"We're almost done Colonel", the doctor said with composure. Jack felt a moment of admiration for the man who had been caring for him the last week. He dealt with everything I threw at him with nary a blink.
Jack knew he could be an obnoxious patient, especially when he felt helpless or worried. His way of dealing with those emotions was to lash out at those around him – at least those in a medical setting. It was awful of him, and deep down he felt badly – but he still did it.
He'd spent the morning going through a series of tests. He knew it was for his own good, but he also knew he was terrified of the results. He therefore made every attempt to not cooperate, as if that would ensure he wouldn't get any bad news. Still, the doctor and nursing staff continued to do what they had to do and in the end they got what they needed.
He was exhausted by the end of it and wanted nothing so much as to curl up in a corner and pass out. But no – of course that wasn't going to happen. As swiftly as the doctor and nurses left in came Janet and Daniel. To give her credit, Sam didn't show up. She knew he probably needed some time to recuperate.
"Jack! How'd it go?" Daniel hurried over to the bed. "You look tired. Was it tiring? What did they do?"
"Daniel", Janet said sharply and clicked her way over to the bed right behind the archaeologist. "Don't bother the Colonel with all those questions. He most likely is tired."
Well glory be! Jack wanted to hug the little power-monger – if he'd had the energy. He could feel his eyes droop and looked forward to a long, solitary sleep – when suddenly his wrist was grabbed and good old Doc Frasier was checking his pulse.
He opened one eye – he didn't feel like opening both of them – and glared at her. He needed to sleep. He'd just been checked over thoroughly, so why she had to check his damn pulse was beyond him. What? Did she think Dr. Benjamin would leave him if there was something wrong? If he didn't have a pulse he was pretty sure he wouldn't have been left alone – for all of thirty seconds.
"A little fast Colonel", she informed him.
Of course it's fast, he thought. I'm PISSED! He opened the second eye and gave her the benefit of a death glare from both his brown orbs. It didn't work. God – he'd have to talk to Jacob and figure out how to do a good death glare. Even without the Tokra symbiote Jacob could pull it off like no one he'd known. He bet Sam could do it too if she wanted to. He'd have to find out.
"Let me just check your temperature -"
"Nmmph!" he jerked his head away. He wanted to be able to open his mouth and shout at her, but he didn't know if he could and he was too afraid to try and find out.
"Colonel, now don't be childish! I just want to check you out to make sure everything is okay. It won't take a minute."
"Nuh uh!" he muttered and turned his face away. Poor Daniel, who was now standing on the other side of the bed, got the full effect of a thoroughly enraged Jack O'Neill.
"Uh – Doc – I don't think Jack wants to do this right now."
Bingo Danny! He nodded sharply at the genius in front of him. Now just take Frasier and go. Of course Daniel wasn't quite up to mind reading yet – so he continued to just stand there, looking slightly panicked.
There was a heavy sigh behind his back and then 'clickety clack' – the heels of doom walked around the bed until she was gazing down at him with long-suffering eyes. Hey you think you've got to be long suffering, Jack said silently. Try lying here and feeling like you have no power over your own body. People can just come in and touch it, test it, prick it, and poke it. He'd had enough.
"G – w'ay", he managed to get out. Another sigh from the doctor and her hand again moved towards his forehead. Okay, he'd officially had enough. With a strangled yell he reached down and flipped off the blanket covering him and forced himself to sit up. It burned and his vision became a bit wonky, but he persevered. He was going to get away if it killed him.
"Colonel! What are you doing?" Janet reached out to stop him but he pulled his arm away. "NO!" There, that came out clearly.
He turned in the bed so that his legs were hanging over the side. It was uncomfortable with the heavy cast on his lower leg, but he didn't care. He was getting out of here!
"You can't walk on that yet!" Janet practically screamed. She raced around the bed and tried to stand in front of him to stop him. He ignored her and dropped to the ground. His good leg, which had to take all his weight, just about collapsed but he managed to hold onto the bed. His hospital gown was gaping in the back and he could feel the cold air hitting him – and he still didn't care.
"Uh Janet – I think you need to -" Daniel was standing, looking as if he didn't know whether to help or to make a break for it. He was leaning towards the latter.
"I need to get him back to bed. Colonel, you can't do this! You're not ready to get out of that bed and I order you to lie down!"
