Things had never changed so quickly and drastically, or perhaps they had but so long ago that he could barely remember it, but Harry's hands shook as he clenched the doorknob to his now empty room. Well, half empty, it you wanted to be technical – all of Harry's things lay where they always were, but half of everything that had been there previously was gone.
He had just been stagnant for too long, and Harry should have known better. Nothing lasted. It had always been that way, and Harry should have been used to that by now. He should have expected it like he had for everything else that had been taken away, perhaps then he wouldn't be experiencing this fierce ache in his chest. He should have known that it would happen no matter how good it felt, how long it had already lasted.
But Harry had held onto the hope, after pushing Tom away for as long as he had, that Tom would eventually stay. He had known that Tom didn't like stagnation, that he always wanted to continue moving forward, to always be the best, have the best. Harry had never cared about those kinds of things, but humoured Tom's desire to have the best, just as Tom humoured Harry's enjoyment of simplicity.
Harry should have known that an arrangement like that wouldn't work in the long run, even if it had worked for so long. Knowing all of this now still didn't make it hurt any less, it didn't make their little stash of candy hearts taste any less bitter. And those little sweets were in every nook and cranny – Tom's one weakness, as Harry had joked several times before – despite how many packets Harry had already tossed into the bin in a fit of rage.
Harry spent as little time as possible in the room now, sometimes even sleeping on the couch in the lounge when the memories got a little too much for him. It was happening less and less now, though, but that didn't mean that the memories had stopped altogether: Harry had simply grown accustomed to the feeling of loss that encompassed him, even if he didn't fully accept it. There simply wasn't a way to accept such a thing, Harry knew that he would hold hope that Tom would walk right into their apartment again (even if Harry knew Tom had left the keys behind when he left and had no way of entering by himself).
For all their similarities, they were awfully different. Tom had always felt like the person Harry could have been had he not met Hermione and Ron, and that was the comfort Harry took from Tom. Harry always felt like he knew Tom deep down, and that was also why Harry couldn't really blame Tom for leaving when he understood it too: the constant act to supress the most radical parts of themselves to appease the other. The disapproval that lingered at the edges of their eyes, the belief that the other could do better.
That was the real reason, but Harry had thought that it had all been worth it. For both of them. That having each other was worth the hints of disapproval that they had easily teased off each other.
It had been a simple and easy life, nothing but a hoax in Harry's reality that changed like the tides and moon.
Written for:
Go Fish: Harry Potter
Make it Angst: candy hearts
Pokemon Journey: Things had never changed so quickly, or so drastically; hoax