I'm so, so sorry for the screw up with the chapters yesterday. To make it up to you I'm posting a longish chapter for this story tonight. I hope you enjoy – and please, lots and lots of reviews would be greatly appreciated.

"What do you mean?" he asked, still looking stunned.

"I mean, I'm pregnant – we're going to have a baby."

"But – that's not possible," he said.

"Jack, it's totally possible," she half laughed. "We have been having sex you know."

"No – I mean, of course I know that, but it hasn't been that long. You're probably just late."

"It only takes once," she pointed out, starting to feel worried by his reaction.

"I know, but you wouldn't know – not yet."

She sighed and sat up. "You're upset. You don't want a child, do you?"

That stopped him dead, and he simply stared at her, not saying anything.

She started to feel cold and suddenly shivered. Why had she thought he'd be happy? And why was he so shocked? Surely he must have known that this could happen. It's not like they had access to birth control. "You must have realized that this could happen. We haven't been using any protection."

"I thought you were on birth control," he said, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"I was, but it only lasts for so long. We've been gone for months."

"But I thought you would have planned for this."

"What! Are you saying this is my fault? You didn't even ask about birth control. And it's not like we were sleeping together when this whole thing started. Hell, we've gone for years without even acknowledging we felt anything for each other. What was I to do, ask Janet for some extra birth control just in case Colonel O'Neill finally decided to screw the regs!"

"What the hell are you saying Carter?" he practically yelled. "Are you accusing me of something here? I thought this was a mutual decision – or are you going to start claiming that I took advantage of you. You plan to have me up on charges when – if we go back. And for your information, we screwed the regs the moment we left Earth. I'm AWOL – you're AWOL so us sleeping together isn't that big a deal."

"I guess it's not," she said quietly, suddenly feeling hurt and sad. "I wasn't accusing you of anything, I was just pointing out that the situation we're in is both our faults – or should I say responsibility. I'm sorry I didn't think to remind you about birth control but you can't lay it all on me."

Jack let out a deep breath and massaged the back of his neck. "I know. I know it's not your fault. I just – I guess I was letting myself ignore the consequences."

She remained silent, not knowing what to say or do. Never in a million years would she have suspected Jack to react this way. He'd always loved kids and she'd been sure – but obviously she'd made a terrible mistake. She just prayed it didn't destroy the two of them.

When he didn't speak she rolled over, her back to him, and pulled the covers up to her chin. She stayed as close to the wall of the longhouse as she could, feeling too angry and hurt to want to be anywhere close to Jack. It was only then that she realized the entire house had probably heard them. So now she was not only miserable, but embarrassed as well.

Jack sat totally frozen, still not sure what had just happened. He wanted to kick himself. Why hadn't he even thought about Sam getting pregnant? He should have realized there was a strong possibility that her birth control had run out.

He hadn't thought about it because he hadn't wanted to, he admitted to himself. He'd avoided thinking about it. He was so happy to finally have the chance to love her, that he'd ignored all other considerations. He'd ignored the possibility of pregnancy, he'd ignored the fact that they were fugitives on the run, he'd ignored the fact that they were living in a society that was at least a hundred and fifty years behind their own. He was an idiot.

The thought of bringing a child into such an uncertain situation terrified him. What if they had to go on the run? What if they were discovered by the NID? What would they do with a child?

As he lay there, thinking all these thoughts, he knew there was something else he was avoiding. It wasn't just the thought of their situation that terrified him – it was the idea of even having a child that terrified him.

He'd lost his son through his own stupidity. He could not possibly contemplate bringing another child into his life. He'd end up doing something equally as stupid, and this time he knew he wouldn't survive the loss of another child. It petrified him to even think about the possibility. It was one of the reasons he'd decided, long ago, that he would never have another child.

Well you sure screwed that one up O'Neill! So now they were bringing a new life into being – into an impossible situation. He looked at her back, facing him so noticeably, and wanted nothing so much as to scoot over and put his arms around her. But he knew he couldn't. He'd hurt her terribly with his comments and he was sure she'd want nothing to do with him tonight.

God, he hoped he hadn't totally destroyed their relationship! But it wasn't his fault. How could she expect him to want this after everything that had happened?

He didn't get any sleep that night, lying awake terrified about the future. He knew that Sam didn't sleep much either, even though she pretended to. Not once did they speak or move together or touch, each of them staying as far away from the other as possible. Just as dawn was coming he heard her finally fall into a restless sleep. It was then he decided he couldn't lie there anymore.

