if he fell right now he probably wouldn't get up for a while.
"Then I'll bring you back to your cot," Bann insisted, stepping closer as he reached for Laes.
Laes recoiled and held his hand up to stop him. "No no, you're not carrying me."
Bann's hands lowered, and one of his antennae twitched."Don't be stubborn about this Laes."
"You're barely taller than me right now, plus I'm sitting in a chair," he insisted. "With just a few quick modifications I can make this chair into something I can move by myself, and I'd rather do that than go back to my cot and think again... I just... I need a break from thinking... please?"
Bann sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine... tell me what you need."
"Paper and some kind of writing utensil," Laes responded with a smile.
It was a relief to be away from his cot. He really didn't want to end up immobile again since thinking about their situation with the Irkens was too tiring and remembering his dead family members and Juelee was very emotionally draining.
"I'll make you a list."
"I thought you said "quick modifications," Bann remarked.
"Yes, but I'll need over a dozen materials so it would be better to make a list."
"Quick modifications," Bann repeated, raising an invisible brow.
"Yes, with a list of materials," Laes responded in confusion. "Once I have what I need it will take me maybe 30 minutes to fix this chair." He squinted and eye at the Irken. "I'm only this slow because I don't have a hand right now..."
"Laes... modifying something in 30 minutes is considered pretty fast by most peoples' standards," Bann informed him.
"Oh... really?" Laes blinked.
He was genuinely surprised to learn this.
Speed had been an issue not only in his classes but in prison as well. It always seemed like things needed to be made at impossibly fast rates that he was just barely able to do, even when he had both of his hands, so he never considered himself that quick.
"Modifying something in 20 minutes was my final exam in grade school, and pretty much everyone made it past grade-school."
"Your people are scary," Bann stated with some humour in his voice.
"Says the guy with all the military training," Laes quipped back.
Irken soldiers could probably kill a few dozen people in 30 minutes by hand... and now he wished he hadn't thought about that.
"You're calling the Massive again today." He insisted when he realized they were off topic. "Don't think I'll forget."
Although he had forgotten he was in the middle of a room with thousands of strangers mulling about. Now that he remembered he kind of wanted to stop talking and joking around and just work on something so he'd forget again.
More Notes: Just because Laes is easily distracted doesn't mean he's that easily distracted Bann. Jeez. They're still trying to work out the awkwardness between them, but that doesn't seem to be going super well at the moment.