surprisingly managed to update within a week, wonders never cease lmao. i wouldn't get used to it though, this is probably a one-time thing ^^; chapters keep on getting longer and longer too haha. anyway, enjoy!
*4.1.21: retyped edited to fix mistakes, update writing style, and add to the story.*
warning for torture and implied rape — fenris has a nightmare/flashback in part about his time as a slave. the torture includes whipping and is slightly descriptive. there are two non-explicit mentions/implications of rape — for more detail, please jump to the end notes if needed. please read safely and take care of yourselves guys!))
Disclaimer: Obviously, neither Dragon Age nor Inuyasha belong to me.
Part V
Morrigan leaned heavily forward, back bowed as she braced her hands against her bare knees, sucking in one deep breath after another. While Shippo all but panicked, curses slipping from his mouth, Kagome immediately sprang into action and darted over to the mage's side.
"Are you alright?" she was quick to ask, hands already glowing as she called forth her spiritual power.
The mage eyed the miko's hands, and though curiosity lingered in their golden depths, wariness took precedent. Camped outside the ruins as they were, Kagome did not exactly receive many opportunities to demonstrate the extent of her abilities in front of the other woman. There were no mages — no enemy mages, at least — nor were there any demons flouting about and attacking them. Their strongest adversary they'd face yet was the Eluvian itself, and barring that, the never-ending supply of spiders that roamed the ruins. As such, Kagome's supply was not in high demand either.
"I… I believe so," Morrigan replied, panting, a palm held out to gesture the help was unnecessary, though not unappreciated. "As I once said before, great power is necessary when it comes to these mirrors, especially as I am not of Elvhen blood. T'is only draining." With a shaky hand, she reached up to wipe away the sweat beading up across her forehead, before taking up the water skin at her hip and rehydrating.
Kagome shared an uncertain look with Shippo, who'd taken to hovering a safe distance away behind Morrigan's back, before she turned her attention back around, shifting her weight from foot to foot. When the other woman had pulled the water skin from her lips, capping it, Kagome reached out with a tentative hand to give a light touch to her bare shoulder. Beneath her fingers, the mage went precariously still, eyes darting up to catch Kagome's, narrowing a sliver.
Kagome felt hesitant to speak, but under the weight of Morrigan's expectant, yet fatigued gaze, she pushed on, "You don't… you don't have to do this, if it's too risky," she murmured, unable to hide her concern as well as her guilt. "Our return home isn't worth your health."
Morrigan remained unmoving for a long moment, studying Kagome beneath her thick lashes before slowly straightening, lifting her head to properly meet the miko's gaze. After some speculation, her sharp golden stare then slid towards the kitsune now hovering at the shorter woman's shoulder, where for an instant, for just a quick blink, it softened before slipping away.
"I… am doing this, as much as for myself, as for the two of you — perhaps even more," she said. Her reply came slowly, as one does with the careful deliberation of choosing their words, but also a firmness borne from a confidence in them, and Kagome finally pulled her hand away. "We have deciphered the key and completed most of the ritual; now all that is left is to finish what we came here to do." An awkward pause soon followed, in which the mage fidgeted before she briskly dipped her head in a grateful nod. "Though, I thank you for your concern, however much t'is unnecessary."
It prompted a quiet snort from Shippo, but he made no move to argue as he went to sit back down on a nearby boulder.
Morrigan wasn't finished, however. She raised her chin, an eyebrow drawing up. Her gaze turned shrewd. "One must wonder, however…" she continued, her tone drawling, "If returning to your world is what you truly desire?"
Kagome froze. But before she could muster a reply, the mage carried on, drifting steps taking her back to the tome she'd left laid out open nearby, intent on reviewing its contents — though not without one final, offhand remark in parting.
"What… either of you truly desire?"
Kagome's eyes widened a fraction, realizing. Whirling around, she faced Shippo only to find him staring not at her, and quite obviously at that. Instead, his focus fixated on what must've been a particularly intriguing spot on the ground before him.
Kagome had long held her suspicions, but if Shippo wanted to stay, she needed to hear it said from the kitsune's own mouth. Approaching her son, she gently pressed, "Is that true, Shippo? You want to stay?"
Shippo shuffled in his seat, put on the spot, and peeked up at Kagome with a wary glance. He looked — nervous, and the random urge to laugh struck Kagome. "It's not so bad…" the demon hedged, hands fiddling over his laps, picking at his claws, "This world is actually pretty interesting."
Kagome scoffed under her breath, skeptical, "Yeah, I bet. The darkspawn are quite the riot," came her dry retort. Stepping closer, she crossed her arms and levelled the young adult with a stare. She softened her tone and pressed, "Seriously, Shippo."
The redhead lurched off the boulder, taking to his feet. He threw his hands into the air as he began to pace away from her, "Kagome, I am. We've spent almost a decade here, and — and l, I don't know! I guess I've gotten used to this world..."
He huffed out a frustrated breath, pacing doubling in speed, "Even if we get this mirror working, Morrigan said that the one in our world might not even be active anymore, if it ever was in the first place, making everything we've done here - everything we've done since coming here, looking for a way back, pointless. Never mind the fact that the trip back could very well kill us like it did when we came here, and that was with the jewel!"
Shippo jerked to a sudden stop, pivoting on his heel to face Kagome and send her a beseeching look. A note of pleading slipped into his voice as he whispered, "Is this world really so bad?"
