After a good night's sleep – with Jane on the couch, leaving her bed to Maura – and a decent breakfast the four were headed off to the funfair. Julia and Sophie were talking excitedly on the backseat, while Jane and Maura stayed silent.
Earlier Julia had given Sophie the box with the teddy bear. It had been a true surprise and the little blonde loved it. She decided to call him Mr. Snook.
The brunette had to chuckle when Julia talked smartly about her last years' experience and she had to roll her eye when Julia proudly announced that she had eaten so much that she had had to puke when coming home.
"Well honey, that's not going to happen this year, right?" her eyes darted to meet the girl's eyes who gave her standard reply. "Whatever" which made Jane smile so that her dimples showed.
Because of being early they managed to find a parking lot close to the entrance and everybody hopped out of the car. Julia who immediately spotted a carrousel with horses put on some doggy eyes and used her usual pleaaaaaaase which she had learned from Sophie to bribe the adults to let her ride with it.
A few minutes later she and Julia were sitting on the carousel screaming in joy of the ride. Jane admired the simplicity of making kids happy as she took some pictures with her phone. Maura was standing on the other side of the carousel doing the same. The kids were waving when passing by.
Jane felt Sophie tugging on her coat while Maura had gone to use the bathroom. She crouched down to be eye to eye with the girl who hugged her.
"Thank you for taking me. That's the best birthday present ever!" the blonde kid said and gave her a wet kiss. Jane blushing in surprise smiled. "Its my pleasure." She said and wondered as the girl stayed in her arms. Maybe she just needed to feel safe Jane thought and spread her arms to take Julia into the hug as well.
"Don't be mad a mum, she loves ya." Sophie suddenly whispered. Jane, by surprise, didn't know what to reply. She just sucked in some breath. "She talks about you a lot. Sometimes before bed she tells me about your adventures and then she laughs and cries at the same time." Sophie elaborated further seeing Janes puzzled eyes.
Jane didn't see why this could possibly mean that Maura loved her in a romantic way, like Sophie obviously tried to indicate. Although feeling flattered and surprised that Maura mentioned her to her daughter on a regular basis. She was just about to brush it off, seeing the blondes elegant figure walk towards them, when Sophie said one last sentence which made goosebumps rise on her entire body.
"Dad said that she of all people must understand him, as she loves you just like he loves Peter. And I saw them kissing!" Sophies eyes were glaring fiercely as she pulled away from Jane leaving her dumbfounded.
"Is something wrong?" Maura asked as she saw the strange expression on Janes face. The brunette tilted her head and put on a crooked smile. "Nope, we are fine."
She saw Sophie shooting her a smart look, before the lots of them moved on to their next station. Janes mind was trying to season Sophies information and if there was something to it, while the girls busied themselves throwing balls at cans. Maura tried to help while Jane stood aback looking at her.
Jane suddenly felt a hand tipping to her shoulder. When she turned, she saw herself confronted with her worst fears. Another tall woman with blonde hair was facing her with a grin. "Janie, I didn't know that you would be here too." She said with a smirk when glancing over to Maura who was just explaining to Julia that she should hit the lowest row of the cans first. Jane knew that this was a flat lie, as she came to the fun fair with Julia every year.
The brunette saw interest flaming up in the woman's eyes. "It didn't take you long to replace me." the tall woman said, clicking with her tongue. Standing far too close to Jane for her own taste.
"Chris, I really don't see why this should be any of your business." Jane stated and tried to sound matter of factly.
"We've been together for a while.." she said as if their two years together would empower her to decide about Janes life. "At least until you threw me out." Chris said with a snarly voice.
Jane knew that this woman was a real psycho, and that there would be no sense in setting the woman straight, that in fact she had left her with most of her debts.
"Just leave us alone." Jane growled in a warning tone suddenly feeling Maura's presence behind her.
"Oh come on Jane. You can at least be so polite to introduce us to each other." Chris voice sounded sweet and almost made the brunette sick.
It was the blonde who stepped in, both kids clinging to her feet in fear. "Jane, honey. Julia needs to go to the bathroom. Let's go."
Then she grabbed the brunette's hand and dragged her away. Jane walked along as their fingers entwined and wondered for how long Maura had been standing there and what she had heard.
As it was already late they silently walked to Janes car, only releasing each other's hand when the brunette pulled the door open for Maura. Jane was sure, that Chris hadn't followed them and tried to understand why Mura hadn't let go of her hand sooner. Sophies words from earlier popped up in her mind.
"Can you drive?" the blonde asked, looking worried to Janes angry and pale face.
"Yeah, no problem." Jane said acting cool as she buckled the seatbelt of the kids.