Quietly, so as not to disturb her, he pushed aside the curtains and climbed down the ladder. He grabbed his shoes but waited until he was out of the longhouse before putting them on.

The morning was cool, but bright and fresh. He stretched, trying to drive out the kinks and tension the long night had brought. It was only as he put his arms down and took a deep breath that he noticed Tonané standing at the edge of the village, his back to Jack.

He hesitated a moment, but then finally decided to walk over and say good morning. He'd had enough of his own thoughts for the past few hours and looked forward to taking his mind off things, even if only for a few minutes.

"Good morning Jack," Tonané said cheerfully, not even turning to see who approached. "It is a beautiful morning, is it not?"

"Mornin' Tonané. Yes, it is. The air smells wonderful."

"We are fortunate that the earth and the air and the water give us all we need, including beauty that calms the soul."

"Yeah – you're lucky to live here. It's a beautiful place."

"It is not luck my friend. We could choose to ignore the bounties of nature and exploit our world. But that would bring us only sorrow, so we choose instead to honor and to celebrate that which is given to us."

"You're right. It isn't luck. You and your people are very wise Tonané. I wish you could make my people understand that."

"They make their choice, just as we make ours," his Salish friend said gently.

The two men stood quietly, watching in the distance as the new day began. They came from very different worlds, from different planets. Their cultures were different, as were their experiences and their heritage. And yet, in many ways they were brothers. They both cherished nature and all that it brought. They were also alike in that to many they appeared to be simple men, light-hearted and unaware of the more complex problems of life. But that was as untrue for Tonané as it was for O'Neill. What people saw on the surface hid a depth and wisdom that few possessed as they did.

Rather than not seeing complex issues, they both saw them too well. But being wise and compassionate men they took that complexity and used it to shape who they were and how they served their respective peoples.

For Jack it meant serving his country and his planet by protecting it, by ensuring that the weak were protected and that justice would win out. For Tonané it meant keeping his world from being exploited and by honoring and protecting everything around him – his people and the land on which they lived.

And the two men understood each other. They found in each other a friend, a brother, a soul-mate. It was for that reason that Tonané now turned to his friend and spoke.

"Do you believe in honoring nature my friend, in nurturing that which is provided to us by the earth, by the spirits?"

"Uh - yes, of course." Jack frowned, glancing at the native man.

"Then why do you now fight against it? Why do you deny nature?"

"Deny-?" He turned his head sharply and looked at Tonané. "What are you talking about?"

"I am talking about your child Jack."

Jack let out a loud breath and felt like instantly turning and heading – where? They were stuck here until they heard – hopefully – from the SGC. He could go back to the longhouse, but then he'd have to talk to Sam, and he didn't know what to say to her.

"You heard," he said finally, not sure what else to say or do.

"I did. I am sorry. I did not mean to listen but -"

"But we were loud. I'm sorry."

"You do not need to apologize my friend. You have not done anything to hurt me or my family." He stopped there, and his unspoken words said volumes.

"But I hurt mine," Jack whispered, closing his eyes in frustration.

"You did," Tonané nodded. It was one of the things Jack had always liked about the man. He was brutally honest in everything he said and did. To some it may have seemed disingenuous, but Jack knew it was anything but. There was no dissembling in the man – and no attempt to be cruel or unkind. He simply believed in speaking truth.

Which now forced Jack to be totally honest as well. "I didn't mean to," he said quietly. "I don't want to hurt her but -"

"But you are frightened and angry."

"No, I'm -" his words faltered as Tonané looked at him, the man's eyes drawing out the truth. "Yes," he breathed. "I'm scared as hell and – and angry!"

"Why are you frightened? A child is a wonderful thing – a blessing from the Spirits. It can only be a good thing."

"I'm frightened because Sam and I are on the run." When his companion looked quizzically at him he explained. "We are fugitives from Earth – I told you, remember. We can't go back and we can't be found or we would be in trouble. I hate bringing a child into that."

"That is understandable, although I understood you to say that you are living somewhere that is peaceful and beautiful."

"We are," Jack sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair. "But we can't stay there forever."

"Why not?"

"Why – well, because, it's not our home."

"Is not your home where you decide it to be? Is it not where you are with those you love, with your friends? Is it not where you put down roots and raise your children and your crops and your animals?"

"Yeah – I guess – but, hey, it's not Earth. Wouldn't you hate it if you had to leave this place – leave everyone you knew behind to start over somewhere else?"

"Yes, it would be difficult and I would miss it greatly. However, as long as I had my family with me I believe I would be fine. It is Taimah and my children who are my home."

