Angela had never given much thought to routines before. She knew she had one, sure. Coffee and orange juice, maybe some light breakfast. Work, a little shopping if there was time before her train, home, dinner, family time, sleep, and repeat. But it wasn't set in stone. Sometimes there were Parents Association meetings or client dinners. Now and again parties or some other special occasion. Sometimes it was a spontaneous night out at the movies. Dull wasn't a word to describe life even during uneventful periods of time. Her life in Iowa? It was the same every day and every week without much variation. When it was different, it was the same kind of difference. Games, meeting someone for coffee, school events and fundraisers with the same faces as there was the last time. She trudged along every day with little rejuvenation for the next because she always knew what to expect.

She was all smiles during the day. She made sure of it. If someone was in the room with her she became the new semblance of herself she'd formed. In that mindset, she felt invincible. She could laugh and joke. She'd picked up on the local lingo and areas of entertainment. She could reason that this lifestyle was temporary and with each passing day she was one closer to returning home. As soon as she was by herself again, she slipped back into a state of depression. Nights proved to be the worst. Getting through the days was dreary but possible. There were things to do. The living room, as Tony loved to point out, had become the Angela Bower Afghan Museum, complete with sets of identical artworks. Nighttime didn't come with the same luxury. He always caught on when she sneaked out of the bedroom, sometimes concerned and sometimes suspicious. Until she came up with more excuses, she was trapped laying awake for hours until exhaustion overcame her.

Soon, she confided in Candy. She spared many of the details but asked if she or anyone else could give her advice on a sleeping aid. She knew if Tony saw prescription sedatives in the medicine cabinet he'd put everything together. She took whatever suggestions were feasible. Teas, over-the-counter tablets that could pass as vitamins — only fleeting fixes. Eventually, she was forced to adjust to only getting a few hours each night, napping during the day if she could. Besides, she decided, she wasn't doing as much in a day as she used to. All of this was probably excess energy.

New sleep strategies helped the most. Weekdays, she was sure to start a project just before Tony's usual bedtime. Sometimes it was some kind of cleaning or reorganization, other times it was finding a program on TV or starting a new book. By the time she went to bed, Tony was too groggy to fully realize the time. The sense of control this gave her in turn provided with a few more restful nights. All in all, each week came with some aspect of trial and error.

Another aid was springtime. The air was fresher here, something Angela marveled in. Her daily walks got longer and longer, keeping things as interesting as she could manage by wandering off the main pathways and leaving the campus. The sky was incredible, especially at night. Who knew Connecticut had so many lights in comparison? She wondered what it might look like during the summer meteor showers. It was almost enough to feel disappointed that they wouldn't be around for it. Almost.

If it wasn't the fresh air helping her, it was the solitude of these excursions. She'd reached a point where she needed to not pretend for a while. She needed to feel what she was feeling without a filter. Sometimes it was sadness, other times anger, then some number moments. Those were the worst, not being able to make sense of anything or let the emotions out. Going back to Tony became almost impossible those evenings. Numbness turned to anxiety and every time she was sure she couldn't keep up the charade any longer.

. . .

"Geez, Angela. I've been looking everywhere for you."

Angela looked down at her watch, squinting to read the hands through the darkness. "Oh my… I'm sorry. I didn't realize how late it was."

"I expected you home an hour ago," Tony said as he helped her up. He'd been walking all over the campus, unsure if he should be worried or not. Every day she seemed more and more distant but couldn't figure out why. She was cheerful enough when they were together, but as soon as his attention was turned away (or so she thought) she grew quiet, a far-off look in her eyes. He'd asked a few times if she was okay, each time receiving the same positive answer. As much as he wanted to, he didn't push, but right now he found that to be a difficult task.

"You come here often?" He turned his head toward the cornfield, realizing after speaking that it was the same one she'd painted a dozen times.

"Yeah," she said, hoping she was hiding her disappointment in losing her hiding space. "It's away from the 'hustle and bustle'."

"You've just been sitting here?" he questioned. "This entire time?"

"Mostly."

"Any reason?"

"Just daydreaming," she smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.

"What about?"

"Ah, nothing in particular. It's supposed to rain for the next few days. I wanted to enjoy the air as much as I could."

Tony nodded despite not believing a word of it.

Most of the rest of the walk was in silence, but just as they were in sight of their building, he took the opportunity of minimum distractions to ask, "Angela… are you happy?"

More surprised than she should have been, she replied, "I beg your pardon?"

"Are you happy being here with me?"

"Of course I am."

"You're positive?"

Angela sighed. "I wish you'd stop asking me this."

"You just seem... I dunno... different lately."

"That's what happens when you move somewhere, you adapt. You change."

"It seems like more than that."

She sighed. "I admit I've been thinking a lot about Jonathan recently, but in a few weeks everyone will be flying out here and I'll feel better. That's all."

"You sure?"

Stopping him from walking further, she pressed a light kiss to his lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Angela. That's why I'm worried about you."

"Everything's fine. Really." She kissed him again. "Can we please talk about something else? Hey, I tried a new cookie recipe tonight. I'm not sure how great they came out though... I went too heavy on the walnuts."

Surrendering to this change of subject, Tony resumed walking with her and said after a long breath, "I'm sure they're great."