Chapter 51: Love- Requited and unrequited.

"I can understand; it must be a horrendous experience. I really wonder how you lived this," Tyson said deeply, worriedly, seated on a small couch comfortably. It was calm and quiet with birds occasionally chirping. It has been quite time since they met and were talking. Tyson bought a bouquet of flowers for Ryan and some light flavored juices for him, realizing how bad health was a bitch and appetite suffered these times.

Ryan sniffled, "I couldn't have thought in my deadest thoughts that Nyhan would do this. I cannot forgive him," Ryan said disapprovingly in hurt. He felt reproachful.

"I really feel bad for you, buddy," Tyson said softly and placed a hand on his shoulder. They were seated on two small couches brought from Tala's apartment temporarily in this beautiful garden, on the opposite side of the bridge.

"I don't wanna meet him, Tyson," Ryan said, sniffing the cold in his nose, expressing his pains and weakness to Tyson which he probably didn't even open up to Hilary.

"Its okay. I don't want to see him either or fuel up the situation by letting him know about you," Tyson said censoriously,

Tyson poured some more tea from the kettle on table and handed to Ryan. Ryan gave a small smile and took the cup, gulping few sips,

"You know, I talked about you many times in front of Hilary. I truly liked you ever since Hilary made me meet you," Ryan smiled,

"Thanks, I remember," Tyson smiled and nodded honestly, " I remember we used to talk on phones and text occasionally, I missed that after you were gone" Tyson referred the times when he and Ryan used to converse on phones occasionally, liking each other's brief company despite their differences. Tyson was just sad and pitiful. He never thought that a young, cute guy of his age would be victim of so many things that endangered and almost took his life- this deadly disease, his own brother who stabbed him from back; then come-back to life from a probable death that was more excruciating and horrible. It was a blessing that Ryan got back his memories. He couldn't even imagine Ryan refusing to recognize Hilary and not remembering anything.

Ryan was silently hurt by Hilary. Ryan didn't think of her or remembered her during his stay at Tala's place. When he saw Kai, he just knew that he knows this person but couldn't summon the other details. Slowly he got the vague idea in his muted mind that Kai was some of his close friends.

Ryan just remembered one thing ever since Tala gave him another life- Nyhan, his own brother, took him from the hospital in his critical situation somehow and tried to get rid of him permanently.

Reason? Not known.

Ryan didn't have the idea that his brother was working in that same hospital to which he was admitted, and that Nyhan was domineering one in the senior faculty and the things wouldn't have been complicated; but the facade of his death and place someone else in dead-clothing in the midst of half-naïve and half-torn people like Hilary, Margot and Delia and pretend to take him in the graveyard and perform rituals through those parents and take half-alive Ryan on other side of the story towards a cliff to give this tragic horror to him- all this was just was so planned and unseen.

Ryan was unconscious when he was taken but he barely got his consciousness when Nyhan attempted mercilessly to throw him from the cliff. Ryan didn't even had the guts and energy to object and repulse and defend himself, he was so feeble and in his worst health ever. He was shivering and convulsing when Nyhan drove him speedily and lifted him and shook him to throw off the cliff, muttering curses and accusations on him. Ryan was absolutely helpless physically. Eventually he flung his own brother off the cliff.

Ryan was blooded and almost on the verge of dying when one evening Tala found him in the midst of the forest valley he usually hunted as his hobby. Ryan had fractures on his skull, hands and broken ribs, but still he wasn't dead. Ryan got consciousness two days later after persistent efforts of Tala and his friends and the Doctors. A few weeks later, Tala and others along with Ryan shifted to Japan and Ryan doesn't even remember that journey.

Ryan just knew that someone saved his life out of mercy and here he was. He slowly learnt how good these guys were at heart and how they constantly made efforts for his health. He'd no idea why fate was giving him an another life when he thought that he was dead. It was as if someone woke him after death. Ryan barely spoke. He wanted ardently to thank them, especially Tala. But his mind was so weak and dizzy all the time.

Ryan still wonders why Nyhan ever would want to get rid of him. Nyhan wasn't jealous. Nyhan was always a better student among them, a better blader than any others in Red Scorchers. They stayed mutual. Ryan deeply wonders what caused him to do this.

