Aziraphale opened the shop most days over the next week, and Crowley was allowed to wander in and out as he pleased – so long as he wore the sunglasses to hide his eyes of course.
Crowley liked being in the shop, and watching the humans come and go. He had spent so long feeling unwanted and alone that he was glad of every opportunity to be around people.
One Sunday, when the shop was closed for once and he was outside in the garden, he heard a noise behind him and turned to see a cat squeezing through the narrow gap under the garden gate.
The cat spotted him and froze. Crowley froze too, afraid that he might frighten it away, but instead the cat walked up to him and then rubbed against his leg. It let out a small meow.
Crowley grinned, absolutely delighted. He looked down into yellow eyes that matched his own, suddenly understanding how Aziraphale had mistaken him for being a cat-demon.
"Do you think I'm a cat too, just like you?" Crowley asked with a smile.
Crowley had never seen a cat in real life before, though he had seen them on the television and illustrated in books plenty of times. He wondered what its fur felt like so he reached down and touched its back. Soft and silky.
"Ah, I see you've met Cupcake," Aziraphale said from the doorway to the kitchen. "He belongs to a little girl a few doors down."
Crowley looked up at Aziraphale, who was holding two plates of sandwiches.
"He's very friendly," Crowley said, stroking his hand gently back and forth along the cat's back.
"Only stroke in the same direction as his fur, my dear. Yes, that's it."
Cupcake started to purr, but before long he was dashing over to the table and chairs where Aziraphale had sat down. Cupcake rubbed up against Aziraphale's leg and let out frantic meows.
"What's wrong with him?" Crowley asked.
"He knows we have chicken in our sandwiches and he wants it," Aziraphale said.
Cupcake gave up on Aziraphale and slunk over to Crowley who had just sat down at the table. Cupcake placed a front paw on Crowley's leg and looked up at him woefully. The meowing intensified.
Crowley hated the thought of anybody going hungry, and clearly this poor cat had not eaten in a long time. "Can I give him some of my chicken? He seems hungry."
"Rest assured, Cupcake has a bowl of biscuits waiting for him back at home, and he gets plenty of wet food too. He's spoiled rotten. But you can feed him a little bit of chicken if you'd like to, so long as we don't ruin his appetite for his dinner when he gets home."
Crowley pulled a small piece of chicken from his sandwich, and then offered it to the cat, who devoured it in one bite. The cat then immediately started pawing at Crowley's leg while meowing.
"He knows I'm an easy touch," Crowley said with a laugh.
Crowley started eating his sandwich, but took a moment to put another piece of chicken to one side. It was only when he had finished eating that he allowed Cupcake the last piece of chicken. When Cupcake had eaten that, he continued to pester him for food, jumping up onto Crowley's lap. Crowley was delighted to have a cat sat on him, and he petted him happily while Cupcake surveyed their empty plates with disappointment. Realising there was nothing left for him here, Cupcake hopped down and then squeezed back under the gate until he was out of sight, marching away down the passageway into the street beyond.
Crowley wished he could follow him out into the world.
"Oh," said Aziraphale wistfully, "I could do with a nice cup of tea and a sticky bun."
Crowley looked up from where he had been lounging on a sofa in the bookshop.
Aziraphale was sat at his desk. He had been sorting through his finances, with his little spectacles perched on the end of his nose as he flicked through countless ledgers, scribbling numbers down every now and then. But he had just put all of that to one side.
Crowley put down the book he had been reading. "I'll put the kettle on," he said, getting to his feet.
Aziraphale gestured for him to wait. "No, no. Not yet. I was thinking I'd pick something up from the bakery just down the street first."
Crowley's eyes lit up. Everything Aziraphale bought from that bakery was delicious.
"Would you like to come with me? It's about a five minute walk away. Not very far."
Crowley sat up straight, his heart racing with nervous excitement. He was eager to go out into the human world. "I'd like that. But I need my sunglasses! I'll be right back!"
