Thank you for reading! I don't own any of Harry Potter! Please let me know if you enjoy!
—
Severus sat and stared at Lily for a long moment with his eye brows knit together in disbelief.
For once, Hogwarts' witty potions master was at a loss for words.
Severus thought that surely he was dreaming…
Or perhaps he had a fever….
There was no way that Lily, his dear Lily, was really sitting in front of him, asking to carry and birth his child.
"Sev…...if you'll help me, I-I don't want you to worry. This won't be a burden at all! I'll never ask you for money or….or time...or anything like that!" Lily reassured Severus with a smile.
Lily thought she was being considerate, but really, she was just breaking Severus's heart.
Lily thought that she would be, could be, a burden to Severus?
What a ridiculous thing to think.
"...Why not adopt?" Severus asked.
"Oh, I'd love to adopt a child...or children, when I'm a bit older….This is just….it's something I wanted to experience in my lifetime, you know, becoming a mum the old-fashioned way…...I don't expect you to understand, Sev, you're not a woman." Lily laughed nervously.
Severus ignored the rush of blood to his groin as he realized Lily had sought him out for such a primal, intimate goal.
Still, Severus wanted to ask…...
"...Why me?" Severus pressed.
Lily seemed to get a bit uncomfortable and she tucked a stray strand of red hair behind her ear.
Severus's black eyes followed the motion closely…
"Because you're brainy, Sev, and very brave… And I can trust you….I can trust you with anything." Lily said quietly.
Severus silently drew in a breath, trying not to let his head swell with pride.
Lily depended on him…
Lily was depending on him…...
When Severus failed to reply, Lily cleared her throat and went on anxiously, completely unsure of what Severus was thinking, "We can even sign some papers. You never have to meet him or her if you don't want to. I won't even put your name on the birth certificate if that's what you wish!"
"-That's not what I wish at all." Severus growled curtly, speaking as soon as Lily finished.
Leave his name off the birth certificate?
Never meet his own child?
Hardly….
Severus Snape had never imagined himself becoming a parent, but now…..
As if Severus would miss such a wonderful opportunity to insert himself into Lily's life in such a crucial way!
Every time Lily looked at the child, their child, she would be reminded of Severus…
Severus also knew that though Lily was certainly strong and capable, throughout the process, at least at some point, there would be a time when she needed him….and he would be there.
But the cold, cutting tone in which Severus replied to Lily conveyed none of that…
Lily took Severus's response as a refusal.
"Oh." Lily said flatly, her smile fading into a frown at the tense expression on Severus's face. "I see….."
"I'll gladly help you, Lily." Severus replied, trying to keep his voice calm so as not to reveal his excitement. "But if I do….I don't want…. to sign papers…... and I don't want my name stricken from history."
Lily brightened up when she realized that Severus was actually agreeing. "Oh, Sev! Thank you so much! You have no idea what this means to me!"
Severus kept staring at Lily and as he did, he tried not to sigh with longing.
Perhaps if Severus had already confessed his love, they might be having this very conversation in an entirely different manner…...
"You said you have one year?" Severus reiterated, ignoring Lily's thanks.
"That's right, so…...you know…..we'll have to…..see to things right away." Lily said sheepishly.
"...Right away?" Severus asked, his black eyes widening.
"You know…..I'll have the surgery in a year, so I need to get on with it now. It'll take forty weeks and I'd rather have a recovery period before the operation. Don't you think that'd be best?" Lily blinked.
Severus swallowed thickly and managed to whisper, "...Yes."
Oh…
Lily wanted this to happen immediately…..
Severus became a bit dizzy all of a sudden and he wasn't quite sure why.
Lily wanted him, or, rather, his help, immediately…..
"I know my cycle really well, so, the thirty-first should be good." Lily added.
"Good?" Severus croaked dryly.
"You know…..for us to try." Lily said quietly. "I…..I don't want to go to one of those muggle places where they just collect a bit of me and a bit of you and mix it together, that seems so….cold. I don't know, I was imagining we might try it the natural way…...if that's alright with you, of course, Sev? Surely we could manage it!"
Severus's heart slammed in his chest.
"Ah….." Severus replied, working hard to hide his swirling emotions. "Very well…..I'll brew some fertility potion, too. It may help."
"Oh yeah, that'd be great, Sev!" Lily said with a bright smile.
Severus swallowed again and nodded at Lily.
Before Lily stood to go, Lily reached over and grabbed Severus's hand and looked deep into his eyes.
Severus was trapped under Lily's hypnotic, emerald gaze while she spoke, "You really don't know what this means to me, Sev. I'm not sure how I can ever repay you, but just wait, I'll find a way!"
With a happy giggle, Lily left Severus alone in his office and Severus closed his eyes for a second.
Repay him?
Love me, Lily… Severus thought, All I've ever wanted was for you to love me.
—
It was October.
The thirty-first was on a Friday, which was convenient, but the thirty-first was also on Halloween, which was very inconvenient.
As a Professor and the Head of Slytherin, Severus was required to attend the Hogwarts Halloween dinner, but he had already arranged to cut his evening short.