Taken aback, Kagome's eyes widened. She couldn't help but wonder how long he'd felt this way; how long he'd been holding all of this back.
Of course, she couldn't deny having entertained those very same thoughts. With so many years having passed, with the possibility of returning so slim and becoming more so as time passed, it often left her to wonder whether the attempt was still worth it. Then, as Shippo mentioned, there was the matter of the Shikon Jewel; she had the same idea that it somehow helped ferry their way into their world, like it did for her between times with the Bone Eater's Well, and as a result used up the power, the souls, that once took up residence inside it. Since their arrival in Thedas, the Shikon held as much power as the cheap glass trinkets her grandfather would sell at the shrine — she hadn't been able to sense a thing from it.
And now, the jewel was no longer even in her possession — hadn't been since her last fight alongside Fenris against the hunters.
"Shippo," Kagome softly implored, hoping to calm him a little, "I'm only asking because… because if we decide to stay here, eventually you'll be here alone. There are no other kitsunes here, no other demons. At least back in our old world, there's Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru, and other demons that would live as long as you." She shook her head, sighing, "The demons here… they're nothing like back home. They're literally the embodiments of sin and evil."
At that, Shippo seemed troubled, as if the idea of him outliving her had yet to occur to him. Uncertainty now clouded his expression, fangs digging into his bottom lip, hands clasped together in a weak hold and fingers twisting with one another. "Kagome…" came his anxious whisper, before his eyes suddenly widened, flooding with realization. He glanced over at her in surprise, staring openly, "Wait, you mean you wouldn't mind staying either?"
Kagome looked away, rocking on her booted heels, feeling caught out. "I… still have business to take care of," she admitted, timid as she bit her own lip, "I… would like to finish before going back." She paused for a beat, before steering her gaze back to meet Shippo's, amending, "... If we go back, that is."
Apparently Morrigan was listening in, and unashamedly at that, as she chose that exact moment to helpfully chime in. "Clearly she wants to find that elf of hers," she bluntly drawled, unconcerned with Kagome's following bout of sputters.
"He's — he's not my elf!" came her first rebuttal, swift and automatic, "And it just… it just doesn't feel right to leave without making sure he's okay first," she said in her own defense, palms raised up and out as she shook them in front of her, and sent a sharp glare in the mage's direction, to no effect.
Morrigan snorted, not even remotely convinced. Shippo looked inclined to feel similarly skeptical, something evident in his tone as he asked, "Just to make sure he's okay?"
Kagome was not appreciating being ganged up on. "Yes," she insisted sharply, cheeks pinking, and decided a change of subject was in desperate need. "And I believe you're right about the trip back home. The more I think about it, the more I feel… like the attempt wouldn't end well for us, not without the jewel. We almost died even when we did have it with us."
"Yes," Morrigan murmured, eyes growing unfocused where they lingered on the pages in front of her as she became lost in thought, "This Shikon no Tama… I believe it was that which triggered the mirror to initiate travel in the first place. Neither of the mirrors, I am assuming, had been activated when you two used them, and yet here you are."
The witch stepped away from her tome, beginning to pace as she worked out her reasoning aloud. "As a human priestess and a fox demon, frankly, you should have perished during the trip in between, yet you are alive — as if you were either protected in some form, or something else powered the trip. That you ended up here, through another inactive mirror instead of the realm in-between… t'is remains a mystery, even to me." She turned to regard the Eluvian, eyes narrowed. "A separate, direct connection between the two Eluvians, perhaps?" she mused aloud, before giving a brief shake of her head to dismiss the thought for the time being.
Turning back to them, Morrigan then issued a tiny, decisive nod. "T'is should be safe to say that this jewel was the instigator of all these anomalies."
Shippo stared at her in disbelief. "So you're saying going back was impossible all along?"
Morrigan rolled her eyes, dismissive. "T'is unlikely, but I dare not say impossible. Or at least, t'is too soon to tell. I could, perhaps, manipulate the magic of this mirror to link it to the mirror of your world, since your initial passage has proved there to be a connection between the two. T'is much riskier, however, and… less accurate in terms of destination."
The mage turned to the mirror in question, mouth pursed slightly in consideration. "Or, we can travel to the in-between, perhaps find the mirror to your world already activated. And if not, perhaps investigate a way to activate it from the other side. This would naturally take much longer, however, and may prove fruitless in the end." She glanced back at them, lifting a slender shoulder in a small shrug. "Nevertheless, this mirror must first be activated."
Returning to the mirror, Morrigan raised her hands, a wispy, blue light beginning to swirl around them. "Whatever your decision, you may want to decide soon. It will not take much longer now to do so."
With a rough exhale, Fenris yanked his blade from a raider's chest, emitting a wet squelch. The man dropped to the ground, dead, and the glow of his markings dimmed as he scanned the area with a perfunctory glance and found no more enemies left to fight.
Giving a sharp flick of the wrist, Fenris whipped off the excess blood from his sword and cleaned the remains off with languid swipes against the closest body available. Using the break, Fenris took a moment to catch his breath.
Another job done, he thought with grim satisfaction. He slid his blade onto his back and began to rummage through the raiders' pockets, taking things that seemed of worth and discarding those that weren't. Once finished, Fenris approached the stash of crates the raiders had fought and died to keep, finding the stolen goods he was hired to recover along with more valuables when he looked through those as well.
