JMJ
NOTE: I'm just going to apologize for my Joker. I mean I managed a Joker of some kind, I think, but I'm not so sure he's a very BTAS Joker or not. Maybe I'm just worrying too much about it, but Joker was always a difficult character for me to write.
Chapter Ten
A Roof-hopper's Life
"What?" asked the Joker, eyes wide with an old schoolmaster's horror. "No one raises their hands?"
Then he laughed, which was worse.
Veronica did not dare turn to Pierce; though, she felt him tense beside her. Her mind was almost completely blank. She did not notice how her mouth was open just ajar and her eyes were wide and empty with her shoulders hunched over her lowered neck. It actually made it stranger to be seated on a sofa instead of being tied up or standing in a corner.
The worse thing about the laugh at hand however, was that it was only making the time stretch out longer and more painfully. She winced and cringed as the Joker stopped suddenly to swing his face right into hers. His breath smelled like he had just had tacos for dinner and she would not doubt that he had.
"Then I'll have to start choosing myself," he hissed dangerously through a wide sneering grin.
Veronica gulped.
The Joker then shrugged carelessly, almost harmlessly, and certainly humorously, if it was not for the precarious nature of this moment.
"Ladies first," he said in a sort of merry chirp. "Don't be shy."
"…I…" choked Veronica reaching down for some of that pluck she did have and had used against other crooks before like socking a brainwashed jungle man in the back with a bag; though, no one was quite like the Joker. She cleared her throat and scowled as she forced herself into submission of her courage enough to say at least as harmlessly as she could in return, "I don't know what you want me to say."
Now she really felt Pierce tense up.
"I—I mean, after all," tittered Ronnie V., "it's usually customary for a teacher to ask a question before a student gives an answer, right?"
The Joker looked even more amused, and it was not lost upon Veronica that his eyes briefly darted to Pierce. When he returned to Veronica he shook his head and clicked the roof of his mouth about three or four times.
Then he said in a light tone of voice, "And people wonder why the grade point average is so low in this country. No discipline. No discipline. Slackers the lot of 'em, I say. What a pity. Maybe we should bring back the cone of shame."
He held up his hand with suspense as though to pull something dangerous out.
"No!" squeaked Pierce suddenly.
The Joker paused with only the slightest hint of annoyance, but he was soon more amused than before.
"Now, now," he said closing his eyes and reaching again into his purple suit jacket. "Wait your turn, Chapstick. There's cones enough for everyone."
And he pulled out a strawberry ice cream cone.
Both Pierce and Veronica blinked paralyzed in their confusion. First, because they were surprised that it was not some sort of grinning time bomb, but second because it seemed like only magic could produce such an article of food from inside someone's jacket pocket without making a total mess, Joker or no Joker. Though, after a few seconds, despite its realistic detail, it was obvious that it was fake as the Joker waved it around and said, "Sorry, only one flavor, but it's guaranteed to turn that frown upside down. Remember, 'happy tastes good'!"
The Joker swung back with full intention of shoving it right into Veronica's face, but just as it was about to hit her, something happened that neither Veronica nor the Joker quite expected.
Pierce, in a strange impulse of chivalry hidden deep within his posh blood from the 'ye old days' of the knighthood when Chapman ancestors of long ago left their marketing and bartering to fight for their people with lance and shield. Afterwards even Pierce himself was not sure how he had done it or even what he had done. He shoved Veronica down as hard as he could off the sofa. She fell onto the floor with an "ooff" and a thud, and Pierce himself was left with a plush face-full of fake ice cream that exploded into a poof of hissing gas.
Veronica screamed even before Pierce stopped coughing and choking as she lifted her head to see what had happened. Despite the surprise, it was apparently a rather pleasant surprise for the Joker. He started keeling over with laughter before his gallant victim caught the giggles, but it was short-lived for the Joker. Just as he was taking out a second cone and saying something about people needing to learn to take their turn, there was suddenly a familiar whipping sound.
The Joker let out a cry as a foreign object smacked his hand and sent the cone crashing through the next window to safely explode outside.
"Hyuah?!" growled the Joker, lower jaw hanging as though on a broken hinge for a second or two, but it was only planned timing before he spun around with a irritated sneer to the shadowy outline of Batman.
He did not even pay any attention to Veronica administering the antitoxin of the Joker's laughing gas to poor Pierce who had been laughing all the harder when he saw Batman come in. Batman himself had, just seconds before, quickly whisked the antidote into Veronica's hand with only a nod to Pierce before facing the Joker again.
"Ah, you're early this time, Batsy!" the Joker spat. "Forget about the one in the hero's handbook about being 'fashionably late'?"
"The game's over, Joker," said Batman darkly as Pierce collapsed into exhausted unconsciousness.
"At my old school," the Joker grumbled to himself, though he was still smiling dryly, "we were never allowed to let bats decide the rules of any game."