He raced upstairs, grabbed his sunglasses from his desk, and then shoved them onto his face. Looking in the mirror, he straightened his shirt, ran his fingers through his hair, and then took a jacket out of his wardrobe in case it was cold outside. He ran downstairs and joined Aziraphale beside the still closed front door.
"Keep close to me, Crowley, and if it all gets too much we can always turn around. Your comfort is the most important thing here, so don't hesitate to let me know how you're feeling."
Crowley nodded, and then Aziraphale opened the door.
The angel stepped out into the street, and then turned around to face him. "Take your time, my dear," Aziraphale said gently.
Crowley gazed out of the doorway. He had seen the street when the delivery driver had come, and he had seen it from the windows of the shop, but this was still a lot to take in.
Somebody walked past Aziraphale hurriedly, their head down, and then a car glided past, followed by another, and another. Two humans stepped around Aziraphale, chatting away to each other, barely seeming to notice the pair of them.
"We can do this another time if you're not comfortable," Aziraphale said. "And I can bring back anything you want from the bakery."
Crowley shook his head. "I want to come with you," he said, and he crossed over the threshold onto the pavement and stood beside Aziraphale. He looked back at the interior of the shop through the open door, reassured by the familiarity of it, prepared to dash back inside if anything startled him. He looked at Aziraphale, and then moved closer to him, feeling safer in his company.
There were a lot of people around – in comparison to how many people were usually in the bookshop at least – and it took Crowley a moment to get used to the hustle and bustle. Eventually he closed the door.
Aziraphale smiled at him. "The bakery is down there on the left," Aziraphale said, pointing. "I'll lock up the shop before we set off - when you're ready."
"I'm ready," Crowley said, glancing at the passing humans, utterly fascinated by them.
Aziraphale locked the shop and then they set off.
As tempting as it was to stop and stare at the many sights, Crowley wouldn't allow himself to become distracted. He knew Aziraphale wouldn't leave him behind but he kept as close to him as possible all the same.
"That's the place," said Aziraphale, pointing at a little shop just ahead of them. "How are you feeling?"
"Yeah. I'm good."
"Would you like to go inside the shop?"
"Please," Crowley said, as he looked through the window and saw the treats on display.
Aziraphale led the way through the door.
There were tables and chairs set against one wall where people were eating and drinking, but right in front of Crowley there was a long line of people.
"We just need to join this queue, and then we can choose what we would like to eat," Aziraphale said.
Crowley nodded, and they joined the queue.
Music could be heard over the sound of people chattering, and Crowley could smell coffee. He gazed around the room, amazed by all of the different people, and then he looked back at Aziraphale who was smiling at him, looking relieved.
The queue moved forward and the counter came into view. Crowley gazed at the pastries though the clear glass, and by the time they were almost at the front of the queue, they'd had a good look at everything.
Crowley looked up at a board listing the drinks they sold. "Wow I didn't know there were so many types of coffee. What's a Cappuccino? And a Mocha? And what the hell is a Caramel Frappuccino?"
"It's made with caramel sauce and whipped cream. Mocha has chocolate and whipped cream. A Cappuccino is what we have at home, except the milk here is steamed."
"Chocolate and coffee together?"
"Would you like to try it?"
"Yes, please."
"They do takeaway drinks in paper cups, so we can get those, unless… would you like to eat inside?"
Crowley turned away from the menu to look at him.
"We don't have to, of course," Aziraphale said quickly. "I just wanted you to know it's an option. In case it's something you'd like to try. You do seem to be handling everything very well, but we can go back home with our food and drinks if you would prefer."
"I'd like to eat here," Crowley said, excited at the thought of it.
Crowley looked around, feeling surprised at himself. At one time, he would have felt terrified in a place like this, surrounded by people he didn't know, but everyone was keeping to themselves, and he had Aziraphale here to protect him. He wanted to stay.
