Cherishing You 16: I Cherish You!
The smell of coffee in the morning really did help him to refresh his mind. Levi blinked, eyes swept around the cafe. He closed the door behind him, pacing further to the cashier. Mikasa watched his eyes movements, knowing very well who the man was searching for.
"One espresso, please." Levi said while handing her the cash.
Mikasa nodded and walked to the coffeemaker.
"Had Eren gone to school already?" Levi's eyebrow rose.
Stiffing at the question, Mikasa eyed the cup, pouring the bitter coffee inside. "He had…" She mumbled, turned around to hand him his order.
"Well, isn't he getting more diligent?" The man chuckled, knowing very much how Eren and his studies were.
"There will be examinations soon." She explained, still trying to avoid eye contact.
"I see… No wonder." Levi smiled to himself and took a sip of his coffee, sighing in content as caffeine slowly worked in his system. "Tell him I want to have a word. I couldn't seem to reach him by phone." Levi put the cup of his coffee on the nearby table, sitting down, leisurely taking his time before another hour in the hospital.
"I will…" Mikasa bit her lower lip, pausing for a moment. "Brother…"
Levi's eyes widened when he heard her. Both of them stared at each other, unsure how to continue the talk.
"Eren had talked about the DNA test, huh?"
"So, is it true?!" Mikasa gasped and quickly walked outside the register, approaching her long lost brother.
Levi stared at her for a second, unsure how to react in this situation. He looked at his coffee, then look back to her.
"I don't remember anything aside from the accident, if you must know. I only remember I have siblings, a baby with green eyes." Levi sighed and leaned against the table, shaking his head.
"I thought… I lost my brother. We had a fight before that accident. I'm so glad in any way that you're still alive." Mikasa eyed the man, her eyes softened when Levi's eyes met her.
"I love Eren, Mikasa." Stopping for any possibilities of wanting him back to the family.
Those words stung. Mikasa clenched her fists in front of her chest.
"I cannot be your brother. Nor that I can be Eren's brother." Levi whispered as he looked down to his half drank coffee. He had thought about this for the night. He had thought that it's no use looking back to who he really was. He is a doctor now. He had his carrier intake and he had been living under a different name for years. He had gotten used to it. The past isn't important anymore. Cannot he just close the past and continue living the way he is right now without any disturbance?
"Can you please keep it just between us? Who else knew about this?" When Levi looked up, watching Mikasa's hopeful eyes turned dimmed. She gave a nod in return though, not wanting to press the issue further for the time being.
"It's the three of us and Eren's close friends. Our parents didn't know yet." Mikasa mumbled.
Levi nodded in acknowledgement. "Good. Keep it that way. I… I want to keep this life I currently have. I didn't wish for any change soon."
Mikasa watched him drink the rest of his coffee, put down the cup with a loud sigh and turned around to walk to the entrance of the shop.
"The only change I allow is…" Levi spoke while opening the door.
Mikasa looked at him, her heart thumped at the mention of her brother's name. Again.
"... is when Eren becomes a part of my life and shares it together with me." Levi said and closed the door behind him.
"But Eren had… left" Mikasa whispered, hand trembling while holding Levi's cup of espresso. Mikasa shut her eyes tightly. In a wimp, her ears catch the sound of a glass crashing on the floor. She shook her head and cried.
'Why is this so complicated?!'
"Mikasa?! Is something the matter?" Carla who heard the noise found her daughter crying her eyes out. Never had she seen Mikasa show such an emotion. Something must have gone terribly wrong. She walked to her, circled her arms around her shoulder and rubbed her back tenderly. Soothing her daughter as much as she could.
"Don't say you are fine in a time like this." Carla smiled at her, knowing so much how she never wanted to make her parents sad.
Mikasa shook her head. She stayed like that for some time, letting Carla comfort her.
'Eren, you are so stupid! That's not what happiness is!'
Levi pulled out his phone, punched Eren's number and pressed the phone against his ear. He heard a dial tone twice before he gasped as he collided with someone.
Farlan who was running towards Jaeger's Bakery meeped in surprise, blinked a few times and stared at Levi in full disbelief of his luck finding the man.
"Levi!" Farlan shouted his current name.
"You are-"
"Farlan!" He exclaimed, cutting him off.
"I remember." Levi nodded, eyes on his phone. He held his hand in the air, stopping Farlan from saying another word. He listened to the dial tone and clicked his tongue. Levi turned the call off. Obviously, the brat isn't picking up his calls since last night.
Farlan stared at him questioning, but waiting for Levi to take care of his business.
"Where's Isabel?" Levi asked while putting his phone inside his pants pocket. He walked past Farlan and headed to the train station with Farlan tailing behind him.