When Hilary came to see him, Ryan recognized her slowly and all the memories of their college life and times came drifting. He could slowly visualize everything and he felt good and light at heart. Hilary was his panacea and reason of his smile and ease. But… when he remembered that Hilary had left him in his last days in hospital; he wasn't able to forgive her or understand her reasons. He was deeply hurt by her. That is why, he refused to recognize her when she asked him. But she managed to justify her situation and love for him, and he'd to forgive his Hilary eventually.

"Tired of living at Tala's place? Come to my home." Tyson offered,

"I'm okay. Tala is such a sweet person. I know many think him as cold person, but I think I know him well. He's the most caring person," Ryan said,

"That's great. But in case, you feel like seeing me, I will be just one call away," Tyson chuckled. Ryan nodded.

Ryan seemed at silent peace. He was always a strong person. No matter how many things or problems crossed him, he summoned all times to let go and ignore and lived through whatever. He was never the one to get tensed or at least he never showed it, his mind would be at forced ease. He loved peace and he avoided everything that strained his peace of mind.

Hilary was never the one to take things lighter, she was usually tensed or nervous and friendship with Ryan was initially- as if he was numb to it literally or something and she had some calm feeling about the way he was impervious to all the shit around. Hilary's own initial attraction towards him was due to his calm and eased nature and his love and passion for music. With that wonderful enigmatic black eyes and loose black hair, he was undeniably gorgeous.

Hilary was close to him, and he had liked her due to her interests in him and her own unique persona no matter they were different. One personality- quiet and calm, reserved; the other- nervous, angered easily and loud. Still they liked each other. It was mutual bond.

Currently, Ryan's mind was thinking only about Nyhan, his only family. He wants to meet him but he's afraid if he'd attempt to take his life again even without explaining his reasons. He is worried for how long he will stay at Tala's place. His mother's saved resources are already out of his reach and depleted. He doesn't have access to any amounts. Nyhan has all of it in his hands. Ryan can't afford to continue to complete his internship even with scholarship. He can't afford to stay in hostel anymore.

Everything has drastically changed to something worse. He thinks he was probably better dead, rather than being succumbed to financial crisis. He'd rather not express this to Hilary or Tyson. He still holds his self-respect. He is thinking if he'd make an appeal to their Dean about the circumstances and make request to Dr. Ark but he doesn't have much hope from them. If he's somehow able to complete his internship, he will try to survive on his own through any means. But currently, doing any job sidewise to afford for his one year studies is very hard on him due to his fragile health. This year, there were many strikes and protests for stipend. He doesn't have any hope if he could get any of them. It would have been very easier if they agreed for stipend but somehow his institute wasn't ready. Ryan sighed and his eyes regretfully stared silently at the sky.

Why mom left me… Nyhan, what did I do to you, my brother?

He just wondered and wondered why life was breaking at this point. His health was infirm and fragile, yet he had enforced himself to continue his studies after a month of whatever then recovery.

And still… just like before, Hilary was his friend and even though she had confessed him, he hadn't given a second thought or retrospection on it. He had forgiven her but he never really thought about his own feelings for her after getting back this new life. He wasn't simply ready for this yet. He first needed to manage his health, complete his studies and get settled in his life before making someone else part of it.

"Hilary…You like her, Ryan?" Tyson asked him, knowing that they were at a point of having this conversation.

"Yeah, I mean, as a close friend," Ryan said without any fidget and calmly.

"That's it?" Tyson shook his head slightly,

"I know she's your close friend. You do care for her. But apart from the last time when we first met and had some actual conversation, I haven't talked to her again. Time went in hospitals and medications." Ryan said with effort, and closed his mouth.

"You haven't thought about her yet. Hmm?" Tyson asked, a little worried about both of them,

"Yeah," Ryan said honestly,

Tyson was a little disinclined at this part but he maintained his calm. He wanted to argue on this point but he knew that Hilary wouldn't appreciate it so he chose to shut it.

"Ryan…" Tyson stated, "Hilary is my friend, ever since we were kids. But you are also my friend. You've all rights for your life but just so you know, Hilary really loves you and you can't imagine the depth of her grief after we knew that you passed out. Hilary is patient, she will wait till you accept her, or if not, till you reject her. But during this wait… Damn, this wait breaks us so much. My own girlfriend left me for five years dude, due to some major misunderstanding but fortunately we reunited and it feels so good. I don't want Hilary to suffer the same, waiting- and on inside, breaking." Tyson explained trying to not bring up his emotions and expressed everything minimally he could.

