Tony doesn't remember falling, or shaking on the ground for several minutes. He only recalls waking up and the pain. His legs jerked involuntarily and it was not unsimilar to a charlie horse. His neck stiffened and the pain traveled all the way down his spine. He tried to unclench his jaw but none of his body parts would obey him. Finally, when he was turning dizzy from lack of air, his jaw released its hold and he took big breaths. He started gaining feeling in his limbs but they still shook terribly. Coming back to his body he also realized he had a horrible migraine that was throbbing against his skull. He tried to piece together his thoughts but his brain was extremely foggy and clouded.

After a few minutes of laying on the ground, shaking, he managed to drag his body up to the couch and collapse breathlessly.

He must have fallen asleep because the next time he opened his eyes, it was significantly darker in the room. The lights were off and the air was cold. Tony felt himself called to the light emitting from outside.

He stumbled up, noticing his limbs were stiff and shaky, and braced himself against Vision's favorite window. He pressed his face up against the cool glass and moved his feet forward so that his toes were becoming one with the window. While the window was sound-proof, he imagined the sounds of the city below in his head. He imagined the glass suddenly disappearing and his body falling slowly below. Would the stars grab him before he hit the ground? Would the moon slow his descent?

He was jolted when his mind suddenly wandered to Rhodey. What was Rhodey thinking in his last moments?

Did he imagine the ground as a blanket? Hoping the soft Earth would cradle him like a baby? Did he imagine a bubble suddenly forming around him? His fast descent suddenly slowing as he floated through the air? No. In his last moments, he probably imagined his best friend grabbing him out of the air. Feeling the titanium-alloy gauntlet grab him around the arm and pull him up. He probably imagined the relief at knowing he wasn't going to die, that his best friend had his back.

But that was the problem. The ground wasn't a blanket, it was shockingly hard as it pushed against Rhodey's impact. There was no bubble, the slowing was probably all in his mind as his dying body forced him unconscious. And his best friend didn't pull him out of the air. His best friend was no more than an echoing whisper as the comm cut off inside the suit. Rhodey never experienced relief- he knew he was going to die. And he knew it because his best friend wasn't there, didn't have his back. His best friend was a fucking failure. Tony Stark was a fucking failure that couldn't even save his friend. His best friend. His brother.

Rhodey's last moments were most likely filled with fear. He might have screamed. He might have cried. Did he fall unconscious in the air? Was it the impact that made him sleep? Or was he awake as his blood vessels burst and his heart exploded?

Tony jolted back from the glass and landed on his butt. He crawled backward until he smacked the side of the couch. He tried to catch his breath as Rhodey's fall replayed over and over in his mind. He tried to stop his body's shaking and sweating, but he couldn't. He decided to just let it happen. Let his body search for air until it couldn't anymore, let it shut down just as Rhodey's did.

Tony was upset when he woke up the next morning with breath in his lungs.

The doorbell was ringing and the sunlight was hurting even through his closed eye-lids. Tony grumbled awake to see he was still on the ground in front of the couch. His arms were covered in goosebumps revealing his body's desperate ache for a blanket during the night.

Tony ran a quick hand through his hair and stumbled to the elevator. He reached the bottom floor and frowned when he saw a delivery man at the door.

"Tony Stank?" The older man asked.

Tony frowned at the name but shivered when he heard the ghosting echo of his best friend's laughter. "Stark. Tony Stark," he corrected, reaching for the package.

"Close enough," the man huffed and allowed Tony to sign.

Tony took the package up to his bedroom. He still had seen no sign of Vision and the dark part of his mind whispered about how the man decided to leave him. He told it to shut up and sighed when it didn't.

Inside the package was a letter and a flip phone. The childish part of him shivered in disgust at the ancient piece of technology. He flipped open the letter but froze as his eyes caught the word 'Steve' towards the bottom. The letter seemed to melt into his fingers, unable to be released. His mind read it once, twice, seven times.

'We all need family'

'I know I hurt you'

'I hope one day you can understand'

'if you need us'

'I'm sorry'

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

When you isolate a phrase, sometimes it changes the meaning. Tony isolated Steve's apology and closed his eyes. He imagined the surrounding words were about the fight at the airport, were about the fight in Siberia, were about Rhodey's death, were about leaving him alone, were about taking Tony's family. He savored the few seconds where his mind felt like it was being lifted from its current dark depths and moved into an ideal reality. Only to have it crashing back down when his eyes reread the letter for the eighth time. He ran to the bathroom to throw up.

