This story won't be too long - probably 2 or 3 more chapters. Hope you're still enjoying and remember - reviews DO make me write faster (hint, hint).
In the end everyone agreed that Janet should be the one to go in and see Jack. She could report back, in greater detail, how he was doing. The good doctor gave one intent glance at the Major, but at Sam's quick shake of her head Janet nodded and said she'd go in first.
The nurse who appeared moments later gave them all a sympathetic smile and then led the SGC's medic away with her. "Hi Dr. Frasier", she said quietly as they walked down the corridor. "You probably don't remember me – Nurse Flynn – I used to work at the Academy Hospital."
"I thought you looked familiar Nurse", Janet's lipped moved in an upward motion, although she was still too raw to feel anything but worry.
"Don't worry Doctor – we'll take good care of Colonel O'Neill", Flynn said. "I know of him from my days at Academy. He's a fighter."
"That he is." This time Janet's smile reached her eyes. At that instant they arrived at the ICU and seconds later she was standing beside the Colonel's bed. "Oh Jack!" She should be used to this, after all these years, but when it was a friend it was always hard. She reached out and gently swept his hair off his forehead. "When are you going to learn to stay out of trouble Sir?"
She stood, simply watching him as the minutes ticked by. It was when she saw the movement of the ICU nurse out of the corner of her eye that she finally moved. "Can I see his chart?"
"Sure." Nurse Flynn handed it to her, knowing that Janet was his doctor and as such could have access to his records. "He's stable, although his temperature is a bit high and his blood pressure is still too low. It's improving though."
Janet nodded and looked down at the chart. Normally she was quick at reading what the numbers had to say but this time she had to look at them twice before they meant anything to her. She was tired – tired and terribly worried. Jack was in critical shape and she knew that what his surgeon had said was true – the next couple of days would be crucial.
She raised her head from the paperwork to look at the actual patient. As much as she relied on modern tests and technology, she knew that sometimes the personal touch was what was needed. She examined his face, shocked again by the pallor of his skin – the grey undertones giving the appearance of someone on the verge of death. If it wasn't for the steady hiss of the ventilator attesting to the fact that he was still breathing – even if only with help – she would have worried that he'd already died.
It had only been a day, no longer, since this happened but she could have sworn that he'd already lost weight. He looked gaunt and drawn – the skin on his face appearing as if worn leather stretched over bone.
Perhaps the worst thing of all – and yet something she should have been immune to – was all the machines, tubes and cords that surrounded him. She knew they were keeping him alive – monitoring him, pumping in life-saving fluids, carrying away wastes and poisons – and yet it looked like the ultimate violation of a strong and brave man. He looked so lost – so vulnerable – so alone lying there, that she wanted to cry. Suddenly she was glad it was she who had come. She didn't know how, or if, the others could deal with seeing him like this. General Hammond could handle it and maybe Teal'c – it would have been devastating for Daniel and especially for Sam.
She reached out again at that and gently laid her hand atop that of the Colonel. "They send their love Jack – all of your team and General Hammond – and the men and women on the base. I'm to tell you to stay tough and not to give up. We all know you can get through this and we're here for you." She pressed her lips together, breathing quickly so as not to cry. It was only when she was sure she could continue that she spoke.
"Sam – Sam is here. She cares for you Colonel – do you know that? If you – if you refuse to fight and let go then you'll be leaving her behind and you know what you always say about that. She needs you Colonel – we all need you, so don't you dare give up."
She sat for a long time – the nurses not bothering her even though she stayed longer than was usually permitted in ICU. They knew she was a doctor – his doctor – and they also knew that sometimes the presence of a friend or loved one meant the difference between a patient who lived and one who died.
Finally realizing that she should get back Janet stood slowly. She leaned forward and gave Jack a soft kiss on the cheek. "That's from Sam and me", she told him softly. With a gentle smile and another sweep of his hair she stepped away from the bed. "You keep fighting Jack!"
"How is he?" Sam looked up quickly as Janet entered the waiting area, her eyes like two burnt sockets. Daniel and Hammond looked as bad and the doctor sighed. She'd have to do something about this.
