The office is welcomed back. Ferdinand becomes powerful. Someone jacks Felix's side hustle. Dimitri goes into withdrawal.
To: Emblem Corp. Staff
From: Jeralt Reus Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 8:45 AM
RE: Welcome
Welcome back, everyone.
I know the past month has been quite hectic. But I have spoken to the exterminators and while they tell me that this was the most bizarre infestation of rats they've ever seen, they have finally decreed it safe for us to return to work.
The cleaning crew we hired turned out to be embezzling money. Therefore they only managed to clean all the floors sans Production before being arrested.
I appreciate your patience in these matters and hope we can return to our regular daily life soon.
Jeralt
To: Caspar von Bergliez; Raphael Kirsten
From: Leonie Pinelli
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 8:56 AM
RE: We're out
There's rat shit everywhere. Go home for the day, we're not working under these conditions.
Leonie
To: Leonie Pinelli; Raphael Kirsten
From: Caspar von Bergliez
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:00 AM
RE: RE: We're out
Raph hasn't gotten here, should we wait here for him?
Caspar
To: Caspar von Bergliez; Raphael Kirsten
From: Leonie Pinelli
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:01 AM
RE: RE: RE: We're out
He's smart enough to check his email. I'm already at my car and leaving.
Leonie
To: Hilda Valentine Goneril
From: Claude von Riegan
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:06 AM
RE: Jeez
You seen Dimitri today? Guy looks kinda rough.
Claude
To: Claude von Riegan
From: Hilda Valentine Goneril
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:12 AM
RE: RE: Jeez
Dedue told me he's going through some sort of illness right know. He told me all about it, but I wasn't paying attention. I got distracted by a hot celebrity on social media.
Hilda
To: Hilda Valentine Goneril
From: Claude von Riegan
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:14 AM
RE: RE: RE: Jeez
Aren't you dating Marianne?
Claude
To: Claude von Riegan
From: Hilda Valentine Goneril
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:15 AM
RE: RE: RE: RE: Jeez
Just cuz Mama's taken doesn't mean she can't look at the menu.
Hilda
To: Ferdinand von Aegir
From: Manuela Casagranda
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:16 AM
RE: Out today
Sorry for the late nature of this, but I won't be in today. You're the acting head of Sales while I'm out.
Don't make me regret it.
Manuela
To: Sylvain Jose Gautier; Petra Macneary
From: Ferdinand von Aegir
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:18 AM
RE: IMPORTANT
Okay peasants, listen up. I'm your emperor now. I want you at your desks in five minutes, we're gonna make some magic happen here and show Catherine and Shamir I deserve to be permanent lead of Sales.
Ferdinand von Aegir
To: Sylvain Jose Gautier
From: Petra Macneary
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:24 AM
RE: Birds?
Why is Ferdinand calling us birds?
Petra
To: Petra Macneary
From: Sylvain Jose Gautier
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:31 AM
RE: RE: Birds?
That's a pheasant. He said peasant. Two different words.
Sylvain
To: Sylvain Jose Gautier
From: Petra Macneary
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:33 AM
RE: RE: RE: Birds?
Your language is having fucking stupid. I am not a bird.
Petra
To: Petra Macneary
From: Sylvain Jose Gautier
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:34 AM
RE: RE: RE: RE: Birds?
Remind me to teach you verbs before swearing next time.
Sylvain
To: Leonie Pinelli; Caspar von Bergliez
From: Raphael Kirsten
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 9:35 AM
RE: Hello?
I dropped coffee on my computer and somehow deleted all my emails, so it's been a morning. Where are you two?
Raphael
To: Dedue Molinaro
From: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:13 AM
RE: Work email thread
Dedue, do you have the rats?
Dimitri
To: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
From: Dedue Molinaro
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:17 AM
RE: RE: Work email thread
I have them. And your aspirin. And your dragonfruit smoothie. Which would you like first?
Dedue
To: Byleth Sothis Eisner
From: Claude von Riegan
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:23 AM
RE: Missing you
Everyone is talking about how working from home for a month was awful, but I gotta say, I already miss working next to you.
Claude
To: Claude von Riegan
From: Byleth Sothis Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:24 AM
RE: RE: Missing you
You miss the quickies, don't you lie.
And the kisses.
And the snuggles.
And that time we just watched a movie.
Which, I admit, I miss all of that too. Guess you'll just have to wait until we get home today to peel this tight clothing off me. It's so restricting, would that I could just strip right now.
By
To: Byleth Sothis Eisner
From: Claude von Riegan
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:26 AM
RE: RE: RE: Missing you
You are a devil and I love you dearly.
Claude
To: Dorothea Arnault
From: Mercedes von Martritz
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:31 AM
RE: Um?