"She's at home, she had a friend coming over to play. Isabel started to take courses." Farlan explained. "Anyway, I wanted to ask about your DNA test!" He blurted.
Levi stopped on his track, eyes widened. He turned around and threw Farlan a look as if he had seen a ghost.
"You- How did you know about that DNA test?"
Farlan frowned after seeing the look on Levi's face. "Well, I overheard Eren's friend talking, so… I butted in for details. I mean, you're supposed to be my long lost childhood friend of mine..." He trailed off, rubbing his cheek with his forefinger.
Astounded by the information, Levi gaped at him like a fish. He blinked twice, facepalmed and groaned. "Right… Just put it in the newspaper that I got a DNA test with Eren. Bunch of idiots..." He cursed.
"Anyway- Is it true, though?" He pressed the question, making Levi's eye twitched.
"I lost my childhood memory asides from Eren. If that makes you satisfied. I don't even remember becoming your friend."
Farlan felt like he was being sucker-punched.
Levi glared at him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "But that doesn't change any of my present. My past is gone. I'm just Levi who works in a hospital as a psychologist. Eren's boyfriend. End of sentence."
Farlan stared at him.
Eren flipped his textbook, scanning the page and sighed. He might be having some progress on his studies for the upcoming exams, but his mind was somewhere else. He looked over his room. Nothing much change. It's his routine to keep moving back and forth during examinations time, he has some friends over to help him study and some seniors come over to hand him some extra notes to study. His room was tidied up by the person in charge of each student's belongings. Eren had put his clothes back to the shelves and organized the things he might need for his studies. Sometimes being away from the shop made him feel much freedom, alone and just do whatever he wants with his life. He seriously cannot wait until he becomes an adult and takes care of things on his own.
Someone knocked on the door, interfering with his train of thoughts. The door opened just before he let the intruder in. As soon as he caught the familiar blonde hair, Eren smiled. Armin sure knows that he always forgot to lock his door.
"Eren! I heard you're back here already!" Armin closed the door behind him, chirping as he looked around his friend's room. "Oh you've tidied up. Why did you come back here faster than usual?"
"Armin, did Mikasa tell you something?"
Armin shook his head, confused. "Does it have anything to do with the DNA result and Levi?" He pulled out the pillow and sat on the wooden floor, eyeing his best friend who was sitting on the chair across him.
"Yes… and I… Came out to my dad."
Armin gasped. "About you being gay? Did he do anything?"
"Nothing, he actually supported me. I'm surprised myself. He used to be violence when I was little. I heard my brother take it much worse than I am."
"Maybe something happened that made him change."
"For the better, yeah." Eren nodded. He stood up and sat beside Armin, sighing.
"Armin, if Levi ever asked where am I, please just… keep it a secret for a while."
"About you moving to the dormitory?"
Eren nodded.
"That's not fair for him, Eren! What? Are you trying to disappear from his life or something?"
"His life is much better than living with my family. I think he's happier than before. With his memory lost and all of the stuff that happened, it's better this way."
Armin stared at him. "I don't like this, Eren."
Eren looked at him back. "Same." He whispered.
Armin didn't take his eyes away, he stared until Eren looked down.
That night, Eren received a message.
"Do you remember the glass I bought for you the other day? It crashed. I heard an ancient belief that it's the sign of a bad omen. But what's worse than our relationship, anyway?
I heard from Mikasa you're studying hard because of the upcoming exams. I wish you good luck. Don't tell me you're asleep by the time this message arrives. Brat, you're supposed to be studying until midnight."
Eren's eyes watered, he sniffled and shook his head. He rolled to his side and cried himself to sleep.
Things had been hectic in the office. As busy as he was, Levi managed to make everything in his schedule perfectly in order. Even if his mind was somewhere else.
Eren.
Lately he had some trouble contacting the boy. It was as if Eren had ran off somewhere while Levi was getting busy with his own tasks at hands. It was until that middle evening, Erwin called him into his office.
Having his mind jumbled about his love life and work at hand, Levi assumed that trouble was coming in front of him. He propped himself up, putting the paperwork aside on his table and brushed off the dust on his hands. Levi sighed and pulled out his disinfectant he brought anywhere. He sprayed his hands for any germs that might be on his hands. He walked outside the office, getting himself ready for any complaint Erwin might have given him.
On his way to the big office, Levi noticed some of his patients were still waiting for their medicine. He noticed several childrens laughing and playing together with the other childrens. Some of them shouted "Captain!" in a high pitched tone. His lips curved up into a smile while walking passed the waiting room.
A flash of memory went into his mind and he stopped on his track. He recalled Farlan's words.
"...you're supposed to be my long lost childhood friend of mine..."