"He's holding his own", she said. "As the doctor said, we won't know for sure until a day or two has passed, but for now he's steady."
"How does he look?" Daniel asked, although his expression gave evidence to the fact that he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know or not.
"He looks like someone who is hurt and sick", Janet said gently. "But everyone looks that way in ICU and it doesn't mean anything. The nurses are great – one of them came from the Academy Hospital and knows of Colonel O'Neill and promised me they'd take extra good care of him." Janet knew that they took excellent care of all their patients, but she thought it was something that might help the Colonel's friends to think he was getting extra care.
"When can we go back in?"
"I'll go back and check on him in a while. I don't think there's any need for any of you – not now. He's unconscious and hooked up to a myriad of machines. It's – distressing, although it's what he needs. Let me handle this for now and you can see him as soon as he's awake."
"No Janet", Sam shook her head, calmly but vehemently. "He needs to know we're here for him – with him. I'll go in next."
"But Sam -"
"The Major's right doctor." This time Hammond backed up Major Carter. "I know it's difficult seeing a friend like that – but it's worse imagining it. We appreciate that you're here and know you'll watch out for him but – I think his team need to be there as well."
Janet Frasier nodded. They were both right. As much as she wanted to protect them, it was better that they be able to spend time with him. "Okay, but not everyone should stay in the waiting room. I'm going to arrange a room here and we're going to take turns resting. Doctor's orders – and I don't want any arguments – even from you Sir!"
Hammond chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of it Doctor. I'm afraid I'm going to have to get back to the SGC anyway – I spoke to Walter and everyone is wondering what's going on. I need to speak to the folks there and let them know. I'll come back in a few hours and go in to see Jack then." He looked sternly at Doc Frasier. "You'll call me if anything …?"
"Of course Sir", she nodded. "Don't worry, and thank you General."
The General gave them some words of encouragement and headed towards the door. As he passed Sam he reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze. As she watched him leave it crossed her mind that maybe he knew more about her feelings for the Colonel than she knew. If he did, however, he had never said anything.
"Sam, Sam."
"Wha – ". Someone was shaking her. Was it time to get up already? "Let me sleep Dad", she muttered. She was so tired.
"Sam!"
Her eyes snapped open and her eyes met the concerned ones of Janet Frasier, who was leaning over her cot.
"What?" She turned her head, confused. Where was she? It took her a moment but then everything came rushing back and she sat up suddenly, almost cracking heads with her friend.
"Whoa Sam – it's okay. You made me promise to wake you up after a couple of hours."
"Janet – the Colonel? How is he? Is he okay? Is something wrong?"
Janet sat on the cot beside her and reached out and put her hands on Sam's arms. "He's fine Sam – he's still stable. I just thought that maybe you'd like to go and see him and let Daniel sleep for a while."
At that Sam looked over the doc's shoulders to see a very bleary eyed Daniel smiling at her. "Janet and I got bored of playing Gin Rummy", he explained.
Her eyes flickered between her two friends. "You're sure he's okay?"
"He is", Daniel nodded. "I went and saw him about an hour ago and the nurse said he's hanging in there. You can go now if you want."
She didn't need any more encouragement, but swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, so quickly that the blood rushed to her head and Daniel had to rush over and steady her.
"Hey, be careful", he cautioned. "We don't need you getting hurt too."
"I'm fine." She tried to pull away from him but Janet reached out and again held onto her.
"Sam – go to the bathroom and wash your face and freshen up. It'll only take a minute and you'll feel better. You don't want to go see the Colonel with sand in your eyes and sheet marks all over your face."
Sam lifted her hand to her face at that and then let out a tired giggle. "The Colonel would tease me no end, wouldn't he."
"You betcha!" Janet smiled back at her. "Come on, I'll go with you. Daniel", she pointed to the cot. "Sleep!"
"Hey – what about you?" the tired archaeologist complained half-heartedly. "You've got to be exhausted too."
