Re:Zero FF Beatrice Heart Crossing

Chapter 23: Tears of the Heart

A dull pain filled Subaru's head as he woke and strained to open his eyes. His cheeks were swollen and sore which served as a reminder of the conversation that cut short his post festival bliss. Struggling to control his thoughts, he felt the small weight of the somber spirit that he was still clutching against his chest. Her face looked akin to his own and the sight made Subaru's chest tighten while he instinctively brushed his fingers across her sleeping visage. Reacting to his touch, Beatrice slowly stirred while her eyes naturally searched for the source of the stimulation. She met Subaru's gaze with drowsy eyes as her senses slowly returned to her. While Subaru searched for words, the girl's mouth twisted into a grimace. As if spurned by the silence, Beatrice abruptly rolled away from Subaru and stood from the bed. The sound of her footsteps echoed throughout the room as she began to rummage through her wardrobe. Distraught by her avoidance, Subaru tried to speak.

Subaru: "Uh...erhm…"

However, his words sloughed out with little confidence and Beatrice only seemed to grow more agitated. Gathering her clothes and toiletries, the small spirit broke into a hasty jog. While making her quick escape, she threw open the door and proceeded to barely avoid colliding with Adella. Beatrice's eyes went wide as she looked up at the head maid with a pleading look.

Adella: "Lady Beatrice, are you…"

Adella's words dwindled as she evaluated Beatrice's face and saw the contents hanging from her master's arms. As the situation became clear, the head maid redirected her inquiry.

Adella: "Might I prepare you a bath? Please do follow me."

Beatrice nodded her head while Adella took her hand and led the spirit away. Feelings of guilt rattled through Subaru as he could only watch as someone else attended to his girlfriend. There might have been words to console her, but his current state of mind made it hard for him to see any silver lining to the current predicament. Lifting his body from the bed, Subaru felt heavier than usual and almost considered retreating under the covers. Nonetheless, the boy forced himself to get dressed. Opting for a black tracksuit, he pulled the articles onto himself without much care. The act threatened to garnish all of his energy which forced him to slump into a nearby chair. While cradling his head in his hands, Subaru heard a soft knock on the bedroom door. Before he could answer, Adella strode in before towering over him as he remained seated.

Subaru: "Adie, I don't really want-"

Adie: "Master Subaru."

Her voice rang clear as it cut through his sluggish statement. Subaru raised his head and locked eyes with Adella. Where he expected rage, he only found a cheerful smile that made him hesitate in confusion. Seeing that his guard was lowered, the head maid continued.

Adella: "Would you please assist me in making breakfast this morning?"

Subaru: "H-huh? Assist?"

The question left him stunned as he definitely recalled the glare he received when he suggested helping out with chores before. All he could do was regurgitate words and assume that he had misheard.

Adella: "Indeed, please assist me in the kitchen. Come, come."

Grasping his hand, Adella pulled Subaru to his feet and dragged him from the room. Making no effort at small talk, the two ventured downstairs and into the kitchen. Adella motioned for Subaru to station himself at a nearby mixing bowl where he saw various containers of baking supplies that seemed familiar. As the reason for the familiarity dawned on him, Subaru called out to Adella in an irritated tone.

Subaru: "Adie, I'm not really in the mood to make muffins today."

Impishly looking over his shoulder at the counter, the head maid sported a smile as she assertively spoke.

Adella: "That is splendid news! Because you will be preparing pancakes."

Subaru gave Adella a flat stare and tried to transmit his disdain for jokes on this particular morning.

Adella: "Of course, I could find something more interesting for you to do if you intend to disregard my instructions?"

Contrasting her sugary voice, Adella's eyes became sullen and instantly filled Subaru with unease. Conceding defeat, he nervously blurted his answer while beginning to add ingredients to the bowl.

Subaru: "G-got it, no problem. Pancakes it is…"

Adella: "Thank goodness! Remember, you are not making muffins, so be sure to add extra milk and cut back on the sugar…"

Following Adella's advice, Subaru was able to convert his muffin recipe to pancakes. As his hands were busy mixing in ingredients, his mind became focused on the minute details of his task. Before long he was fast approaching the last steps and realized that something was different. His limbs felt lighter and his chest felt calmer while he worked. While Beatrice never once left his mind, he found that it was easier to think while his attention was divided. The momentary lapse in dwelling on his thoughts had proven helpful and Subaru caught himself wondering if this was Adella's plan the whole time. Once he had finished adding berries to the batter, he delivered it to the head maid with plans to find out her motives.