"I'm not going to dispose Hilary simply. I won't. I'm not that kinda guy, Tyson." Ryan smirked slightly, "I promise I won't hurt her but I can't promise I will accept her, not at least right now. Tyson… think about me. Just once, please," Ryan said deeply hoping from Tyson to understand his state and plummeted in silence. There was no thoughts for any new relationship right from his side. He didn't know how he would even survive, his young broken 22 year old self.

Tyson gave a second thought. Tyson didn't yet get an idea about Ryan's financial crisis and he wasn't able to understand him entirely. He mentally noted to report the necessary conversation clearly to Hilary later.

"I'm sorry. I understand you need time," Tyson smiled. Ryan sniffed again. His cold was little consistent.

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Ellie frantically searched for her homework which she did few hours ago before going with her father to the garden. Ashlene didn't compel Tyson to take her along because she was stranger to some Ryan and she didn't want to make the guy uncomfortable. Tyson and Hilary would be fine; and Kai too, since he was Ryan's caretaker as well.

After Ellie returned, she just forgot where she had kept her book and she was worried. Ashlene's mood was fine but the mother wouldn't forgive her if she lost her book. Ellie tried telling Tyson, but he was already gone upstairs. And Ashlene was upstairs too, so she gave up.

She summoned the courage to go up and opened the door. Her mom was lying on bed, covered halfway with sheet, her face red in cold and Tyson was seated next to her.

"What's wrong, mom?" she asked, blinking as she saw them.

"Mom caught some cold. You okay, Ell?" Tyson asked, lifting his gaze from his girlfriend's face to his daughter standing at the door.

"Yeah, just couldn't find my notebook," Ellie said little scared if Ash would fume up,

"I will search for you later. Check in living room once," Tyson said wisely, trying to help her daughter. Ellie nodded curiously and left after closing the door. Tyson smirked at her action.

"I will take a leave for a week," Ashlene said sniffing the cold,

"You better do that, Ash." Tyson said caressing her forehead,

"I visited Grandpa when you went with Hils," Ashlene said. Tyson gave a look to her, "He's almost okay."

"How?" Tyson was shocked, sudden happiness flowing in him.

"Just trust me. Grandpa smiled at me today and I talked to him," Ashlene said looking at him deeply with gratefulness.

"Really?" Tyson almost got from the bed but Ashlene held his hand, "We will visit him together tonight," Ashlene smiled at him, knowing how much Tyson was excited right now, his face lit and sparked.

"Okay," Tyson's joys had no bounds. He got sudden compulsion to kiss her for such good news which she gave and he did kiss her. Ashlene returned it, "You're such a good home girl, ya know babe," he simpered. Ashlene loved his teasing sometimes, it made her feel how affectionate he was with her. She blushed and giggled lowly. There was some sort of pride and security she felt around her giving her the enigmatic protected warmth when he was with her, giving his attention and love to her.

"I will sleep for a while," Ashlene smiled.

"Sure," Tyson covered her again in sheets and closed the lights and went out for Ellie.

"Tyson," she called him as he walked,

"Hm?" He turned to her,

"I love you so much, Tyson," she said.

He walked to her with an amused smile, "I know, I love you too by the way," he said closing her lids shut with gentle caressing by his fingers.

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"Oh…" Hilary mumbled in silent grief. She was at Tyson's place for a break after Tala and Bryan insisted her take rest for a day.

"I'm sorry but we had this precise conversation." Tyson shrugged, reporting of what he and Ryan talked in the garden in morning.

"Hmm," Hilary was nervous. She was quiet and shocked, very anxious. Why would Ryan not reciprocate my feelings… Why. I'm doomed.

"Just let him take his time," The blunette shrugged his shoulders in tiredness. He craved a massage by Ash but she herself was sick. He called Ellie and she had given a fine massage to her father and then went to sleep.

Hilary wasn't sure about what she'd react on this. Why was she feeling so broken suddenly? Why everything had to be so complicated? She rose up and told that she will get some rest and though Tyson had fine idea of what she was going through right now, he neglected her state and feelings and felt that she should deal with this on her own right now.

Hilary walked to Grandpa's room and thumped on the couch. The lights were off and the room was doomed in darkness and silence.

This can't be true. Why… Am I not enough? Is there someone else? Am I really that bad?

Thoughts flowed in her mind and her heart felt sappy. Sadness occupied her and she couldn't even cry.

What should I do now?

