"A warthog? That's a weird name."
"Of course a Germanic fellow such as yourself wouldn't know!" Sarge exclaimed.
"That's not what he means Sarge, 'Warthog' is a stupid name. It looks more like a puma right Friedrich?" Grif commented.
"What no? It looks like a car, nothing special."
A puma? How the hell did he see that? It looked like a regular car to me. The two hooks looked liked tusks so Warthog made more sense than Puma. Man Grif must be stupid as hell.
"Nothing special? Son this is the greatest thing to happen to red base, after myself of course. This will become a death machine which we'll use to kill every blue." Sarge said.
"And our guns can't do that because?" Grif asked.
"Because guns won't let us kill with style. I'd rather kill while performing a drift and saying a cool one liner."
"I agree Sir. I believe that everything should be done with a certain amount of flair. Friedrich you'd understand." Simmons commented.
"No I don't. We already have enough stuff to kill people. Our guns."
"Shut up Friedrich, try and have some fun." Grif said while elbowing me. "I still think it looks like a puma, not a warthog."
"What in Sam hell is a puma?" Sarge asked.
"Oh you mean the shoe company?"
"No, Simmons I think he means the bank located in eastern Austria."
"He doesn't need help you two. Sarge you have to know what a puma is, It's a big cat like a lion." Grif explained.
I think Sarge had a chunk of his memories taken out of his head either that or he's been in the military for so long he's forgotten what a normal like. That must suck and judging from what he's said so far, I doubt he had a family waiting for him. Plus he's old, I don't know exactly how old but much older than Simmons, Grif and I. I guess that means we have more ex
"Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?" Sarge said while pointing at the front of the Warthog.
"A walrus."
"Really Grif, out every animal with tusks you went with a Walrus? Narwhals are way cooler." Why have two boring tusks when you can have one massive tusk. It's like a fucking spear of death.
"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!" Sarge shouted.
"I think we should call it the Sphinx." Simmons grumbled.
"So sad, Simmons. You had one chance to be cool and you ruined it." Grif teased.
"Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats."
There's a lizard that eats goats? Wow must be pretty big. Maybe it's like a dragon or like a lion mixed with a lion.
"Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir."
"Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it."
"Hey, that's not exactly what happened."
"Yes, it is. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for the Vegas quadrant."
"The only reason I left was because Simmons needed help speaking to the women there. You should have seen him, he was a wreck." I revealed.
"Really Simmons? You take the most boring person ever instead of me? Wow. I didn't think you'd go that low." Grif complained.
Before Simmons could respond, a voice came from behind us.
"Excuse me, uh, sirs."
"Sirs?" The three of us turned around and saw the rookie. He had red armour which was a weird sight since only Sarge actually had one. Mine was closer to a purple to a red but who cares.
"Sorry man, Sarge is at command doing god knows what. Probably getting more of that disease the government made up. What was it called again?" I asked.
"Aids. Or was it crack?." Simmons said without missing a beat.
"Aids? The government made that? I guess you learn a learn a lot from the military." He said thoughtfully.
"Ok rookie, what's your story?" Simmons asked.
"Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens." He said passionately.
Donut? What a stupid name.
"We don't fight aliens. We fight blue guys. In a canyon. With 2 bases."
"Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armour colour?" Grif asked.
"This IS the standard issue red."
"Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armour: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer." Grif explained
"Grif what did I tell you about demonising our higher ups. Sarge kicks our asses every time they come for an inspection." I sighed.
"Well, he's wearing red armour."
"No, my armour is maroon. Your armour is red."
"Big fucking difference, why do we care so much about armour colour anyway? It's not like we'll be judged based on our colour." I asked.
"Dude it's part of our identity. Like your armour tells me your a bitch." Grif explained.
"Well, how do I get a different colour armour?" Donut asked.
"I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap." Grif complained.
"Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal." Simmons started
"I just refuse to call him Private Donut!"
"Grif, I didn't even know how to spell your name. I always thought it was two Fs. I think I got your gender wrong too. So we technically have a girl on red team." I lied about that last bit but I didn't know how to spell his name. For some reason I thought it had to be two Fs. That's what command thought too Since it was on his official file.
"Wait really?" Grif said in a panicked voice.
"We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?"
"Absolutely!" He said excitedly
"We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease." Simmons asked
Oh, we were hazing him already. Guess it's better to do this while Sarge isn't here. They tried doing this to me but I could see through their bullshit already, but Donut seemed innocent and while part of me wanted to stop them I went against mostly because it was a harmless joke.
"Oh and get me some headlight Fluid for the puma."
"Aren't we calling it the Narwhal?"
"No it's the Warthog, Sarge was pretty clear about that. Anyways the store's going to close so try and hurry up. Sarge hates tardy people. Just ask Friedrich, he's late to every meeting."
Donut looked at me for answer.
I sighed. "He made me walk double the speed every where I walked for a month."
"Grif, I'm telling you I saw it. I was standing there outside my house and then Boom! A dragon, straight out Game Of Thrones."
"No way."
"Uh huh." I grunted in confirmation.
"What colour was it? Could it breathe fire? Wait did you get to ride it." Grif bombarded.
"Listen Grif, it was only there for a second and then it vanished with the wind."
"Man that is lame." Grif said sadly.
"No way you believe him Grif. This is like when he tried convincing us he saw Jesus in his room playing rock music." Simmons said.
"I'm going to hell for that one."
"Anyways someone has to report to Sarge. Who's it going to be?"
"Dibs Not" Grif and I said at the same time.
"Fuck!"
AUTHORS NOTE:
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. If there's anything wrong just tell me and I'll correct it. What do you think of the dialouge? If it's unnatural or weird just tell me. I'm having quite some fun writing this so I hope all goes really well.
Don't expect any cuts to the blues, I want to have show the reds chemistry and how they bounce off each other.