Everyone that knew All Might had expected him to go out fighting.
They had expected his death to be something glorious. Something spectacular.
Epic, even.
So it had come as a shock when the symbol of peace had simply passed of a heart attack in his sleep, leaving behind fans and family alike grappling.
Midoriya had been the first to arrive at the hospital, wading through the sea of reporters just to be told what he already knew.
That All Might. His father figure and mentor was gone.
He still remembered the pain that had consumed him, making his knees buckle. He sank to the floor, his hand clutching his chest, hot tears running down his freckled face, stinging his eyes and blurring his vision.
Surely, he had thought, this was what dying felt like.
So painful.
And so very lonely.
He remembered the funeral, the wall of somber faces, and all the crying. So much crying. The students he had taught at UA, his colleagues, and the ones that he had built up from nothing and turned into people they could be proud of being.
He remembered the speech he had given, more tears threatening to suffocate him.
"When you think about All Might, I don't want you to be sad. I don't want you to grieve. I want you to think about the hero he was, and the heroes he inspired us to be. I want you to remember all of the speeches he gave, telling us to never give up. And that anyone could be a hero, even someone with the odds stacked against them."
His emotions had overtaken him for a moment, nearly bringing the fragile shield he had built crumbling down.
"I want you to remember the colors of his uniform, the smile he nearly always had on his face. I want you to remember how much he would have wanted us to keep going. To keep living in his absence. Because as All Might once said, 'when there's nothing to be gained, rising to the challenge at those times is surely the mark of a hero."
He had decided to go off the grid after that, turning down every offer the local agencies had made to him. His small apartment had become his cave, with only the company of instant noodles and television reruns to soothe him into a fitful sleep.
The buzzing phone in his pocket pulled him from his thoughts and he jumped, scrambling to answer it.
"Midoriya! Hey, are you on your way?" Ururaka's voice filled the room. He looked in the mirror, reaching to adjust his tie.
"Yeah. I just can't get my tie on" he huffed, pulling the offending black strip of fabric from around his neck, dropping it onto his dresser.
"Tie? I told you it wasn't a formal event. Besides, Momo rented a private room for us, so it's not like you'll see anyone you don't want to" she said, and he could picture his best friend rolling her eyes at him. Something she often did.
"I know, I just thought I would make an effort to look.. Nice" he spoke after a moment, staring at his reflection. The bags under his eyes gave away how little sleep he was getting, his hair full of cowlicks from the impromptu nap he had taken earlier. He looked awful, and he hated it. Looking so disheveled all the time. But if he was being completely truthful the outside matched the inside. Emotions swirled in his gut, nearly bringing up the half bag of popcorn he had shoveled down in an attempt to get something besides water into his system. Apprehension, guilt, sadness, and excitement clashed, creating the most undesirable concoction that was sure to leave his social battery empty before the night was over.
"I'm proud of you" he heard her say softly. If it hadn't been so silent in the small apartment, he might not have heard the confession at all.
"I know the last few months have been hard for you. They've been hard for us all. I'm proud of you for wanting to get better. It's not an easy thing to do, admitting there's a problem and wanting to try and fix it, you know? I think it takes some real courage to face the world after what you've been through recently" salty tears welled in his eyes, and he swallowed the urge to give into them, forcing them down and locking them away.
He was tired of crying.
He was tired of missing out on the life All Might would have wanted him to have. Even if he thought that he would be a part of it. The thought made his chest tighten. The fact that the man he had grown so close to had missed so many of his firsts. His first legal drink, the offer from his dream agency. Everything they had worked so hard to accomplish, and he was reaping the benefits on his own. He desperately wished he could have bought the man a beer, seen him laughing as Midoriya got so drunk he couldn't walk, even if everyone knew he was a lightweight.
"Are you going to leave soon?" the smile on his face faltered and he glanced at the time. The clock on the wall blinking half past seven.
"Yeah, I'll get my keys and head out." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. The call ended and he allowed himself a moment to collect his composure, willing his feelings back into check. He begged himself to go out and have a good time. He tried to convince himself that he deserved happiness, even if the person he wanted to share it with wasn't with him.
"Okay." He spoke to no one in particular
"Let's do this."