"You've been awful silent this whole evening." Maura quietly said, handing her a beer. The kids had gone to bed after some more games with the blonde and eating dinner and cupcakes. And Jane who had assumed that Maura was sound asleep had settled to her own bed on the couch.
Now she pulled her feet closer to clear some space for Maura to sit. Yeah, she had been silent, thinking. Not about Chris but about the other blonde woman who accepted the offer and sat down. The woman who had held her hand and given Jane a taste of what it would feel like to be with her. Moreover, she had been thinking about testing Maura with small brushes here and there. Or maybe to hit the matter right away. But that usually led to the blonde defending herself and denying.
Jane stretched out her legs to rest them on Maura's thighs, glancing at her reaction. The blonde was clearly surprised at this behavior and started giving her feet a massage.
"So, I met your last girlfriend ha?" the blonde was not stating but fishing.
"Yeah, how much did you witness?" Jane asked taking a sip from the bottle not leaving her eyes off Maura.
"I'm afraid that I heard almost everything." The blonde said, pulling her eyes to her hands which were kneading Janes right foot.
"How long have you been together?" she asked after a while.
"2 years." Jane replied honestly. "We broke up about 10 months ago." She answered Maura's next question.
Silence started to spread, before Maua spoke up again. "I've been divorced for approximately one year now."
Jane took in the information.
Maua nodded, looking sad.
"Do you miss him?" the brunette silently asked, knowing that she was the one fishing now.
The blonde took a deep sigh, tilting her head. "No." she said. "Not as much as I've missed you after you were gone." She whispered making Jane spill out her beer.
There was another long pause between them. Each trying to wrap her mind around what had been said so far.
"Can I ask you something, Maur?" Jane asked gingerly. And continued when the blonde nodded.
"What happened in Paris? I know you have a hard time talking about it. But hell, just spill it! I need to understand.."
Maura stopped the massage. Jane could literally see the wheels in her mind turning until she finally spoke.
"I freaked out. And I have a hard time talking about it because I'm ashamed of how I treated you and most of all about what I said. I would rather forget it or hope that the earth opens and swallows me." Her voice a whisper, and a lump was forming in Janes throat when she took in the words.
"Of course, I know that all the touches and sleepovers were not normal for a friendship. And I have known for a long time that I had feelings for you." Jane raised an eyebrow hearing this confession, baffled.
"But I was always scared. I am still afraid to be honest."
"Why on earth does friendship feel safer to you than a relationship?" Jane asked after picking up her jaw. She just didn't get it. They had lost their frienship already, if that had been Maura's biggest fear like hers at that time.
Maura started fidgeting with her hands, nervously licking her lips. "Because, Jane…. Because you jumped off that bridge and you shot yourself. And I was scared to lose you to this job in general. And irrationally I thought that if we were together, you would push more boundaries to have me happy and safe. I couldn't do that." A tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly whipped it away, not daring to look for the chocolate brown eyes, which were staring at her in disbelief.
Jane started to rub the bridge of her nose. Hearing about the bridge slowly drove her wild. Well, she had had many talks about it with her therapist already. She now saw how scary and painful it must have been for the ones who loved her. But this was back then, before she had learned that there were people loving her and that she didn't exactly need the security of the job to feel like doing something right and she told Maura so in a gentle tone.
"Look Jane, I can't blame you. Not even 24 hours ago I was happy that you were willing to risk your live to protect whom you love. I would be a hypocrite to now tell you that its wrong."
Jane chuckled softly, seeing the irony to this point. "Yeah, well, if it helps you, my therapist taught me to consider if I have other options first, before stepping over the railing of a bridge again."
Maura gave her a wry smile. "You know what? It doesn't matter to me. As I said, I would be a hypocrite…. I want to… I mean, uhm, Jane would you go out on a date with me?" she asked shyly.
Jane felt a flutter in her stomach. "A date huh?" she asked, unsure to have gotten that right.
Maura playfully slapped her. "come on." She said laughing.
Janes face spread into a wide grin. "How could I say no? I would be very stupid."
"You would definitely miss out on something." Maura still laughed and purred at the same time.
After the talk Jane felt relieved. A comfortable silence started to linger between them as they relaxed.
Jane waited patiently for Maura to leave the bedroom. Amelia was already busying herself in the kitchen to prepare dinner for the kids.
The brunette looked down to herself. She wore a Jean and a whine red hoody as the blonde had requested casual wear for tonight's date. Jane had been curious since, also feeling nervous. It hadn't occurred to her, that they could make it so formal as to go out together. But she reasoned that it made perfect sense.