Midway through his inspection, his neck began to prickle. Fenris stopped short at the sensation crawling down his spine and paused, fingers twitching, his lips beginning to curl in a silent snarl.
He was being watched.
Drawing his hands from the crate he was digging through, Fenris turned to take a closer look at his surroundings. He weaved through the dead bodies littering the ground, surveying the clearing, keeping an eye out for any movement among the rocky cliffs and outcrops or in the vegetation.
The Wounded Coast was not an area lacking in hostile foes, be they more raiders, smugglers, Tal Vashoth, beasts, or demons.
Possibly even slavers.
Minutes passed as Fenris waited for whichever it was to make their move and ambush him — alone as he was, he knew he appeared to make for quite the easy mark.
Nothing came, however. All that moved were the branches and leaves of the plants as the breeze came off the sea and ruffled through them.
Fenris cast another suspicious look about before straightening. Perhaps they did not miss the number of raiders lying dead at my feet and decided the risk wasn't worth it, he mused, deciding to shake it off. He soon returned to sifting through the raiders' goods.
Still, he did not relax completely as he finished his sorting; he wasn't able to, in fact, as that instinctive sense of being watched never quite went away. Nonetheless, Fenris worked past it as he took the stolen goods he was tasked to retrieve, among a few other items that looked the most valuable, before stashing the rest somewhere out of sight. Knowing Hawke, he'd be back in the area before the week was up and could pick it up then.
A deep scowl marred Fenris's face as he shouldered his pack and began to walk, the trek home an increasingly unpleasant experience as the feeling of being watched hovered over him all the way back to Kirkwall. It was only until he made it into Lowtown, slipping into the throng of people milling about between stalls to do their shopping, that he managed to shake the feeling at last.
His meeting with his employer was short, and as he left the encounter with his pack lighter and his purse heavier, it was with an unsettled feeling that he returned to his self-proclaimed estate in Hightown.
Morrigan was not incorrect in her estimate. Three more days was all it took before she was leading them back through the ruins and into the chamber where the Eluvian stood. Without any word or prompt, she stood at the top of the mirror's dias and waved a glowing hand over its surface.
The purple glass glimmered and rippled, a faint light glowing from beneath its surface. Kagome and Shippo watched on in wonder as the image in the mirror shifted; no longer did it reflect the murky visage of the cave chamber itself, but instead another 'room' entirely, if it could even be called that — one where they could spot a variety of other mirrors in the distance.
Shippo drew closer, climbing up a couple of steps. "Is that…?" he breathed out, glancing at Morrigan with eyes lit with intrigue.
She nodded. "The Crossroads, yes," Morrigan murmured in return, voice faint, and with another wave of her hand the image gave another ripple before fading away. A long moment passed before she turned away from the mirror to the pair below her, arms crossing and chin lifting as she peered at them through hooded eyes. "You two have come to a decision, yes?" she prompted, tone brisk. Though she seemed to try to come off as indifferent, there was a sort of guarded curiosity in the stare she pinned them with, a tension thrumming in the lines of her lithe arms.
"So eager to get rid of us, hm?" Shippo remarked, a wry twist to his mouth, and for a moment Morrigan's expression faltered — it became… something softer, more vulnerable, conflicted even. But it vanished so quickly that Kagome couldn't be sure whether she imagined it, or if perhaps it was only a trick of the light.
Morrigan turned from the demon with an irritated harrumph, instead directing her expectant gaze onto Kagome.
Ah.
Kagome shifted in her spot, "I…" she started, only to trail off. Her eyes strayed to the Eluvian in a prolonged glance and she gave a light swallow.
No. She couldn't leave Thedas — not yet.
"I'm staying," Kagome quietly said, her tone decisive, and she turned back to Shippo and Morrigan. "There's something I need to do."
The corners of Shippo's mouth curled faintly. "You mean someone?" he guessed. Gone was his teasing drawl, his voice now gentler, kinder — knowing.
Looking between the two, Morrigan hesitated before drawing away to give them their privacy, though not without a lingering glance at them over her shoulder as she left.
Kagome's cheeks heated, and she covered her face. "I need to check up on him, at least," she confessed, her words muffled from behind her hands. "See him. Make sure he's still alive, still free."
The uncertainty had been eating up at her during the time she'd spent working on the mirror with them. She was almost positive Fenris had escaped the explosion, but even the smallest chance that he didn't, that he was dragged away bloodied and unconscious back to Danarius, still lingered. And even if Fenris had escaped that day, it did not mean he couldn't have been captured later on since then.
Kagome knew that if she left without at the very least making sure Fenris wasn't back in Tevinter, it would haunt her for the rest of her days.
Behind her hands, she quietly asked, hoping, "Is that okay?"
Kagome heard footsteps approaching her before she felt Shippo take her hands into his own, and with care, tugged them from her face. Dragging her gaze up, she saw him giving her a small, kind smile and a look full of love and support. "Kagome," he murmured, his smile widening, "If that's what you want, then of course it's alright." Grateful, she returned his smile, huffing softly when Shippo leaned forward with a light laugh and pressed an affectionate kiss against her forehead. "And after? If you find him?"
That she would help Fenris escape again if she found him with Danarius was obvious. Shippo was asking what she would do once she found him and they were both settled and safe, and by the arch of his brow, he already knew. Kagome ducked her head, and Shippo laughed again, taking her growing smile and pinked cheeks as answer enough.