Despite his reaction, Tony tucked the phone into a drawer. He didn't burn it or smash it or throw it like Rhodey would have told him to. He was a practical thinker. If there was an emergency the communication might come in handy. He told himself it was Rhodey's spirit that possessed him when he ended up choosing a drawer in Wanda's room to house the phone- a place he would never willingly visit- rather than a drawer in his own office.

As he left the Avengers' old floor, he made sure to grab all of the pills in the medicine cabinet so he wouldn't be forced to come down there if he ran out. They had a bunch stored for after-mission pains and he knew he would need them for his leg. He might have subtly swallowed three vicodin tablets on his way to the elevator, (and two more for good luck).

Tony froze as the elevator doors revealed Spider-Man perched on his couch. The figure stood when he noticed Tony.

"Hey ," Peter's anxious voice said after several silent seconds.

"Why are you here?" Tony gasped out. He internally frowned when he realized how mean the words sounded. I've missed you, he wanted to say.

"I just want to make sure you were okay," Peter said softly, pulling off his mask.

"Well I'm fine. You need to go," Tony said harshly, walking further into the room. Thanks for checking on me, he wanted to say.

"But what about the internship? You said-" Peter frowned, standing.

"I know what I said! Things change Parker. Plus, are you forgetting about your Aunt? She'll kill me. The internship is off." Tony walked into the kitchen, turning away from the boy. I don't want to see you get hurt again, he wanted to say.

"But-"

"Get. Out." Tony emphasized, frustratedly. Please leave, I will only hurt you further if you stay, he wanted to say.

He wasn't actually mad at the boy, but he was mad at himself in relevance to the boy. He was mad he allowed himself to get to know Peter. To taint Peter. To care for Peter. He was mad he put Peter into danger. He was mad he allowed Peter to see him as a mentor. He was mad he dragged Peter into this mess at all. His mess.

"Fine," Peter frowned. He started walking to the door but paused. "Mr. Stark? How is Rhodey?" He asked in a small voice. "When I left there were a bunch of paramedics but I never got to see if he was okay."

Tony forced himself to stay facing the toaster. He hid his shaking hands in the bag of bread and hoped the boy wouldn't pick up on it. "Rhodey," he took a breath. "Rhodey's okay." My best friend's dead and I'm falling apart, he wanted to say.

He heard Peter sigh. "Okay, good." The boy still didn't move. "Bye, Mr. Stark," he said sadly.

Tony didn't respond but eventually he heard the elevator doors close. Tony threw away the loaf when he noticed the whole thing twisted tightly beneath his fingers.

Tony felt like absolute shit, but he knew it was for Peter's own good. A vicodin or xanax (maybe both?) will help him forget it all.

Tony audibly groaned when only hours after Peter left, a black man with one eye had invaded his home as well.

"Stark," Fury greeted.

Tony placed his sixth cup of coffee onto the kitchen island and approached the couch. "Nick," he acknowledged. "Going to yell at me too?"

Nick tilted his head and gestured for Tony to sit. "No, actually."

Tony looked surprised. "No? Does this mean you agree with the Accords?"

Nick sighed, crossing his legs. "No. I don't necessarily agree with them. And neither do you. But I am- I was the leader of an enforcement agency. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't agree with regulation."

Tony nodded and looked at his hands. "So why are you here?"

"Since SHIELD fell I've been busy with...confidential things. But I still care about you guys and am concerned with this so-called 'Civil War'. I am here to help," Nick said honestly.

Tony scoffed and stood up. "Yeah, well your golden boy isn't here and neither are your spies. They all left. So go skedaddle off to help them because I know you would never ever help me." Tony walks off.

"Stark, you know that's not true. I know I may have favored Steve, Natasha, and Clint in the past but-"

"See!" Tony shouted. He ignored the way his words slurred- the handful of pills he took an hour ago were finally working. "You don't even call me by my name like you do them!"

"Tony-" Nick sighed, standing.

"No! I'm not stupid! Don't come here-" Tony swayed, stumbling to the side. "Don't...don't come here and-"

Nick frowned as he took in Tony's appearance. The man looked horrible the way his emaciated frame was swimming in his clothes. His eyes were red with stress-filled bruises underneath them and his face was worryingly pale. His words were slurring together unintelligibly and matched his body's unbalancedness. "Tony, are you okay?"

"Don't tell me what...Don't come here and-" Tony's eyes rolled to the back of his head and everything went black.

