Re:Zero FF Beatrice Heart Crossing

Chapter 4: In Lieu of a Dream

Dark fog blocked Subaru's vision as he tried to walk. It was as if his legs were bound with heavy weights, yet he trudged forward. He couldn't remember how he arrived at this place, or where he came from. He raised his hands to rub his eyes and realized he couldn't see his hands. Where his fingers should have been he found only more fog. As panic slowly set in, a light cut through the fog and the image of a girl came into focus. The light illuminated the area, but it was not a place Subaru recognized. As his vision stabilized, Subaru immediately recognized the girl. The silver haired half elf could only be Emilia.

Subaru: "E-emilia?"

Emilia: "Why, Subaru?"

Subaru: "I-"

As Subaru began to speak, he heard a loud crack followed by a sharp pain in his head as all the memories he had forgotten flowed into him. He remembered the Imagine Castle and that his friends were frozen in time. He began to feel a tremendous surge of guilt like his heart was being plucked from his chest. Emilia broke eye contact with Subaru as she began to weep.

Emilia: "I thought you loved me… you liar."

Subaru: "Emilia, no, that's not… I'm...I'm sorry."

Tears streamed down Subaru's face as he tried to reach out for Emilia. As his hands got close enough to touch her, she spoke.

Emilia: "I don't forgive you. I hate you."

Emilia's eyes darkened as she spat out the words. Subaru continued to try to grab her as she turned to leave. As his fingers brushed her she appeared to burst into particles of light. She dissolved back into the darkness of the fog as Subaru looked on in horror. His mind scrambled as he tried to replay the events. Before he could open his mouth to try to scream, he was interrupted.

?: "Subaru."

Subaru turned to look at the voice and collapsed to his knees at what he saw. The maid that everyone had forgotten met his gaze. It was Rem; she stared at Subaru with cold blue eyes that pierced him from behind her bangs. He started to cry tears of joy and crawl towards her. She met his enthusiasm with icy words.

Rem: "You left me behind, Subaru. I supported you no matter what and you abandoned me."

Subaru: "Rem, I… I… that's not true…"

Rem: "I've died for you time and time again. It meant nothing. I mean nothing."

Subaru: "Rem that's not-"

Rem: "I MEAN NOTHING!"

Subaru was shocked by Rem's scream. The maid froze in front of Subaru and in the next moment she collapsed forward. Subaru scrambled to catch her in his arms, but upon touching her she burst into light just as Emilia had. Subaru fell to his side and curled his legs in as he rambled to himself through sobs.

Subaru: "I didn't forget...I didn't forget…"

In that instant, he felt himself start to lose consciousness. As his mind faded he heard a small voice calling his name. The voice became louder and louder as Subaru began to awaken. He gasped as he jolted awake to the familiar feel of his futon. As he opened his eyes he saw Beatrice's worried face looking over him. She was kneeling next to him on the floor and had her hands tightly gripped around one of his. He used his free hand to rub his face and found that his cheeks were tear stained.

Beatrice: "H-here, use Betty's handkerchief, I suppose."

Subaru: "..."

Subaru took the small handkerchief from her and wiped his face without making a sound. He could tell from the light shining through the windows that it was morning. As his gaze turned to Beatrice, he felt a strange pain run through his heart.

Subaru: "I need to go for a walk, excuse me."

Beatrice: "But-"

Beatrice was interrupted by Subaru shaking his hand free from hers. He stood up and walked over to the wardrobe. After slipping a tracksuit jacket over his sleepwear, he turned to leave the bedroom. Beatrice spoke out as he opened the door.

Beatrice: "Subaru?"

Subaru: "I'm sorry, Be-...Beatrice, I need some time.

With that, Subaru left the room. Beatrice felt helpless as she thought over what she could have said to comfort Subaru. The small spirit felt a mixture of emotions as she knelt on the floor. However, one thought escaped her mouth.

Beatrice: "He called me Beatrice…"

Beatrice couldn't understand what happened to Subaru by herself so she decided to ask Adella for advice. She slowly stood up from the floor and left the room to seek out the head maid in her quarters. Upon reaching Adella's room she gingerly knocked on the door. The sound of shuffling and footsteps emerged from within before the doorknob began to turn. Adella stepped into the threshold, still in her nightgown.

Adella: "Ahn.. Well, well, you're up rather early Lady Beatrice. I must say, it shames me to be woken up by my Master."

Beatrice paid her no mind and walked past her into Adella's room. She took a seat in a small chair near Adella's bed. It was a small but comfortable room compared to the larger bedroom. Furs covered the floors and small pictures of various flowers hung on the walls. Other than the bed and a small tea table with chairs, there was a notably large bookshelf filled with books. Beatrice stared down at her knees and waited for Adella to take a seat. Adella, sensing that something was off, sat next to Beatrice and prepared her a glass of water.