Their food was plated up for them at the till, along with their drinks, and then they went over to an empty table at the back.
Crowley watched the people wandering in and out of the shop, fascinated by them.
"Please don't stare, my dear," Aziraphale whispered. "You'll make people uncomfortable."
"Sorry," Crowley said. "Did you see those children earlier? So tiny! I've seen kids on TV before but never in real life. I can't get over how small they are."
Aziraphale chuckled. "It's amazing how much humans can grow in only a few years."
"I'm glad I didn't start off small like that. Can you imagine if we started off as cherubs?"
Aziraphale laughed.
Crowley sat back in his chair, gazing around the room, taking in the smells, the sights and the sounds. He felt tears come to his eyes.
"Oh, what's wrong?" Aziraphale said, "Do you want to go home? We can take our food and drinks with us-"
"Nah, it's okay. I'm alright. I just never thought I'd be allowed in somewhere like this. I've seen cafes and stuff on TV, but I… I never thought I'd get to go into one, let alone eat in one. Thank you for this."
Aziraphale smiled. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like it here. It's one of my favourite places, and it's nice to be able to come here together."
Crowley opened his eyes, shocked awake despite the early hour by the realisation that he felt aroused. This was the first time he'd felt this way whilst living here. Fear had killed his sex drive, but he felt safe now, safer than he'd felt in a long time.
Whilst living with Michael his sex drive had been normal – as far as he was concerned anyway – and the pleasure he had found in his physical body had been a welcome distraction from his new life as a lowly servant.
Then he'd been sold to Sandalphon.
At first Crowley had thought that Sandalphon had used a miracle to take away his ability to feel aroused - and just hadn't bothered to tell him about it. But eventually he realised that his sex drive was just low due to the constant stress and fear he always felt. Nothing could kill the mood quite like being injured on a regular basis. His libido did return every now and then, mostly when Sandalphon was away for a few days or sometimes after a discorporation when Crowley was in the Demon Rehoming House for a while. It was comforting to be around the other demons, far away from Sandalphon. The first time anyone touched him intimately – besides himself - had been in the Demon Rehoming House.
Laying on his stomach, Crowley squirmed, rubbing himself against the bed. He stifled a moan, trying his best to keep himself quiet - Aziraphale might be in his bedroom right now.
Crowley rolled onto his back, pushed up his shirt, and then pulled down his pyjama bottoms before taking hold of himself. He bit his lower lip as his eyes drifted closed.
When was the last time he'd done this? Oh, yes, in the Demon Rehoming House, with the help of another demon who had reached through the bars between them and stroked him. Crowley shivered, remembering how good it had felt. But, oh, this felt good too, and it was wonderful to be able to do this somewhere safe without bars, without the threat of guards or an owner finding him. He had privacy here. Aziraphale always asked permission before entering his room. He would never just barge in.
It didn't take long for orgasm to take him, leaving him gasping for breath and trembling with the force of it. It always felt more intense when it had been a while since the last time, and it had been an awfully long time.
He dragged himself out of bed and then went into the bathroom to have a shower.
While Crowley washed himself he realised that he'd probably never see any of the other demons ever again. There was no reason for him to go back to the Demon Rehoming House. The thought of never going back there certainly didn't upset him in itself, but knowing that he'd never see the other demons ever again - never touch them or be touched, never share that level of intimacy with another person ever again - broke his heart.
Although…
Perhaps he could share himself with Aziraphale.
At one time, the thought of having sex with Aziraphale - or any angel - would have terrified him, but Aziraphale was his friend. Aziraphale would never make him do anything in bed that he didn't want to do, or push him into doing anything he wasn't ready for. He trusted him.
Aziraphale was handsome, sweet, and kind. There was a vulnerability to him that Crowley had never seen in an angel before.
It was clear that Aziraphale desired him. Even now, Crowley saw the guilty, embarrassed glances, and the way Aziraphale blushed whenever Crowley wore anything fitted or even slightly revealing.