Subaru: "Adie, I'm finished…"

Adella: "Oh my! That looks perfect, splendid work, Master Subaru."

Adella gratefully accepted the bowl with the same cheeriness that she had the entire morning. As she turned away from him, Subaru stood in place until his presence caused Adella to acknowledge him a second time.

Adella: "Did you require anything else?"

Subaru: "You made it pretty clear before that you want help in the kitchen"

A coy smile crossed her face as Adella responded.

Adella: "Indeed, I did imply that. Yet, I also recall telling you that I am always available for help. You had quite a face earlier… It would besmirch my station of head maid if I allowed you to remain in that state."

Although her explanation met his expectations, Subaru still felt a mix of inadequacy and gratefulness which caused his cheeks to flush.

Subaru: "Adie… Thank you… How much do you know?"

Adella: "Not a thing, and I would like to stay in the dark for now. It is quite obvious that you and Lady Beatrice need to talk through this together."

Even without information, Adella made an accurate assessment of the current emotional maelstrom that raged within Subaru. Her words pierced him and his struggle to find resolve surfaced on his expression. In response, Adella continued to speak.

Adella: "That being said, I will say that Lady Beatrice is feeling similarly. I do not know what occurred, but you need to listen to each other's hearts just like before. It all starts with speaking honestly."

As she finished her statement, Adella motioned towards the door to the dining area where the sounds of a chair sliding could be heard. Understanding, Subaru gathered his wits and made his way toward the door. As he reached the threshold, the boy pivoted in place before bowing deeply to Adella. Before the head maid could respond, Subaru darted out of the kitchen. Looking down at the bowl in her hands, Adella exhaled deeply before whispering.

Adella: "Goodluck, Master."

Meanwhile, Subaru entered the dining room with purposeful steps fueled by the energy of Adella's words. He knew that he still had plenty to consider, but seeing Beatrice suffering made it impossible to clear his head. If he could help to lift any hardship from the spirit, he had to do everything in his power to try. Subaru paused as Beatrice came into view sitting by herself at the large dining table. The sight of her alone was commonplace, but her attire is what caught his attention and sent pangs of nostalgia and sadness through his chest. Beatrice was wearing her clothes from the other world. Her pink frilly dress and small crown made her seem less imposing yet served as a poignant reminder that a major decision was on the horizon. Suppressing his shock and striding over to the table, Subaru took a seat next to Beatrice. The girl made no indication of acknowledging him as he slid his chair closer to hers. Her reaction came in the form of standing up and moving to a different chair on the other side of the table. As she slowly walked, Subaru watched with a puzzled look. Mustering up all his courage, the boy stood up and ran over to Beatrice and stood next to her seat. The spirit simply turned her head to the side and continued to ignore him. Losing patience, Subaru grabbed Beatrice by the shoulders and, using the element of surprise, turned her face to meet his. All his mental preparations were for naught, as Beatrice met his gaze with disdainful eyes and his confidence instantly dissolved.

Subaru: "Beako… I…"

Beatrice: "What."

The harsh tone startled Subaru and he saw that Beatrice's anger was increasing with each passing moment. If he intended to say something meaningful, now was the time.

Subaru: "We need to talk… please…"

Beatrice: "Betty does not have time, I suppose. She has to begin the spell required to close the tear."

Subaru: "I need you to know that I lo-"

Beatrice: "STOP!"

As Beatrice screamed, a gust of wind shook the dishes on the table as it propagated across the room. The blast was not strong enough to knock Subaru over, but it did cause him to fall silent. The two stared at each other as tears welled in the corner of Beatrice's eyes. Trying to regain her composure, the girl raised her voice at Subaru.

Beatrice: "Just leave me alone… Please… This is already hard enough, I suppose. You need to think about this without me... I would not be able to forgive myself if I interfered with what you truly want, in fact."

The seriousness of her words resonated with Subaru. Where he needed Adella's help to strengthen his resolve, Beatrice had already tempered hers alone.

Subaru: "O-okay… I'll talk to you later then…"

Dejected, Subaru stumbled to a seat away from Beatrice and sat uncomfortably while avoiding glances in her direction. This was an absolute failure, he thought. Within the awkward stillness of the room, Adella emerged from the kitchen to serve breakfast.

Adella: "Alright, breakfast is served! Do try and refrain from shaking the room again."

With the joke falling flat, her patrons simply nodded without speaking. Even in the presence of stacks of pancakes, Beatrice's eyes did not show any interest. Sensing the tension, Adella followed suit and quietly ate alongside the group. After finishing their meals, Beatrice stood up and marched towards the foyer. Noticing that Subaru was remaining at the table, Adella called out to her master.