Jack was silent, trying to listen to what his friend was saying, but still feeling too angry, too upset to let the words in and to believe them.

"Do you believe your family will be in danger?"

Jack shrugged. "I guess – I mean, I'll do whatever I need to do to keep them safe, but there are no guarantees -"

"There never are, my friend."

"No." Jack felt the stab of pain that always accompanied the memory of his son. "No, I know that." And that was one of the problems. He'd already lost a child and he was terrified it would happen again.

"What is it Jack?" Tonané asked gently, obviously sensing something in the other man.

"I – had a son," he answered, not sure why he was sharing this. He usually avoided it at all costs. "He was killed. He accidentally killed himself with my weapon."

He felt a hand touch his arm and looked down in surprise – and then back up into Tonané's face. The Salish was looking at him with compassion – but also with understanding.

"There is nothing more awful than to lose a child," he said softly. "It leaves a hole in one's heart and soul that can never be filled. I am sorry Jack."

"Yeah." Jack answered, holding onto his composure with everything in him.

"Do you wish your child had not been born?"

Jack went to answer a swift 'yes', but before the word left his mouth his bit his lip. He wouldn't lie, couldn't lie. Of course he didn't wish that. He thought back to Charlie as a baby, a toddler and young child – and wanted to laugh and to cry. Those were the most priceless memories he had and they were all that was left of his son.

"No – no."

"I do not wish that for my child either," his gentle companion said quietly, staring off into the forest in front of him.

Jack looked at him in surprise. "Tonané?"

"I too lost a child Jack. She was my first born, my heart. Her name was Sela and she was the happiest child. Her laugh was like the water trickling over rocks. She loved to play and to giggle – she was the gentlest thing. I used to carry her with me everywhere I went. She brought joy to my life."

"What happened?" he whispered.

"It was a storm, a bad storm. We do not know why, but she got up in the night and left the longhouse. My wife thinks she may have heard one of the animals crying in the night. She loved animals. We found her the next morning – a tree had fallen over and had crushed her. She had only lived five winters."

"I'm so sorry Tonané."

"I know you are Jack – because you understand."

"Were you frightened to have more children?"

"I had another already – my son. He was three when Sela died. I refused to let him out of my sight for a long time. It was my wife who finally told me I was not protecting him – I was smothering him. She also told me we needed to have another child – not to replace Sela, because we could never do that, but to celebrate life. We needed to live again and there is nothing like a child, or children, to stop you from burying yourself. They are too demanding, too loving to let you do anything but love them and take joy in them."

"I wish I could be like you," Jack said quietly, suddenly hating himself. "I'm just not that brave."

"You are like me Jack. I was frightened too. At first I told Taimah no. I refused to contemplate having another child. I grew angry at her for even asking and accused her of wanting to forget our daughter. I said some cruel things."

Jack couldn't imagine Tonané being cruel to anyone, although looking at his face – at the seriousness and honesty shining from his eyes, Jack knew he had to believe him. "What happened?"

The man smiled. "She told me to stop being a coward." Suddenly he grinned. "And she told me very loudly and very fiercely. The whole village knew. I grew angry in return, but she stood up to me. But it wasn't just that she was angry at me. She was desperate because she knew that if I didn't move forward with her, that we did not have a future together."

The feeling of fear grew in his chest, but this time Jack knew it wasn't the thought of having a child that terrified him, but the thought of losing Sam. He'd already lost one good woman because of his fear and selfishness. He didn't want to lose her.

But he was still angry at her. He knew it was unfair – they had made a child together but he still felt like she had tricked him. They hadn't even talked about this and –

"Why are you so angry at Sam?" Tonané asked. God, he's just like Daniel, Jack thought suddenly. He goes directly for the jugular. "Is it because you feel she did this intentionally?"

"No – I – maybe. I don't know. But I should have been able to make the decision – I should have had a choice. Instead I'm presented with a done deal. I'm going to be a father again, whether I wanted it or not."

"That is true, although you had an equal part in that" Tonané nodded. "But now you do have a choice. You can remain angry and destroy what you have or you can choose to look at this as a chance for a richer, more beautiful life with the woman you love. You can think about the child who is even now growing in its mother's womb. You can wonder about its eye color, about whether it will look like you or Sam. You can imagine what he or she will want to do. You can think about taking your child with you as you walk through the forest, as you play with it and teach it. It is your choice my friend. You can continue to be angry, or you can accept what nature has given you and rejoice."