"C-nt!" he glared at her.
For a moment she thought he had sworn at her and looked at him in shock. It was Daniel who clarified.
"I think he said 'can't' Janet."
"Oh." She relaxed slightly. "Sir – you have to."
"C-n't –'rdr me!"
"Uh he said -"
"I know what he said Daniel – and yes I can. I'm his doctor and he has to listen to me."
"Well, technically you're not his doctor – not here", Daniel pointed out. "Dr. Benjamin is his doctor."
Jack nodded and hopped forward, his leg still feeling like it was going to buckle. He really had no idea where he was going to go, all he knew was he had to get away. He couldn't stand this anymore. He felt like he couldn't breathe and that he was about to panic. He needed people to leave him alone.
"SIR!" Janet reached out again at the same time Jack tried to step forward. In trying to avoid her he lost his balance and – eyes wide in shock – he went hurtling forward. Janet screamed, Daniel yelled and …
"What the hell – ooph!" General Hammond suddenly found himself with an armful of Colonel. He would have tumbled to the ground himself if it hadn't been for Teal'c behind him holding on to him.
It took a few minutes to sort out the tangle of arms, legs and IV's – Jack had forgotten that he was still hooked up. Teal'c took care of the swaying, pale and angry officer by simply picking him up and plunking him down on the bed. Janet went to rearrange his covers but the glare from the Colonel stopped her.
It was Sam – standing quietly in the doorway – who finally stepped forward and helped the Colonel straighten his bedclothes. He glanced at her, his eyes narrowed. He was almost positive she was trying not to laugh. It was a good thing she didn't, he decided – he'd make her pay at some future point in time if she had.
Once he was settled and everyone had calmed down, the General again repeated his first words. "What the hell was that about?"
Jack bit his lip and laid back down and closed his eyes. He had the excuse of not having to answer since he still couldn't talk – at least not very well. And he was sick – he could get away with this. He took a quick peek at Doc Frasier, to see her looking rather pale herself. Good! He hoped the General lambasted her.
"Uh Dr. Frasier was trying to examine Jack and he didn't want her to. He got out of bed – I assume to get away – when you came in."
Wow – General Hammond must have been a phenomenal Dad, Jack suddenly realized. He had The Look down to perfection. He suddenly felt like he was about to be grounded and Janet was squirming and sweating. Good! She deserved it.
"Dr. Frasier, care to explain?"
"I just wanted to check to make sure he was okay Sir", she explained, trying to sound calm. "I only wanted to check his temperature and pulse and -"
The General's eyes swung to Jack. "And you didn't want her to do that?"
Jack shook his head, his lips pressed tightly together. He suddenly wanted to explain and unlike a moment ago, hated the fact that he couldn't talk.
Hammond sighed and looked again towards Daniel. "Do you have any idea why the Colonel was so adamant in not getting checked over?"
Daniel looked at his friend, and gave him a small smile. "I expect it was because he had just finished a morning of tests with Dr. Benjamin. We all know how much Jack likes medical tests – so I expect he'd had enough."
"Is this true?" Hammond regarded Dr. Frasier, who shuffled her feet nervously. "I mean about the tests?"
"I – yes, I guess so – but I'm his physician and -"
"Are there not charts that detail how O'Neill is doing?" Teal'c said gently.
You go for it Teal'c! Jack wanted to cheer his friend on but instead grinned at him. He wondered briefly if the Jaffa knew that his next physical was going to entail really big needles. He also wondered if Teal'c had ever been subjected to an Infirmary enema. You're probably going to experience one soon big guy, he thought. Big. Brave. Teal'c. He loved the guy.
"Yes, of course there are charts Teal'c." Janet shot daggers at the alien.
Oooh – I was right! Teal'c you are in such deep -"
"Then I suggest you look at them next time Doctor before insisting on examining someone." When Jack snorted the General turned his evil, beady little eyes on him. "As for you Colonel – use some common sense before trying to get away on a broken leg and a major chest wound. You could have killed yourself!"
Jack looked down and nodded, knowing he'd been a bit of a fool. Still, he'd felt like he had no choice – the claustrophobia driving him insane.
"I think Colonel O'Neill needs to rest", Sam suddenly broke into the ever more tense atmosphere. "He's looking extremely tired and after his tests and the –uh – short walk, he probably needs to sleep."