Adella: "Lady Beatrice, where might you be going?"

Stopping in her tracks, Beatrice turned around with listless eyes and answered in a detached tone.

Beatrice: "Away. Betty needs to go to a safe place to begin preparations, in fact."

Adella responded with a slight frown as Beatrice winced slightly and continued.

Beatrice: "Yes… Adella, the pancakes were quite good, I suppose. I'm glad I could try them, in fact…"

The nostalgic feel of the spirit's statement was the final straw for Adella. The head maid walked over to Beatrice and changed her tone to one that was more befitting a mother speaking to a stubborn child instead of a servant to a master.

Adella: "Master Subaru made those for you! You should thank him! While I do not understand what is going on… I will not sit by and watch you behave like this towards him. I love both my Masters and… and…"

Adella stopped herself as she met the same sorrowful eyes that Subaru had succumbed to while being rejected earlier. Responding to Adella's hesitation, Beatrice meekly spoke to her servant.

Beatrice: "I'm sorry, Adella… I really am, in fact. Please, allow me to do this… I promise to accept my punishment at a later time, I suppose."

Adella: "Lady Beatrice… I… I must take my leave. Please, excuse me."

Reeling in her emotions, the head maid rushed from the room. Still in his seat, Subaru began to fall into despair. A familiar voice rang out to him and drew his attention.

Beatrice: "Subaru?"

Snapping out of his trance, the boy rose from his seat and faced his girlfriend.

Subaru: "Beako…"

Beatrice: "I'll see you tonight, I suppose. I'll need an answer by morning, in fact."

With that, any chance for reconciliation disappeared as Beatrice bolted out of the castle. Subaru stood paralyzed from the shock. He had less than a day to decide, and now he saw why Beatrice was isolating herself. Bearing the full weight of the world, he sat back down in his seat and began to ponder in silence. Could he really leave everyone in the other world behind? Could he sentence everyone in this world to certain death? After racking his brain for what felt like hours, Subaru found his legs straining to carry him. Footsteps that felt foriegn pushed him forward and the next thing he saw was the bright sunlight shining overhead signaling that he had exited the castle. Moving along, he felt the soothing breeze coming from the sea as he descended to the beach front. The calming sounds of the waves gently digging away the sand calmed his heart. Despite the scar that was seared in the sky, the area still held a tranquil atmosphere. Taking a deep breath of the cool air, Subaru returned up the stairs and began to walk along the trail that he had built to the forest. It was a trail he walked many times and he noted that small indentations of footprints had formed since its construction. An intangible feeling in his chest caused him to stop atop the hill between the castle and the treeline. Once again, the raging feelings in his heart were quelled by the verdant hillside and the smell of earth beneath his feet. He stayed in the area for quite some time watching the small woodland animals go about their routines. WIthout a destination in mind, he slowly made his way back towards the castle and continued along the road towards the village. Step by step, he now had the wind at his back and the small grasses that dotted the landscape began to dance as if encouraging him to continue. All of a sudden, he heard a voice call out to him.

Small Grasses: "Hey, whaddya doin' out here, mister!?"

A shot of panic surged through Subaru as he considered that the local flora had suddenly become sentient. In response to his hesitation, Niki leaped into the air waving her arms to grab his attention. Shaking his head as if scattering his thoughts, Subaru looked down at the girl and spoke.

Subaru: "Niki? Why are you here?"

Wiggling her ears and giving a quizzical look, Niki replied in a careful tone.

Niki: "That's what I asked ya… Wait, were ya eaten by the sky and this is what it spit out!"

Taken aback by her nonsensical accusation and her bright demeanor, Subaru tried to sputter out a response.

Subaru: "What? N-no! I'm the same Subaru, I guess. Better question, why are you so far from the village?"

Niki: "Huh? Mister, yer the one who is far from home. Looky!"

Following Niki's outstretched finger, Subaru turned his head to see that the castle was small in the distance. His walking must have taken him at least halfway to the village, as the trees were growing more dense. Pressing his fingers to his forehead, Subaru nonchalantly spoke.

Subaru: "I guess I've been walking for awhile… Wait… Why are you out here?"

Niki: "Paw paw told me to help scout the road. We're keepin' an eye on the sky. For when it closes up! We trust Bea!"

The girl's innocent comments struck Subaru deeper than he expected and reminded him that the success of Beatrice's efforts largely depended on him. His melancholy was cut short as the sound of his stomach cut through the air.

