As Norway had suspected, the sudden onslaught of the rest of the Nordics didn't come a minute too late. Finland burst through the door first, kicking off his shoes whilst breathlessly announcing he and Sweden had arrived. The tallest of the five followed suit with a loud, jumping micronation clinging to his arm and the little puppy Kukkamuna under the other. He grunted in confirmation as per usual. "I'm here as well!" the young one at Sweden's heels soon quipped. "Is Denmark dead?"
"Sealand! Hys!" Finland cut in swiftly. "Of course he isn't!" But a wave of uncertainty soon crossed his face before he turned to look at Norway, "...is he?" Norway shook his head.
"Nei. But he's... well, see for yourselves." He gestured towards the lounge from which pitiful weeping could be heard. The four of them gathered in the doorway to gawk at Denmark in his less than dignified state. He still remained put in the same position he had been in the photo sent out to his fellow Nordics; Lying face down on the couch, his tall frame barely fitting on top of the piece of furniture. Crying.
"...What happened?" Sweden asked after a moment of silence only broken by a grown Danish man's cushion-soiling sniffles.
"He has been acting like that ever since he came back from that check-up," Norway whispered.
"Wait, what? Is something seriously wrong with Denmark's health?" Finland voiced his concern in an equally hushed tone.
"He smokes too much," Sealand stated solemnly. Sweden nodded in agreement.
"Sealand! Hys nyt!"
"It's not that," Norway shook his head slowly. He lowered his voice even further, beckoning the trio closer. They all leaned towards the Norwegian in anticipation. "Okei, keep it down now," he demanded, waiting for total silence before continuing, "it turns out they've estimated him to be... thirty."
"THIRTY?!" Sealand screamed. Denmark could be heard screaming as well. And then crying louder. Norway's unreadable facial expression remained put, but the nations around him could swear they noticed an eyebrow twitch following the child's untactful statement. "...Yes. And he's upset by the news." Norway confirmed, sounding awfully lot like he was talking through his teeth.
"So that's what it is... Well... well, whatever the case, we need to get him back to normal before the conference resumes," Finland said. "The host so out of sorts would surely spiral everything into chaos!"
Sweden nodded knowingly. Sealand nodded also, because he didn't know anything and found it wise to copy Sweden.
Norway bowed his head slightly as well. "Not to mention tarnish our collective reputation. We must make sure no outsider hears about this. Let's lock the doors." Finland, Sweden and Sealand nodded.
But before anyone could do as Norway had said, the front door opened.
"Tere! I was just wondering if this was a good time to visit!" a preppy voice rang out. Everyone turned towards the untimely visitor with looks of total bafflement (and subtle irritation.)
"Estonia!" exclaimed Finland after a pause, "how did you know we're all here?"
"I didn't hack the Nordic group chat!"
"What?"
"What?"
Norway probably had an eyebrow tic. The twitching was getting worse. "You," he threw at Estonia after a decidedly awkward silence, "...did you hear our conversation?"
Estonia hung his coat and removed his shoes, clearly not caring that no one had welcomed him in yet. He usually didn't. "About what?" he inquired with a sincerely clueless smile. The Nordics all let out a breath of relief. The Baltic clearly had no idea about the crisis they were in the middle of.
"About Denmark being thirty and dying!" Sealand helped.
Estonia choked. "Denmark is thirty!? And dying too?!"
Finland's eyes were wide. Sweden grunted. Norway looked ready to kill someone. Denmark sounded like he was the one being killed. The tension in the house had grown as heavy as the winters this entourage was used to. That didn't make it any less uncomfortable, however.
"...Sealand, upstairs," Sweden muttered. For once the micronation didn't have to be asked twice. He flew up the flight of stairs like a missile.
"Is it true?" Estonia asked, swiftly stepping into the already crowded doorway. Whilst Norway, Sweden and Finland struggled to respond his eyes fell upon Denmark, still wailing, buried into those old sofa cushions. "Oh no," Estonia quipped, "he really does look bad... If I had known I would've brought a gift basket... Or a book of condolences... Can I update this in my blog?" The Baltic had already dug out his phone, camera at the ready, but with one swift movement Norway managed to snatch it from his grasp. And with the next, toss the said phone over to Finland. "Destroy it," he said. Despite Estonia's horrified facial expression, Finland hesitantly nodded but fortunately opted to hide the phone in his back pocket for now.
"Denmark isn't dying," Norway told the intrusive Baltic, "and you won't tell anyone so."
"Alright," Estonia said distraught. Not because of Denmark's poorly state, but because he was already longing for his stolen smartphone. "But he still looks like he needs a gift basket," he added in hopes of distracting himself.
"Make one out of the junk in the attic then," Norway suggested. He wasn't making an effort to be friendly. Honestly, he just didn't want to let Estonia leave before Denmark was back to normal, lest he betray his promise and blabber to someone. Keeping him occupied in the attic with a mindless chore was for the greater good.
"Oh, okay," Estonia responded. He was stared down by the trio for another awkward moment before he added; "Oh, you mean, you mean, go right now? Right. I'll go. To the attic." He left in a very similar fashion Sealand had moments earlier, flying up the stairs and disappearing out of sight.
The Nordics sighed. Sweden went back to the front door to lock it, so no other outsider would get in and get a glimpse of their crisis. After the door was secure he, Finland and Norway all nodded to each other before finally entering the lounge where Denmark still sobbed. They approached the tall nation carefully and settled around him, wondering what they could say without making the situation worse.