Bless you Major Carter, her commanding officer thought. But you can stay. In fact, why don't you stay and hold my hand and caress my fevered brow? It was only Daniel's eyebrows, practically at ceiling height, and Sam's flushed cheeks that made him realize he must have been looking at her with a besotted expression on his face.
Hey – he could claim he was on drugs. That, and the fact that she'd saved him – many times – would certainly make it appropriate for him to look at her – however he was looking at her. On that thought his eyes again began to drift closed and he grew less and less aware of the people around him. Soon he was sound asleep.
The General gestured with his head for his people to leave the room quietly. He watched his second for a few seconds, a frown appearing on his face. He did look tired – tired and way too pale. The man wasn't out of the woods yet and needed peace and quiet – not the shameful display he'd seen when he'd walked in.
"Okay", he turned to them all once they'd reached the deserted patients lounge at the end of the hall. "I do not ever want to see something like that again. Colonel O'Neill is still a sick man, and to cause him to try and flee his room is unacceptable."
Janet closed her eyes and nodded. "Sorry Sir – I'm just – worried about him."
"I understand", he said more gently. "But there are other ways to let him know that. You all know how much he hates feeling helpless. We need to be there for him while not hovering over him or making him feel even more helpless. Do you have confidence in his doctor?" Hammond had turned to Janet and quickly asked her opinion.
"Dr. Benjamin? Yes – he's an excellent doctor."
"Good – then while he's here Janet, Colonel O'Neill is your friend, not your patient. He's getting good care and doesn't need more medical people checking on him. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Sir."
"Good – now I want all of you to go home and get some rest. Teal'c is going to stay and will be there when the Colonel wakes up. I know we've all been worried, but he's out of immediate danger and right now he needs some time and space to heal. He can't get that if we're all hovering over him."
When Jack woke up he was feeling groggy and out of sorts. Once he'd fully woken up he also realized he was sore. Why the hell was he – oh, the spectacular fall onto General Hammond. Talk about embarrassing. Thank God they had been there though and had been there to catch him. He didn't know what would have happened if he'd fallen to the floor.
He cautiously opened his eyes and allowed them to wander around the room. The only one here was Teal'c, who happened to be reading a book. It still threw him when he'd catch his alien friend engaging in such human behavior. He didn't think he'd ever seen a Jaffa reading anything other than instruments on a ship's panel.
"T", he said softly, but it was enough to cause his friend to lift his head and look at him.
"O'Neill." He set the book down and walked slowly over to the bed. "How are you my friend?"
He shrugged, which was about all he wanted to do. He was pretty sure Teal'c understood. He raised his eyebrow and Teal'c answered his unspoken question.
"General Hammond made them return to their homes for rest. Everyone is very tired. We have been worried about you."
Jack groaned and let his head drop back onto his pillow. "S- ry" he hissed out, hoping his friend would get what he was trying to say.
"I know my friend, and Dr. Frasier knows as well. She was worried about you and that takes the form of her – what do you call it? Fussing."
Jack laughed. Yeah, that was exactly it. He really should be flattered that the Doc cared so much. He just wish she do it more like Sam and just bring him cake.
"We all are worried O'Neill. You must cooperate with the doctors if you are to get well. They only have your best interests at heart."
He nodded, knowing that he had to stop – doing what he usually did. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but he knew he couldn't stand living like this. He'd have to try.
His mind was starting to feel clearer, which was a relief, although he still had trouble concentrating for more than a few minutes. And of course he was tired all the time. The doctor had explained that that was normal and would improve over time.
Finally there was the speech – or in his case the lack of it. No one seemed to quite know why he was having problems. Doc Benjamin hypothesized that the blood loss might have caused something like a minor stroke which affected the part of brain related to speech. He had told Jack that with therapy, he should be able to get full use of his voice back. He hoped so, because he wouldn't be himself without the ability to speak.
Even now he was so frustrated he wanted to throw something. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, to calm down. It was only when he heard footsteps approach the bed that he remembered poor Teal'c and opened his eyes.
To find the big guy handing him something. He looked down in confusion and then gave a short laugh. A pad of paper and a pen – of course! It would make things easier.
He grabbed both of them and quickly wrote a note and handed it back to his friend. It simply said:
Food?