In the past, there had always been bars in the way when he had sex with someone, but he and Aziraphale could press their entire bodies together. They could kiss and touch each other as much as they wanted.
Crowley's cock started to stiffen again. He looked down at himself. "Again?" he murmured.
He took himself in hand, imagining that it was Aziraphale's fingers stroking him.
He wondered if Aziraphale would want to suck him, and if he enjoy it as much as he did. Crowley imagined Aziraphale getting down onto his knees and taking him into his mouth, making those same little sounds he made whenever he tasted anything he particularly enjoyed. Crowley's hand moved faster, and he let out a whimper. He imagined himself doing the same for Aziraphale, swallowing him to the hilt, using his forked tongue to do things that would blow Aziraphale's mind. Crowley had been told many times that he was good with his tongue, and he was sure he could impress Aziraphale. He'd be way better at sucking dick than any humans Aziraphale might have been with. Aziraphale would be so glad he chose him. The thought of Aziraphale - usually so prim and proper - losing his composure, begging for it, gasping as he came down Crowley's throat, made Crowley bite back a cry and cum across the shower tiles.
Crowley was stood with one hand braced against the wall, his legs trembling. He stayed like that for a while, water hitting his back while he slowly got his breath back.
He cleaned away the mess he had made before getting out of the shower and drying himself.
Did he really want to have sex with Aziraphale? Perhaps it had only seemed a good idea in the heat of the moment. Crowley felt overwhelmed by the thought of it. He didn't feel ready to take such a big step just yet but he found himself longing for it to happen one day. It seemed only natural for them to become that close - it would strengthen the friendship already between them.
Aziraphale had told him he would never take advantage of him, but if Crowley let him know that he wanted this, that he was ready, then maybe Aziraphale would agree to it. Crowley knew that he would have to be the one to make the first move.
While it was possible that he had misinterpreted Aziraphale's feelings towards him, he didn't think Aziraphale would be angry or offended by the offer. If Aziraphale didn't want him in that way, he would let him down gently, and hopefully it wouldn't change the friendship that had blossomed between them.
Crowley got dressed in front of the full length mirror in his bedroom, looking at his naked body and suddenly longing to be female, to be able to pleasure himself in that form. He had not been female in over 100 years.
Michael had allowed him to change gender. For the first millennia or so, Michael swapped genders fairly regularly before deciding she felt much more comfortable in a female body and chose to stay like that. She had never had any problem allowing Crowley to change gender whenever he asked. Crowley hadn't preferred one over the other like Michael had, but he had spent more time in his male form and therefore felt more comfortable like that.
When Michael sold him to the Demon Rehoming House, the manager asked him which gender he would like to be. Crowley asked if he could be both, and had been told not to be so greedy.
When Sandalphon was his owner, Crowley had been too afraid to ask for a change of gender.
He was scared to ask Aziraphale too, but for an entirely different reason. In the Demon Rehoming House, Aziraphale had specifically asked for a male demon. He might think less of him if he knew he liked to be female. Crowley wanted Aziraphale to like him. He looked up to him, and he wanted more than anything to be his best friend. If Aziraphale preferred him male, he was fine with that, he didn't want to risk disappointing him.
Making Aziraphale happy would always be his top priority.
The ending credits of the film they had been watching started to roll down the screen, bouncy music playing over the top.
Crowley shifted on the sofa, stretching and letting out a contented sigh. He picked up the remote control and started to flick through the channels to see what they could watch next.
"Crowley?"
Crowley looked across at Aziraphale, who was sat in his armchair looking tense.
Crowley hurriedly held out the remote control towards Aziraphale, worried that he had been hogging the television.
"No, thank you, my dear. I just- Can we have a little chat, please?"
Crowley nodded, dread twisting in his stomach. He cast his mind back, trying to remember if he'd done something that might have upset Aziraphale.
