DISCLAIMER: Sound of Music isn't mine!
FOUR: CINEREOUS
The golden sun had begun to set, tinging the clear, cerulean skies with vermillion and yellows, lavenders and ever-darkening greys that would soon turn the sky an inky black embedded with thousands of diamonds.
She stood by the mirror, the small downward curve of her lips worrying her face.
She sighed deeply, trying desperately hard to forget the image of his contorted face and the smell and feel of smoke enveloping her in an unwelcome embrace.
"Edelweiss, edelweiss
Every morning you greet me."
The familiar tune of the lovely composition rang in her ears, it's lyrics, sweet and simple, never failed to haunt her so.
Her lip trembled.
She tried to not—
"Small and white, clean and bright,
You look happy to meet me."
The thudding of her heart was faster by the second, she noticed as her shaky hands secured her skirt hook in place.
Would she be happy to see him again?
"Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow,
Bloom and grow for ever."
She willed the music to stop,
Only to realize that the cursed music was coming from her lips.
"Remember, my dear, you cannot escape your problems, you have to face them."
"Oh, mother," she whispered into the air. "Please help me be strong enough."
o0o0o0o0o0o
Untying the flowery scarf wrapped around her hair as she parked the car, she took a shaky breath. Her lip was trembling. Her hands were trembling.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
Inhaleexhaleinhale—
She gripped the steering wheel with force and forced herself to look at herself in the small hand mirror she brought out of her pocket.
Suddenly, she was thrown back five years in time—feeling as if she was wearing the scratchy grey dress the poor didn't want, masking her fear by singing a ridiculous song about confidence—except she wasn't wearing that grey dress that wasn't the ugliest thing in the world, and she was wearing make-up to mask herself. But the same gut-wrenching feeling was present. And she had no idea if she wanted to enter the familiar home at all.
"You will not allow it to win over you, Maria," she murmured to herself.
"I have confidence in confi—"
There was no use. It already has.
o0o0o0o0o0o
The same disapproving look of the "old butler," Franz, greeted her at the door, and the von Trapp villa looked exactly like it had when she had first arrived—the same old paintings and mirrors lining the walls, and the same tables underneath them. Eyeing one curiously, she could still see the ghost of the letter she had left on one if them. She shook her head at the thought.
She suddenly felt like she was viewing the house in a sepia-coloured film—watching an old reel in the movie theatre except it wasn't just any film, it was a film made of memories. Some she remembered fondly, some, she wished she could forget.
The sound of Franz' same, unenthusiastic "wait here, please," was enough to pull her back to the present, and she watched the butler briskly walk to the direction of what she remembered to be the study.
She took in a deep breath at the sight of the house, wondering—desperately wondering why nothing had changed. She would expect the house to look different… even just a little bit different. Perhaps more flowers here, or a change of paintings there—but there was nothing, and what she had felt minutes earlier had begun to resurface.
Eyes roaming around the area one more time, just to see if anything had changed at all, a dull glimmer caught her attention from the corner of her eye. Gasping at what she had seen, she turned away.
There was no way…
Clack, clack, clack, clack.
"Ah, Fraulein Maria! We hadn't expected you here so early."
She took a step backwards, as if bracing herself for something, as she forced her eyes to travel up the staircase and meet the speaker's eyes. Her red lipstick, bold and loud, and her hair properly coiffed, she spoke with confidence, as if nothing had ever happened and everything was perfect and normal.
"I apologize, my dear, for not receiving you properly."
"I—er—it's quite alright, Baroness. I believe I must have caught you off-guard also, and I apologize for that."
"Nonsense, my dear! You are always welcome here, you know."
Each word that passed from those red-painted lips seems somewhat of an accusation for Maria, and fear was enveloping her in its unwelcome embrace once more, hanging the air thick with tension. Faint clacks of heels touching marble rang in her ear as she slowly descended the staircase.
"Actually, Maria, I have something I would like to discuss with you. You see—"
The sound of the door closing and the loudening sounds of footsteps echoing around the hallway filled Maria's senses.
Stop.
"A telegram for you, Baroness," she could hear Franz' clipped tone address her.
"Thank you."
Maria watched as perfectly-manicured fingers, long and thin, unfolded the telegram. She watched her eyes blow wide, and her breathing shift. Her eyebrows scrunched up and her lips pressed themselves into a thin line.
If she were being honest, it was the first time she had seen genuine expression cross her gracious face.
"Are you alright, Baroness?"
"As a matter of fact, my dear… I must go," earnest eyes snapped up to meet hers. "To—to Vienna, I mean. That is—immediately," the baroness spoke in a rush, tone frantic and disoriented.