He knew that what his friend was saying was nothing but the truth. He knew it – but that didn't seem to matter right now. He was too filled with emotion to think clearly. He needed –

"Jack, why don't you go for a walk? There are too many things in your head to think clearly. Go and let the earth around you speak to you."

He nodded. "Thanks Tonané. You're a good man but – I think you're right. Could you – if Sam wakes up, just let her know I've gone for a walk."

The native man watched as he walked away, and sighed. "I hope you find what you are looking for Jack." With a shake of his head he turned and headed back to see his wife and children. Talking about Sela always brought sadness and he needed their joy and laughter to help heal his heart.

Jack walked swiftly through the forest, not paying any attention to where he was headed. In fact, he wasn't really headed anywhere – he was running away from something.

"You are a coward Jack O'Neill," he admitted to himself. He was still frightened, still angry and now full of self-hatred for having those feelings. "Damn it – why did this have to happen now!" he cried out.

All that answered were the birds and animals disturbed by his presence. He cursed and kept walking, wishing he could outrun everything and leave it all behind.

Including Sam, a small voice asked?

"No – of course not," he answered out loud, kicking a stone out of his path.

He continued to walk until the sweat gleamed on his face and his breathing sped up. He would have kept going, he was sure, except that his footsteps brought him to the edge of a lake.

He stopped abruptly, looking out over the glistening blue water. It was stunning and for the first time since Sam had told him about being pregnant he stopped thinking and allowed himself to simply be.

He sat down, leaning with his back against a log, and looked at the water. He forced himself to take deep, slow breaths and to try and let out all the tension and fear. As his eyes began to droop the fear lessened and a strange calm seemed to wash over him.

"Daddy!" a young boy screamed, laughing as he ran away. "Catch me Daddy!"

He laughed and ran after the young boy, easily catching him and swinging him around. "Now I have to tickle you!" he growled. The boy giggled some more, collapsing from the laughter.

"No Daddy no – tickle Ellie!"

"What! You want me to tickle your sister?"

There was another shriek – this time from a tiny girl who had grabbed onto his legs. He looked down and laughed at the tiny child, her golden hair done up in braids, with two pink ribbons.

"No ticko Ewwie!" she shrieked, turning and toddling away as fast as her plump little legs would let her.

Jack growled, and with his son in his arms, chased after the little girl, going slowly to let her think she had a chance to get away.

In the end there was a heap of the three of them – the two children trying to tickle their father, all of them laughing uproariously. Jack finally grabbed both of them around their waists and held them to him – their sweaty, wiggling little bodies the best things in his life.

But not the only best things. Because there was one more person in that category, and that was the woman who was sitting on the lawn chair laughing at all of them. "Hey you – watcha doing over there? You're supposed to be saving me from these scary monsters!"

"We's not monsters Daddy!",the little boy cried.

The little girl shook her head. "I no monstow! I's Ewwie!"

"Ellie are you – well I'm glad you're not a monster. I guess I can take you both home with me!" The kids giggled and continued to squirm.

Jack laughed again, happier than he could ever remember being, when he suddenly startled awake, almost falling flat. It took him a second to remember where he was and to realize that he'd been dreaming. The instant sadness – knowing it was a dream and not reality – took him unawares.

What the hell had that been, he wondered? He pushed himself to his feet and looked around. He almost suspected Tonané of having done something, but then scoffed at the idea. The Salish man didn't have any magical powers, except maybe the power of making him face reality.

He laughed softly and stretched. Looked up he realized it was getting to be mid-morning and he needed to head back. Sam would be worried.

He felt a sudden rush of feeling – a longing to see her. At the same time he realized something else. The fear had subsided. There was still a bit remaining, and he expected it would stay for a while – but for the most part all he felt now was a strange sense of – anticipation.

He smiled. God – was that all it took? He'd gone from fear and anger to – happiness and excitement in the space of a couple of hours. "You're crazy O'Neill!" As he started walking back to the village he thought back to his conversation. Maybe that's all it took. He'd just needed a good talking to. He'd have to thank Tonané but that would be later. Right now he needed to see Sam – see her and beg her forgiveness – and tell her how much he loved her. He also needed to celebrate with her. They were going to have a baby.

"Did we do right?" Xe'ls asked as he watched the human leave.

"I hope so," T'Akaya answered. "Tonané asked that we help his friend understand the truth. By showing him his future, I believe we have helped him come to terms with it. I once thought that O'Neill was dishonest and dangerous but I believe he is a good man, much like Tonané. I am pleased we could help him."