Aziraphale sat forward, his hands clasped together. "You've not done anything wrong, don't worry. I just thought we ought to talk about… Well, you've been here almost eight weeks now, and you will need to take that medicine soon, so… Er."
A wave of dizziness washed over Crowley, and his grip tightened on the remote control. Had it really been that long? It only felt like he'd been here a few weeks.
"I'm sorry," Aziraphale continued. "I shouldn't have waited so long to discuss it with you- Oh!"
Crowley leapt up, the remote control tumbling to the ground with a clatter and making them both jump. Crowley took a step towards the door, and then forced himself to stay still even though every fibre of his being was telling him to run away and hide.
"I can use my powers to numb the pain," Aziraphale said quickly. "I don't want to hurt you, but you need to take that medicine. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you? How do you usually-"
Crowley shook his head. "I don't want to," he blurted out. "It hurts!"
It was the worst pain he'd ever experienced. Worse that falling, worse than discorporating. It felt like dying, and every time it happened he feared it would kill him for real - utterly destroy him. It never got any easier. How could anyone ever get used to something like that? To make matters worse, Sandalphon used the medicine as part of his punishments, and he didn't always wait the full eight weeks before he did it either.
Aziraphale looked miserable, but Crowley couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.
"Please don't! I'll do anything you want!"
"I don't have a choice, Crowley," Aziraphale said. "I'm sorry. Your powers will come back if I don't-"
"I won't use my powers! I'll be good! No one will ever know!" Crowley let out a sob. "You-" And he cut himself off, because saying, 'You said you'd never hurt me,' would be unforgivable. It was manipulative and cruel, and Aziraphale didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve any of this. Crowley knew he should appreciate the fact that Aziraphale was discussing this with him instead of just forcing the medicine down his throat like the other angels had. Aziraphale didn't want to hurt him, Crowley could see it in his eyes.
Crowley stared at the floor, overwhelmed with shame. "I- I'm sorry. I know I have to. It's not your fault."
Crowley had known all along that he was going to have to take those tablets. The eight weeks had just passed faster than he'd expected, that was all. He'd been caught off guard.
"Don't apologise," Aziraphale said. "I'm the one who should apologise. You don't deserve this. I know this isn't much of a consolation, but I thought maybe we could delay it… instead of every eight weeks, like the manual says, we could make it nine. The manual says your powers come back after ten weeks so… if we make it nine and a few days... The manual said eight but…"
Aziraphale sat forward with his head in his hands. He was silent, save for his breathing, which was shaky and laboured. For a moment Crowley thought he was crying, but then Aziraphale looked up, a look of determination on his face.
"You say that if your powers come back, you won't use them?"
Crowley stared at him in disbelief.
Aziraphale was wringing his hands together. "I suppose no one would know, would they? So long as you didn't use your powers. They wouldn't know you hadn't taken the tablets. I could dispose of the tablets one at a time so no one would ever know…"
Crowley couldn't believe what he was hearing. Surely Aziraphale wasn't really considering this? He'd be breaking one of Heaven's rules.
"We could keep it a secret from the other angels," Aziraphale said. "The manual said it's impossible to be able to sense the difference between a demon that's still recovering from the medicine and one that has fully recovered – unless they were caught performing a miracle. Or they took a tablet very recently and were still incapacitated. Of course, this was all part of a warning to make sure the pill had definitely been taken," Aziraphale said bitterly. "Though it gave me other ideas." Aziraphale looked Crowley in the eye. "We'd be taking an enormous risk. It would be dangerous. We'd have to be so very careful. You'd have to be sure this is something you want. If we got found out..."
"I'll be so careful if you do this for me. I promise. I'll do anything you want. Anything."
Aziraphale's face flushed.