In order to distract herself she wandered into the kitchen area and sat at the counter to watch in awe how skilled Amelia was when it came to cook. The student kept repeating how much she loved it. At the beginning Jane had felt like she was exploiting her. But it had become tradition that Amelia left a shopping list for grocery, to then cook a meal for Julia and Jane every day.
Maura finally appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later. To Janes surprise she wore some blue jeans too and a blouse which wasn't quite as casual but very sexy. "Ready?" she asked glancing to Amelia who smiled at them.
"Hell yeah. Since about one hour or so." Jane rolled her eyes playfully and earned a soft nudge to her side. Initially she had wanted to say: I've been ready for years, but she had bitten the comment back, scared that it wouldn't come out as the joke it had been intended.
She felt Maura brush her waist with her hands innocently, when she passed to get to her shoes.
"So, where do you take me?" Jane asked in excitement when grabbing her keys.
"Uh I'm not ready to tell you yet, but I think you will like it." Maura chuckled, walking through the door which Jane had opened for her.
"You will have to tell me cuz I drive." The brunette spoke triumphantly when boarding the elevator.
Maura chuckled again. "Nope. We are taking my families limousine."
"Well and I thought it would be all casual." Jane said cheekily.
The dark car was already waiting for them, when they left the building. James, the chauffeur opened the door whispering to Maura that he had it all organized.
Once inside, Jane glanced around. This was her first time in a limousine, and she had to admit that it was quite fancy and nice. The saying was that clothes made people; a limousine definitely made you feel like a star she thought looking for the bar. Not that she wanted to drink something, hell who knew what Maura had in mind, so she wanted to stay sober, but she wanted to see it to have a complete picture of the limousine.
Maura quietly sat next to her with a slight smile on her face, giving the brunette time to observe everything. And Jane heard her laugh, when she had finally found the bar, which was containing so much alcohol that one could easily mix every cocktail from each card of each cocktail bar in town.
"I hope you like my idea." Maura said, when they stood in front of the batting cage. Janes eyes were gleaming when recognizing how thoughtful Maura had been when planning the date.
First, she was to hit a few balls, while Maura was standing at the cage following her every move. Then it was the blondes turn. Jane had a feeling that the blonde did it on purpose, when she didn't hit one ball right and grinned. That woman was really clever.
After a "Jane, can you show me the proper technique?" the brunette entered the cage again and took the bat out of the blonde's hand, showing her how to hold it right. She somehow still felt shy on touching her. But she finally worked up her nerves and first helped Maura close her fingers around the bat in the right way. She slightly shivered when their hands touched and had a hard time to focus as some butterflies started to fly around her stomach.
Then she softly grabbed Maura's waist to show her how to stand correctly. Standing behind the blonde, she could smell her sweet scent. When she hit the start button to the throwing machine Maura did much better than before. Unfortunately, the blonde once ducked, scared by a ball which was going really fast and Jane ended up by seeing stars.
She felt how Maura stabilized her with her hands, apologizing. Jane couldn't help but start to laugh, although it hurt like hell. "It's broken, isn't it?" she asked Maura pointing with her finger to her nose.
"I'm afraid so." Maura said and looked guilty.
"Ah, don't blame yourself." Jane tried to make Maura feel better.
Maura seemed to be relieved. She cupped Janes face to have a closer look to the damage explaining that it was broken indeed.
"Can you fix it?" Jane asked with a crocked grin.
"Sure, but…"
"its going to hurt. I know." Jane said bracing herself for the pain, which was to come, when Maura did fix it as asked.
Thank god the bar in the limo also had ice. Maura helped Jane to keep it on the right spot, taking out two tampons of her purse shoving them into the nose, to stop the bleeding. She offered the brunette to go home, but Jane refused. She didn't want the evening to end. Besides the nose felt better after the treatment with the ice.
And by the time they had reached the sushi bar, the bleeding was gone too. Jane couldn't resist but put her hand to Maura's lower back when she went into the restaurant ahead of her. The waiter shot her a strange look, when asking what they wanted to drink and Jane remembered the tampons. She took them out quickly, grinning at the thought of the sight she must have been to the poor waiter.
They ordered some beer and sushi and talked while waiting for the food.
"Can I ask you something?" Maura questioned, glancing at Jane, who had the feeling that this was going to be unpleasant for her.
"Sure." She said blinking at the blonde.
"You never wanted to have kids. How come you got one?"
Jane who had expected that question carefully swallowed and locked eyes with Maura. She's gotten that question from some people and usually told them that it had just happened. Only few of them knew the truth.