"I am. Nurse Flynn told me I can bunk down in the doctor's resting room. There's no one else there now. As soon as I take Sam to the Colonel's room I'm going to crash for a while. They know where to find me if they need me."
Sam stood outside Colonel O'Neill's room and took a deep breath. She was desperate to see him – but frightened at the same time. Both Daniel and Janet had warned her that he looked terribly ill so she was prepared, at least as prepared as you could ever be. She thought back briefly to Antarctica and remembered the Colonel dying in front of her. She'd gotten through that – she could get through this.
With that she pushed open the door and walked in.
The first thing she noticed were the low lights – and how quiet everything was, except for the gentle hum and whoosh of the machines that surrounded him. She walked slowly to his side and let out a small whimper. God – he looked so – pale, so lifeless. The tube sticking out of his mouth, which was helping him breathe, was a reminder of the dreadful wound he'd suffered. She felt a wave of anger – if she ever found out who had done this she'd make them wish they'd never been born!
"Oh Jack!" She wanted to reach out and touch him, but was worried that she'd do something to hurt him. Her hand hovered helplessly above him.
"It's okay", a soft voice startled her. "You can touch him. In fact, it helps."
Sam moved until she saw a young nurse standing smiling at her.
"You're sure?"
"Oh yes. Just watch the IV's. Are you related to the Colonel?" the young woman – her name tag said 'Irene Zemenko' – asked.
"Uh – no. I'm on his team. I'm Air Force", she explained. "The Colonel is my commanding officer."
The nurse looked surprised, but then smiled again. "Just pull up a chair and let him know you're here. Like I said, touch is good – I think it helps them to know someone they care about is here."
Sam gave a tentative smile back and nodded. She could do that. She pulled the chair closer and took the Colonel's hand. It was hot – too hot – and very dry, but at the same time she could feel the strength that was contained in his hands. She's always loved them – the long fingers, so strong and yet often so gentle. She rubbed her fingers lightly over the calluses and spoke to him.
"Hi Colonel", she said softly and then could have kicked herself. Right now this wasn't about his rank or her professional relationship to him. She was here as his friend. "Jack", she corrected. "I guess Janet and Daniel have both been to see you. I'm glad it's my turn." She continued to caress his hand, wishing that he would respond but knowing he was too deeply unconscious to really feel it.
"We were worried about you, but the doctors say you're going to be okay. You just need to stay strong. We're going to stay here with you until you're up and around and bugging Daniel again." She could feel the tears start to gather in her eyes – looking at him was so hard. This wasn't the Colonel, not this still, pale looking man. He was usually so full of energy, of life. This looked like nothing so much as a shell of the real man. "Oh Jack", she said again as she lifted his hand and pressed it to her cheek. She then turned it and kissed the back of it gently. "You have to get better, okay? We miss you …. we miss you so much!"
He felt strange. No – I take that back, he thought – I don't feel anything, which in itself was strange. He tried to figure out where he was, but everything was blank. He certainly couldn't see which was rather disconcerting, but for some reason it didn't bother him quite the way he thought it should. So, he couldn't see or feel – then how did he know he was even alive? Hell, maybe he wasn't. Was this death? Had he died and gone to – uh – nowhere?
If he had died, and this was all there was, then it wasn't that great. Again, he thought he should be more upset about it but maybe that was a good thing. It could be that he was in limbo and there was nothing – no sights or sounds or feeling – no worries, no regrets – nothing.
But wait … there were sounds. He strained to hear them again but it had been fleeting – almost the awareness of sound rather than actually hearing something. No – there it was again. But what was it?
"Jack." There, his name was whispered softly. Who was calling him? He heard something else and for some reason he felt himself relax. He wanted to laugh at that reaction, but couldn't even do that. He was relaxing when he hadn't even known he'd felt tense – or anything at all for that matter. But the sound, whatever it was, was soothing – it made him think that everything was okay, or at least would be okay. Wherever he was, there was something out there – something that was connected to him.
And then – oh God – touch! He felt something. There was a fleeting feeling on his – he thought it was his hand but wasn't quite sure. God this was frustrating. He couldn't quite tell where his body started or ended – and whether the sound or the touch was someone else or just the imaginings of his mind.
