Chapter One: Fear
Seven year old Bellatrix pulled the plush goose feather duvet closer. She shifted away, as far as she could, to the cool edge of the bed. Her father threw his arm out, drawing her close. She swallowed a howl of terror and revulsion and obediently curled up next to him. That was the first time her father raped her.
When she was eight, and her sister Andromeda was six, their father called for one of them. In the bedroom which Bellatrix shared with her sister, Bellatrix's horror erupted in slow motion. Bellatrix, having been her father's victim for over a year, knew exactly why he wanted one of them. Andromeda didn't understand why their father was calling for only one of the girls, but he had always been a sadistic drunk so she knew it wasn't anything good.
But she's six, thought Bellatrix, she is six! Somehow, six was very different to seven and a half, when it had first happened to her. Six was unthinkable. Six was too young to cope.
"Dromeda, wait here," she told her sister grimly.
"Oh thanks Bella!" the little girl replied reverently, thinking that her older sister had saved her from cruel words, or smacks at worst. Bellatrix tucked her shaking hands up in her too-long sleeves and left the room, white as a ghost.
Bellatrix would never stop being afraid. But fear would never stop Bellatrix.
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Fear certainly did stop Druella Black from taking any steps at all to stop her husband's sexual abuse of their oldest two daughters. In fairness to Druella, she had been a pubescent teenager when she married Cygnus (and she was a little old for his liking even then). She was sixteen when Bellatrix was born and her family would never believe her allegations against her husband. If she left, the Wizengamot would have ordered Cygnus full custody of all three of her daughters (her youngest, three year old Narcissa, still slept in her room - which she did not share with her husband).
If Druella wanted to get her daughters away from Cygnus, she would have had to go on the run - and the high society beauty had none of the grit nor survival skills required to accomplish such a thing. Perhaps her inaction was, in her own mind, the only thing she could do for her daughters - after all, Druella told herself grimly, abused is better than dead. Having been married to Cygnus since she was fourteen ("the flower of your youthful innocence is fading much too fast", he had told her during their honeymoon), Druella knew all about abuse. She'd coped, hadn't she? She lived in fear and shame, little more than a domestic slave and an ornament, and she had nothing to call her own, - but she was better than dead, wasn't she?
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"You're a jealous little minx, aren't you?" Slurred a very drunk Cygnus.
Bellatrix said nothing. She was drifting away. She was lying on her back in the sea near their country house, in Northumberland. She was not here.
"You never let your sister come to see me at night," Cygnus continued. "You always volunteer for the…privilege. You don't want her to replace you, do you?"
The waves are coming in sets of six, and each time they withdraw from the shore I can hear the seagulls squawking in the background, thought nine year old Bellatrix. She was so afraid - she had been so afraid for two years.
"Are you jealous of your daddy's cock?"
Cold, lapping, dark water, rocking me from side to side. I'm not here.
In two years, she could go away to boarding school and this would end. But two years is an eternity to a nine year old - and what would Andromeda and Narcissa (now five, perilously close to the age at which Cygnus invited Andromeda into his bed) do?
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The next time they visited Northumberland, Bellatrix (now aged ten) bolted to the sea. Her mother was afraid of the waves, and wouldn't go out to fetch her in. Her father was drinking, and with a bit of luck would be unconscious by the time the rising tide (which brought with it rougher waves) and the cold drove her in.
Bellatrix was afraid of the waves, too. They were huge, dark and angry and concealed all manner of terrifying creatures who were far more at home in the water than she was. She picked her spot and charged at the waves, as fast as she could run. She made it to hip-deep water by the time the wave was almost curving over her head. Adrenaline surged through her body and she saw the raw power of the sea, full of all of its terrifying fish and other marine animals. With a hasty gasp of air, Bellatrix dived under the wave, grabbing sand as she heard the water crash overhead. After over three hours in the sea, Bellatrix came in. She was blue and spluttering, and exhausted from counting sets of waves, holding her breath to dive, fighting against the power of the sea, and then popping up again. Andromeda was nowhere to be seen.
"Your father took your sister to his room," Druella informed Bellatrix crisply, knowing it would trigger her oldest child's guilt - but also struck with an inexplicable desire to hurt the girl.
Druella knew that it was morally wrong to delegate to Bellatrix the job of sexually placating Cygnus (and thus protect the rest of the family from his wrath). But Druella didn't care - hadn't she endured Cygnus for long enough? She had not wanted to be married, and she had certainly never wanted children with Cygnus. If Druella'd had any choice at all, Bellatrix (and her younger sisters) would not exist. Why should she owe anything to a girl that she unwillingly brought into the world - no, that her body was hijacked in order to create! - back when she was still a child herself?