As his laugh faded, the kistune eventually looked over his shoulder, at the mage standing yards away from them with her back still to them as she busied herself with examining the mirror. "I… I think I'm going to stay too," he admitted, unusually bashful. "There's, ah, something I need to do as well."
Unable to help herself, Kagome found herself grinning. It wasn't often that Shippo became shy — or, at least, it wasn't often that he showed it. "You mean someone," she repeated, knowingly and faintly teasing, and grinned wider when she found his cheeks darkening with a blush.
Over the months they worked on the Eluvian, Kagome couldn't help but notice the pair becoming… closer. Oh, they were subtle, or maybe it was just a slow process — Shippo still pestered Morrigan to no end, and she still snipped at him in turn, sharp and scathing much to Shippo's entertainment, furthering the mage's frustration at times. Other times, though she tried, Morrigan could not hide own private amusement, bemused and resigned though it occasionally may be.
But Kagome would often find them talking closely at night, sitting beside one another at the campfire, voices quiet, amicable murmurs over the timber crackling and popping, the atmosphere almost… intimate.
She wasn't ignorant to the little moments they would share as well, like Shippo never failing to bring Morrigan food when she'd rather remain focused on repairing the Eluvian, or tugging her away and providing distraction to give her a much needed break. Nor was she blind, often catching Morrigan's small, reluctant, but no less genuinely fond smiles when Shippo wasn't looking, how her barbs had softened just a tiny bit, and her indulgence in telling her tales of travelling with the fabled Warden, the woman who'd slain the Archdemon and ended the Blight.
Most memorable, though, was when Morrigan had hesitantly inquired about how they met — and then, later approaching Kagome one night to speak in private, asking about her experience of raising Shippo, listening to the story with a degree of great captivation before eventually confessing of the son she had of her own.
Shippo had been… to say shocked would be an understatement, but genuine curiosity had won him over and he was soon asking Morrigan why she hadn't mentioned him earlier, where he was, before diving into questions about the boy himself — what was he like, how old was he, what did he look like.
He was also the one who insisted she'd leave to check up on him regularly and often.
Shippo was smitten with the mage, Kagome knew without a doubt, and Morrigan… she suspected the woman felt the same.
Turning her hands in her son's grasp, Kagome gave them a tight, encouraging squeeze as she stepped closer and asked, more quietly, "Have you…?"
Shippo shook his head hastily before she could finish, "No." He ducked his head this time, copper fringe swishing across his forehead, lips quirking. "Not yet. But I will." Raising his head, he peered down at Kagome, biting his lip. His fangs peeked out a little as he gave her a shy smile. "I… I don't want to let her go."
Kagome's heart flipped. She beamed up at him, throwing her arms around him as a delighted laugh spilled from her lips. "I'm really happy for you," she whispered warmly, pecking him on the check. She released him then, giving him a gentle nudge as she teased, "You might want to tell her though."
Cheeks still a little dark, Shippo grinned and nodded before he promptly pivoted on his feet. "Looks like we're staying!" he cheerfully announced to Morrigan, who was still busying herself with the Eluvian as she waited, "Sorry to waste your time like that!"
For a beat Morrigan froze in place where she stood, half-bent examining the mirror and hand glowing with her magic, before she spun around in shock to stare down at Shippo with widened eyes. The spell faded from her fingertips as she curled them into a fist and brought it to her chest, pressing firmly against her alabaster skin.
"You… you're staying?" Morrigan repeated, voice faint and sounding numb — as if she wasn't quite sure she'd heard him correctly. Without skipping a beat, her eyes soon narrowed, switching gears as she took three quick steps down the dias and away from the mirror, swiftly demanding, "Why?"
Instead of answering her, Shippo approached her with quick, short strides — Morrigan had taken one cautious step back before freezing completely at his proximity, allowing him to loom over her.
"Because I'd be a fool not to," Shippo confessed quietly with an honesty so grave that it seemed to shake Morrigan, for when she exhaled it was with a near imperceptible, but nevertheless noticeable trembling breath. His voice lowered to a husky baritone as he reached out, fingers gently sliding under along her jaw to cradle her face, his touch so gentle it left her eyes fluttering shut, her breath stuttering to a halt. "Not when the woman who's stolen my heart is here in this world, right in front of me."
Morrigan's hand shook faintly as she finally inhaled, eyes slipping open to stare up at Shippo, golden eyes glowing with astonishment. "You'd still be a fool," she breathed out, voice but a whisper, "We've known each other for not even a year."
"And if I leave, I lose the chance to know you further," Shippo gently argued, "Tell me to leave - tell me that there is no chance, that we have no chance and I'll understand. I'll back off. I will. I just can't leave without trying." He mustered a somber smile as his gaze roved across her face to take her in, as if it was his last chance, his thumb sweeping delicate circles along her skin, before confessing, "It would be a regret that would haunt me for the rest of my life."
Morrigan's lips tightened. She looked torn between kissing him desperately or throttling him just the same for such a cheesy, romantic line.
"You are insufferable," she snarled at last, and for a split-second Shippo's expression fell, crestfallen — but then Morrigan's hands shot out before the heartbreak could set in, gripping the straps of his chestplate to yank him down and bring him to her lips.
Shippo sputtered at first, too overwhelmed with disbelief, but it didn't take long until he melted into the kiss, matching Morrigan's ferocity and pulling her in closer.