"Farlan…" He whispered the name, something seemed familiar, he couldn't put a finger on it. Childhood friends? He felt his head start to recall the incident which happened in Trost District.
"Captain! We'll back you up!" Oluo added.
"Oluo-"
"Nice try, kids! Look what you did, we've lost the princess!" The old man's voice could be heard, sneering at them as he came close. Rivaille's eyes widened, seeing the figure with dark long hair approaching them in the middle of ruckus.
"Rivaille! NOW!"
Levi's eyes widened. That voice is… Farlan?
"Levi?"
Levi snapped out of his thoughts. He blinked several times, eyes confusing on the man staring at him. It was Moblit.
"I saw you stand there looking pale, are you okay?"
"I- I'm okay. I'll be fine. I'm heading towards Erwin's office. I think something will come up."
Moblit nodded in acknowledgement. "It must be urgent. Good luck."
"Right." Levi nodded and walked continued pacing to the office.
Upon reaching his office, Levi knocked the door two times. Hearing Erwin's permission to come inside, he opened the door to find the man in the middle of writing down some report. The office looks spotless as always. He decided to wait for Erwin to speak up, closing the door behind him and paced to the couch in front of his work desk.
"Come sit in front of me. Drag that chair over here." Erwin suddenly ordered him.
Levi did as he was told, seated himself and waited.
"Do you know why you're here?" Erwin asked without looking up from his report.
Levi rolled his eyes. "Something wrong with my work performance, Erwin?"
Erwin stopped his pen moments. He chuckled and signed the report before putting it aside and putting his fountain pen in its place. He brought his hands together, eyes finally focusing on Levi. "You're too perfect, that's the problem."
Levi threw him a look. "If you're calling me for a joke, I'd rather do some other work for my next research." He pointed his thumb to the entrance of the office, not hiding his annoyance.
"I told you, that's the problem. You can do your work flawlessly, but not even once I saw you focusing on it. Rather, your eyes and mind aren't there at all. What has been troubling you recently? I'm not paying for a human robot."
"Are you saying that I lack some humanity?" Levi wrinkled his nose.
"There's no love in it, Levi. You're focusing on the work, but you need to raise more human connections."
That made Levi look at him aghast.
Erwin smiled when the words seemed to ring a bell in his mind. "You work best with children, though."
"My mind had been somewhere. Forgive me, I'll do much better work, next time."
"That's not what I want to hear from you." Erwin waved his hand and rested his back on the chair, crossing his arms. His blue eyes never leave his assistant's face. "Talk."
By talk, Levi knew what he meant. "It's family and personal matters."
"It doesn't matter. You're a psychiatrist, even you need to let it out."
"You do know the DNA test result had been out, right?"
Erwin nodded "I heard from Hanji. It's been weeks. How is it going?"
"Eren had been distant. He's not even in his house or his shop."
"Have you called him directly to his phone?"
Levi shook his head. "It's almost everyday I'm home at midnight. Last time I contacted him, he'd fallen asleep in the middle of our conversation. He's got a lot of exams coming, so that's understandable."
"You're insecure."
"I realise." Levi nodded. "We're blood related."
"Things can happen in a different way if you still want to make it work."
"Are you crazy?" Levi shot him a look.
Erwin shrugged. "Hanji was a boy before, we've been together for decades and it's nothing weird. And yes, we're crazily in love."
Levi shut his mouth and sighed.
"I lost my memory, to have the truth splashed on my face, it's kind of-"
"Stop sulking and move along with it."
"Erwin-" Seeing Levi's confused face, Erwin raised an eyebrow.
"Don't tell me you don't even know where his school is. I think that time you spilled your coffee on his school jacket, you at least checked his school logo."
"I didn't pay attention. I've never asked… He never talks, and we never speak about our background asides from the Trost District incident."
"Now you know what to do."
Erwin pointed to the entrance of his office.
Levi stared at him, lost for words.
"Levi, for the numerous times…" Mikasa raised her voice.
"I only want to talk to your brother." Levi pressed on. "Where is he?"
Mikasa pressed his lips together, ignoring the urge to say 'our' brother, but she let it go. "Didn't you call him or even text him?"
"If he replied to any of that, I wouldn't be here right now. It's been weeks." Levi grimaced at her.
Mikasa took a step back, letting Levi walk into the shop. He spotted Armin, Eren's close friend who regularly visited the shop twice than he was. They barely talk, but just the look of it, Armin must have known their relationship.
Armin gave a nod, obviously knowing what happened here. Back in the dormitory, he had told Eren to have some talk at least. Eren had refused and he was seeing how Levi was frantically searching for Eren's whereabouts is frustrating. If there were times Armin would like to punch his best friend, now is the time.
"Eren is a jerk." Armin spoke up. He made a face, stepped down from the stool he was sitting and faced Levi seriously.