It happened again and he felt a burst of – relief, joy, something. It was someone else. There was someone there, someone who cared and was keeping him connected. Connected? To what? To life idiot, a small voice said.
So – I'm not dead. He made a mental frown – he didn't know if he could actually frown, since he couldn't feel his forehead, but inside he knew he was frowning. For some reason he thought he should be dead. Hadn't he been dying? He was pretty sure he had been, but how or why he had no idea.
"We miss you so much …"
Okay – he'd heard that! He really had. And he knew what it said. The person talking missed him. Why – where did he go? Oh, maybe he'd died and they … no, he wasn't dead, he wasn't. He was alive, he was sure of it. So, if he was alive, why did they miss him?
He could feel that mental frown deepen. He was tired, so tired, and wanted to sleep. He didn't understand anything but at that moment decided not to let it worry him. He was not dead and there was someone there – or here, he didn't know which – who cared and who would stay with him. That's all he needed to know.
Oh that thought he allowed himself to fade out. He was just so tired ….
"His vital signs look like they're improving", Irene smiled at her. She was doing the quarter-hour check. "His blood pressure is up – it's still a bit low but it's getting better. Most of his other vitals are looking better too."
"Most?" Sam instantly caught that qualifier – too trained to look and listen for details to miss it.
"Well, some things take longer to come back", the nurse told her gently. "His kidney function isn't what it should be – not yet, but there's still time for that."
"What about – what about his brain? The doctor mentioned the possibility …?"
"I'm afraid we won't really know until he wakes up", she was told. "There's plenty of brain activity, so that's good, but until the doctors do some tests it's impossible to really tell. But right now things are looking really good", she encouraged. "So have hope."
"I do", Sam smiled, glancing down again at the man who meant so much to her. "He's a stubborn one", she suddenly confided. "If anyone will refuse to let this get him down, it's Jack O'Neill."
"Doesn't surprise me", Irene grinned. "I can usually tell just by looking at people. When I saw your Colonel I knew he was trouble." When Sam looked at her in surprise she grinned even wider. "Those are the ones that do the best", she told the woman seated by the bed. "They're the ones that refuse to let anything defeat them."
"Yeah", Sam chuckled lightly. "That's the Colonel all right."
"Look – I know I probably should let the doctor tell you this, but just stay strong and stay with him. I have a feeling he's going to make it, but it's going to be hard. He has a fight in front of him – and there will probably be setbacks – but with you by his side he'll make it."
Sam looked at her, startled. "But I'm not – I just – he's my CO."
"Of course he is!" Irene gently patted her shoulder and then returned to her desk outside the glass window where she began to record the latest results on her computer.
Sam snorted softly and glanced over at the Colonel. He did look a bit better. "Well Sir – you're doing well, so now's the time to be your stubborn self!"
Over the next 36 hours the three of them continued to visit Jack whenever they could. The nurses allowed them to stay longer than their allotted time, seeming to be okay with working around them. The General stopped by a few times and had a chance to sit with the Colonel on two occasions. He came out looking serious and rather pale, but on hearing that Jack was improving just nodded. "Of course he is", he agreed.
He brought numerous greetings and well-wishes from the base. "Everyone wants to do something, but I've told them to wait until the Colonel is out of ICU. I think they've already started to collect money to buy things for his recovery." He laughed softly. "The medical staff here don't know it yet, but they're going to be very grateful when people start bringing things to keep him occupied."
"You'll have him stay here?" Daniel asked in surprise. "I thought you'd have him transferred to the Infirmary when he's well enough to travel."
"No – maybe to the Academy hospital", the General told him. "Dr. Frasier and I agree that it's better for him to be in a place he can have access to outside and sunlight. Since this wasn't anything caused by – outside forces – there's no security risk."
It was almost 48 hours after he'd been brought in that the Colonel decided to wake up. It was Daniel who was with him at the time – and it took a few seconds before he actually realized that Jack's eyes were open – even if only at half-mast – and he was watching the archaeologist.
