a/n: Thanks for the comments, enjoy! x

Solitudes

It had been almost a week since Sam and Jack were rescued from the Antarctic, they had been swamped by medical for the first 48 hours and nobody was allowed to visit them, then they were left to rest. They'd been hidden in two private rooms for recovery, Daniel and Teal'c spent a few hours each day by a bedside waiting for more to come out of them than some slurred sleepy remark. It had been a week and they both were completely exhausted. Finally, the moment came for one of them, Daniel found himself standing in the doorway with his mouth mirroring an oval shape at the fact Jack seemed to be playing with his yoyo, Daniel eventually readjusted his glasses and entered.

"Good to see you as well Daniel." Jack remarked.

"How you feeling?" He asks concerned, walking up to Jacks bed placing a vase of flowers on the bed side table.

"Really?" Jack questions tilting his head to the flowers.

"Yeah sorry we were getting flowers for Sam and Teal'c thought you should get some too."

"Well, can't say I'm not flattered. How's Carter?"

"I haven't seen her yet but Janet says she had hypothermia and is now left with a sprained knee with some scrapes and bruises, so she'll be fine."

"Good."

"How you doing?"

"I'm fine, when can I get out of here?"

"Ah I'm not sure, but you've got weeks of recovery ahead of you still. Teal'c and I have been temporarily helping out SG3 on a few missions."

"O'Neill it is good to see you well." The rooted voice of Teal'c says as he positions himself next to Daniel.

"You too T. How was Carter?"

"She is currently resting; Doctor Frasier says she is suffering from extreme exhaustion."

"Has she woken up since-"

"Yeah but she goes back to sleep, doesn't seem to do well with visitors." Daniel replied dimly.

"I thought you said she was fine?" Jack challenges.

"She is- I mean who knows what you two went through, it certainly took you a while to fully come around."

"Teal'c can you help me out here, I wanna go see her."

"Jack I don't think that's a good idea, you're-"

"Daniel I feel fine!"

"Well I wouldn't exactly say you're fine!" Daniel picks up Jack's chart, "you've got a fractured right tibia, three fractured ribs, a broken leg and suffered internal bleeding AND severe hypothermia… so yeah, wouldn't use the word fine."

"Yeah well-"

"Look you've tried this already, granted now you are fully conscious, but-"

"But, the Colonel seems to be rested and awake. I think today may be your lucky day." Janet Frasier hums as she glided towards the team. "Teal'c you can get the wheelchair; Colonel O'Neill seems fit enough to pay Captain Carter a little visit." She smiles. "How are you feeling Colonel?"

"Much better now you've shut Daniel up Doc." She laughs as they help him into the chair.

Sam felt the tickle of consciousness upon her, she hated this part because it meant she was going to relive the events once more. She felt guilty, she didn't know why she kept on sleeping- did she really need to?

The other day Daniel had caught her while she was awake and tried to form a conversation with her, she just didn't feel like herself. Thoughts eating away at her and knowing the Colonel was in such bad shape. Oh boy did she feel guilty. I could have done so much more. She thinks. And suddenly that desperate feeling overwhelms yet again. Put her and SG1 into the middle of open fire and she knows what to do, she has been thoroughly trained for such a circumstance, and if a member is hit: call the medical member who is with them or use their medical supplies to stop the bleeding and get to the gate and dial home. She spent the last few days creating a list of 79 dangerous scenarios that she could save her team from, yet she was placed in a situation where she was helpless. Her genius reputation, impeccable military record and combat training didn't come into consideration here. She was stuck in ice with Colonel Jack O'Neill, who was severely injured, and there was no solution she could come up with to save him… While on their home planet! She was so frantically desperate to save his life, whenever she allowed herself a little rest and warmth with him she knew he was waiting to die off- she could not let him die. Not after everything. He asked her to leave him on more than one occasion, and it scared her each time, because she knew he'd let go if she made her way to safety. At the start, she naively believed she'd find a way out, it wasn't until she saw the eternal whiteness of where they were that reality was crushed, there was no way out. Which meant there was no way she would keep living by herself, she had to keep him alive, everything depended on it.

As she regained full consciousness she was able to remember the amount of pain the Colonel was in- the amount she also put him through. More memories infiltrated her mind, she needed to see something else. She opened her eyes and was strangely grateful that Teal'c or Daniel weren't at her bedside. She didn't want to have to face the truth, explain what happened to them. She'd not only failed the Colonel on a professional and personal note but to them too, he got back barely alive… She thinks how cruel the odds were towards them, she should have been the one with the severe injuries, he's far more experienced at survival and he could have survived on his own. Not that he would of course, he has a heroic habit of standing by his team.

Slightly confused she checks if she's awake, 'yeah Sam, you're awake' she mutters shaking her head. She swears she can hear the voices of her team and Janet. Oh crap. She shuts her eyes, but she can't hold her eyes shut for long. She squints at 3 pairs of walking legs and another pair accompanied by wheels coming through her door. She knows who is in the wheelchair and she feels like she was just punched in the stomach.

"Sam I didn't know you were awake!" Janet exclaims as she rushes over to her side. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah." She replies with a dry voice, Janet hands her a cup water and Sam takes a couple of sips thanking her.

Small talk passed and finally Daniel and Teal'c found ways to excuse themselves, she hoped Janet would have told the Colonel he needs rest but she didn't. Janet left the room leaving it to just Sam and the Colonel. Silence follows.

"You feeling alright there Carter?"

"Yeah fine sir, how are you holding up?"

"As good as I can be."

"Good" She quietly replies. More silence follows. After a minute or so he glances up at her, she feels him examining her and blushes, she tries to keep every facial expression in neutral.

"You know Carter forcing yourself to look natural actually does the opposite effect." She smiles at his comment and looks at his face for the first time. He looks well rested but also tired. His eyes shone though, with that depth that was always there. She'd been looking in his eyes for seconds now, without thinking she speaks.

"I'm so sorry sir."

He looks perplexed. "For what?"

"For… it all." Her answer made no sense but he made sense of it all.

"Carter how would you have known we were here? And forget our training, no normal person would have lasted much more than two days in the middle of the Antarctic, even though I was dying, we got out alive."

"I know, but I still think that-"

"Stop. Stop thinking just this once. Just look around, we're here aren't we? That's all that matters now. And besides, the only thing you need to apologize for is your ability to put on a splint."

She smiles. "I'm glad you're okay sir."

"So am I."

She leans back into her pillow, feeling tired yet again. She forces her eyes to remain open, perhaps seeing the Colonel wasn't as daunting as she feared it would be.

He can see her barrier coming down. He knew the instant he woke up that she would have spent the past few days indoctrinating herself with blame. He knew he had to shut down those ideas, he also knew that she knew deep down none of it was her fault. And that's what got to her the most, the fact she couldn't edit the situation in hindsight, the fact that everything that happened was beyond her control. He knew that was the root of all her thoughts.

As he looked at her now he could feel the desire to just lie next to her, not to entertain their little spark, just as a means on comfort. When they held each other back 'on the planet', or whatever it's being called, it wasn't just the warmth that kept him alive, (although sure, it helped) it was having her, knowing he had to live to keep her going. She strengthened him in his weakest time, he got her through it, it's why he called her Sara.

He wanted to climb into the bed, to recharge his strength, but he knew he couldn't. The only reason it happened was that is was the logical way to stay warm. There's no excuse now. And what would she say? He knows their moments have a time a place. And now is not the time, nor place. He smiles at her one more time and nods. "Night Carter."

Relieved she mumbles, "Night sir."

She returns to sleep and he returns to his room. The barriers are back where they belong.