"Bro..." Norway eventually started, catching Denmark's attention. "Norge..." Denmark pulled his head up slowly, wiping his teary eyes in his sleeve. He soon realised he had gathered a considerable crowd and blinked in surprise.
"Fin, Sve? You're here too? I didn't notice you," he whimpered.
"...Don't worry about it, Tanska," Finland said carefully, "we heard about your-"
"Isn't it terrible!" wailed Denmark. The trio around him startled in fear as the nation jolted himself upwards, only to slump back against the sofa. Tears welled up in Denmark's bright blue eyes again and he sniffled loudly. "It's all over for me, isn't it."
"All over for you? What are you saying? Denmark, surely it can't be that serious!" Finland cut in.
"Not serious?" Denmark scoffed, "of course it is serious! You heard it, right? Thirty! My life is practically over."
"Plenty of people are thirty and they're just fine," Norway pointed out.
"Not our people! The ones that are are all dead. What will the others think if they hear? Being thirty is a sure-fire signal that I've lost my touch. That I'm irrelevant and unreliable! From here on out it's only going to be ridicule for me! Retirement plans, oblivion and..." Denmark sobbed, "...and peppermills!"
"Please, Denmark, you're exaggerating. You're not going to- wait, why peppermills?"
Denmark stopped crying for a moment to respond; "Oh, it's a tradition here. Unmarried thirty-year-olds get peppermills for their birthday."
"Oh, really?" the three other Nordics nodded in fascination. "Yeah, it's kinda fun honestly, it trails back to... No, wait, we're getting off-track here. What were we... Ah, right. I don't want to be thirty!" Denmark continued. Finland tapped him on the shoulder awkwardly. "C'mon. You're not running out of time or dying. Let's not blow this out of proportion. You're totally healthy, right? Your nation isn't falling apart, is it?"
"Well, no..." Denmark reluctantly confirmed. Finland nodded, smiling encouragingly.
"And you don't actually feel any different, do you?"
"Not really..."
"Right! You're just getting a bit older. That isn't a bad thing!" Denmark furrowed his brows and thought over it for a bit. "But... even if I'm doing alright, doesn't my age set me apart from the rest of us? Like I'm behind the times or something?" he questioned.
"Since when have you worried about standing out?" Norway responded, shaking his head lightly. "If it sets you apart, that would be for the good," Finland nodded.
"It would? How?" Denmark didn't slump any longer, he sat with his back straight, clearly curious and open to the things the trio was feeding him.
"Well, just think about it," Finland continued, confident in his own words, "you appearing slightly older than the average just tells that you're experienced! More experienced than most of the others. You've got one of the oldest national flags in the world. You're consistently one of if not the happiest countries on the globe, no doubt because of your honed skills in maintaining yourself. People look up to you! Thirty doesn't have to define you! It can, uh... refine you!"
"Fin..." Sweden muttered, stopping Finland before he'd go overboard. Gladly Denmark was buying everything the Finn was saying.
"Refine me... hey, yeah! Maybe it isn't the end after all," he muttered, a smile starting to crack at the corners of his mouth.
"The end? No way. Denmark, you're officially the most mature out of the Nordic five," Finland added for good effect, though admitting that out loud felt irrevocably wrong. That settled it. Denmark was absolutely beaming.
"No one's ever called me mature before!"
"Probably for a reason," Norway whispered. Sweden grunted in agreement. Finland elbowed them both.
"Mange tak, you guys," Denmark said, raising up from the couch and standing a little taller than he had before. He wrapped his arms around his life-long companions and laughed. "I'm sorry for freaking out on all of you. I already feel better. I'm mature enough to not let this thirty business get me down any longer. To hell with some numbers on a passport. We can forget this entire thing and move on!" Sweden, Finland and Norway nodded and though they'd beat themselves up for granting Denmark such an egotrip later, they all felt content for the moment. They all agreed it felt good to see Denmark smile again.
But then the front door opened. Indeed it had been locked, but the person opening it had a key on them.
"Hey," said Iceland, walking through the door. "Sorry I took so long. There was this special offer at the store, two peppermills for the price of one so I thought if..."
Finland's aggressive arm gestures did stop Iceland from finishing his sentence, but far too late.
Denmark was crying.
Again.
"Denmark won't really die, will he?" Sealand muttered. He was untangling Christmas lights in the attic alongside Estonia, who was still in the middle of weaving the gift basket Norway had urged him to make.
"No, of course he won't," Estonia assured, though he honestly wasn't sure. "Hand me more old newspapers, please." Estonia truly hoped Denmark wouldn't catch on to the fact that he was about to be gifted with garbage from his own attic. At least Estonia had thrown in some of his own cigarettes to keep it classy. Denmark would like those. He was an infamous chain-smoker.
"He's probably just... retiring. Yeah, that's what's more likely," Estonia continued, hoping that the idea was more soothing to Sealand than that of Denmark descending into Valhalla.
"Retire? Retire where? Do they make retirement homes for elderly nations?"
"I don't know. Ask Prussia," Estonia shrugged. He placed ugly plastic flowers into the now ready basket.
"If Denmark retires, someone needs to take over," Sealand pondered.
"Huh?"
"I wonder who'd get to do that," the micronation continued.
"Hm," Estonia hummed, pretending like he didn't care. That was an interesting prospect...
To be continued.
AN: An elderly albino is totally sneezing somewhere at this very moment. Thank you for sticking through chapter 2 of Midlife Crisis! This is one of my favourite projects thus far. :) I'm looking forward to chapter 3 hopefully equally as much as you guys are. Have a nice day!