"Jack!" Daniel started and almost fell off his chair when he realized. "Oh God – you're awake!"
Jack frowned slightly, although it was obvious even that small effort was hard. He tried to speak but couldn't. He then tried to lift his hand – but was too weak. The heart monitor started to speed up as he began to panic.
"Jack – Jack! It's okay." Daniel placed his hands on Jack's arms. "Listen to me – you have a breathing tube in – let it do the work. Just relax!" He looked in relief as the duty nurse hurried in, a syringe in her hand.
"It's okay Colonel", she soothed as she uncapped the needle and placed it in the IV port. "You're okay." She looked at Daniel. "Keep talking to him and trying to calm him down. He's fighting the ventilator."
"Jack – look at me." Daniel put his hands on Jack's face. "You are on a ventilator – you're okay. Just relax!" It took a few seconds, but finally Daniel's voice – and the sedative – managed to calm him down. Soon his breathing steadied and the monitors quieted. At that point his eyes began to wander around the room as if he was trying to make sense of everything.
"Jack – you were hurt", Daniel again reached out and put his hands on the other man's face and turned him slightly to look at him. "You're in hospital. You'll be okay – you had an injury to a lung which is why they have you on the breathing tube. Do you understand?"
Jack blinked at him blearily a couple of times and Daniel was sure his friend didn't understand. It worried him – God, did this mean there was brain damage? After a couple of beats, however, Jack gave a small nod.
That instantly made Daniel grin – and want to holler. "Great! Jack – you're going to be okay, I promise. You just need to rest and get better. Soon they'll take this thing out, okay?"
Another nod, but then the eyes began to shift. Two small lines again appeared on his forehead and he grew restless, as if he wanted to ask something but couldn't.
"What is it Jack?" Daniel knew that his friend was frustrated at not being able to speak. He wondered briefly if he should bring in some paper and a pencil although he doubled Jack was up to writing anything. As the wounded man's eyes kept moving, it suddenly dawned on Daniel that he was looking for something – or someone! "Jack – the others are waiting outside. Janet and Sam and even General Hammond have all been at the hospital with you. Teal'c's still visiting his family. They'll only let one of us in at a time so that's why I'm here now. This is the Intensive Care Unit." At that the Colonel's eyes snapped back to Daniel and he gave another small nod. He then grew even calmer and soon his eyes began to slowly drift shut.
"That was great Dr. Jackson", the nurse, who was still standing to one side of the bed, looked at him and beamed. "He understood you and he responded. That's the best news we could have! I'm going to call the doctor and let him know the Colonel was awake and responsive. You might want to let your friends know."
"Yeah", Jackson grinned again. "Yeah, I'll let them know right now!"
He walked swiftly down the corridor towards the cafeteria where he knew that Sam and Janet were having a cup of coffee. When he arrived he looked around the room until he saw the two exhausted and somber looking women sitting at a table. He hurried over.
"Daniel?" Sam glanced up at his swift approach. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing Sam", Daniel smiled. "He woke up – and he understood me and responded. He's going to be okay!"
"Oh thank God!" Sam bowed her head and burst into tears.
Since I am so remiss in writing individual thank you's to all of you who take the time to read and review, I wanted to acknowledge you here. It means a huge amount to me to get your comments and to know you enjoy my stories. Some of you are incredibly faithful reviewers (you know who you are) – so thank you for always taking the time to write. I love you! And thanks to all you new reviewers, anonymous reviewers or those who only think to do it occasionally – it means a lot and I can't say enough in thanks to you! So, in the order in which I received your review, thank you to: Schatze, Crazy Woman, pain in the mitka, Fanka, Froggy, Smiffy, Elizabeth, Yol, awishaway, Kahuna, EVM1, Saissa, RhizOneill, Susant, dpdp, AnnaCecilia, PatriciaS, PhoenixFire, dcmom, Kathy, Zoser, djenie, Demetra, Alimoo, Katetanic, and of course all the guests who leave anonymous (but greatly appreciated) reviews.