"Armin-" Mikasa's words being cut off.
"Let him know the truth. Levi didn't deserve this. Hell, if I'm his boyfriend, I'd be so mad at him."
Levi's face contorted seeing Mikasa's expression. She looked like she was about to break down anytime soon.
"Eren had… Left." She finally said, "I cannot take this anymore! I cannot shoulder this alone." She frustratingly sat on the nearest chair.
"Left? What do you mean left?" Levi felt his heart sink, his hands were getting sweaty over the news.
Armin butted in. "Eren always moved to the dormitory during the examination season. We're going to have an examination soon, and he usually needs so much help, so…"
Levi breathed out. He thought for a second Eren had left far away from the island. Out of his reach. He clenched his fists. "Okay, may I know where his school is?" he slowly asked.
Mikasa gaped at him. "You- Are you saying that this whole time you didn't even know where his school is?" She bursted without thinking.
Levi felt slightly offended. He glared at her. It was true though, even after he spilled his coffee on Eren's jacket the first time they met, he never paid attention to his school logo.
Mikasa sighed and shook her head. "Even if you come, I don't think Eren will like it."
Levi frowned. "Are you hiding something from me?"
Armin stepped forward. "Yes… and no."
Mikasa sighed. She felt another headache attack her. How could his brother date someone and not do the background checking? Are they dating on a whim? "We're not trying to hide anything from you, but you two really need to talk to each other." Mikasa added.
Eren would never have thought that he'd welcome the morning sunlight with a terrible headache. He was barely able to wake himself up, but there were lessons waiting for him. He dragged himself off the bed and started to get ready for the mourning routine.
Being used to his mom's cooking for several months, Eren almost forgot he needed to catch the morning breakfast in the school cafeteria. He hurriedly bathed, dressed and ran out of the dormitory.
It was as if they were meant to meet each other. Eren's eyes saw a glimpse of a familiar raven hair. His eyes widened when Levi approached him, eyes filled with anger, menacing glare directed only to him.
"L-Levi… How did you-" Eren took a step back, clutching on his bag handle tightly.
"Care to tell me why you suddenly disappear? Do you know how worried sick I was trying to find you?! You barely even home every time I went there. Heck! You're not even trying to keep contact or even give me some information about your whereabouts. Not even answering my phone calls, not even replying messages. What is wrong with you?!"
"I… I don't want to disturb you. I just… I talk to Oluo-san. You had a better life now, I don't want to destroy that."
Blinking at the mention of his co-worker, he remembered the time Eren suddenly became distant. He curled his hands. "What do you know about me, Eren?" He walked towards Eren, corner him to the nearest wall. He put his right hand besides Eren's head, glaring at him.
Eren stuttered, trying his best not to look at him in the eye.
"I don't know much… We just… We're not even that close. I never checked your background and now reality came crashing hard. I was… confused. I was torn apart. Your life as my brother wasn't a very happy childhood. You're so much better in your current life. So…" Eren sobbed, pushing Levi away. "You better off without me."
Levi's eyes widened. His hand limped on his side. His mind absorbing the harsh words.
"Is that so? Is that what you want?"
Eren bites his lower lip, averting his eyes away.
"Do you think my feeling is a joke to you?!" Levi glared at him angrily. "I cherish you!" Levi shouted, making Eren's eyes back on him with a surprise look.
"I cherish every moment we have. I cherish you for loving a person like me! I cherish every bit of you being you! Do you know how hard is it for me to accept things such as opening up? If you don't want me, say so from the beginning! You just destroyed both of us!"
Eren's eyes watered. Never had he thought he'd be hurting someone he loves the most.
"If break up is what you're seeking, congratulations, Eren. You finally got it." Levi turned his thumb down in the air. His beady eyes were icy cold. He turned around and walked away.
Eren's back hit the school's building. He slid down, eyes never leaving Levi's back as the man walked away, out from his life. Eren slowly reached out his trembling hand towards the love of his life. It was as if Levi had walked away from his grasp that Eren couldn't reach for him anymore. His cheeks were wet, tears flowing freely as he let out a choking sob.
He never knew that losing someone would be this painful.
The words "I cherish you!" play over and over in his mind.
Eren cried out.
How could fate be this cruel? And here he was, imagining having his own famous bakery shop and living together with Levi.
He felt like it was all down the drain.
TBC…
Thank you for reading and be very patient with my pace of writing LOL I'm currently working on a Webtoon as well, if you wanna check my webtoon, go ahead, it's under the same username, AsakuraHannah. The title is Fate Encounter. :)
Its available in both English and Indonesian language.
If you wanna see a small comic strip of the scene during Levi and Mikasa talking about Eren, you can go to this link: bit . ly / CY16Art