With a small smile and a fond roll of her eyes at the dramatics, Kagome took that as her cue to slip away and begin packing.
Chain rattled and clinked, the sound painfully high in pitch, ringing loud and too sharp in his ears. The collar — a monstrosity of twisted leather and shining golden metal, encrusted with gems that glittered beneath the faint sprinkle of his blood — rubbed against his raw skin as it chafed up his neck, stinging fiercely with each tug after insistent, impatient tug against the base of his skull and pulled at the hair caught within. Dull eyes fastened to the frigid, pristine marble beneath his bare feet, he allowed himself to stumble along with the draw.
"Closer, Fenris…"
At once his feet moved as bid, following the chain's pull. His neck craned even further down in deference the closer he drew to the man reclining in the chair.
It was a throne, more like — inordinately ornate, seated with thick, plush cushions of deep scarlet, crafted with a rare, dark metal that gave a wicked gleam under the magelight, the back tempered into a display of intricate swirls that ended with points so sharp it could kill.
And had killed, in fact, during one such occasion where a fellow magister of his Master's murmured a similar observation aloud and one of the house-slaves had the misfortune of being in the same room.
"Would you like to see?" his Master had offered. And of course, the magister agreed; refusing his Master's generosity would be unwise both politically and socially.
He remembered the boredom in Master's voice. He remembered the slight smile on his Master's face as he beckoned the house-slave forward.
He remembered less the terror in the poor girl's eyes and more the defeated acceptance of her fate: death, for but a few minutes worth of her Master's amusement.
"... Yes, master?" Fenris rasped as he paused a step behind his Master's side, his voice made sure to be no louder than a whisper and deferring in tone. It was just barely audible over the clink of his chains and the soft scratches of quill and parchment.
"My goblet, little wolf," came his Master's lofty demand, attention still on the documents spread across the lavish desk before him. "Do fill it."
Just out of reach on the furthest corner of the desk sat the aforementioned cup, beside it a bottle of exorbitantly priced wine. Mechanically, he brought the pair over, pouring the blood-red liquid with measured movements before returning the bottle to its place once done.
"Master," he murmured, offering the drink.
Instead of accepting it, his Master straightened, tipping his head just so, waving his free hand — beneath Fenris's fingers the glass turned cold as ice, and he instinctively curled them tighter around the delicate stem. His markings lit up, emitting a soft glow, the lyrium coursing beneath his skin stirring in such close proximity to active magic.
The glow lasted only mere seconds, and in the time his Master lowered his hand, Fenris mutely slid closer and brought the now chilled rim to his lips.
.
.
"But why?"
"Because… You looked like you needed it…"
.
.
His body rocked in tandem with each lash, face twisting with pain every time leather struck his raw and weeping back, nothing more than a soft grunt or a sharp inhale escaping his lips as he endured his punishment.
Five… Seven… Ten… Fourteen… Higher, the number grew until the count ended at last at an even twenty.
Back bowed and thrumming with tension, Fenris trembled. Blood poured slick down the length of his back, intermingling with sweat which left his wounds to sting sharply with white hot agony.
"As stoic as ever, my silent wolf," came the sickly smooth drawl of his master. There was a faint note in his tone, akin to disappointment. It made his insides twist.
Fenris did not respond, instead swallowing roughly, eyes clenched shut and jaw twitching as he rode out the pain.
The magister sighed and began to make his way towards the door with a rueful shake of his head. "Do make sure to clean up after yourself," he dismissed, addressing the blood marring his pearly white marble floor, as well the whip left out on the table, still glistening with more of his blood.
Fenris inhaled slowly, steadying. His face smoothed into a blank expression; his hands, however, curled into tight fists before relaxing in the next second after, the act itself an unconscious one.
"Yes…" he dully intoned in return, speaking for the first time since his punishment had begun, "... Master."
Danarius had just about slipped through the doorway when he paused, a split-second of hesitation, before he shook his head deftly and continued on his way.
.
.
"My name is Kagome, by the way. Didn't get a chance to introduce myself before you… Well. You know. What's yours?"
"..."
"So you're not even going to…? ... Well, alright then. I mean, I could always call you grumpy, if that's what you really want — it does have a nice ring to it — but I'd much rather have a name. Doesn't even need to be your real one, to be honest. Not like I'd know either way."
"..."
"Really? You really want me to call you Grumpy? Seriously?"
"... Fenris. My name is Fenris."
"Nice to meet you, Fenris!"
.
.
smoke filled his lungs; his skin felt hot, scalded; his head, fuzzy.
through the cloud of smoke he spied a glint, a gleam: a frosty dark blue that had his blood turning to ice.
.
.
Nighttime was the only time he'd ever get a semblance of peace, a moment of quiet and solace from the ministrations bestowed upon him by his master.
"Little wolf, little wolf… I know you're awake."
But not on nights when she came to play with him instead.
.
.
A laugh — long and bright and happy, dancing carefree along the soft passing breeze, washing over him like the sun's light on a warm spring day. Comforting and cozy, he could listen to the sound without end.
"... Then this will be an experience for both of us, hm?"
She peered up at him through thick, dark lashes, her eyes a glittering deep blue that reminded him much of the waters off the beach in Seheron, in that lull between waves when the foam subsided — serene and glowing under the bright sun overhead. Her lips, a pretty pale pink that shone with the gloss of her rouge, were curled into a smile wide and open and lovely. And her hand, a welcome, gentle touch, warm against his skin that he for once did not flinch away under.
