"you got this bro!"

"Nyeh heh heh! Look at me go Snas! Imma win a diaper derby!"

"a what?"

"A diaper derby. Is a race where babies crawl to da' finish line! Is cool cause' they not skelly babies like me. It take them forever to weach da' end!"

That-that's seriously a thing…?

"Those babies dumb as hell big Buther! They drool on da' racetrack-"

"are you for real? do people really race babies?"

Sans had never heard of such a thing though something in his mind said that it prooobably wasn't legal.

"Yep! All the mommy's and daddy's try to get the dumb babies attention wit toys and food so they move faster, then they wins a tophy."

"a trophy huh? do they win anything useful?"

Trophies are so stupid. Why does everyone want one?

"I doesn't know, nobody take me to diaper derbies," said Papyrus sadly. "I just watch till someone win and make bets wit Jerry…"

It was true. No one took Papyrus to the races OR tried to enter him in one. It would be nice to feel adored like the other babies for once, but Daddy would never agree to it and Papyrus doubted that Sans would be allowed to enter him since he was a child and not a mommy or daddy.

"do you want me to enter you in one?"

"You might not be allowed cause' you's still widdle."

"so? we could still try, it'd be good exercise and you might get something good!"

Bro deserves a reward for working so hard.

"I gets a golden gaga? Or a gas baby bottle?"

"why would you want a glass baby bottle OR a gold pacifier?"

"Stweet cred."

"…"

"Imma do my thing and get dat bling Snas!"

"whatever you say baby bro," said Sans laughing. "let's work hard until the next one comes around kay'?"

"Nyeh heh heh heh! I's gonna be champion of da' babies!" cheered the tiny skeleton happily.

Papyrus was so lucky to have such a nice big brother.

CA-THINK!

"Sans, did you finish Papyrus's exercise like I told you to?" asked Gaster after opening the door to the nursery.

"Why you no knock? We coulda' been doing sexy tings in here!"

"..."

"Sans?"

"wh-uh yeah, yeah we just finished his crawling practice."

"Imma be a car."

"shh!"

"Hm?"

"nothing dad, we weren't going that fast. he's exaggerating."

"...?"

I can't let Dad know about the diaper derby. He's gotten so paranoid about Pap's bone safety, he'd NEVER allow him to compete...

"Ah, well I certainly hope not. Looking after your brother is your whole purpose, if anything happens to him..."

"you can leave now."

"..."

Gaster left the room.

"..."

"Is okay Snas, baby will potect you! Imma get big and then YOU'LL be da' baby!"

"heh, thanks bro."

"I's gonna fix yo' bottle and makes you a cwib-"

"uhh..."

"And we's gonna play the peek-a-boo and Imma put aira-planes in your mouth!"

"you're-heh heh ha ha ha! you're gonna feed me baby bro?" Sans imagined himself in a highchair with Papyrus feeding him with a smile.

Doesn't sound too bad a life!

"Yep, I's gonna go 'here come da' aira-plane Snas! Open yo' mouth and eat the peoples!'" Papyrus made a swinging motion with his hand, pretending to hold a spoon.

Okay, now it does.

"there's no people in the airplane pap-"

"And when we has da' green beans I's gonna split them all for you!"

"i'm gonna regret asking this," replied Sans looking confused. "but..why?"

"Cause' canoes don't got's roofs silly billy!"

What?

"I likes to pwetend dat the tiny beans are peoples and the green part is da' canoe and I swallows them whole like a whale!"

Sans laughed, thoroughly amused. "oh yeah? you like making little villages in your tummy pappy?"

"Nyeh?"

"little villages with huts! that's what people do when they get stranded on a desert island, they build shelters and gather food..."

"..."

"what's that look for?"

"Is for you, there be somethin wrong wit your brain Snas...why you want peoples in yo' belly?"

"heh, i'm just playing pap, i don't really do that. i actually like to pretend my broccoli are little trees-"

"Why you wanna eat twees?!"

"i don't, i'm just pretending bro."

"Why you want to PWETEND to eat twees?"

"i jus-uh, well, well why do you want to eat people pap?" asked Sans nervously.

That's not weird is it?

Pretending your broccoli are trees?

"You feeds me da' aira-planes! Also da' canoe peoples be poachers and the peoples on the aira-plane be terror-ists...fweak."

"i'm not a freak!"

"You's a fweak Snas, and I'm telling eryone you eats wood," said Papyrus smiling at nothing.

"you better not."

Little asshole baby...

"Why you gots to munch twees big Buther? Doody dogs pee on them and peoples need those twees for fires!"

"I DON'T EAT TREES."

"Imma tell eryone you's eatin' people's wood-"

"and i'll kick your little ass."

"I's gonna tell eryone you like da' taste of doggy pee."