Adella: "Drink. Calm yourself and then tell me what has you in such a state."

Beatrice took a small sip from her glass and proceeded to explain the situation.

Beatrice: "I believe he was having a nightmare, I suppose. Betty couldn't help him. She was useless, in fact."

Adella: "Nonsense."

Beatrice: "H-huh?"

Adella: "It's obvious that something is weighing on his heart. You were there to comfort him. He knows that. I would say that he doesn't want to worry you."

Beatrice: "Too late for that, I suppose."

Adella: "Indeed. Not to worry, once you talk with him, I'm sure you can come to an understanding."

Beatrice: "I don't think he wants to see Betty, I suppose. He made it apparent earlier, in fact."

Adella: "That's my job! A head maid is responsible for the caretaking of her Masters"

Beatrice: "What do you mean, I suppose?"

Adella: "Exactly what I said. You go freshen yourself up. Perhaps change out of your nightie?"

Beatrice blushed slightly, she hadn't registered that she had been traipsing about the castle in her pajamas.

Beatrice: "What will you do, I suppose?"

Adella: "Why, I will collect Master Subaru and bring him back here to speak with you, of course."

Beatrice: "How-"

Adella: "That's a head maid secret technique! Now, go on and head down to the beach when you are done. I will set up an appropriate place for my Masters to have a little chat. Byeee!"

With that, the head maid grabbed a change of clothes and danced out of the room. Beatrice scowled at the premise that her problems could be solved with a "little chat", but she had to admit that Adella's confidence had given her some comfort. And so, the little spirit returned to the bedroom to prepare for a meeting with her contractor.

A gust of cool wind blew past Subaru, the sun had just risen, bringing a warm morning heat. In any other situation the weather might be considered enjoyable. He had slept until he was startled awake, but he felt exhausted. He slowly walked the trail line toward the forest with no goal in mind. Eventually he reached the hilltop where, just yesterday, he had watched fireworks with Beatrice. It was a stark contrast to his current condition. Subaru sat down and began to think about his dream and what it could mean. He had read somewhere that dreams could be affected by a person's feelings. He racked his brain trying to figure out what his heart was attempting to tell him.

Subaru: "I didn't forget about everyone…"

?: "Sounds like you're putting some heavy blame on yourself."

Subaru turned his head to determine who his surprise guest was. Adella met his gaze and proceeded to approach him. She produced a small pillow from a bag which she then used to kneel next to him. After settling into her spot, she turned and locked eyes with Subaru.

Adella: "Why are you here?"

Subaru: "Huh? I just needed some time-"

Adella: "No. Why are you here? Why are you staying in the castle?"

Subaru: "U-uh, well, because Beako asked me to."

Adella: "Is that all?"

Subaru was dumbfounded by the question. Of course he was there because Beatrice had requested it of him as her contractor. Was that all there was to it? He considered what other motives he could have for staying. He sat in silence with Adella while he tried to come up with an answer. After an awkward amount of time had passed, Adella spoke.

Adella: "Listen, Lady Beatrice told me what she heard of your mutterings last night. I am to assume you had a nightmare about your friends left frozen in a different world?"

Subaru: "Y-yeah."

Adella: "Then I can understand your fears. However, I must say, you need to stop thinking of this world as some sort of dreamscape that you can just walk out of like a vacation. This place and everything that has happened here is quite real, especially to Lady Beatrice. Just because you leave a world behind does not make the experiences any less impactful."

The words shot through Subaru. He was reminded of his home and his parents. They were indeed real and the experiences with them filled his heart with warmth. Adella was right, Subaru had been considering this place as a vacation while the "real" world was on pause.

Adella: "Imagine how she must feel? Thinking that you could just walk out at any time. Lady Beatrice cares for you deeply, Master Subaru. If you choose to disregard this world and return, then you need to face her head on. She deserves to know what your answer is. If you ask me, I think your dream was less about you feeling guilt for leaving, and more about you feeling guilt for staying. I think you've quite enjoyed the past few weeks with Lady Beatrice."

Subaru could remain quiet no more. As he listened to the head maid he started to become angry. What did she know about him? Subaru's voice rose as he spoke.

Subaru: "How do you know this place is real? What if this is all a dream? How can you sit there and tell me that I have to make this choice when I can't even be sure you're real? I mean, I created you! How can I even be sure that Beako is-"

The early morning air of the hilltop was cut through by a resounding smack. Subaru froze with his face turned to the side from the sudden impact. He reached up to touch his cheek. When had he started crying? He turned to look at the source of the slap. Adella stared at him, her cheeks red with rage.