He'd always thought Kagome was a lovely woman, both in looks and personality, but as she gazed up at him with a smile on her face, content at being at his side candid in the scrunch of her faintly freckled nose and the crinkle of her eyes, he was genuinely, incredibly struck by how beautiful she was in this very moment.
Despite himself, he felt his mouth twitch.
Smiling, he was smiling…
It felt so easy, so effortless.
It felt nice.
"One that I look forward to."
.
.
"—ur fault."
.
.
Ice-blue eyes flashed, as cold and unforgiving as the hail that descended from the skies during the worst summer storms. Lips painted in blood spread and twisted into a caricature of a smile, white gleaming in the moonlight between the scarlet lines.
A taunting laugh drawled low and sultry, teeming with anticipation.
Fenris shut his eyes, clenching tight — a distant hope to shut himself away from what he knew was to come. Sleep, all he wanted was to sleep, to escape, if only for a short time.
A whisper crawled through his ears and down his spine like tiny knives, but what made his insides twist were the small clinks that soon followed. Of belts being unbuckled and cast aside, the near-mute ruffle of shifting silk, slipping to the floor — otherwise small noises, but at that moment they echoed loud in the quiet of his small room.
"Won't you play with me, little Fenris?"
(There would be no escaping tonight.)
.
.
The cut was deep and jagged, an angry red at the edges and bleeding freely — too much for his own comfort.
With a poultice and diligent care, it would heal adequately, he knew — as well as did she.
"Fenris, it isn't so bad. I can take care of myself."
Her words were soft yet confident, her soothing tone meant to reassure him, but still he was left unsettled for reasons he wasn't quite sure yet. His chest felt tight, a weight building at the base of his throat the longer he examined her wound.
"Then perhaps you should do a better job of it, then."
His sharp retort shouldn't have garnered a smile, yet still one appeared, her lips curling into a soft grin soon ducked away in an attempt to hide — a grin that was meant solely for him, because of him.
The tightness in his chest faded at the sight of it, his heart instead tripping as warmth began to spread throughout his entire body.
When she replied, her voice was soft and teasing, adopting a note of fondness.
"I'll try, just for you…"
.
.
footsteps approached. each step sounded louder than the last — a death knell that echoed beneath his breastbone.
dread curled in the pit of his gut, an old friend to the guilt that had long resided within there.
a pale face broke through the heavy smoke, a scowl marring a face once often bright and cheerful that now was grey, decaying, partially blackened with severe burns.
.
.
"Hello, Fenris…"
.
.
As he stared out the window, a sharp eye out for any movement in the shadows that darkened the alleys below for the hunters' approach, he absently wondered — would it ever end?
"How much time do we have?"
He shifted towards the voice only slightly, enough to indicate he had heard.
Then he wondered: would it even matter? They had yet to come across a challenge they could not together defeat.
"Enough for us to pack, at least. I've had my suspicions for a time, but it wasn't until recently that I became sure. I had hoped…"
He trailed off, tightening his grip on the window ledge he leaned against.
Hoped what? That the hunters would lose track of him? That Danarius would forget him, accept his loss and just leave him be?
That he would no longer need to constantly look over his shoulder? To not have to keep running?
He almost scoffed.
What fanciful thoughts he'd come to entertain these days...
No, let Danarius throw his money and men away to try to bring him back. Fenris was not afraid. Not anymore.
After all, he wasn't alone this time.
.
.
thin, cracked lips parted, moving — four words spilled forth and his heart dropped like a stone.
"it's all your fault."
.
.
"You can never escape me…"
.
.
Pressure building; alarm firing in the back of his mind; the fine hairs along the back of his neck rising; his markings pulsing, throbbing, sparking instinctively—
A scream.
.
.
she regarded him like the piece of scum that he was, teeth bared in a sneer, with accusation and hate he knew he well deserved plus more in her burning gaze — nonetheless, her words struck a chord in him still, crushing, one that had him reeling as if they were strikes from a lash.
i'm sorry, he wanted to say, to beg, but the words were lodged in his throat alongside his agonized heart.
"it was YOU they wanted."
.
"FENRIS!"
"FENRIS!"
"FENRIS!"
A desperate cry tore from his lips, throat on fire — Fenris surged from his bed, markings lighting up the room with a blinding white-blue flash. Chest heaving with broken gasps, sweat-ladened sheets plastering to his drenched bare skin, his olive green eyes were nearly swallowed whole by blackness as he stared out across the room, gaze unfocused in his terror — until reality slowly, eventually, began to return to him.
As the glow from his markings subsided and dimmed as he came down from his nightmare-induced panic, he brought a shaky hand to cover his face, rough, calloused fingers gliding over the damp planes of his cheeks. He dragged up his knees, curling within himself with a lengthy moan. Shudders began to rack his body and suddenly Fenris was hastily swiping at his wet face, hands only falling to his lap in a listless heap when his eyes and cheeks began to feel raw and the effort futile.
Memories of the nightmare continued to play over and assault his mind, his shoulders shaking harder and hard with each passing second, until his whole body rocked with silent sobs. Burying his face into his hands once more, Fenris could no longer hold back, hoarse gasps pulling from his chest as he wept, a million things but only a single name seared in his mind.