Niki: "Well, well, well... Don't we have an interesting situation here!"

Niki narrowed her eyes and flashed a toothy grin before continuing.

Niki: "I can finally pay ya back!"

Subaru: "Huh!?"

Beating his reaction time, Niki dashed forward and thrusted a small parcel into Subaru's hands. The small cat girl then jumped backwards and proceeded to bow towards the visibly confused boy.

Niki: "I've been stealin' meals from ya for a while now… I was gonna eat that as a before dinner snack, but ya sound like ya need it more."

Subaru gazed down at the offering. It appeared to be dried leaves concealing something within. As he peeled back the leaves, Subaru found a large steamed fish inside. The tender flesh looked appetizing and made him very aware of his hunger, yet he stopped himself from immediately biting into it and looked at Niki with apologetic eyes.

Subaru: "I can't take your snack, Niki."

Niki: "Tell that to yer tummy! Go ahead. If ya feel too bad though… ya can give me a small bite."

And so, the cat girl and the boy enjoyed the snack together as they made small talk. It wasn't until the sky started to glow with a saffron hue that Subaru became cognizant of the time. Turning to face the castle, he began to frantically exclaim.

Subaru: "Oh no! I've gotta get home… Crap! I still have to answer Beako…"

Overhearing his qualms, Niki tugged on his sleeve before speaking.

Niki: "I can help! Ya start walkin' and I'll get a cart to pick ya up. Won't take any time at all, I'm pretty fast when I need to be!"

Without waiting for a response, Niki ran towards the village, leaving Subaru alone. Beginning to make his way back to the castle, the fatigue in his calves that had been blocked out by his mind slowly began to settle in with a dull burning. What had he done all day? Remorse filled his chest as he lamented the wasted day and wondered how he would be able to face Beatrice tonight. With all his problems returning, something else was also tugging at his heart. Still analyzing the situation, he moved along down the road as the sun dropped overhead. After some time he felt vibrations through the ground and looked behind him to see Niki guiding the cart while waving at him. She pulled alongside him and allowed him to have a seat next to her as she drove. Noticing a drastic change in his demeanor, Niki called out to him while keeping her eyes on the road.

Niki: "Hey, what's wrong, mister?"

Staring into his lap, Subaru gave a quiet response.

Subaru: "Nothing, I'm fine."

Niki: "Ya have never lied to me before now. I dunno whether to scratch ya or lick ya cause yer so sad."

Subaru: "W-what… you should definitely focus on driving!"

Seemingly ignoring his comment, Niki continued to talk.

Niki: "Ya sure did a lot of walkin' today. Prolly means ya had a lot to think about. Did ya go anywhere special?"

Subaru: "What do you mean?"

Niki: "Well when I get hungry, I wind up walkin' to the river. That's where the fish are! Sometimes I don't even realize it. The heart wants what the heart wants."

Disregarding her obsession with fish, Subaru went quiet as something about Niki's words struck a chord with him. He questioned himself as he tried to understand what those places could mean and why he would have subconsciously sought them out? A memory of an indignant girl covered in sand trying to summon a sand castle came to mind. Despite her failure, she seemed to enjoy spending time in the sun on the beach. A sharp pain struck his heart as more memories came flooding forward. The sight of the dazzling eyes of a girl witnessing fireworks for the first time and the trust she had to doze off while being carried home. Walking hand in hand with a girl down the seaside road to a village that had been created seemingly overnight. Fishing with children after feasting with townsfolk and, more recently, preparing and enjoying a festival. All of these places were integral for his experiences since coming to this world. That girl was Beatrice and those children and townsfolk were his friends. Visions of date nights, altercations with Adella, and outbursts with Niki came to mind. The bombardment of images came to a close with one final memory. A flustered girl with flaxen hair laid on the ground next to him beneath the stars and, in one swift moment, pulled him close and kissed him. A single event which changed his heart forever. Subaru recognized the pain in his heart as the same ache he felt when he was apart from Beatrice. It was far too late to turn his back on this world and he felt foolish for even considering that there could be another option. He secretly thanked the cat girl who unknowingly stopped him from making a mistake that he was sure to regret. Niki, who was still focused on the road, broke the long pause with a follow-up question.

Niki: "Well, did ya at least have fun today?"

A sniveling sound escaped from Subaru as he began to chuckle, tears streaming from his eyes. Niki quickly glanced over in alarm over her copilot's deranged appearance. Before she could ask what was going on, Subaru threw his arms around Niki and gave her a reply.

Subaru: "Yes! I had so much fun, Niki. Thank you."