"Of course O'Neill. Shall I bring you cake?"
Jack considered a moment and then put out his hand for the tablet. He wrote one more thing and handed it back.
Pie? Blueberry – and coffee.
As he watched Teal'c leave the room, on the quest for food, he couldn't help but think how lucky he was to have friends like these. He let out a huff of breath. I'll have to start treating them better, he said to himself, starting with Janet.
Over the course of the next week he worked hard to try and get back his voice. Well, it wasn't actually the voice that was the problem. He could make sounds just fine – there was nothing wrong with his voice box. It was definitely his brain that didn't want to work properly.
He could get out a few simple words, although even that took time and a lot of concentration – and even then he sometimes got it wrong. He'd actually asked Daniel to get him a cow from the cafeteria. He had no idea where the word had come from and even though everyone had laughed, thinking it was intentional, inside he'd been worried. He certainly hadn't meant to say that but it had come out of his mouth very definitively.
When he was alone he tried to speak as much as he could, hoping that being alone would release any tension and make it easier. It didn't help. He was no better when alone then with the therapist. The words just wouldn't come.
His leg was improving and they'd put a walking cast on him and he was now able to get around. He still felt weak, although was improving every day. It frustrated him how long it was taking to get over the stab wound, but again, the doctor said that was normal.
"You lost a lot of blood Colonel and it takes the body time to replace it fully. You're still somewhat anemic and that will make you tired. Don't let it worry you – you will get better."
At least he had that to look forward to, he thought. Soon he'd be able to go home and then he was sure things would get better.
"Hey Jack, I brought you a present." Daniel practically bounced into the room, looking more cheerful than he had since before the accident. Jack was glad and knew that a big part of that was because of him. He'd forced himself to not appear so depressed – and to let his team fuss over him a bit. He realized – or actually the General made him realize – that they needed to do that.
"Jack – they almost lost you and it terrified them. Just let them look after you. It makes them feel better – they want to help you. And it's not going to kill you to let them!"
He'd groaned but then he'd agreed, knowing the General was right. So – he took their fussing and fretting, mollycoddling and mothering and accepted it. His team were thrilled.
His mind – traitor that it was – then switched to that moment, a few days ago, when he'd been asked to identify his attacker. He cringed even now, thinking about it, and knew that he would probably never live this down. He wished he could stop remembering the embarrassment.
The General had entered, followed closely by Janet. Teal'c, Sam and Daniel were already in his room – reading, working and playing chess with him in that order. His eyes were getting heavy and he had been just about to suggest to Daniel that they postpone the game. He still couldn't stay awake for more than 30 to 40 minutes at a time.
This was the first time Janet had been back since his – tantrum – and she was looking rather sheepish. Jack had to admit that he felt pretty badly himself. So – he decided he needed to ease the way. He still couldn't say anything, but when he saw her he gave her a big smile and a thumbs up.
She'd immediately relaxed and smiled back. "Hi Sir – you're looking better. No, no", she cried at his look, "I'm not here to examine you. That was simply the honest comment from a friend." She then deposited the bag she'd been carrying on his table. "I brought you some walnut chocolate chip cookies", she told him. "Cassie and I baked them last night."
The grin grew wider and he instantly grabbed the bag and started digging. After eating one of them in practically a single bite, he finally looked up to see his team laughing at him. He frowned and then shrugged. So what – he loved cookies.
"Good to see you looking better Jack", the General had commented. "I'm afraid I needed to come back to ask you a couple of questions about what happened. The SF's are getting on me as are the police."
Jack frowned and looked rather confused. Why was everyone so concerned about what had happened? It had been an accident – a gruesome one – but just an accident. He shrugged and nodded, although he really didn't want to have to confess his own stupidity. It was going to be very humiliating.
"Major Carter, would you take notes?" Hammond asked.
Sam immediately nodded and created a blank word document on her laptop. "Is this okay Sir?" she asked.
"Hmm? Oh yes, that's great Major, thank you. So Jack – I know you probably don't want to think about this, but we do need to get some leads."
Jack looked back and forth between his friends. What the hell was the General talking about? "Huh?"
Hammond sighed. "Did you know your attacker, Jack?" he finally asked.
Attacker? What was Hammond talking about?
"We're trying to determine who did this", his CO told him, patiently. "Anything you can tell us about what happened will help."