Adella: "You can question my existence. As my Master, that is your privilege. However, I will not abide you slandering Lady Beatrice. All of your 'What if' and 'How can I be sure' are just excuses. You want this to be a dream so you can ignore what your heart is telling you."

Subaru: "What is my heart telling me?"

Adella: "I cannot answer that. Only you can. You can begin by figuring out why you started crying while questioning the reality of this place."

Subaru lowered his shoulders. He had made a fool of himself again by lashing out in anger before trying to understand his feelings. He reflected on the words Adella had given him and felt genuine sadness at the thought of this place being a dream. Yet, he also missed his friends. These were the facts. He furrowed his brow as he thought, and suddenly his answer became apparent.

Beatrice.

Beatrice was also his friend and she had created this world. He had initially been quick to accept it as her contractor but he now gave it serious thought. These past few weeks were like a dream because he wouldn't accept that such happiness was in his reach. He had been so focused on others that he had forgotten the small girl who had given him a great gift. Subaru voiced his decision out loud.

Subaru: "I choose.. to acknowledge Beako."

Adella: "If that's what you want, then go tell her."

Subaru: "R-right! Where is she?"

Adella: "She should be down on the beachfront. Although, you've kept her waiting for quite some time. I'm sure she'll appreciate it if you run."

Subaru jumped to his feet and prepared to dash forward. Before he could take the first step, he hesitated. He turned to face Adella and bowed.

Subaru: "I deeply apologize for implying that you didn't exist. Thank you for your help. If you will have me, I'll continue to lean on you for support, Adie."

Adella turned her head to hide her slight blush.

Adella: "T-that is fine by me. Now hurry!"

Subaru launched forward into a full sprint as he traveled back to the beachfront. As she watched him run, Adella spoke a small prayer under her breath.

Adella: "It's up to you now, Lady Beatrice."

Subaru ran the familiar trail at a high speed. Each step put him closer and closer to Beatrice. Before he knew it, he had arrived at the top of the old stone steps that led down to the beach. He strengthened his resolve and marched down to confront Beatrice. As he turned towards the beach, he saw her. She was wearing a beautiful white dress. The gothic style, matched with short white lace socks and shiny white shoes complemented her youthful appearance. Surprisingly, she had left her hair down. The entire aesthetic was in great opposition with the somber look she wore on her face as She nervously rocked back and forth on a bench swing. The entire swing looked like it belonged on a patio, not a beach. It was ornately decorated with white metal ivy and beechwood stained wood slats. Subaru was confused by its placement but lost any desire to protest it when Beatrice turned towards his approach. He slowly walked up and took a seat on the bench next to Beatrice. The awning that stretched overhead kept the sun out of their eyes as wave after wave crashed into the shore. Beatrice finally broke the silence.

Beatrice: "Betty understands if you want to leave, I suppose. I heard you talking in your sleep. Betty was scared, in fact."

Subaru: "Beako-"

Beatrice: "So now I am Beako, I suppose? I thought I had lost my nickname. You implied as much this morning, in fact. If you don't want to be Betty's, Subaru, then just go. I'll let you leave. If I don't please you anymore, I won't complain."

Subaru: "Betty is here for you."

Beatrice: "Huh?"

Subaru pulled out Beatrice's handkerchief that he had pocketed earlier and began to wipe the spirit's tears from her cheeks. He could tell from her anger and her sadness that she was lying for his benefit.

Subaru: "Betty is here for you. It's what you said this morning. The words I heard that brought me out of my nightmare."

Beatrice: "W-well, any spirit would do the same for their contractor, I suppose."

Subaru: "Another lie."

Beatrice: "What? First you dismiss me and now you call me a liar, I suppose. Betty must be terrible, in fact."

Subaru: "Not terrible. That would be me. I need to apologize. Beako is Beako and Subaru is Subaru. If Beako is here for Subaru, then Subaru must also be there for Beako. I'm sorry for not realizing that."

Beatrice: "B-but Betty is selfish to make you stay with her!"

Subaru: "Yep, but I want to stay with her. I promise that I'm going to rescue the others, but I'm going to take care of Beako first."

Beatrice: "First...b-but you said she is a liar!"

Subaru: "Nope, I said she told a lie. You said you comforted me because I'm your contractor, but I think you did it because I'm Subaru. I want to return your feelings. I want to stay here with you because you are Beako, not because I'm your contractor. I care about you and I'm not going anywhere without you ever again!"

Beatrice went red all the way up to her ears. She squirmed in her seat and turned her head away from Subaru.

Beatrice: "Such a rude beast, I suppose. To say such things to a maiden without giving her time to prepare…"

Subaru waited in silence as Beatrice continued her response.

Beatrice: "However, I would be insincere if I didn't also say that… I-I care about y-you as well..."