Teetering in her seat as the sudden hug resulted in the entire cart diverging from the planned course, Niki yelled out in concern.

Niki: "Mister! Stop it! We're gonna go off road! I'm tellin' Bea that yer cheatin' on her!"

As the cat girl half-jokingly yelled out threats, Subaru calmed himself as he now knew what he needed to say to Beatrice. He spent the rest of the ride explaining his actions to Niki without divulging the choice that was made. Upon arriving at the castle, Subaru said his goodbye.

Subaru: "Thank you, Niki. You really saved me tonight in more ways than one."

Niki: "Nevermind that, ya better go apologize to Bea and get her back!"

Subaru: "Yes ma'am!"

Jumping down from the cart, Subaru ran to the castle doors with a newfound energy. At his back he heard Niki call out one last time.

Niki: "Goodluck! I'll be over in the mornin' to either congratulate ya or beat ya up!"

Subaru smiled as he hastily made his way through the foyer and up the stairs. His goal was within reach and his overeagerness caused him to slam the bedroom door open. The loud sound made Beatrice leap from the bed and topple onto the floor. The girl was still wearing her dress and appeared to have been patiently waiting for Subaru to return. Her demeanor was now one of rage as she clambored back onto the bed and began to scream.

Beatrice: "IDIOT! What is wrong with you, in fact? You disappear all day and show up now trying to scare Betty, I suppose?"

Although she was upset, Subaru found solace in seeing her being honest about her emotions. Racing over to her, the boy intended to scoop her up into an embrace. However, Beatrice raised a hand in protest and signaled for him to calm down.

Beatrice: "I thought I made it clear this morning, in fact. Please refrain from touching me, I suppose."

Respecting her assertion, Subaru knelt on the floor at the edge of the bed so that he was eye level with Beatrice. His eyes contained a spirited look as he spoke.

Subaru: "Beako. I have my answer."

Beatrice: "Is that so, I suppose? Then I will listen, in fact."

Nodding as she acknowledged him, Beatrice acquiesced. Subaru smiled softly and began to relay his feelings.

Subaru: "I went for a long walk today. I went to the beach where we swam together. I went to the hill where we watched fireworks. Then I walked to the village, or at least I tried to. Luckily, Niki caught me and helped me get home. I wanted to avoid thinking about this and I'm sorry I was a coward."

Beatrice: "You don't have to-"

Subaru: "Best save it, I'm not done apologizing yet. I realize now that I went to all those spots because they are special to me. But I also remembered that they are special to you, too. They mean so much because we made so many new memories and friends. This is the place where I fell in love with you, Beako. You are a part of this place, just as much as I am. I promised you once before that I would choose you. I'm so sorry that I took so long to mull this over. This is the world where we found happiness, so please… I know there is a chance we may not be able to exist away from our bodies… But I'd rather die with you and our friends than abandon all the love we created in this world!"

The sprint upstairs combined with his heartfelt outburst, left Subaru heaving for air. Beatrice's mouth slowly formed into a grimace as tears welled in her eyes. Fighting back her emotions, the small girl called out in a quavering voice.

Beatrice: "You don't need to be sorry, I suppose. Betty cannot be the reason that you stay here, in fact!"

Catching his breath, Subaru met her stubborn response with one of his own.

Subaru: "Too late, Beako. You're part of my life now. I'll love you for as long as I live!"

Cracks in her emotional barrier began to split off into compound fissures as Beatrice finally let the tears fall from her eyes. Subaru wasted no time in reinitiating his embrace as he had tried before. This time, Beatrice allowed him to connect as she was lifted into the air and warmth enveloped her. Subaru stared into her wet eyes with a look of serene joy as he spoke.

Subaru: "Beako, I'm glad you let me hug you. I want you to know, I'm not going to leave you."

Speaking through intermittent sobs, Beatrice avoided eye contact as she replied.

Beatrice: "I-I know… That's why I'm sorry, in fact…"

Subaru: "Huh? Why-"

Interrupting his response, Beatrice pressed her palm against Subaru's forehead and a warm glow filled his vision. He felt his legs go limp as he folded into the floor and the crying face of his beloved girlfriend gazed at him. Slowly drifting off to sleep, he heard Beatrice utter one final apology.

Beatrice: "I cannot let you give up everyone just for me, I suppose… I will carry the burden of breaking this… fake... world for you… I'm sorry… Betty is a terrible spirit, in fact…"

The soft sounds of crying served as a serenade while his consciousness grew thin. Before long, Subaru's vision went black and events beyond his control were set into motion.

Chapter 23 End