"SHUT UP PAPYRUS."

"You shu up, twee muncher! Nyeh heh heh!"

"*sigh* okay baby bro, i think it's time for a nap, what do you think?"

"I thinks you bedder stay way from mah cwib while I's sweeping," said Papyrus crawling into his toy chest. "When's you gonna cween my room anyway? You doesn't aspect me to weave these toys all over da' floor forever do you? Dat's how babies twip and break their widdle heads!"

i'm not gonna eat your crib," replied Sans climbing into his own bed. "and I DAMN sure ain't cleaning your room for you-"

"You GOTS to pick up mah toys big Buther! I's just a baby ya' know? I can't do's it by myselves..."

"liar. besides, some of these are mine and i don't want to pick them up. right now i know where everything is-"

"Nuh-uh! These MAH toys Snas, you doesn't even pay wit them no mores!"

"i use the crayons..."

"Not well...unless you only likes to draw wee-wees. You know dat's why da' fish lady don't pay here right? Is cause' you cover our walls wit wee-wee pics..."

"THEY'RE SPACESHIPS AND THEY'RE GOOD!"

CA-THINK!

"Sans?! Sans, what are you screaming about?! Is your brother alright?!"

"NOT FOR LONG! TELL THIS LITTLE DICKWEED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT MY SPACESHIP PICS!"

Sans was really proud of his pictures, he had drawings all over his room of spaceships and each one of them was special. He didn't just draw them on a whim, he waited until his birthday to do his best picture of the same ship every year so he could watch himself improve. Some of them were unrecognizable, but seeing them and then looking at the others gave him a warm feeling in his soul as they were physical proof that he was growing up.

Not that Papyrus would understand.

Gaster glanced at the drawings on the nursery's wall. "Is that what these are?" He asked, scratching his skull thoughtfully. "Well, if you say so. This is actually a good thing, not the drawings I mean, those are horrible. It's the fact that they're SUPPOSED to be spaceships, for the longest time I truly thought you had a problem-"

"GET OUTTA MY ROOM!"

"...You're very temperamental today, Sans," said Gaster closing the door once again.

Hopefully he wouldn't be coming back for awhile.

CA-THUNK!

"*sigh*"

"..."

"..."

"...Is you mad at the baby Snas?" asked Papyrus peeking out of his toy chest.

"..."

"I feels like you might be mad at da' baby."

"leave me alone."

Papyrus crawled out of his makeshift crib and used his wingdings to hover over to his older brother, planting a kiss on his cheekbone.

CLACK!

"Is okay big Buther, baby can't draw either. I makes da' squigglies-"

"dad used to say my drawings were good," whispered Sans, tears forming in his eye sockets. "he used to say i had a career as an artist if the whole comedic thing didn't work out..guess that was a lie too huh? *sniff*" The comedian wiped the stinging tears from his eyes, but they just wouldn't stop coming.

Why couldn't he have a nice dad? One that didn't pick on him all the time?

Why did his father hate him so much? What did Sans even do?

He was laughing at me the whole time..my drawings are trash, he's not proud of me. He was NEVER proud of me or anything I did, he's as big a liar as Pap. I wish I hadn't said anything about that house in Snowdin..I could've run away and lived there by myse-

"...Oh, oh NOW I sees it! Dat IS a spaceship! I's just too widdle to see the windows from far way."

"*hic* hm...?"

"Yep, dat's a spaceship if baby ever saw one! They all over the pace!"

"shut up pap."

"No weally! There be...a lot of red ones," said the baby bones shifting uncomfortably.

"hm?"

"Why they all have to be red?"

Sans looked at all his drawings and slowly began to smile.

Oh my god..they ARE all red...

"heh heh heh...heh heh ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Nyeh? Snas? Snas why you waffing all a sudden? Dat IS red, I knows mah cuhweres!"

"ha ha ha ha ha ha! oh, oh wow! ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

" Big Buther?"

"they are all red aren't they baby bro? every single one of them!"

"Nyeh, nyehhhhh..."

Oh crap!

"shh shh shh shh, it's okay! i'm okay pappy, heh heh heh!"

CLACK!

"i laugh at weird times, you know that," said Sans drawing his brother into a hug and kissing his forehead.

"Is still cweepy dough..."

"creepy like my dick pics?"

"They spaceships..."

"nope, these are dicks. i didn't see it before, but i do now that you mentioned the color. these are absolutely dicks."

"No."

"yep! dicks everywhere."

"NO!"

"dicks for days."

"NO DICKS!"

"dicks till doomsday."

"DADDYYYYY!"

CA-THINK!

"Papyrus?! Papyrus what's wrong?!"

"Snas eating people's wood."

"..."

"..."

"Snas like da' taste of doggy pee..."

"..."

CA-THUNK!