Xe'ls nodded and held out his hand to his mate. "Sometimes I do not understand these humans. They make what should be so simple, so very hard."

T'Akaya nodded but then she smiled. "It is the way, not just of humans, but of most species Xe'ls. Love can cause confusion, but if accepted, it brings much joy."

Jack arrived back at the village, and saw Sam talking to Tonané's wife Taimah. She hadn't seen him yet, so he was able to gaze at her without her knowledge. She looked tired – tired and sad – and he wanted to curse himself.

He walked towards her purposefully, knowing that he had to change that look on her face. He had it in him to bring her pain or joy – and he knew now which one he'd chosen.

He heard a noise and glanced to the side, to see Tonané watching him. The man smiled and gave him a thumb's up – he wondered briefly if that was a Salish gesture or whether he'd learned it from someone from Earth. The thought only lasted a moment, because Sam had seen him.

He reached her and took her arms – gently. "Taimah, excuse us. I need to talk to Sam."

"Of course," the Salish woman smiled and stepped away. Jack then drew Sam towards the trees, needing privacy for what he was about to say.

"Jack?" she said tiredly, her emotions carefully contained. "What is this? I don't want to -"

"Shhh," he told her gently. "Wait." Finally they were away from the village, surrounded by the coolness of the forest.

"What -" her voice was stopped by the pressure of his lips as he kissed her. At first she didn't respond, but after a few seconds it was as if she melted into him. The kiss went on, until he tasted the salt of tears. Sam was crying.

He lifted his lips from hers and pulled back, only a few inches, so that he could see her. "I'm an ass, and I'm sorry. I love you more than anything in the whole world, and I'm the luckiest man in the world to have you as my wife – and as the mother of my child."

"Jack?"

"All I can do is tell you how sorry I am for the way I reacted. It was wrong and cruel – although I want you to know I didn't mean to, no I hated the fact that I was hurting you. I just – Sam, I was frightened and so I lashed out in anger. It just – caught me by surprise."

"I'm sorry," she cried, her voice thick with tears. "I know you didn't want-" Again he interrupted her with his lips, kissing her gently but firmly.

"No," he told her, his lips still caressing hers. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong. We did nothing wrong. In fact, we did the most right thing in the world. We came together in love and we created a child – our child. God Sam – I was so scared when you told me but now -"

"Now?" she looked at him in wonder, her eyes shining, but this time not with tears.

"But now," he laughed, "I'm so happy I don't know what to do." He leaned his forehead against hers. "Tonané talked to me – talked sense into me I guess and then I went for a walk. I fell asleep – there's this little lake, I'll have to take you there – anyway, I fell asleep and dreamed – Sam, I dreamed of our kids and it was – I – I woke up and everything had changed. It was amazing!"

Sam laughed – she had rarely if ever heard Jack sound so excited – or speaking so quickly or so breathlessly. It reminded her of an excited Daniel and she found it utterly charming.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked, his eyes narrowed although she could see the twinkle in them.

"At you – you remind me of Daniel."

"I do?" he growled, suddenly swinging her around. "Well get him out of your mind! I want you to think only of your husband right now! I love you Sam – God, I love you."

"I love you too," she said, and this time she was the one laughing. "You're a crazy man, do you know that?"

"Mmm hmm," he grinned. "A crazy man who's going to be a daddy!"

"Jack," a voice interrupted their discussion and Jack looked up to see Tonané peeking at him from behind a tree. "I do not mean to intrude but I thought you might like to know that there is a small hunting lodge by the lake. No one will be going there today and you both look tired. You might want to use the lodge to – rest."

He heard Sam let out a small groan, and her head dropped against his chest. All he could see of her were the back of her ears – which were bright pink. But he grinned. "Thanks Tonané, what a great idea. We'll see you later."

"Bye Jack, bye Sam," Tonané said, a huge grin on his face. "Enjoy your rest."

Once the Salish man had gone Sam lifted her head. "Well that was embarrassing."

"Oh, not as embarrassing as it would have been when I took you to our sleeping platform in the longhouse in the middle of the day and made love to you," he said calmly as he pulled her to the lake.

"Jack," she laughed. "You wouldn't have done that."

He stopped and looked at her, his face totally serious. "Yes – that's exactly what I was planning on doing. So be happy we have the hunting lodge."

She giggled but continued to walk with him – her day having turned from darkness to joy. She laughed again and took his hand, eager to spend a glorious day in a native hunting lodge with her husband.