Beatrice lowered her voice as she spoke the last part of her response. Subaru pretended not to notice, but instead leaned over and embraced the girl. Although they had hugged before upon arriving at the Imagine Castle, this time felt different. Subaru was aware of the small girl's body in his arms as she radiated a surprising amount of heat. Her silken hair smelled like soap and the beach side breeze which made Subaru's heart calm. They stayed that way for a long time before separating. Afterwards, they sat on the swing and enjoyed the beach view. Beatrice would speak up every so often and ask Subaru a question about his family or his opinion on certain foods. At every answer she would nod her head as if she was adding the information to some database in her head, this amused Subaru. He then asked her rebuttal questions about her clothing tastes and why she liked certain sweets. Then, as if signaling a stopping point, a loud groaning sound cut through the air.

Subaru: "That would be my stomach…"

Beatrice: "That makes sense, I suppose. We didn't have breakfast. You must be quite famished, in fact."

Subaru: "True that. Let's go find Adella and have lunch."

The two stood up and stretched their legs. They had been sitting together for hours and the sun was nearing the center of the sky. Subaru grabbed Beatrice's hand and proceeded to lead her up the stairs into the castle. They met with Adella and thanked her once again before sitting in the dining room to have lunch. After they ate, Beatrice led Subaru to the bedroom.

Subaru: "Beako, why are we here?"

Beatrice: "Well, you didn't get any sleep, I suppose. You need to rest, in fact."

Subaru: "I guess you're right. I'll get some rest on one condition."

Beatrice: "What do you need, I suppose?"

Subaru: "I want you to stay with me until I fall asleep."

Beatrice: "I-idiot! No shame! Betty was going to do that regardless, I suppose!"

Subaru: "What was that, Beako?"

Beatrice flashed red and folded her arms.

Beatrice: "Nothing! Nevermind that, I suppose! You need to get in bed and rest immediately, in fact."

Subaru laid down in his futon as Beatrice knelt beside him and held his hand. Subaru's body was released from all it's stress and he quickly started to lose consciousness. As he drifted off, he felt Beatrice rub her hands through his hair. With that sensation and the pleasant image of her smiling face, Subaru fell asleep. Beatrice stayed by his side for a long while before she heard the bedroom door open. Adella poked her head in and signaled for Beatrice to join her as soon as she could. Seeing that Subaru was fast asleep, Beatrice made her way to the head maid's quarters and shut the door before taking a seat with Adella. Adella prepared a cup of tea for Beatrice before speaking.

Adella: "So, I take it you two have made up?"

Beatrice: "You could say that, I suppose."

Adella: "I don't know… you were fawning over Master Subaru quite unabashedly, just now. I dare say, you have become somewhat of an exhibitionist lately, Lady Beatrice."

Beatrice: "I don't know what you mean to imply, in fact! I simply wanted to return his head pat from yesterday, I suppose."

Adella: "Now, now. Calm down, I am certainly happy for you. It seems you were able to break down the formal walls between you two. Fufufu, I saw you flirting on the beach."

Beatrice: "Erk! Flirting?!"

Adella: "Your cute reactions make it too easy to pick on you Lady Beatrice. I simply meant to say that you two have gotten closer."

Beatrice: "Is that so, I suppose? I think you may be right, in fact. I am quite happy with this outcome."

Beatrice smiled as she kicked her legs nervously. Adella returned the smile with one of her own. Before they knew it, the girls had started giggling.

Adella: "You should go be with him. You were up watching over him last night, you must be tired as well."

Beatrice: "Yes, I suppose. I will do that, in fact."

Beatrice stood up stifling a yawn before thanking Adella one last time. As she made her way to the door, Adella added one last observation.

Adella: "Remember, it's up to you to plan your next date!"

Before Beatrice could react, the door fell shut. She made her way to the bedroom while thinking over Adella's words. She had heard Subaru describe a date before back in the mansion. If she remembered correctly, it was when two people do something together, Such as a walk or a visit to the village. If that was the appropriate definition, then they had indeed been on many dates already. As she entered the bedroom and relaxed, she suddenly felt the sleep deprivation set in. She glanced over at Subaru before moving behind her changing curtain to put on her nightie. Beatrice stumbled sleepily over to her bed and laid down before pulling the covers over herself. As she glanced down to look at the boy below her, Subaru opened his eyes slightly and smiled. Beatrice instinctively lowered her hand to meet his. While the two settled into slumber, Beatrice asked Subaru a question.

Beatrice: "Subaru?"

Subaru: "Yes, Beako?"

Beatrice: "Would you want to bake with Betty tomorrow, I suppose? As a date, in fact?"

Subaru: "Sounds like a plan."

Beatrice smiled and closed her eyes. The mental walls between her and Subaru were growing ever narrower. Consequently, the naive girl and the half asleep boy agreed to have their first date.

Chapter 4 End