"Perhaps we can have dinner another day? Is there anything I could do to help?"
"No, nothing, my dear. I only ask you to stay. The children have been looking forward to seeing you again, and God knows…" her voice trailed, face turning to her left, eyes dropping down to the tiled floor. Clearing her throat, her eyes snapped back to meet Maria's.
She took a deep breath.
"I'm awfully sorry I won't be here for the rest of the night, Maria, and I apologize profusely for the amount of—"
"It's quite alright, Baroness. I understand," Maria started. "But I insist, we probably should post—
"My dear, please."
o0o0o0o0o0o
Within a quarter of an hour, the baroness' bags were packed, and she could hear the rapid clacks of her shoes against marble, each one more frantic than the last. If she had ever cried, her face didn't show it, but her eyes spoke of sorrow, and Maria couldn't help but feel for her.
"Goodbye, Maria," she had said.
Maria only nodded slowly before uttering a soft, "goodbye, Baroness. I do wish you a safe journey."
And she was gone.
Maria was left alone in the hallway, and she had the urge to cry—with sadness for the Baroness or with relief, she did not know.
"Fraulein Maria!"
Shouts could be heard from above, and the slamming of doors echoed around the house. The sound of familiar footsteps of seven children rang in her ears. A slow smile managed to spread on her face, as she opened her arms to receive a tall Gretl in her arms, followed by a teary-eyed Brigitta who had hugged her waist.
"Oh, I have so much to tell you all!"
"And we have so much things to tell you, too," Marta exclaimed enthusiastically.
"But most importantly, Fraulein, Liesl says that you are to be married," Louisa nudged her shoulder. "Is that true?"
Throwing Liesl a teasing "I told you not to tell" look, Maria nodded slowly, and cheers erupted from the seven children—all now seemingly grown up, but really, still the seven young children she had come to love.
Congratulations filled the air, and even more hugs and kisses on the cheek were given, all of them huddling around Maria.
"Look, papa! Fraulein Maria's here," Gretl had exclaimed loudly, and silence overcame the room.
Liesl and Brigitta exchanged looks as they noticed their fraulein and their father's eyes lock—the exact same way it had five years ago—now seeming like both yesterday and lifetimes, eons ago.
"Good evening," a small smile played on his lips as he greeted her.
"Good evening, captain," she greeted back, though her eyebrows were knitted and her blue eyes were troubled, lower lip catching between her teeth.
There was something about the way he stared at her that made her feel as if she were back in that old film she was in earlier. Staring intently into his eyes, she knew—it was the same fire that had consumed—that had turned the walls into ashes, that had turned her into ashes. His screams echoed in her mind, and his distorted face flashed in her mind's eye.
Looking away, she clasped her hands gently in front of her. Her head turned to her left, and she almost laughed at the sight.
"Kurt, how are you?"
"Hungry."
"Well then, come on. Everyone bring your fraulein to the dining room for dinner!"
The children (if she could still call them children) pulled her to the direction of the dining room excitedly, talking animatedly. Suppressing a laugh as she asked Gretl to slow down a little bit, Maria felt five years somehow melt away—when times were simpler, somehow—
"Come on, Fraulein Maria! Faster, before the schnitzel gets cold!" Gretl exclaimed.
"Yeah! We made sure to ask Frau Brunner to cook schnitzel with noodles today!"
"And we baked apfelstrudel for you!"
"Did you, now?"
The tug on her arm was stronger now, and she managed to flash a proud smile at all of them, trying to hide the small twinge of pain she felt when her arm was pulled too quickly. As if on cue, she looked back at him, as if asking him to help her.
He only winked. "You're on your own now," his expression seemed to say. A smug smile plastered itself onto his face.
Oh help.
Hello!
Ahhh, I'm back, I think? Everything's been so crazy lately, and I'm really so happy to be able to write again (though that doesn't mean that YOU'RE happy I'm able to write again HAHA).
Anyways, I hope that you liked this chapter! It's a little different from the rest of the chapters (less, er, for a lack of a better word, legato and much more choppy). I think there are around one to two chapters left in this story, and the next chapter will be up really, really, soon (like... next week, right before the New Year, I hope?)!
Speaking of which, I want to wish you guys happy holidays, and I hope that all of you are doing well, and are safe from the pandemic. I know that this year has been crazy and things have been tough, and I really do want to congratulate you for making it through the year. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but you're right here, and you've made it. I'm really proud of you!
Anyways, if you liked this thing, please leave me a review/fave/follow (or all three, but that's up to you!)
Stay safe,
Hope