Did you see what Raphael was carrying? It seemed like it was…moving.
Mercie
To: Mercedes von Martritz
From: Dorothea Arnault
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 10:33 AM
RE: RE: Um?
Hear no evil, see no evil. Not my department, not my problem.
Dorothea
To: Emblem Corp. Staff
From: Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:01 AM
RE: How dare you
Someone has taken something dearly from me. What my side business is, is my business, so give back what you took.
Felix
To: Emblem Corp. Staff; Felix Hugo Fraldarius
From: Shamir Nevrand
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:03 AM
RE: RE: How dare you
Felix, please refrain from using this emailing list unless there are pertinent announcements for the whole team.
Shamir
To: Emblem Corp. Staff; Felix Hugo Fraldarius; Shamir Nevrand
From: Catherine Rubens Charon
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:04 AM
RE: RE: RE: How dare you
Did they take Sylvain?
Catherine
To: Emblem Corp. Staff; Felix Hugo Fraldarius; Shamir Nevrand; Catherine Rubens Charon
From: Seteth Cichol
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:05 AM
RE: RE: RE: RE: How dare you
Felix, allow me to remind you that you signed a no competition clause in your hiring paperwork. Please remember that if your side work conflicts with Emblem Corp.'s work at all, then you must desist.
Seteth
To: Emblem Corp. Staff; Shamir Nevrand; Catherine Rubens Charon; Seteth Cichol
From: Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:08 AM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: How dare you
I put Dimitri's head on shirts and sell them with our logo.
Felix
To: Emblem Corp. Staff; Shamir Nevrand; Catherine Rubens Charon; Felix Hugo Fraldarius
From: Seteth Cichol
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:10 AM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: How dare you
Come see me in my office.
Seteth
To: Felix Hugo Fraldarius
From: Sylvain Jose Gautier
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:11 AM
RE: HA
WRECKED.
Sylvain
To: Hapi Timotheos
From: Anna Ernest
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 11:56 AM
RE: Please help
Come to my office. We have a situation with a news outlet saying we have rebranded our logo as a pheasant.
Anna
To: Anna Ernest
From: Hapi Timotheos
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:01 PM
RE: RE: Please help
Better logo than what we've got now. But on my way, Anna-banana.
Hapi
To: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
From: Dedue Molinaro
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:07 PM
RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
The rats are gone.
Dedue
To: Dedue Molinaro
From: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:08 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
I'm in position, though. How am I supposed to distract Claude now? How am I supposed to get the mug now?
Dimitri
To: Byleth Sothis Eisner
From: Hilda Valentine Goneril
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:13 PM
RE: So…
So I just found out that Dimitri was admitted to Garreg Mach General for symptoms of withdrawal. Doctors thought he was on at least three different substances, plus alcohol. Turns out he was clean and just kept telling the doctors it was because of coffee, or something to do with that. They prescribed him drinking coffee and some meds.
Thoughts?
Hilda
To: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
From: Dedue Molinaro
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:14 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
Use the smoothie. No one can resist a smoothie. Make sure to tell him I used the last punch in a punch card for it, that sensation of it being free makes it taste better.
Dedue
To: Dedue Molinaro
From: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:15 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
You're brilliant.
Dimitri
To: Hilda Valentine Goneril
From: Byleth Sothis Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:16 PM
RE: RE: So…
I won't lie, I'm not all that surprised.
Byleth
To: Ferdinand von Aegir
From: Raphael Kirsten
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:33 PM
RE: Usurper
I have heard you are the king of sales today. I am the king of production. Us two rulers cannot function together, there can only be one.
Raphael
To: Raphael Kirsten
From: Ferdinand von Aegir
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:35 PM
RE: RE: Usurper
I entirely agree. I will fight you in Production in ten minutes.
Ferdinand von Aegir
To: Anna Ernest
From: Hapi Timotheos
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:50 PM
RE: For your information
Someone's livestreaming a fight in Production. I'm loath to kill good entertainment, but it does technically violate our NDA.
Hapi
To: Seteth Cichol
From: Jeralt Reus Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 12:59 PM
RE: Unwelcome company
Seteth, there is a rat eating the wax fruit in my office.
Jeralt
To: Jeralt Reus Eisner
From: Seteth Cichol
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:01 PM
RE: RE: Unwelcome company
I'll come kill it.
Seteth
To: Seteth Cichol
From: Jeralt Reus Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:04 PM
RE: RE: RE: Unwelcome company
Oh I was implying you call the exterminator again, not murder a rat in front of my virgin eyes. But go off, I suppose.