Oh God! His head landed hard on his pillow and he closed his eyes. They thought he'd been attacked! They'd probably had the police and security checking out his house and looking all over creation for some homicidal maniac – or worse – maybe they thought it was someone involved in the program.
Crap! This made it even worse. He'd had no idea that they didn't know what had happened and he really didn't want to confess to it now. He could always just pretend that he hadn't seen anyone. Oh yeah, that will fly – with a stab wound to the chest he would have to have been blind or drunk not to have seen his attacker – if there had been one. Any anyway, there really wasn't any way he could lie to his friends.
"Jack?" Hammond's voice brought him back to the present and the realization that things really sucked. He opened his eyes and sighed. He then gestured with his hand for the pad and paper, which Daniel gave him.
He shook his head slightly and began to write. After a very few moments he stopped and handed the tablet to the General – and again laid back with closed eyes.
"What?" General Hammond read the paper and then looked up, confusion written all over his face. "Jack, what does this mean?"
The Colonel made a frustrated noise in his throat and forced himself to sit up straighter and to look the General in the eye. He gestured to the paper and nodded.
"What is it Sir?" Janet was looking back and forth between the two men, her curiosity piqued.
Hammond looked at the others in the room, his face now showing surprise. "It says, 'No attacker. I was a klutz."
Daniel and Sam were wearing identical frowns, Janet opened her mouth as if to ask a question and then froze, and Teal'c raised an eyebrow. It took all of them a few seconds before they began to speak at once.
"No attacker – but how could that be?"
"What do you mean you were a klutz Jack?"
"That doesn't make sense Sir."
"I do not understand O'Neill."
Jack sighed and asked silently for the pad of paper. The General handed it to him and he again spent a few seconds writing. This time he handed it back to Daniel.
"What does it say?" Janet asked.
"Uh – it says – There was no attacker. I was spring cleaning and tripped and landed on the knife. My own stupidity – NO ATTACKER!"
"Oh my God Jack", Daniel was staring at him with huge eyes. "You mean to tell me – this was an accident?"
Jack sighed and nodded. He checked out the faces of his friends – to see identical expressions of shock and disbelief. He knew what was coming so he took a deep breath and waited.
It was actually Janet who started, which surprised him a little. She was swiftly followed by Daniel, and then even by General Hammond (although to be fair to him he simply smiled and didn't engage in the hysterics of the other two). Sam – well she got a slight grin, but then simply walked over to the bed and touched his arm.
"I'm sorry Sir. That must have been horribly frightening."
She was the only one of the bunch who seemed to realize that getting stabbed in the chest, even if you did it to yourself, wasn't in the slightest funny. It had been horrible – he'd thought he was going to die. He looked at her gratefully, again realizing how much this woman meant to him.
Now his other friends … well, they were going to get theirs one day soon. He groaned when he thought about the fact that this would swiftly make the rounds of the base. Hell, it would probably make the rounds of the entire Air Force within a couple of days. He was doomed.
"Okay – enough everyone", General Hammond said seriously. "I don't think the Colonel found it all that funny. It was a horrible accident and he almost died."
The others instantly stopped laughing only then seeming to realize that Jack hadn't joined in. In fact, he was looking both tired and somber.
"Hey Jack – we're not laughing that you got hurt", Daniel explained quickly, sounding guilty about his momentary hilarity. "It was just that we've been trying to figure out who could have done this – we've had lots of theories – and I think it was just a shock to realize that you were our culprit all along."
"I'm sorry Colonel", Janet said sincerely. "I shouldn't have laughed. I know how hard this has been on you."
"I too regret my reaction O'Neill."
Jack waved his arm. He really wasn't that upset – he was mostly ready to collapse from fatigue. "S- kay",he murmured, his eyes beginning to droop.
"I think we should all promise not to tell anyone what happened", Sam suddenly spoke. "I'm sure the Colonel would prefer not to have it known all over what happened."
"But we'll have to say something Sam. We can't let everyone think there was an attacker who could still be out there."
"I'm afraid he's right Major", the General agreed. "But we don't need to give out any details. All I'll say is that it was a tragic accident, and leave it at that. Are you okay with that Colonel?"
Everyone turned to look at Jack, to see how he'd react. It was only then that they all realized the Colonel was sound asleep.