I have no excuses for being this late with updates :(.

So Trigedasleng is a cool language but some words aren't there and I'm going to find it difficult to write what I want and personally when reading fanfictions with a language that has to be explained I get sort of annoyed so if the speech is in italics it'll basically be said in trigedasleng.

Updates will be slow for now, I'm having major writers block and work is taking up most of my time, love you all.

Bellamy

She's alive, Clarke is alive.

"Clarke" I croak out, gripping the receiver tightly, there's a pause filled with static before her voice drifts through again "Bellamy?" relief floods me, she's alive.

The relief is short lived as worry takes over "Clarke, where are you, did you manage to get to the bunker?" if not she's alone, trapped for five years alone.

"Bellamy, I tried but there was so much rubble covering the hatch I couldn't get to them, they're alive though I had radio contact for a while before- " Clarke rants before cutting off.

My brows furrow as I look to Raven, she starts fiddling with the switches and says "It's not our end, the radio's working".

"Sorry, I'm not alone here, there's a kid she's a nightblood, and she's very interested in the radio, No " she explains before cutting off again.

Raven and Harper then chuckle and I look at them confused, Monty then says "That's her mom voice, she used it on us when we were troublesome" Harper nods in agreement.

Clarke

"Madi no" she doesn't listen, it was only yesterday I learnt her name as it was the first time she spoke to me, she hasn't really spoken since so it suprises me when she pipes up.

"Where are the voices from?", its such an innocent question that the answer doesn't even register, she doesn't know that my friends are trapped in space, she can't possibly imagine the concept of people who came from the sky.

She's looking at me, waiting for an answer, I look back to the radio before speaking "They are from the sky, I am skaikru and...there are people there"

"Clarke, you still there?" Bellamy's voice comes through again but I wait even though I desperately want to blurt everything out to him, I need to earn Madi's trust, she is the only other person currently here.

She looks confused before saying "Why are you not there" her question floors me, how can I possibly explain what happened to this child, I don't even know if I can recount all the details myself let alone to anyone else.

I tense up as I remember my pregnancy, how could I have been so careless that I forgot, so much has happened since the conception of my child, so much that could have killed it, I injected myself with an experimental nightblood serum, I intended to get into the radiation chamber, I climbed up an unstable radio tower, I had radiation sickness, I grappled at entirely too heavy rocks at Polis, I was dehydrated and starving for days and I almost killed myself.

My mind reels, what if I have killed my child, how can I possibly tell Bellamy, how could I live with myself, I really am the commander of death.

"Because I am a nightblood" she looks even more confused but lets it drop.

Taking a shaky breath I swallow and pick up the radio once more, speaking when I press the correct button "Bellamy, I.. I'm okay, how's everyone there?" It's weak, even Madi could probably tell, I just hope the radio makes it sound like interference.

He starts explaining about how he and Raven extracted something that can be converted into fuel from some asteroids and how Monty's first batch of algae nearly put him into a coma, going on to speak about how curious Emori is about everything and how Echo is avoiding everyone.

I barely hear it though, it registers but all I can think about is that I could have killed our child, something so innocent and pure tainted by me, words echo though my head people die when your in charge, your the only murderer here, wanheda...

I half heartedly reply to everything he says and when the others speak i do the same, Madi has wondered off and I'm alone, we said our goodbyes and now I sit in silence.

A sob escapes me and I slap a hand over my mouth, I don't want to scare Madi but the thought if losing a child I only just discovered is more painful than anything I have already experienced.

I haven't even told Bellamy how I feel, the budding relationship we had was cut short by our separation and now I'm here with just a child and an unborn baby, a baby that may not inherit the nightblood, a baby that I may have already killed, a baby that I am in no way prepared for, I have never had to deal with a birth, hell I've never even seen one.

I need to get back into contact with the bunker, I need my mom.

Octavia

Blood drips from my sword as I stand infront of all the people I killed today, you are wonkru or you are the enemy of wonkru.

If this is what it is to lead I don't know if i can carry on, I don't know how long it's been since I've stopped caring about who I've killed but this, this is different.

Lincoln would never have wanted me to become this, he would've hated Osleya, he would've hated me.

So next chapter I want to focus on the bunker and what happens, I'm still debating on bloodreina, I hated that part of Octavia but it was part of her character development, an important one aswell.Sorry for any mistakes I will come back to them but I really wanted to get this posted.

Anyway I hope you are all well and keeping safe in these crazy times.

Love you all, Liya