Crowley wondered, nervously, if Aziraphale might take him up on the offer. He half expected Aziraphale to ask, "Anything?" and he was already formulating a response to that because, really, he would happily do anything Aziraphale wanted if it meant he didn't have to feel like he was dying six times a year. Besides, this would be dangerous for Aziraphale too, and he deserved something in return. What could Crowley offer him besides himself? All he had was his physical body, and he didn't even own that, not really. But he could use it to make Aziraphale happy.
"I will have to trust you, Crowley," Aziraphale said. "You'll get your powers back, and I have to trust that you won't take advantage of that. You must understand… if you use your powers to run away or something, then Heaven will come after you and I wouldn't be able to stop them-"
"I would never!" Crowley said, shocked that Aziraphale would even consider that a possibility. "Why would- You've been so good to me. I can't even begin to thank you for everything you've done for me. I would never take advantage of you or run away. I have a good life here. You're the only one who cares about me. And I care about you too."
"My dear boy..." Aziraphale's face softened. He let out a sigh. "I've been dreading having to make you take that medicine, it's a huge weight off my mind to not have to do it. When they forced you- It was barbaric! I don't want you to ever go through that again. I should have stopped them. And I should have made this decision long ago."
Crowley sat down again, feeling overwhelmed. Love burned in his chest. "Thank you, angel. I won't let you down. You won't regret this."
The next day, they took a twenty-minute stroll to St. James' park.
The streets were busy, and Aziraphale had worried about Crowley in the crowds, but the demon had kept close to him - just as he had on the walk to the bakery – and he seemed at ease. It had helped that Aziraphale had used a couple of miracles to convince people to cross the street away from them to give Crowley some space.
In the park, Aziraphale encouraged Crowley to lead the way, and the demon took them over to various flowerbeds and trees to get a better look.
Would it still be safe to bring Crowley out here when his powers returned in two weeks time? Aziraphale couldn't imagine the demon running amok and using his dark magic to cause chaos, but Aziraphale found himself worrying all the same. He trusted Crowley, he really did, but Gabriel's words still rang in his ear – that demons were manipulative and sneaky, and Crowley would take advantage of any kindness offered to him.
Aziraphale worried that he was being played for a fool. What if all of Crowley's frightened outbursts had been carefully orchestrated to convince Aziraphale to give him what he wanted? He felt ashamed for even considering it. Crowley's fear and panic had been genuine. Besides, at the end of the day, Aziraphale had only given Crowley what he had been willing to give.
For all of his worrying, he always arrived at the same conclusion – making Crowley take those holy water capsules was unthinkable. Aziraphale was still haunted by the memory of Crowley screaming and writhing in pain on the floor of the Demon Rehoming House. He had been looking for any excuse to not have to put him through that again.
Crowley led them over to a quiet space by the lake, and a group of ducks immediately dashed across the water towards them. Aziraphale had brought a bag of breadcrumbs with him, and together they threw the bread to the ducks.
Crowley looked delighted every time a duck ate some of the bread he had thrown. Some of the braver ducks came ashore and gathered at their feet. Crowley stooped down and attempted to pet one. The duck let out a furious quack and pecked his hand before waddling away.
Crowley took a step back, cradling his pecked hand. He glared at the duck as it returned to the water. "What was that for?"
Aziraphale rushed to his side. "Are you hurt?"
"Nah. It just surprised me is all," Crowley said, lowering his hand after giving it a last glance over. "I only wanted to pet it like I did with the cat."
"Ducks don't like to be touched," Aziraphale explained.
"Oh." Crowley said, looking disappointed. "I thought they'd like to have their wings stroked at least."
There was a pause in which Aziraphale considered the insinuation that Crowley liked to have his wings stroked. "Most birds don't, especially the wild ones."
They continued to feed the ducks.
"Do those big white birds over there like to be pet?" Crowley asked.
"No!" Aziraphale said quickly as several swans swam towards them. "Swans can be quite vicious. Please resist the urge to pet the wildlife, my dear."
Crowley nodded.
Before they left the park they bought ice-cream from a van, and then ate it as they walked home.