But the fight was on. A couple of explosions and a few more jokes and both hero and villain were outside the already broken window. Up on the roof and out of sight, though hardly out of hearing, the Joker growled out through his laughter, "So you left the kids with Uncle Crockers for a date with me, eh? I'm flattered!"
He sounded like he had seriously wished that Killer Croc would have distracted Batman a little longer than he had. At least, that meant that not everything had gone according laughing boy's plans.
Now that the Joker was outside in a dual with Batman all of Ronnie fight was back in her.
After checking Pierce again, who was alive despite the strain to his contorted face and being completely out, Ronnie stood up despite herself and went straight to the broken window. Snow blew in, and she held her nearly bare-arms against the chill. She grabbed a poker stick from the still dimly lit fireplace just in case. Just she was about to poke her head out (or her stick), a dark shape slipped like Peter Pan's shadow into the room.
Ronnie gasped, but the silhouette soon enough revealed itself.
"Ronnie!" gasped Lunabat. "Oh, good! You're okay! Good thing Batman beat me here."
"Batman's on the roof," said Ronnie blinking stupidly.
"Yeah, I lit the Batsignal with a note attached. Guess the good old commissioner was okay with it. That's one good thing about Bullock still recuperating from his injuries, huh?" said Lunabat; she was trying to lighten things just a little, but then she saw Pierce on the floor.
Her face instantly fell. For a second she thought he was dead, but Ronnie quickly jumped in front of her view.
"It's a good thing Batman came when he did. If he'd been a second later—"
Lunabat sighed and she shook her head as though she was older than the trees growing on the Vreeland estate."
"I knew I couldn'a done it…"
…without him, Lunabat was going to add, but she slipped back out the window, leaving Ronnie behind.
"Harley," Veronica whispered.
"Sorry, kid," said Harley affectionately and she used the batline up to the roof of the mansion with a wave down at her.
But when Harley got there, the party seemed to have moved on without her. It was suddenly rather quiet.
No, wait!
She could hear the Joker cackling.
"D'awws, look who's all dress up and decided to join us," said the Joker in the tone of voice that one might use for a little girl wearing her mama's high heels and lipstick. "Loony Bat, baby… sweaty girl! I knew you couldn't resist Daddy's serenading voice. Heh, heh!"
Then she saw him emerge from the shadows to lean idly against a chimney stack.
Harley glowered.
"Leave her alone, Joker," Batman warned.
He was in the shadows unseen by either of the more colorfully dressed roof-hoppers.
The Joker shrugged. "It's all good 'n well you adopting little batlings. I mean, we all start thinking of family when we hit middle age, especially this time of year. The more the merrier, I say, but stealing one of mine…" The Joker shook his finger with a casual smile. "We may end up slicing her in half yet to resolve it. I call dibs on the better half!"
Rage boiling, Lunabat thought she was just close enough to swing a kick at him. Deep down, she knew better. He was all but stretching out his arms for an embrace, but, of course, he didn't get the chance to give her a kiss and a jab with an African hunter's knife before Batman gave him a good sock in the jaw with his powerful fist. With a swing and a twirl, the Joker grinned ridiculously and fell over with a perfect thump onto the snow-covered roof. All the while Batman's cape whipped up atmospherically in a sudden winter breeze right on cue.
It sent chills up Lunabat's spine that could have pierced through a hot desert wind.
"Batman…" whispered Lunabat.
Batman leered at Lunabat. The shadows hid most of his face. It was a cloudy night besides, but there was something in his stance that told her that he had been injured by the fight. It had not even been a very long one.
Before Batman or Lunabat could say anything more, there was click behind them.
Batman turned with the instinct of a cat and threw a batterang. It bounced harmless off the umbrella that the Joker was suddenly holding as he leaned over on one side and curled up beneath it. There was more than chance that had had the Joker falling where he had; for unbeknownst to anyone else, there was behind his chimney stack this umbrella that he had stashed there earlier before entering the Vreeland Mansion.
The batterang skidded off, but Batman made his leap towards the Joker just as the Joker fired something down the chimney from the umbrella's top.
"Let's hear it for Ozzy's girl!" laughed the Joker.
"Get down!" snarled Batman to Lunabat.
Even as he spoke he was shoving Lunabat back and swinging into the broken window below again. Lunabat just barely got out of the way of one the Joker's famous slicing cards thrown just after he had pressed a button on the umbrella to turn the propeller blades on. These replaced the usual umbrella dome. A trademark of the Penguin's.
Maybe the rumors about the Penguin's involvement in the Arkham breakout had not been exaggerated, after all. Or maybe the Joker had just stolen it like he had stolen the mind control chips from Jervis Tetch just a plot ago.
Either way, everything all happened fast after that. Lunabat leapt once and then twice on various parts of the roof between gables before she jumped to the ground and tumbled into the snowy yard.