"I've been working a case." She quietly started and told Maura how she had ended up in a dark cull de sack. Her partner that asshole had left her alone, following another lead. She felt Maura reaching for both of her hands, holding them tight when Jane told her slowly that the culprit had been hiding there and raped her. "He had a taser. And when I woke up, I was alone." She shrugged, but she saw how Maura's hazel eyes mirrored her pain.
"Oh my god Jane. I'm so sorry." she whispered, and Jane nodded, finally pulling her eyes away, focusing on their hands.
"Its okay. See, today I have this beautiful girl which wouldn't be here otherwise. She brings so much joy to my life."
Maura nodded. "She's the sweetest girl ever. And she's just so much like you."
Jane grinned although not sure if this was a compliment. It felt like a compliment in some way. "Yeah. I don't know exactly if that's good, but she is my angel. Sophie is adorable too though."
The blonde gave a chuckle. "Yes. I'm happy to have her." Both sat in silence until Jane dared to ask about her father. Maura replied that it was her ex-husband.
When their food arrived, they let go of each other's hands and started to discuss lighter subjects during their meal.
Jane came to think in a pause of their conversation. She felt somehow glad, that one of the hardest topics was off the table now. And that no further discussion had occurred about it. To her this incident was in the past. It was part of her and would never leave her. But she had accepted it and having Julia the best that had happened to her.
She remembered the hours she had spent discussing the whole thing with her therapist. How being raped had broken her perception of being strong. Not invincible, Jane had never believed to be invincible, but she had never assumed that such a thing could happen to her because she wore a badge and a gun and worked out on a regular basis. That had been her biggest mistake.
Also, the fact that she was used to protect others, but couldn't protect herself had troubled her for a long time. She had realized along the way, that she had never allowed anybody else to protect her anyways because it made her feel weak. She had always had a hard time accepting other people help, for she didn't want to be a burden to others or felt ashamed if she couldn't solve her own problems.
Some emotions which had been planted in her during her childhood by her parents and her classmates.
The therapist had done a good job in helping her see and understand many things she hadn't been aware off and she was grateful for it.
Maura had always protected her big time… without her knowing at first, but by the time she had realized it, it was okay. She had accepted and loved Maura for it. That was one of the reasons why Maura's reaction in Paris had been so confusing to her. But although the blonde's explanation appeared to be weird at first, it made total sense to Jane.
She had given it a lot of thought over the last days. First thinking that it was total nonsense to assume that she would be even more willing to risk her live if they were a couple, but Maura had gotten a point there. She would in fact have been more protective, if possible.
Fear was always irrational, and this didn't spare Maura Isles obviously. Although she was the most logic person Jane knew on this planet.
She couldn't help but notice how different they were at certain points. The perspective of soon being apart had made her confess her feelings to Maura, while it had made the blonde run away. Both had acted out of a fear to lose each other. But instead of saying it clear, which would have been better, they had chosen ways which had only brought them apart.
Jane quietly glanced to Maura who was just dipping a piece of sushi into the soy sauce. The blonde looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay, Jane?" she asked and made Jane realize that she had a thoughtful and stern look.
"Yeah, I just got lost in some thoughts. That's all." She said and smiled.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Naw, I'm fine." It was the truth. Jane tried to steal a sushi from Maura's plate and chuckled when Maura put up a fight with the chopsticks to defend her food. She on the other side was far more experienced and managed to steal from Jane who growled playfully.
"Just wanted to show you how its done." Maura teased and wiggled her eyebrows.
After finishing their dessert which consisted of ice cream, the brunette leant back, feeling as if she would explode from too much food. Maura gave the same impression when she started rubbing over her belly.
They decided to have a walk in order to help the digestion. The air was fresh and nice, and Jane loved the smell which usually hung in the air in spring. They were walking in silence for a while and the brunette smiled when she felt Maura's hand brush hers. It was a soft touch which unleashed more butterflies in her stomach, especially when it was repeated several times either from her or from Maura's side.
At one point she caught Maura's hand and their fingers entwined, so that they walked hand in hand until they felt cold and the blonde called James to pick them up.
They joked all the way home but became shy again, when reaching Janes apartment.
"Thank you for this evening." Maura said softly, lifting to the tips of her toes to plant a gentle kiss on Janes cheek.
She smiled at Maura and squeezed the blondes hand answering that it had been a pleasure.
The blonde glanced at her swollen nose and apologized once more, which made Jane chuckle. "Its going to be fine. I survived worse." She winked with an eyebrow. If at all it was her who should Maura for planning the perfect date.
Like teenagers they stood in front of the bedroom when time came to say good night, just looking at each other, smiling like fools. Finally laughing about their own behavior.
"Good night, Maur." Jane said and kissed the blonde on the cheek.
"Good night, Jane." The blonde said, replying the gesture.