Chapter 5: Emotional Support Dancing

Sokka and Suki are engaged. With the very public proposal right on the main stage just before the fireworks display, it's the talk of the town. Sokka can't stop grinning and Suki can't stop looking at her ring. It's sweet. Sickeningly so.

Azula is happy for her friend, she really is. And yet… she can't stop glancing at the happy couple and thinking about how she'll probably never have what they have. No one has ever looked at her that way, the way Sokka looks at Suki, as if she's his whole world. No one has ever loved her, at least not unconditionally. Why would things change?

And why is she feeling so pathetic and anxious when everyone else around her is having a great time? People are up on their feet dancing, drinking, hugging, cheering, and Azula is… sitting by herself trying to assess whether it would be rude to leave the party early. The only positive reassurance she can give herself is, while she may be feeling jealous, jealous that love and friendship come so easily to others but not to her, she's not jealous of any one person in particular. She's not jealous of Suki.

The engagement party had started out okay. Katara didn't flat out kick her out of the house at the very least. With the help of Ty Lee's natural amicability, Azula was able to have a somewhat normal conversation with Aang, up until he had to greet some new guests and showoff some gimmicky airbending tricks. Then she spent some time chatting with Toph and her boyfriend Satoru. Under different circumstances, Azula believes she and Toph could have been good friends, and maybe there is still some hope for that. Going into the night, she knew better than to expect any alone time with Sokka, the man of the hour. But all of Azula's social victories were cut short after Ty Lee started drinking. A tipsy Ty Lee is a boy-crazy Ty Lee. Her date, Haru, never stood a chance against her wiles. They were the first couple of the night to hit the dancefloor, and before long, all the happy couples were dancing the night away and Azula was left on her own.

So she sits alone, pretending to sip some champagne. Although she enjoys the taste, she has no intention of letting her guard down and becoming inebriated. Not in front of people she doesn't trust. Not in front of Katara. Her first instinct is to look for Hakoda, at least to have someone to talk to, but he's off being a good host to all the people coming in to congratulate the newly engaged couple. She doesn't want to interfere. This may be the first time in her life she wishes Zuko and Mai were here to keep her company. Sure they may be another couple, but neither of them enjoy dancing, especially not Mai. She wonders how they're faring with the newborn. She wonders what little Izumi is like. Is she quiet like her mother? Is she fussy like Zuzu? Who does she look like? Is she a firebender? She smiles to herself, just thinking about her little niece.

Feeling homesick and neglected, she decides to sneak out. No one will notice. Perhaps it's rude to leave without thanking the hosts, but they're all currently occupied and she doesn't want to draw attention to herself. She grabs Hakoda's coat and heads for the door, timing her departure with the arrival of a group of guests as not to be seen.

Her plan doesn't work.

"Ahem," Hakoda clears his throat. "Where do you think you're going?"

Azula turns back around. "I-I was just… feeling tired. It's getting late, and – "

He shakes his head. "I'm afraid I can't let you leave."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"Because it's illegal to leave this party without dancing."

"Illegal?" she asks, laughing. "Are you going to report me to the authorities or something?"

"Ooh, you wouldn't want me to do that. I hear the Head Chieftain has a real temper."

"Yeah, I hear he's a real menace," she teases. "But unfortunately, I'm going to have to take my chances. I'm not much of a dancer, you see."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"Fine," she concedes. "But I don't know how to dance like… that." She gestures to the dancefloor. "Whatever it is they're doing. I'm classically trained."

"Well in that case…" He holds up a finger and disappears for a moment. Azula can see him whispering something to the hired musicians. When he returns, the music changes to a more familiar style. He holds out his hand. "May I?"

She raises an eyebrow. "You dance?"

"What, is that so hard to believe?" he chuckles. "I may have grown up in the Southern Water Tribe but I've picked up a few things here and there during my travels."

"I suppose I'll be the judge of that," she smirks, taking his hand.

He escorts her onto the dancefloor and assumes a proper ballroom position, placing his right hand on her back just below her shoulder and his left hand out to the side, gently cupping her right hand. He proceeds to lead her, elegantly and in time with the music. "So… how am I doing?" he asks with a pompous grin.

"I must say, Hakoda, you're a man of many talents. I'm impressed."

He pretends to look shocked. "Have I really managed to impress the fearsome Fire Nation princess?"

"Just take the compliment."

He smiles. "So, who taught you to dance?"

"Ozai."

"…You're joking, right?"

"Obviously!" she laughs. "He would never have allowed such a thing. Mother made me take lessons with Zuzu when we were children."

"I can only imagine how that must have gone…"

"Yes, there was some fighting. Some foot stomping, biting, hair pulling. Crying too." She smiles. "It was fun."

"Was Zuko a good partner?"

She thinks for a moment. "He was a slow learner, but he got there eventually. I hope for his sake he's retained some of it. It would be awfully embarrassing if the Fire Lord couldn't dance at his own soirees."

"He danced with Mai at their wedding just fine."

"Oh, that's right. Spirits, I can hardly remember that night," she chuckles. "I didn't realize taking the position of Zuko's political adviser would involve me being siphoned into being his wedding coordinator too. What a headache that was."

"Yeah, I… I barely remember seeing you that night," he laughs. "But I do remember that toast you gave, in that… gold dress?"

"Mmhmm," she nods, blushing. "Good memory." Did he really notice her back then? Or is he just that observant?

He smiles.