While the Joker was still laughing, he managed to squeeze in a "With age coming on, it's good to remember that as chimney sweepers, we all come to dust eventually!" And he sang, "Chim chiminey chim chim cher—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…!"
Batman was beside Lunabat as the top storey exploded. Pierce and Veronica were on either side of him half-beneath his cape like Ignorance and Want clinging to the Ghost of Christmas Present. But everyone conscious was looking up at the sudden silence above the burning building. It was the most unsettling silence. It was the silence of the Joker's escape.
Lunabat lowered her head and gripped the snow in her fists so that her fingers burned.
"There's still one of our servants in there!" gasped Veronica.
Lunabat looked up, alert, and made to go in, but Batman was already on his way.
"Look after them," he charged sternly just like an angry father to the oldest of his children to look after the sibs while he picked up the oldest one's mess.
Just as Batman was about to enter the building again, a woman and three goon-like looking people were hurrying out of the back door. The goons looked woozy still from being knocked out by Batman earlier, and the woman still had ropes on her wrists; though, they had been cut through.
Police sirens wailed now— always an echo behind an encounter with Batman.
Then Batman said to Veronica very gravely, "After Mr. Chapman is treated at the hospital, you both should think about leaving town for a while, Miss Vreeland."
Wide-eyed and shivering Veronica nodded. Then she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Will he be okay?" she asked. "It's all my fault that he was involved in the first place. I should't've—"
"We got to him in time, he'll be alright," said Batman.
As Veronica lifted her head, she turned to where she had last noticed Lunabat out of the corner of her eye, but Lunabat was completely gone. As she gave a slight jump, she looked up again at Batman, but he had noticed just before her.
"Lunabat, wait!" called Batman, proving that it had been more anger about the Joker than her that had made him speak so coldly just before this.
He's right to blame me, thought Lunabat already over the wall of the Vreeland estate.
Of course, he was right. Poison Ivy had been right in the one fact that Harley should not have stayed in Gotham after her release from Arkham. She should have gone and climbed Mount Everest or taught English to children in Siam or gone into bear-training for a circus somewhere. Anything but remaining in Gotham to become bat-prey for the Joker.
Was the Joker now on her tail for good now? Would he be back no matter where she went? Had she become his new "hobby"?
She wanted to ask Batman for help. She should have stayed or followed him. He probably would have a plan, and even if he didn't, two head were always better than one. But instead, she slipped into the shadows into the opposite direction of the sirens and away from Batman. When he called after her, she ran harder. Batman knew better than to chase her down at the moment. In the heat of her emotion, she would not listen. She was not even listening to her own warnings to herself, and he had been injured by the fight with the Joker who seemed to be in top form. Fighting all those other Arkham Rogues probably was wearing Batman down too.
She wanted to be alone. She had messed up everything! If she needed Batman later, she knew how to call him, but she felt even worse that she had made it worse for him now. Not only had she hurt Veronica and Pierce, she had hurt Batman. All she had wanted to do was help him, and now look!
If it was the last thing she did, she wanted to make up for it. Beside herself, she knew that running away from Batman probably was not the best way to make up for anything, but she was not planning on hiding for long. She would find the Joker with or without Batman, and beat him to the punch of finding her.
That slime of the earth was history, and what a name he would be in the history books. Killed by his henchgirl just like an old witch killed by her maltreated dog. That would be his end.
"And what an end it will be," she seethed between her teeth.
She would think of a plan. The best plan! She was determined now like she had never been determined before.
Of course, it was very possible that the Joker wanted her to find him. It was very possible that this whole situation had been a lure for a fish and she was the fish, but at this point she simply did not care. This was between her and the Joker even if she knew that Batman would be keeping watch out for her more than ever after this.
He could be following at this very moment, but she doubted it after a while. It was funny how alone she suddenly felt and how much she actually wished Batman had been following. It cooled her down in a moment or so.
She was on the rooftops again.
It was timely, she thought that the Joker should sing "Chim chim cher—ee". He knew that it was the life that she could not leave easily behind. Just like Ivy knew. Whether the Joker had mentioned it for her or only because it was the only well-known connection between umbrellas and chimneys, she could not help but think of the famous words,
"Up where the smoke is
All billered and curled
'Tween pavement and stars
Is the chimney sweep world"
And what was any crime fighter in Gotham City and roof-hopper for good but a chimney sweep, sweeping away the dust and the grime left behind by roof-hoppers with only evil on their minds.
She should have shaken hands with Batman. It would have been luckier than shaking the hands of any chimney sweep. She tried to make a joke of it, but she only shrugged and released a defeated sigh. She sang in a true Bert-like fake cockney accent,
"'When the's 'ardly no day
Nor 'ardly no night
There's things 'alf in shadow
And 'alf way in light'
On the rooftops of Gotham
Hoo— what a bite!"
"Wolf bite that is," she muttered still coming out on a joke, after all.
But once you'd been bitten, was there no going back?