Nick looked sadly at the sickly man in his arms. Steve what did you do?

Tony was happy when he woke up in his own bed.

He figured Fury probably thought he fainted out of exhaustion. He would have to go lighter on the vicodin in the future. When he stumbled out of his bedroom, he found said man watching TV on his couch. "Get dressed," Fury said, not moving his eyes from the television.

Tony rolled his eyes but did as the man asked. He didn't bother shaving or cutting his hair- at this point he couldn't care what he looked like. He couldn't stop himself from taking another two vicodin tablets though, they were proving to be very helpful for his twinging leg. He hadn't taken off the brace in days, mostly because he had forgotten to, and the medicine was keeping the throbbing pain he felt underneath it at bay.

Nick escorted him to a black truck. They rode in awkward silence for several minutes. "I really do want to help you, Tony."

"How?" Tony said, looking straight.

"I can't offer much because Shield's basically gone, but I can help you with the Accords. There are many things that need to be changed," Nick said.

"I know, I'm trying," Tony sighed, rubbing his face.

"I know you are, but I can help."

"It's not that simple, Nick. The Accords are a matter of ethics and morals. You can fight easily with facts but it's extremely hard to fight with morals," Tony said, finally looking at the man.

"But not impossible," Nick smirked. "Give me one."

Tony looks at him for a long time before huffing. "The Accords say 'Individuals are subject to a power analysis and must be under 24/7 surveillance if they are found to have powers'."

"No human being should be under 24/7 surveillance," Nick said.

"True, but we also don't want anyone with powers to roam free. I couldn't sleep at night knowing there are people running around with actual superpowers and are not being supervised." Tony shivered, thinking of Wanda. "There was a motion to change the 24/7 surveillance to a tracking bracelet."

"That's also inhumane. Normal people aren't tracked by the government like that," Nick argued.

"But again, we don't want that kind of power running around unwatched," Tony countered.

Nick thought for a second. "So how about this: instead of tracking location, the bracelet can track power levels. So if the individual uses their powers in an insane amount without permission from the UN, they get sent an alert and only then that person can be tracked," he reasoned.

Tony thought it over and grinned slightly. "That's actually a good idea."

"I know it is. Look who you are talking to," Nick smirked. Tony rolled his eyes. "We are here."

Tony looked out the window and saw they were parked in front of a children's hospital. Nick reached onto the backseat and handed Tony a baseball hat. "Wear this," he instructed, getting out of the car.

Tony followed Nick inside and he froze. The hallways were lined with Avengers decorations and streamers. Kids were wandering around the halls in wheelchairs and socked feet, IV stands trailing behind them, but they all were dressed as some kind of superhero. The wall in the front lobby held a large sign that said "Happy Avengers Day!"

A small girl stepped in front of Nick and Tony. "Hello Misters, who is your favorite superhero?" The small girl asked. She was bald under her big woolen Iron Man hat and she wore a red and gold tutu with medical tubes sneaking under it. Tony stared silently.

"My favorite superhero is Iron Man, and this guy loves the Hulk," Nick answered, not looking at Tony.

The little girl's eyes lit up and she bounced in place. "I love Iron Man, too! He's my favorite! He saved my daddy in New York! And the Hulk is awesome! Did you see when he saved Iron Man when Iron Man fell out the sky?"

Nick smiled at the girl's enthusiasm. "I did. I'm glad your father is okay."

"Yes, he's great! All thanks to Iron Man! Oh," she jumped and grabbed something from the table behind her. "Here's your lollipops!" She handed Nick one with an Iron Man wrapper and Tony one with a Hulk wrapper.

"Thank you, sweetie," Nick said before they started walking down the hall.

Tony was quiet the whole time. Luckily no one noticed him, and he hoped that was more because of the baseball hat and not his disheveled appearance. He and Nick walked around the children's hospital silently, taking in the view while sucking on their lollipops. The kids had decorated it with their own drawings and artwork of the Avengers which lines the walls and windows. The hospital served Avengers themed treats and showed Avengers cartoons on the televisions.

Nick and Tony stood in the doorway of one of the hospital rooms. They watched two young boys dressed as Iron Man and Captain America save several kids acting as civilians. They finished the mission and the two boys high-fived as the kids cheered. Nick leaned over to Tony. "That's why we fight," he said softly looking at the kids. Tony nodded.

"By the way, Stark," Nick said, tossing his finished lollipop in the trash. "You taste delicious."

Thanks for reading!