Jeralt
To: Balthus von Albrecht
From: Yuri Leclerc
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:23 PM
RE: Highlight
My favorite part of that fight was where Raphael proclaimed himself king and the sole Production worker even though you've been here all day and no one has remembered you exist at all.
Yuri
To: Yuri Leclerc
From: Balthus von Albrecht
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:26 PM
RE: RE: Highlight
Don't interrupt me, I'm in my happy place.
Balthus
To: Balthus von Albrecht
From: Yuri Leclerc
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:29 PM
RE: RE: RE: Highlight
Hiding under your desk in a cardboard box doesn't count as a happy place.
Yuri
To: Byleth Sothis Eisner
From: Hilda Valentine Goneril
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:33 PM
RE: Results
I wasn't expecting Raphael to start throwing rats at Ferdinand. Where did he get those?
Hilda
To: Hilda Valentine Goneril
From: Byleth Sothis Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:36 PM
RE: RE: Results
You know what, in light of there being rats everywhere again, I'm content to not bother thinking on that question.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go ride my boyfriend.
Byleth
To: Byleth Sothis Eisner
From: Hilda Valentine Goneril
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:37 PM
RE: RE: RE: Results
Wanna take another go at that one?
Hilda
To: Hilda Valentine Goneril
From: Byleth Sothis Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:37 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: Results
I did really mean to type 'ride with', but that works too.
Byleth
To: Emblem Corp. Staff
From: Jeralt Reus Eisner
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:38 PM
RE: Everyone leave
Employees, please vacate the building. The rats are back. We'll continue working from home for the time being.
Jeralt
To: Raphael Kirsten
From: Ferdinand von Aegir
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:45 PM
RE: You idiot
Your bag of rats did this.
Ferdinand von Aegir
To: Ferdinand von Aegir
From: Petra Macneary
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:46 PM
RE: Done
I have been changing the company logo to a pheasant, like you requested.
Petra
To: Petra Macneary
From: Ferdinand von Aegir
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:48 PM
RE: RE: Done
Petra, literally when did I ask for that. None of our emails even sound remotely like I asked for that.
Ferdinand
To: Dedue Molinaro
From: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:49 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
Dedue I am in position with the smoothie.
Dimitri
To: Ferdinand von Aegir
From: Petra Macneary
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:51 PM
RE: RE: RE: Done
Do not call me a bird next time. I have also told Felix you are having responsibility for his artwork. You have replaced birds for each Dimitri face on his t-shirts. Have congratulations.
Petra
To: Petra Macneary
From: Sylvain Jose Gautier
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:55 PM
RE: Another fight
Ferdinand is screaming and Felix just walked into his office with murder on his face. You have something to do with that?
Sylvain
To: Sylvain Jose Gautier
From: Petra Macneary
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:57 PM
RE: RE: Another fight
I do not wish to be called a bird.
Petra
To: Petra Macneary
From: Sylvain Jose Gautier
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 1:59 PM
RE: RE: RE: Another fight
Petra, he literally didn't.
Sylvain
To: Sylvain Jose Gautier
From: Petra Macneary
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 2:00 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: Another fight
I am without caring.
Petra
To: Dedue Molinaro
From: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 2:32 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
Dedue, where are you. They are shutting the lights off.
Dimitri
To: Anna Ernest
From: Hapi Timotheos
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 2:36 PM
RE: All finished
I fixed the logo issues around the website. I'm gonna bounce now, call me if you need anything else or want to get a drink.
Hapi
To: Hapi Timotheos
From: Anna Ernest
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 2:39 PM
RE: RE: All finished
Isn't it somewhat unprofessional to flirt on the clock?
Anna
To: Anna Ernest
From: Hapi Timotheos
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 2:43 PM
RE: RE: RE: All finished
I'll pay.
Hapi
To: Hapi Timotheos
From: Anna Ernest
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 2:44 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: All finished
I'll call you tonight.
Anna
To: Dedue Molinaro
From: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Sent: Monday, Great Tree Moon 26, 7:37 PM
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Work email thread
dedue help
Dimitri
Author Notes: So uh, hi.
Well, it turns out it's hard for me to write comedy in a pandemic when I'm cut off from my friends while dealing with a dreadfully exhausting election year at a job that I worked 60-70 hour weeks for seven months. It's not as if the pandemic is over by any means, but I was feeling better enough to write this. Did I forget literally everything that's happened thus far in this fic? Yep, but I'll reread it sometime to refresh myself. Besides, plot is hardly this fic's goal. Hope it made you laugh!
Time to plug! I've been writing another fic over the past ten months called A Vow Remembered. It's a Verdant Wind/Golden Deer fic and is the entire opposite of this fic in terms of seriousness and subject matter. But, if you like my writing, you'd probably enjoy it!