It was over a week later that Kagome found herself on a ship again, this time departing Estwatch. Her destination: Nevarra.
Morrigan and Shippo had said their goodbyes and left together, passing through the repaired Eluvian into the Crossroads to use the mirror that would lead them to where Kieran, Morrigan's son, was sheltered.
Kagome looked down at her hands, folded along the wooden railing of the ship's port. A glint of gold underneath the harsh sun above caught her eye, and her stare lingered on the parting gift that Morrigan had given her, resting on the ring finger of her right hand.
"Here."
Kagome blinked, catching the small object Morrigan had tossed at her out of reflex. "What's this?" she asked, opening up her palm, and rolled the object between her thumb and forefinger — gold, smooth, and thin but with a wide band. She tilted her head, glancing back up at the other woman. "A ring?"
Morrigan gave a brisk nod. "An enchanted ring," she corrected, but not unkindly. In fact, her tone was nothing but soft and kind as she continued, "I have… come to think fondly not only of your…" she trailed off, clearing her throat, looking distinctly embarrassed and uncomfortable about what she was about to admit, "Of your son, but you as well. You have been a healthy dose of sanity when I otherwise might have ended up throttling that man."
Kagome bit her lip, but was unable to contain her amused snort. Morrigan's lips twitched briefly, before she sobered and became serious. "You have… also been a friend, if I could call you that," she confessed, sounding as awkward and unsure as she appeared.
Kagome gave the younger woman a comforting smile. "I consider you a friend as well, Morrigan," she said gently in return, "This past year has been… an enlightening experience. I've really enjoyed your company, and you've been such a great help to us. I can't thank you enough."
Though clearly touched, Morrigan was starting to look more and more overwhelmed with each word. Kagome let out a soft, rueful laugh, before taking pity on the mage and gestured to the ring by raising it in her hand, "So, you said this was magical, was it?"
Grateful for the change in subject, Morrigan nodded more easily. "It is part of a set, in fact. What it does in particular is… transfer emotions, intents." Here, the mage paused, shifting in discomfort. "You say you will be looking for that elf of yours, this Fenris?"
Kagome hummed, wryly murmuring, "He would certainly object to being called anybody's, but, that is the plan."
Morrigan's head dipped in an acknowledging nod. "Meaning you will be traveling constantly," she concluded, with a severity Kagome now knew was more for show than anything. "I've given the other ring to Shippo, in the event that one of you would like to reach or check in on the other, it will convey such. Or… if your search does not go as you expected, and you decide you want to return home…"
Kagome frowned, the thought decidedly displeasing. "I can let you guys know to meet at the Crossroads?"
Morrigan nodded once more, this time more gentle. "You already know how to use the Eluvian, so you would come through there and let us know that you've arrived. Or, if wherever your search has taken you happens to be closer than the mirror here, Shippo will let you know where to find us. We can work on the mirror to your world from our end, if that is what you wish. If not…" Morrigan's gaze slid away as she trailed off, not quite meeting Kagome's, "I would not object to you joining us as well. No doubt Shippo would also be happy to have your company."
Kagome beamed, tears coming to her eyes. Not just at the offer, or even the ring, but for everything Morrigan had done for them, and for her willingness to welcome not only Shippo but also herself when Morrigan obviously feared to have others near her child.
"Thank you," she earnestly said, slipping the ring on her finger. A tingle of warmth washed over the metal, it's enchantment attuning to her person, before settling. "I truly appreciate everything you've done for us, Morrigan, and for Shippo in particular." Before the witch could ever muster up a protest, Kagome pulled her into a hug.
"Take care of him for me, please," Kagome whispered, giving her a firm squeeze, "And of yourself and Kieran."
A pause, and then a shaky breath followed before Morrigan replied. She sounded mildly choked up as she breathed out and softly said, "I will do my very best," giving the miko a short, but thorough squeeze in return before slowly withdrawing from the impromptu embrace. She gazed down at Kagome, her golden-hued gaze murky with a troubled expression. "The bond you two share… I find myself envious," she murmured, fingers curling into her palms.
Kagome tilted her head, recalling the conversations they'd shared after the mage finally revealed Kieran's existence. When Morrigan approached her to talk about her experience raising Shippo, she did not reveal much about her son himself. The distance she maintained between herself and her child as well as the secrecy led Kagome to believe that there was something about Kieran that Morrigan was trying to hide, to protect, which Kagome could understand.
But what Morrigan did reveal was her lack of faith and confidence in her ability to raise her son.
"You'll be a great mother, Morrigan," Kagome said, sincerity showing openly in both her face and her voice. The mage froze, wide eyes snapping up to meet hers. "I can tell you love him, despite… despite how you seem to try not to. You're bound to make mistakes. It's only natural, but just… but just so long as you show that you love him, that you care, and that you'll always be there for him, you'll be fine." She paused there, and winked, "Plus, Shippo's pretty great with kids."
Morrigan's astonished expression broke with her loud snort. "He's practically one himself," she muttered under her breath, "But… that is nice to know. And… I thank you," she added, softly now, "For the advice. Truly, I very much appreciate it."
They had gone their separate ways soon after that, Shippo and Morrigan through the Eluvian and Kagome out of the ruins on her own, making way towards Little Lloymerryn to book passage on a ship back to the mainland.