In the meantime, Severus and Lily continued their visits and chats as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
As if they hadn't made an arrangement with each other to conceive a child….
Both Lily and Severus were nervous, overjoyed, and terrified, but neither were going to tell the other about that.
In the evenings, after classes were over, Severus brewed several batches of fertility potion, seeking the best quality.
Severus also did his best to improve himself in hopes of becoming more desirable to Lily.
Although, even once Severus was clean and dry, his hair neatly combed, and his black robes pressed, Severus looked in the mirror and frowned at his reflection.
Severus was not tan, his skin was pale.
Severus's eyes were not an alluring blue or green, they were just plain, ordinary black.
Severus wished that he looked more like James Potter, roguishly handsome.
If Severus knew that Lily spent nights thinking about him instead of James, he would have felt much better about himself…...
Finally accepting his appearance, Severus used his small amount of remaining spare time to read every romance novel that he could find.
On the thirty-first, Severus wanted Lily to sweat and scream and claw at his hair with her nails as he took her into his arms.
Whether or not Severus was handsome, he was determined that on the night when Lily came to him to conceive a child, their child, his name would be on her lips.
Severus intended to make love to Lily like she was some kind of goddess.
Because to Severus, Lily was.
—
"May I help you, miss?" The kind shopkeep, a friendly woman in her late forties, asked as she watched Lily browse.
"Oh! I was just….um, looking." Lily said with a shy blush.
Lily was very much out of her comfort zone in the muggle lingerie shop.
Severus and Lily were alike in many ways.
Severus and Lily both lacked confidence towards the other.
Not to mention the feelings they both secretly shared…..
Lily doubted that she was enough for Severus and so, she was shopping for something that would make her more appealing to her soon-to-be lover.
If Lily knew the true extent of Severus's love and desire for her, it would have saved her time and money.
"...For anything in particular, miss?" The shopkeep asked with a knowing smile.
"Well…..something rather special." Lily explained with a blush.
"Ah~, for your husband, dear? You look awfully young to be married!...Or is it for a gentleman friend?" The shopkeep smirked.
"Um…...yes." Lily said, too humiliated to delve into particulars.
The shopkeep blinked at Lily and decided to go another route with assisting her customer, "What's his favorite part about you, dear?"
Lily's cheeks went apple red as she imagined what Severus would choose as his favorite part of her…..
Did he even have one?
Severus had never approached Lily or flirted with her, for all she knew, Severus may have thought she was disgusting.
And if not, was that really a fair question?
Severus had never seen Lily naked before.
How could Severus or Lily possibly know his favorite part about-
"...Or his favorite color?" The shopkeep pressed.
The shopkeep walked Lily around the store and towards the back, Lily stopped when she found herself gazing at a trio of mannequins dressed in lacey unmentionables that were a beautiful shade of Slytherin-worthy….
"Green." Lily said with a confident smile. "He does love green."
The shopkeep grinned, eager to make a sale and pleased that she had gotten somewhere with Lily. "Alright, then love, let me show you all that we've got~."
—
October thirty-first arrived.
Several of Hogwarts' students, especially the Slytherins, were quick to notice that Professor Snape made a rather hasty exit from the Halloween dinner in the Great Hall.
Throughout the meal, whispers had been running around the room as to why Professor Snape looked even angrier than usual as he sat at the table.
While he ate, Severus's scowl had been positively menacing.
But no one in the Great Hall, no one in the entire world, knew what was on Professor Snape's mind…
Of course, no one ever knew that, and that was what Severus preferred.
Once he left the Great Hall, Severus glided down the castle corridors and quickly made his way into his living chambers.
Lily was coming to Severus since Hogwarts offered more privacy and protection, it would be much safer than her apartment.
It would be more intimate, too….
Once Severus was inside his rooms and the door was locked behind him, Severus spent the next half an hour quickly cleaning himself up and making a great spread of soft sheets and velvet blankets on the bed.
Severus lit a few candles in his bedroom, and quickly dusted the damask curtains that hung from the high canopy of his four-postered bed.
Once he was finished, Severus stepped back and admired the room.
It looked….presentable.
Actually, Severus's bedroom looked very comfortable, warm, and inviting.
Severus was trying to provide Lily with a sort of nest, a place where she felt safe and relaxed.
And loved…..
Severus frowned.
Severus wanted Lily to feel loved, that was very important to him.
But that was so difficult to do without revealing his true feelings for her!
A knock came at Severus's door and his heart caught in his chest.
Oh dear…
This was it.
Severus drew in a breath and quickly walked down his short hallway to answer the door.
What a cruel box Lily had trapped him in….
Severus couldn't possibly admit his love to Lily now, it would look too…...odd.
Lily would think that he was just trying to ease her mind, that he was voluntarily sacrificing his freedom to support her dream of motherhood.
But that wasn't true…
That wasn't true at all…..
Severus reached out a hand and opened his door, his black eyes shining with secret joy although his facial expression remained unchanged while he greeted his darling, "...Lily."
"Hey, Sev." Lily smiled at him from the stone corridor.