Should I give up on him…

I can't keep waiting for you forever Ryan…

I can't take this anymore…

Her laptop was kept in the desolated corner of the room. She took it quickly and opened, reaching out for her folder and reading her diary entries she was furiously typing in her emotional turmoil and wretchedness few days back and since a year passed out, expressing her thoughts and feelings. That was the way she was living, saying everything to a doc which would listen her patiently as much as she typed without refrain without judging her.

I used to miss you so much but... didn't you miss me at all? She felt her anguish resurface, Why are you making me wait more, Ryan? Why? Why are you fudging and dodging this talk with me?
How much more should I have to wait or is there nothing in your heart for me? Were all these ONLY MY feelings I've felt for you since years only one sided? You feel nothing for me as such besides friendship? Hilary glowered closing her laptop and kept shooting questions mentally, Who's in your heart?

She was scared of loosing him now even more. When she thought he was dead, it hurt and she was scared too that time but now, this was scarier- Loosing him when he was alive.

Her convulsing breaths as she balled into corner sounded dangerously fiery, yet broken.
And all the blushing and stuttering denials when someone accused us of liking each other seemed only one-sided.
Everyone came in her mind, right from Tyson, her seniors, her friends, Delia, Margot who teased her...

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Ever since Kai visited Grandpa at hospital with Hilary, he changed, he changed a lot. That day, he felt depressed and sad and even though he tried his best to ignore his demons and so many things inside him and within him mocking him and accusing, he was trying to go daily to company quarters, not get distracted and down casted there because he didn't want any effect on his professional life.

But he just couldn't stop the guilt coming so fast, the accusings his demons has thrown on him. Why was he feeling it, now? Was it just Grandpa or was there it more to it? He even thought to visit a therapist for getting out of it but no avail. Then he met Hilary with difficulty and took her to Ryan and he was in some relief for helping her out and giving her some happiness of hope. He realized slowly that he has been wrong ever since so long that night after visiting Grandpa.

The next week, he didn't even go to company quarters and stayed at home all time, roaming in the gardens, meeting Rose, thinking, regretting, sleeping and just being there. Blading and spending time with Rose helped, but in the end he was back to square one. He knew that it wasn't just Grandpa's health that was pestering him and keeping him down. It was someone else... It was Tyson and everything he has done with him. He was beginning to realize all his selfish acts and what he has done to him through the years. But how? Why? When and how did jealousy started dominating over him for Tyson? He never thought about him that way even after a year of defeating Brooklyn? He still considered Tyson as a good friend, then how?

Years and time changed him and he didn't realize. Whatever it was, it was wrong. He felt that. And the worst thing he had done was separating Tyson and Ashlene. And now that he knows that Ashlene must have definitely said that to Tyson, he wonders why Tyson hasn't encountered him with that even after they briefly met today when Tyson bought Ellie and Hilary to garden for meeting Ryan. Every mistake and wronging came back crashing upon him.

At the end, he couldn't even see Grandpa one last time. He lost his own grandfather, and he didn't even feel remorse for it. He lost Tyson, he has to part from everyone because of his own foolish plans and now he remained. All alone. Tyson wasn't alone. He had his little family now. It took seven years but Ashlene did found the truth and she had gone back to him. Tyson wasn't alone, he was. And all this was because of that one fucking title whose pleasure was denied to him and the title was given him- vanquished and so worthless without the battle.

But at least he realized his mistake, but it was too late. Was it too late? Did he had any chance to face Tyson? Far was the thought of asking forgiveness of all the years. But Tyson was Tyson, the kind one. Would he forgive him? Still. Just like he forgave Ashlene?

A/N: Just a filler chapter I guess, but I'd to make things lucid mainly about Ryan and Hilary. Hilary thinks that her love is unrequited, but let's see. I hope you all understand that Ryan is just recovering and is in no state of commitments. He's a straightforward guy, he won't cheat Hilary or use her, but also he wouldn't give false promises or hopes. And guys, Grandpa is back. Meet him in next chapter :)

Thanks to everyone who reviewed back previously! That means a lot! ^-^

Next chapter is titled: Back together. The awaited chapter, again. Now y'all guess what it is about. It's an important and very eventful chapter guys, don't miss it at all. ^_^ Hopefully the update will be around Christmas. :)

Till then, you can wait for the upcoming CrimeRom TyHil fic (Wildfire getaway) by 14th hopefully. Bye.

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