They're quiet for the rest of the dance. He pulls her into a closed position and she makes the bold decision to rest her head on his shoulder. She closes her eyes. His arms are so strong; he smells like winter. Her heart is racing as they sway together, and she can't help but wonder if he's feeling the same way or if this is all in her head. It was all in her head with Sokka and she doesn't want to make the same mistake twice. She doesn't want to get her hopes up for them to come crashing down like they always do.

To distract herself from potentially getting carried away, she lifts her head from his shoulder, opens her eyes, and tries to focus on what everyone else is doing. Did anybody notice? Fortunately it seems she's off the hook. Everyone's absorbed in their own little worlds. Aang and Katara are dancing slowly, with Katara's pregnant belly preventing them from getting too close. Sokka and Suki are lost in each other's eyes, staring at each other like lovesick goat dog pups. Toph and Satoru are the only ones not attempting to ballroom dance and just doing their own thing. And Ty Lee and Haru are giving each other looks that would make everyone in the room uncomfortable if they were paying attention.

Azula catches Ty Lee's eye for a second and Ty Lee grins mischievously at her. An all-knowing look. "Told you," she mouths. Azula rolls her eyes, but she can't help but smile. Maybe Ty Lee was right after all.

But maybe she wasn't. Her head keeps cycling back to her doubts and insecurities. Sure, Hakoda has paid her some extra attention, but he's never overtly flirted with her, at least, not to her knowledge. Or maybe he has and she just didn't notice? It's certainly possible… it's not like she's the expert on flirting. To the contrary, if going by experience, she's completely inept when it comes to these sorts of things. She begins to overanalyze all their interactions since she arrived at the Southern Water Tribe and comes to the conclusion that he could just be a kind, generous man acting out of the goodness of his heart. If she were going to find out the truth, and Spirits know it's killing her to find out, it's likely that she would have to initiate something between them. But how?

The song comes to an end and Hakoda finishes their dance with a classic dip. She feels her cheeks flushing as he looks into her eyes. He pulls her back up.

"Thank you for the dance, Hakoda."

He smiles. "Any time."

"Have I earned my right to leave?" she asks teasingly.

"I suppose so," he chuckles. "I think I'm going to get headed out soon too. Leave the partying to the kids."

The way Hakoda referred to the group as "kids" sows a seed of doubt in Azula's mind. Is that the way he sees her? As a child? "Okay. Have a good night."

"You too. Get home safe, okay?"

She sneers. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Yeah, yeah. I should've known better."

She leaves the party with so many unanswered questions on her mind.

She lies in bed, forcing her eyes shut, but she can't find sleep for the life of her. She tries to concentrate on her breathing, but her restless energy keeps her from focusing. So she gets up and paces. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. She needs to know. She just needs to know.

Does he like her or not? Does he care for her or does he just feel sorry for her? Does he think of her like a colleague, a friend, a young person who needs his care, or… a potential girlfriend? She does feel fairly confident Hakoda enjoys her company, and he did seem to be attracted to her when she wore that Water Tribe dress… but attraction isn't enough. It wasn't enough for Chan at any rate. But she had chased Chan away with her personality, and she isn't the same person as she was back then. She's better now, isn't she?

Well, if she were truly better, she probably wouldn't be pacing like this, thinking obsessively about Hakoda. Spirits know he's probably not thinking about her. He's probably getting ready for bed, happy that his son is getting married to the love of his life. There's no way he's getting all worked up like this, thinking about whether Azula likes him or not. She sighs and slumps down onto the floor, wishing she weren't so pitiful. Or lonely.

But perhaps Hakoda is feeling lonely too. He lives by himself. His children are independent and have their own lives. His wife was taken from him. His Northern Water Tribe girlfriend left. Maybe he's in need of some company just as much as Azula is. Maybe she should go over to his house and pay him a late-night visit…

No. That would be ridiculous. Wouldn't it be? What would happen if she showed up out of nowhere like that? Would he kick her out, or… would he want her to stay? Either way, she'd be able to get some answers and finally get some damn sleep.

What would Ty Lee do? She always knows what to do when it comes to men. Well, Ty Lee wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. Everyone loves her and she knows that. But if she were in Azula's position, then Ty Lee would… do something audacious.

Something catches Azula's eye, Hakoda's coat draped over a chair, and suddenly she's struck with an idea. Channeling her inner Ty Lee, she strips down to her underwear and puts on the coat, which is long enough on her that it fits like a floor length dress. She brushes her hair, throws on a little makeup, and braces herself for a very cold walk.

Her heart in her throat and butterflies in her stomach, she knocks on his door. It doesn't take long for him to answer, and she's relieved she didn't wake him up.

"Azula…?" He looks at her concerned. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she assures. "May I come in?"

"Of course." He watches her as she walks past him. "Is everything alright? Do you need something?"

She keeps her back turned toward him. "I just came to return your coat."

"Oh… you didn't have to do that ton – "

He cuts himself off as she begins to unbutton the coat, letting the fur slide down her bare shoulders.

She turns around to face him. He's staring at her with wide blue eyes, his mouth slightly agape. "I know." She smirks. "Well… would you like it back or not?" She lets more of the fabric slide down her arms.

No words come out of his mouth. Instead, he nods.

"That's what I figured." Slowly and deliberately, she walks closer to him and snakes her arms around his neck. He's frozen in place, all but his blue eyes that wander down to her mouth. Closing her eyes, she gently presses her lips to his.