It had already been six days since first setting sail. They'd just left the port of Ostwick a couple days ago after a brief stop — something about dropping off and picking up more cargo — and she'd been warned it would take some time to reach Cumberland.
"Fancy seeing you again."
A bit startled at the drawled greeting that brought Kagome out of her thoughts, she turned to find that she had company — the ship's First Mate in fact. Caralina, she quickly recalled from the last time she had sailed to Estwatch about a year ago. The sailor was wearing a small, friendly grin as she leaned heavily against the railing beside her. "Mhm, Kagome innit?" Caralina grinned wider when the miko nodded. "Where're you off to now?"
Kagome returned her smile, settling back to relax against the railing once more. "Nevarra — Cumberland to be exact, actually."
From there she was planning to step off and find a horse to ride through Nevarra and back up into the Imperium — to Castellum Tenebris, where she hoped to find news about Fenris instead of the man himself. Frankly, she hoped him to be as far away from the fortress and Danarius's clutches as he could be.
But despite how reluctant she was to return to the country, it was the best place to start. Even if Fenris wasn't there, Danarius was sure to be still sending slave hunters after him, and there was bound to be a trail for Kagome to follow herself.
Next to her, Caralina raised her eyebrows. "Bit of a bloody place there, that Nevarra — the nobles have been circling the King like crows for years now, just waiting for the moment he croaks, he's that old. Rather particular about their dead, too." Nevertheless, she soon shrugged, not about to pry about why Kagome would want to travel there.
"Cumberland ain't so bad, though — big city. It'll be a long trip, just so you're aware," Caralina then warned, "We'll be making stops here and there along the coast of the Free Marches moving cargo down and whatnot. We've never been much of a charter ship." Her gaze took to the skies as she tipped her head back in consideration, mouth pursing, "Depending on the winds, it'll be just shy of two weeks if we're lucky."
Kagome shook her head to wave it off, "Don't worry, I know, but thank you. Captain Rylan already filled me in. Although, what kind of ship is this then?"
"Oh, we're a mixed bag really," Caralina replied offhandedly with an easy shrug, leaning further onto the railing.
It was a clear day, something to take advantage of, and winds were favorable; the older woman's hair glinted silver and brown under the sunlight as it blew to the side from the current.
"Bit o' cargo transport, chartering, merchant dealings and whatnot — whatever keeps the money flowing and the sails flying." Peering at Kagome from the corner of her eyes, Caralina winked. "Honestly though, the good 'ole Cap just likes to be out at sea."
Kagome snorted a bit under her breath, lips twitching, "So whatever floats his boat, basically?"
Caralina snickered, cracking a grin before tossing her head back in a full-blown laugh; Kagome was grinning herself when she felt the odd tingle in the back of her mind that had her amusement faltering and going on guard. "Pretty much, he—"
A panicked shout cut the sailor off, a split second warning before an explosion rang out and the ground beneath their feet gave a violent lurch.
Caralina let out a nasty curse. Kagome flew forward, stumbling, and almost toppled over the edge had she not caught the railing in time. Bending her legs to steady herself, she stayed in a crouch as she rode out the ship's undulation, quickly scoping out the situation.
The first thing to reach Kagome's senses was the smell of something burning, the sound of boots stomping against the wood of the deck; then billows of smoke filled the air, wafting before her eyes, the sting causing them to water — Kagome harshly blinked them away as urgent shouts for water filled the air, trying to figure out what was going on.
What she soon found when a gust caused a break in the smoke was the ship's starboard in flames, a chunk of the top deck and railing eaten away, opening into the one below.
Turning from the destruction, Kagome swiftly craned her head to figure out where and who the attack had come from.
Captain Rylan — a great bulk of a man despite his age, with salt-and-pepper hair that was more salt than pepper pulled back into a short ponytail and a messy beard — was already a step ahead of her on that. And even yards away with the heavy boom from a following explosion — duller, softer, as it missed the ship, thankfully, and hit the water to the right of the ship, sending the ship surging underneath them from the force of the backlash — she could hear the heavy expletive spat from his mouth as he recognized the ship tailing them in the distance.
"Fuckin' Vints!"
((tw cont'd: the first is a vague implication that danarius and hadriana have raped fenris more than once; the second is less vague but still non-explicit, with a line in which clothes are described being removed and another of taunting dialogue before the act itself is implied to have occurred. again, be sure to read safely! and pls let me know if there's anything i should add in these warnings! ))
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dum, dum, duuuum. lmao, what did you think? ^^ how does that nightmare scene look by the way? ffn doesn't allow right-aligned text unlike ao3, so it's not formatted how i intended it to be? tried to fix it the best i could but... its supposed to be confusing, since it's a nightmare but i didn't want to make it too hard to follow?
basically it starts with him alternating between getting hit by bad memories of his past as a slave with danarius and goods ones of travelling with kagome, and then comes the bold-italics as a haunting reminder of what happened when the bad met the good (the hunters finally catching up to them in the ambush that separated them) and how it's all his fault until they sort of merge at the end.
y'know, cause it's not like i put poor fenris through the ringer nearly enough times already. (i'm a horrible asshole)
also, more news! my lovely friends continue to spoil me. since last time, miniroonie and now beautiful-phantom both have worked their magic and created some more beautiful things for this fic! head over to my profile for links to check them out!
thanks for the reviews guys! and all the favs and alerts!
till next time! ^^
rainlily