"You gots da' goo Snas?"
"yep, sure do lil' bro. what're we doing with this again..?"
"We gots to put up help wanted posters all over town cause' dumb douche Jerry made me lose my job as the tooth fairy. She still on vacation and doesn't know baby's been weighed off so-"
"who's the tooth fairy?"
I feel like I've heard that name somewhere before…
"*Sigh* I keeps TELLIN' you Snas!" said Papyrus exasperated. "She's da' fairy that takes the toothies! Why I learns to talk if you's not gonna listen?!"
"you were BORN talking papyrus-"
"Shut it up and gives baby da' goo, I needs it for gwitter."
"watch your tone, also glitter..? where are we gonna find freaking glitter? unless you know an actual fairy, i'm pretty sure you're outta luck there lil' bro…"
"I DO knows a another fairy and I knows where they live too! I heard-ed Daddy talking bout' them wit da' king."
Sans looked at his brother curiously. "for real? there's a real fairy down here?"
No way…
It was true the Underground was full of various monsters of many types, but there were some that simply didn't exist anywhere but in story books. Vampires, witches, mummies, and other such things were all make-believe…weren't they?
We haven't explored the entire Underground yet. Maybe fairies DO exist…
"They lives in Waterfall by the ghostie-house. Daddy complained on da' phone cause' he didn't want to make something for them. He lazy like you big Buther!"
"wow a real fairy…" said Sans, not really paying attention.
Pap is a liar, but he wouldn't go through all this trouble unless there was something in it for him. Maybe this whole tooth fairy thing is an excuse to visit his fairy friend…
"You gots to help wit the goo cause' my widdle hands is too weak to squeeze da' bottle and my udder hands too strong and they make too much goo come out the top-"
"is she hot?"
"Nyeh?"
"the fairy, is she hot?"
"….."
"what?"
"…..You see dis? Dis right here? Dis why no one love you cept' the baby Snas."
"what'd i say?!"
"You's not allowed to go wit me no more, you's gonna em-bare-ass…"
"whatever you bossy little prick, i'll go wherever i want!"
Who the hell does he think he is?!
"Don't you scu dis up for me Snas, I's working hard over here!"
"again, like i said, WHATEVER. you said waterfall right? bet i get there faster than you!" exclaimed Sans teleporting away.
I'll get the freaking glitter MYSELF!
"Yeah, I bets you gets yelled at too," muttered Papyrus beginning to draw a house on his blank sheet of paper.
SCRIBBLE..
SCRIBBLE…SCRIBBLE…
"Stupid, stink Buther, pissing me off…when baby wants a burger, you GIVES baby a burger. I fuks up your whole DAY!"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
Sans knocked on the door three times in quick succession, his excitement already causing his anger to dissipate.
"heh-hello...?"
"Good moooooorNING!" A pink ghost with an uncomfortably wide grin and loud voice suddenly threw open their door violently and greeted Sans in a sing-song manner causing the small skeleton to fall over backwards in surprise.
"UGH! WHAT THE HELL MAN?!"
"Introducing the most famous and beloved face in the Underground-"
"hey dude are you gonna apologize? you scared the hell outta me!"
"HAPSTABLOOOOK!"
"i only have one hp pal, what if i had hurt myself?! you won't be signing too many autographs in prison, DICK!" said Sans getting up and brushing the wet dirt of Waterfall from his hindquarters.
"And what's your name, my tiny friend?"
Tiny?!
"wow, you are hitting ALL the wrong notes with me buddy...it's almost impressive actually how quickly you've made me wanna punch you in the face."
"Of course darling, EVERYTHING I do is impressive! You're looking at the Underground's most talented monster and future star!" Hapstablook struck a pose, still keeping their unsettling grin.
Why are all Pap's friends violent freaks?
"so are you the roommate of that fairy papyrus told me about?"
"Oh you know Pappy?! Of course, of course you do, what am I talking about? Heh heh ha ha ha! You're his big brother right? The one who wears basketball shorts even though you don't play? They're very fashionable darling, don't let ANYBODY tell you what you can and can't wear-"
"yeah oka-"
"By the way your little brother is ADORABLE!"
"THE FAIRY. i just want to talk to the fairy about borrowing some glitter." Sans rubbed his skull in an attempt to rid himself of the headache the energetic ghost had caused, but it didn't go away. He didn't care about seeing the fairy anymore.
But I can't return empty-handed, Pap will laugh at me...
"Fairy? In my house? Ha ha ha ha, there's n-hm..actually fairies are pretty small aren't they? Perhaps I DO have a freeloader living with me..."
"so you don't even know if they exist? fantastic."
"Fear not, Sans right? Fear not Sans! Hapstablook never forgets who his friends are! I just so happen to have a bottle right..here!" said Hapstablook handing Sans a small tube of pink glitter from his shelf. "It's always good to have some ready if you feel your entrance is lacking a bit of pizzazz. Your talent will only get you so far without help, but help in general is so hard to find these days, everyone is just so self-absorbed!"
"'he' huh? okay...okay i think i see what's going on here. thanks for the glitter, you've been a big help," grumbled the comedian.
"Of course sweetie! Remember to stay fabulous and do say hi to Papyrus for me?"
Sans nodded and teleported back home.
"Hellowe big Buther, did you gets da' gwitter?"
"sure did," said Sans emptying the contents of the bottle on Papyrus's head. "enjoy baby bro."
"Ooooh! Mah jammies all sparkly!"
"..."
"Tank you big Buther, you's so nice to da' ba-"
"fuck you."